"Jason, I'm sorry." I stood, leaning on the doorframe. "About what I said."
His blue eyes looked up from the gun he was cleaning on his lap. I didn't think he meant to, but it was pointed at me. I couldn't read any expression on his solid face. He was like stone, rigid, like Bruce. They were more similar than they seemed.
"It's not a big deal Dick." He didn't use any nickname for me. "I know you care about the boy."
I care about you too, I care so much. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry that I wasn't there for him, when he died. I was sorry that I wasn't there for him when he came back. That every time I heard his voice, my heart fluttered and my stomach jumped.
"Jason, I-" I cut myself off. I couldn't open up to him. I couldn't take that kind of rejection.
"Shut the door." He looked back down to the gun on his lap. The hard creature, he didn't used to be that way. He used to be a child, innocent and loving. I turned and shut the door behind me, walking into the dimly lit room. "You know I've lost a lot."
He picked the gun up and placed it on the bedside table, getting up. He stood, facing away from me.
"With Kori and Roy I felt at home. But something was missing. I thought I was in love." This was more emotion than he'd ever shown me. He was capable of love? He never showed it. "But it wasn't the same." He shook his head.
"So many people have died because of me." He turned and looked to me. "So many people are lost because of me."
I opened my mouth to say no but he put up a hand to stop me. He was intent on showing me how much of a monster he really was.
"And I have put this family through too much." He lifted his eyes to avoid meeting mine. "I don't deserve it. I don't deserve any of it." He paused.
"And I don't know why you are sticking around. I don't know why you look at me with hope, or even care. After all I have done to this family. To you. I nearly got you and Tim killed. I don't know why you would put up with me anymore."
I saw a drop fall down his cheek. It seemed so unreal, I couldn't believe it. Just last night he told me that he wouldn't open up to me.
"You're right. I am selfish and I make everything about what happened to me. But I can't let it go. I was weak once, and I got killed for it. I was an idiot and he beat me. I was a child…" He drifted off. I couldn't move to comfort him, I was frozen in shock. "He took everything I had. And I was alone. I fucking died alone. And then you put me in that box. That goddamn wooden box. I couldn't- I was trapped- I dug myself out. And no one was there for me. Bruce gave up on me. And so did you."
He stood tall. I could see right through his façade of strength. He was hurting, and he was right. We turned a cold shoulder when he came back, justifying it to ourselves that he was bad now. That he killed people now.
I took him in my arms and held him. His head slumped down on my shoulder and he grabbed my waist firmly. The flutter went through my chest again.
"Jason. I- I never stopped loving you." I pulled his head from mine. "I am so sorry. I should have come sooner. I should have gone after you. I should have dug you up. I should have-"He cut me off.
I shouldn't have been surprised; after all, this was what I'd been craving. I'd been wondering and thinking about him and me, together. But I'd written it off; it had all be so confusing. But now, it all came back clear as day. His lips came down on mine and I tasted the salt from his tears. I could feel the rejection, the sadness, everything that he'd been carrying around for all these years.
My hands drifted. I cupped his jaw and ear with one hand and his neck with the other. It was like we were connected. I could feel everything he felt. It was heartbreaking.
He sucked in a breath and pulled his hands up into my hair. Our lips came together again, our tongues dancing across our lips. I could feel his fingers winding through my hair. I could feel our tears mixing together before I even knew I was crying with him.
He hitched my leg up with one hand and I drifted my hands down to his hard stomach. His other hand left my hair to pull my other leg up, so I had my thighs wrapped around his hips.
He dropped to the bed. My nerves started to pulse in my veins as he hovered over me, my legs still wrapped around his waist. I brought him down for another kiss before we had time to really th!ink about what was happening.
His blue eyes burned like flames above me. I locked my eyes with his, trusting him. I trusted him. I wanted to fix him, to make him whole again.
Jason reminded me much of a brush fire when I was younger. He was destructive and juvenile, destroying everything in his wake. But at the same time, I loved fire. I loved the pain and the thrill of it. It was beautiful, the way a flame would lick up the side of a match, covering it in its' hot breath.
When he touched me, I felt the fire. I felt it coursing through my veins. I felt my heart beating in sync with his, as if saying that I now belonged to him. The heat licked up and down my body, leaving me not burnt, but ignited. It was as if a small part of me was left untouched all these years, but something inside him touched me. It gave me a blaze. And as long as I was on fire, we could create a burning inferno together.
Author's Note
Gah! This was so much fun to write! I'm so glad I finally go them to hook up officially! Sorry no Tim in this chapter, but I swear he is going to be okay!
Please review and follow! I have no idea if I did good or bad with this scene (I think I did okay) so please give me your input! Thank you!