I choke back a laugh. He picked up on it again. I'm over thinking everything. I need him to bring me back down to a sane level every time. I can't imagine I'll ever stop needing him. His calming demeanor, his sweet scent of the ocean, unwavering patience, his warmth and love he saves only for me.
"Just remember I love you more."
Finn continues the façade throughout the rest of the evening. Willow and Fern get their pictures with Finn. I'm positive they will sleep with them every night.
The families allow me to slink into the background for the remainder of the evening. Rowan lets it slip that my parents are under the impression this is all too much for me and I'm on the verge of a break down. Whatever gave them that idea? Now everyone is tip-toeing around me. Can't say I mind though. At least I don't have to be on guard. I can let Finn do what Finn does best and count the seconds until we can leave in the morning.
As I expected Finn will still be in my room tonight. Wouldn't want to make him anything less than comfortable as our honored guest. He suggested Haymitch's place but his home is barely hospitable for its owner. I was at least granted the couch in the living area. From my mother's point of view it's so I don't have to put up with the unavoidable wedding excitement that Janaya and her sisters are sure to engage in.
Lying in my makeshift bed I pull my mind away from the chaos of today's events. I would never get any sleep if I wasn't able to completely shut myself away from everything that bothered me on a day to day basis. Unfortunately my dreams get the better of me tonight. Images of weddings – mine, Janaya's, complete strangers- keep me from fully avoiding what lays deep in my subconscious. In mine I'm dressed in a seaweed dress and Finn has nothing on. In Janaya's, Finn stops the wedding to propose to me in front of a mass of television reporters. I keep trying to escape from the strangers' wedding, knowing I don't belong there but there is no escape. No matter where I turn I keep ending up at the altar beside the faceless bride and groom.
I groan inwardly at myself. There's only one way I'll sleep tonight. If I can't avoid him in my dreams I may as well just resign myself to cozying up to him.
With more grace than Finn could ever muster I sneak up the stairs and am in my room without producing a single creak in the floorboards. I never knew it was easier to sneak into my room rather than out of it. I lock the door behind me preparing not to make any mistakes tonight. I just need his warm body to sleep beside, nothing else. If anyone comes looking for me I'll say I was just getting a blanket, book, the first thing I can find. With any luck it'll be morning before they notice.
My eyes fall onto my bed where the moonlight gives me a clear view of a half-dressed Finn dead to the world. He has one leg under the blanket and one over with his arms spread across the sides of the bed. His sleep looks about as peaceful as mine was.
I gently pull the blanket from under his leg and carefully climb on top of him. There's not enough room to sleep beside him in my bed so I'll have to do with being on top. He won't mind. We usually arrange ourselves as closely as possible.
Wrapping the blanket around both of us I settle in on his bare chest feeling the comfort of his heartbeat. I breathe a sigh of relief. We fit so perfectly together. And I'll finally get some much needed sleep tonight.
The blanket shifts slightly and two familiar hands slowly start to lightly trace the backs of my thighs. A finger on each hand presses into me. A low sound comes from the throat just above my head. Then his whole hands are squeezing my thighs. They continue to massage upwards finding their way under my shorts. Finishing their journey on my backside they squeeze me harder one more time causing me to gasp.
"Hello there," he purrs.
My eyelids are heavy so I just rub my cheek along his chest. "I just came to say goodnight. So goodnight Finn."
"I thought I had better odds of finding Willow or Fern in my bed tonight than you."
"I've locked the door but I wouldn't put it past them to sneak through the window."
He squeezes me again and presses into me at the same time. "Does this mean what I think it means? You're not angry with me anymore?"
Fighting all impulses to counter back to his hands I state the obvious. "I was never angry with you. But I will be if I don't get some sleep."
The warmth is taken away from under my shorts and finds a new home on my back. "This is a big step Violet but it's going to be so worth it. My mom…she's going to be ecstatic." I can hear the excitement in his voice.
"You've been away longer than this Finn."
"You know what I mean. I mean when she finds out…I've always wanted to see her just be happy for me and I think this might do it."
My eyes flutter open. If I heard him correctly he wants her to…
"Find out? Why would she? We didn't talk about this."
He kisses me on the head. "Yes we did. Ok, I did. But you're here. You're not giving me the cold shoulder anymore. It won't hurt being honest with her. Heck, Haymitch knows so I think it's only right-"
"Did you have this little conversation in your head? Where was I exactly when I agreed to this?" I hush my voice as much as possible. Listening to him go on and on has me on the edge now.
"In the kitchen…you were eating a bun…I came to check on you and decided it was better not to spring my idea on you when we get back to Four. Ring any bells?" He laughs at the last part but this is no laughing matter.
"And then you said…"
"Well I want my favor to be telling my mother. I know it's too much right now to tell your parents but this will make my mother's day…maybe her life. All she's wanted is for me to find happiness and I have…with you." He hugs me tighter. I can't help but feel suffocated by his words though.
I push against him and out of his arms. "Tell me again…what else did you say?"
"What's the matter? Were you eating in your sleep? I've heard of stress getting to people but you looked fully awake to me."
"Did I say anything? Look at you? Anything Finn?"
He rolls his eyes at me. "Does that sound like you? I knew you would give me the classic Violet response and ignore me so when I left you I didn't expect to find you in the same bed as me tonight. I think our relationship is actually maturing." He leans in to kiss me but I hold him back with one hand.
My heart is beating faster than should be medically possible. "What was I wearing?"
"Wearing? I don't know…it was dark."
"A long white t-shirt…and my hair was in braid wasn't it? Wasn't it Finn?" I ask him but I know the answer.
"Ya, I guess…" His eyes scrutinize my present appearance. A grey tank top with my hair down. "When did you change?"
My eyes dart to the door. I silence Finn from even breathing by covering his mouth and I listen. Why hasn't she confronted me? Why didn't she reveal herself to Finn? Why is she letting this torture continue?
Finn gently takes my hand off his mouth. "Violet, I'm going to say something here and I want to know I love you more than life itself, ok?"
Turning back to him I know he must have figured it out. His deep green eyes are full of concern for me. He knows this is what I've fought so hard against and he's going to make it ok.
"Are you pregnant?"
As if my heart could take any shock. Before I can shout my answer to him he interrupts me. "Think about it. Your emotions have been all over the place today. Locking yourself in the bathroom, running around like a crazy person, and don't think I haven't noticed how you've been mentally stabbing me all day. Pregnant women are known for their unpredictability…don't you think it could maybe just maybe be a possibility?"
This is a stupid conversation when there is a real emergency going on. I collect my thoughts and let them come out in one cool calm sentence… through gritted teeth. "I. Am. Not. Pregnant."
"Then what is going on? I'm starting to get seriously concerned about your mental well-being."
He's lucky he doesn't have to live in my head 24/7. Since the day I started having feelings for him I haven't been the same. Being irrational is like second nature to me now. That's the Violet he knows and loves. This whole day has just piled all of my fears on top of one another. He's taken care of each one of them though, even if he kind of caused them in the first place. That's what he does best. Takes care of all my worries. So I know what I need to do now. I need to let him fix it and get out of Twelve as soon as possible.
"You really want to know?"
"Of course I do." He cups my face in his loving hands. "Tell me. Whatever it is know I'm not going anywhere."
I wrap one hand around his and speak through the tightness beginning to form my throat. He doesn't hear me the first time so I'm forced to say it a second time.
"That wasn't me. It was my mother. She knows."