Gotham looked the same as ever. It was dark and gloomy, the name was fitting. The criminals and gangs matched the scenery, as did Batman. Superman would never work in Gotham; a much darker man was needed. Batman came to fit in the anguish that filled the hopeless city, trying to help.
I drove through the slums and the city streets and I was filled with anger. Anger for Batman, for the government, for myself. No one could fix a city who abandoned all hope. No one could bring back something so dear that it had lost. Batman had never learned that.
"That man," Jason looked over at me, "Do you want to talk about it?"
I could still feel the blood in my hair, in my hands. That man had a family, a life. He had a soul and a purpose. He had love and compassion. He didn't deserve to die so horribly, with his brains spewed on the carpet.
"No." I answered curtly, with as much strength as I could muster. "It doesn't matter now." I didn't want Jason to see how much it had affected me, how much it had changed me. I tried to be just like Bruce, cold and unforgiving. But seeing a body is never something that someone should have to become accustomed to.
We turned up the windy road that led to Wayne Manor. The clouds still hovered over this mansion, symbolically not letting any sunlight to shine on its thatched roofs. The house loomed overhead, dark and mysterious. It used to scare me as a child, the way the house seemed to reflect the darkness inside Gotham, and inside Bruce.
I saw Jason visibly stiffen beside me when the gates opened, letting us crawl up to the large driveway and stop the car. The rain started falling, letting us sit inside for a moment in the warmth.
"I haven't been here since…" He mumbled off to himself. Jason had always been a bit of a mystery since his death. He went away after causing enough havoc to join Kori and Roy Harper of all people. I guess he cut the mission short to come to Bludhaven to warn me. I still wondered why he bothered, it's not like we had any connection anymore.
"Come on." I felt no sympathy as I stepped out into the rain. I let my hair and clothes get wet before shutting the door and looking up to the mansion. It seemed smaller since I lived here as a child. Alfred stood on the doorstep carrying a large black umbrella. He walked over to us as Jason stepped out into the rain.
"Hey." Jason squeaked out to Alfred. Alfred smiled at Jason. I feel that Alfred was a genuine soul, one of the good ones. He saw Jason as the enthusiastic child he had once been, not who he turned into. Alfred would never judge.
"Master Dick, Master Jason, welcome back." He turned quick on his heels and left us to follow him inside the dark hall. "Master Bruce was not expecting you."
"Well it is a bit of an urgent matter," I spoke up, letting Jason get accustomed to the vastness of the place again. I felt he did not want to be here, much less helping at all. "Is he in?"
"Master Wayne is nocturnal if you may remember." I smiled. "But I'd assume that his rounds are about over, him and Master Damian must be home any time now."
"Oh I forgot about the little demon." Jason finally said as Alfred led us into the kitchen.
"Would you like some supper?" Alfred ignored the comment. "I'd imagine you boys are hungry from such a long day."
I nodded and sat down at the counter and watched Alfred cook. Alfred had been more of a family to me at times then Bruce had. Alfred was sympathetic, caring. After Jason died, Bruce became more of a hardened man than he had been before. In a way, Jason's passing had been the one thing to let Bruce become the Batman. Before he died, it was a game. It was fun, yet dangerous. It was our secret lives. But after, Batman became the man, and Bruce became the secret that no one saw.
Alfred prepared some warm soup that I couldn't eat, but Jason scarfed down. I still had the images of the dead man in my head, I couldn't bear to touch the meal. After Jason finished, Alfred showed us up to our own rooms. He assured us that Bruce would still be here in the morning.
After lying in bed for hours, I head the door creek open. Jason stood, silhouetted against the darkness.
"Are you awake?" He whispered into the large room.
"Yea." I sat up, pulling the covers around me. He shut the door and I saw his outline move over to the side of the bed.
"I'm sorry." He said softly.
"For what?" I asked him. It was rare for him to show any emotion at all. But still, that emotion he did show made him more…human.
"This is all my fault." He looked over at me, his iridescent eyes glowing at me in the darkness.
"How?" I watched him kick his shoes off and crawl over to me. His t shirt clung to his chest and his jeans seamed much too big for him. For a moment, I saw the frightened little boy he had been. He changed so much, I wanted to hold him and tell him that I wished I could bring it back.
"Joker, he found out…who we are." He looked over at me with a small twinge of fear deep behind his eyes. My heart pounded in my ears as he scooted closer to me. I could feel the warmth radiating off of him. "He came to me, again. He trapped me and thought he could recreate how I…died."
I waited as he looked away from me, taking a deep breath. I could only imagine the horror.
"I broke free." He looked back to me. "I slipped up. I called him Bruce. His eyes lit up like I'd just handed him the detonator to a bomb in the city, which I most likely had. I didn't know how much time until he figured out who you were, and Tim. I just ran to your place from the docks and hoped I wasn't too late." He gulped down some air before looking back at me with fear. "I almost was."
"Oh Jason." I squeaked out. I saw the little boy, hugging his knees, remembering how the Joker took everything from him. "You don't have to be strong for me." He looked at me.
"I have to be, I can't be…I won't let anyone…" He stuttered, eyes darting.
"In." I finished, looking down sheepishly. "You won't let anyone in."
He nodded. I could feel his crumpled energy. He shouldn't have to pretend for me. I don't know why, but I felt closer to him. I felt connected. We were one in the same.
"I'm so sorry Dick." He turned away, hiding his face from my view. I was surprised when my own hand reached out and pulled his chin back to me. There shock was on his face, but also read…acceptance.
"Don't be." He let me take him into my arms. I felt him rest his head on my chest and he listened to my heartbeat. Life was so fragile.
I whispered soft words to him as he held me close. I wouldn't let him go. I knew no one had made him feel loved, accepted. I would give him that, he deserved it.
We fell asleep, tangled together.