After we both pulled on our sandy clothes over our dirty underwear, Kendall takes my hand and walks me up the beach. "Come home with me," I say quietly

He nods and together we walk back to the car. On the drive back home I am so nervous. I want to sleep with Kendall, I want to wake up next to the man I love, I have never wanted anything more. Kendall holds my hand in my lap the entire way home, with his other hand steering the mustang expertly.

I sneak glances at him the whole way home. His blonde hair is like sunlight against the dark night. His green eyes underneath those amazing eyebrows. His perfect lips that I have daydreamed about. And his cheek bones are so amazing. And his body underneath the now wrinkled blue shirt, is just amazing.

I look down to my hands intertwined with his and just feel unworthy. I am so damaged and used, how could I measure up to him. He looks over at me at the next stoplight. I am looking out the window, but I can feel him staring at my hair and i feel self-conscious.

"Don't think, do what your heart thinks is right," he whispers. He takes his hand from mine and grabs my chin to face him. "You look beautiful with your hair bathed in saltwater." I blush and the light turns green.

Once we get back to my back to my place, Kendall opens my door for me and helps me out of the car. And he kisses me, hard and passionate. "I don't want to scare you away," he says.

"You won't," I say and lead him inside my building. Once we get inside the apartment, I shut the door and pull on the hand that I am still holding. He faces to look at me and pushes me against the door. One hand is up near my face, and the other is on my waist. I wrap my arms around his neck and say: "I want you." He kisses me hard, needing me more than I have ever experienced.

I wrap my legs around his waist and strip off my cardigan.

He still is pushing me against the door when he switches to start kissing down my neck. Once he gets to my pulse spot of moan out loud. I jump down from around his waist and lead him to the bedroom. He kisses the back of my neck on the way their and once we get inside I turn him around so he is facing me and push him down on the bed. He is sitting up on my bed looking so delicious. I straddle him and start to unbutton his shirt. I have wanted to touch his stomach and abs like this for so long. He runs his hands up and down my sides just taking me in. I rub my hand down his abs and touch his belt.

He grabs the back of my head and pushes my lips into his. I start to undo my belt and he helps me lift off my dress. I throw it to the ground and connect my lips with his once again. He lays me down on the bed, me with my legs still straddled around his, I place my hands in his hair and push his lips harder into mine.

We lay their like that just kissing, when he reaches around my back and unbuckles my bra and I push away from him. "wait," I say and sit up rebuckling my bra.

He sits up with a concerned face and moves to sit next to me on the edge of the bed.

"I, i haven't exactly had the best of memories when it comes to this stuff."

"what does that mean? we don't have to do this," he says placing a hand on my shoulder.

"no, i want to. I just i want to tell you what has happened to me," I say. He nods and I continue.

"And its not like you have to tell me any of this, I just want to be honest with you because this could affect your decision on whether or not we want to do this," I clear my throat and turn around to look at him and start another one of my sad stories.

"Ever since I was 7 years old my parents have set me up with nice Italian boys who they imagined I would become friends with and grow up and get married. But it was all just a ruse because they came from family's within my fathers circle or they wanted their family within my circle. So as soon as I was old enough they set me up on these awkward dates with these older Italian jackasses and I was kind of dating scared. When they died, I went off on my own and met up with one of these stupid guys. And long story short he raped me. I was almost 16 and we were just kissing and it was not consented, so he raped me. I punched him to get off of me, but once it was done, it was too late. He called me a whore and yelled and said I should have been the one to die and kicked me out of his car. After that I tried to commit suicide. And after I got better, I was angry and I dated and slept around. I hooked up with people whenever I wanted. Once I moved out here I was just as angry and I was in relationships with horrible guys who weren't good guys and it was just horrible for a long time. I finally got my act together once I thought I was pregnant when I was 19. Luckily, I wasn't, so i put everything and more into my dancing. Before dance was my life, but after it was everything. Needless to say I have never actually made love. Hell, I have never even been in love, besides now," I take a deep breath and look at Kendall. I am not crying. I don't cry when I think about my past with guys, because none of those guys were worth crying about.

"So," i continue, "I completely understand if you want to stop this now and leave because I am just to damn damaged and not worth the risk because I am just fragile and-" he puts a finger to my lip and shushes me.

"I don't care about your past, because frankly the only thing that comes from thinking about it is thinking that your past is the reason that you are you. I love you so much. I have never loved a girl before and just like you have never made love. But I want to do this with you because I am so very much in love with you, but only if you will have me," he says. He has a hand on head and pushes our foreheads together.

I look into his beautiful eyes and he looks into mine. It feels like he is looking into my soul and right now this just feels so right and it is because I love him.

So smut next chapter? Let me know what you guys thanks. And to those of you who have reviewed I REALLY APPRECIATE IT! I love all of you! :D