He purses his lips and takes half a step closer to me. "I need to know Violet. Right now. Can you do this for me? Can you love me? For better or worse…no matter what anyone says or thinks?"

I want to give him the answer he wants…the answer he deserves. But I'm trapped by my fears. I don't know if I'll ever be brave enough to admit I want what he wants. So when I don't answer I know it's my fault. When I fall asleep curled up in ball in my bed alone I know it's from my own doing. When I wake up in a pool of dampness on my pillow I know I've lost the game that I had no right to play with Finn's heart.

Twelve days ago I had given in to Finn. Prepared to let my family in on my most well-kept secret. What I thought was my most well-kept secret. Just a day later I had driven away the central figure of that secret. I heard the whispers from my family outside my door that morning. They gathered like a dark cloud saying his name over and over. His name was the only word I couldn't block out. It didn't take long for each one to try and coax the events out of me that left me curled up in a ball, still naively trying to protect myself from the pain of admitting what I had done, what I had lost. I guess I thought the thing that would make it real was saying it out loud. I didn't even know then which truth was the worst to admit to. That I had loved Finn Odair with all my heart or that I had lost him thanks to my own inability to truly express without fear that love.

And now…now I have to face it. The lying. The denying. The fear. The loss. It was all for nothing. I had hidden nothing from my parents. No, it wasn't that fateful night they found out. My mother was the one who finally exposed reality to me. Everyone else was tip-toeing around the truth. She did what a good mother does. Ripped the bandage off and let me cry out in shock. But it was finally over with.

She spoke with as much certainty as she ever had. "Violet Mellark, this has gone far enough. Peeta, don't you say another word so help me. We are not going to encourage this behavior any longer. Rewarding her with cinnamon pancakes is not going to make this situation any better. Why on earth you think you had to hide your relationship with Finn…well I hate to break to you but I knew. You stepped off that train and looked right into his eyes and I knew. I see those same blue eyes look at me like that everyday. I'm sorry I didn't call you on it sooner but you can blame your father for that. Well, I'm tired of protecting you from yourself Violet. So do I have to say the words for you or are you finally going to be honest? Now's the time because I don't know how many chances you're going to get with Finn."

I didn't say it of course. But she did. And she called Annie and repeated the words. I begged her not to. It took me some time but I let my true fears out. Loving Finn was the easy part. Living a life with Finn was not something I could even imagine. At least not a happy one. He was Finn Odair. I was her daughter. That combination alone was enough to let all of Panem think they were invited to pry into every detail of my life. I reminded her of the scene outside the hotel and told her to imagine that day repeated for the rest of my life.

In the back of my mind those thoughts are still there. I hardly doubt they will ever fully go away. But now that they are semi-tucked away I can at least look him straight in the eye.

Ok, maybe he can't see me looking at him but I'm counting it as a step in the right direction.

It's been eleven days since he left. With my family's encouragement it only took three to call him. I left my last message two days ago. I expect he took that as a sign that I've given up considering he didn't reply to any one of my messages I left on his phone or with Annie. So that's why I had to take more 'drastic measures' as my mother put it. Love is not something you should take lightly I've learned. That's why I'm patiently waiting for Finn to finish his interview with Plutarch Heavensbee. Every year he interviews Victors, survivors of the rebellion and their family members. Every year Finn agrees to go on to show his appreciation for the fighters of the rebellion, to remember his father and mother for their efforts. Panem gets a small glimpse into his life as well. He's by far the one guest everyone tunes in to see. It would seem I'm no different this year.

He's dressed more formal than in past years. He tends to let his prep team take creative control and do as they please. Not this year. His dark grey suit is quite form fitting and the exclusion of a tie seems to be a good choice judging by the reaction of the female audience members. Plutarch has saved his interview for last, to increase his viewership of course.

Finn patiently waits out screams and cheers from the live audience while I do the same on the couch sandwiched in-between my brother and Haymitch. "He doesn't look that good," Rowan says. "I've looked better than that on my worst drinking nights," Haymitch says in his hoarse voice.

I smile lightly at their remarks but keep staring at the television. He looks amazing. A little unpolished but still amazing. Any moment the crowd will calm down and the questions will start and I have no plan of missing a single word of it.

A few minutes later Plutarch hushes the crowd with his hands as Finn twists his hand through his hair. Cool and composed are his usual traits in every interview but he already seems to be off to a rocky start. I just pray he can last through this interview without disclosing anything that would lead to making our relationship public or at least the relationship we had. I know he's promised not to say a word. And I could never doubt him. But we all get driven to our end point…

His eyes sparkle when he looks at Plutarch as he asks his first question and I relax…a little. "Can't tell me you don't enjoy getting this kind of greeting every once in a while?"

"Once a year is enough to fill my ego," he says.

Plutarch laughs and slaps Finn on the knee. "So tell us what's been happening in the life of Finn Odair? Seems you've been living a quiet life this year. You've put in your time at sea and then we've barely seen you out at more than a visit to the market."

Playing coy Finn answers him, "Age finds every man Plutarch. Alas I am no different."

"Come now, my boy. This isn't the Finn we know. I believe the words the world's greatest romancer have been thrown around on this stage more than a few times. I can't believe your time is up on courting the women of Panem… unless?"

What is he getting at? Plutarch hasn't even asked him a proper question and he's already implying-

"Unless what? You're not asking me what I think you're asking me are you? Plutarch, you've asked some over the top questions on this show but that…that…" Finn doesn't finish his sentence but does shift just enough back in his chair to show his agitation. Something Finn Odair never does. And something that will not go unnoticed by Plutarch.

Plutarch chuckles and asks a few simple impersonal questions he knows will go no where. How his mother Annie is. If anything news worthy happened at sea. He never asks one question about how Finn had to babysit me. Plutarch keeps the Mellark name out of all questions out of respect for our family, unless my parents have given their expressed permission. I've accepted it's only a matter of time before someone will say something. I'm hoping the odds are it won't be Finn.

Plutarch has slowly warmed Finn up and we all know the harder questions are coming. Every year Finn is pressed to answer more personal questions about the women he has been with. He's kept his answers mysterious which he told me was easy because he never felt that close to any of them. No one ever meant as much to him as I did.

Plutarch pries into Finn's love life again gently. "You never really answered my question you know."

Finn shrugs his shoulders. "You never really asked me a question."

"Very good point my boy. Let me start again. You don't seem quite your relaxed easy going self this time around. Could it be because you have something…or someone on your mind?"

Silence fills the room in the studio where they sit and the room I sit with my couch mates.

Finn glances at the audience. Perhaps half expecting me to be there waving my hands in front of me to persuade him not to utter one word about us.

His jaw clenches as he looks back at Plutarch. He's breaking. He's considering it. I can't even believe my eyes. "He doesn't have the nerve," Haymitch mutters trying to reassure me.. I guess putting up with my tears and hearing me untangle all the lies I thought I had hidden from my mother and knowing Finn has seemingly shut me out even though I admitted I made a mistake has actually had an effect on him. That's why he decided to be here with me. For support.

"There might be a someone, was a someone, once upon a time."

Plutarch perks up with interest as does every ear in Panem. "Oh?"

Finn lets out a sigh and then smiles. The boyish smile that melts every heart in Panem. "Do you want the truth? Would you even believe me if I told you there was a real person in this world that holds my every thought with her?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I?"

Finn rolls his eyes. "Oh, I don't know, maybe because I've rarely slept with the same woman twice?"

"Probably forgot the first time." Without taking my eyes off the screen I elbow Rowan so hard he groans in pain.

"I don't know the first thing about love. Isn't that the running joke? Finnick Odair, the second. Bachelor to the end of the time. That isn't a title I'm proud of. That's a synonym for man who lacks the ability to love you know." He stares right at Plutarch as if he's challenging him to deny what he's just said.

"No one thinks that Finn. Made of the same fiber as your fath-".

"Then why isn't she here? Why won't she… never mind… I won't bore you with the questions I've become obsessed with asking myself."

Looking like a concerned grandfather Plutarch continues his interview. "Do you mean to tell me that this woman isn't returning your affections? How could any woman resist you?"

Finn laughs sharply. "It's what I deserve. Falling for the one woman who…"

Plutarch lowers his head prompting Finn to keep going.

"It doesn't matter Plutarch. What's done is done. I have to accept it and move on."

"No, surely a woman who can garner this much passion from you is worth fighting for?"

Finn shakes his head. "It wasn't a fight I was ever going to win. If I could change myself, my name I would have-"

"You mean to tell me because of who you are she didn't want you?"

"The loss of privacy is what she didn't want. Her fam… she's gone through a lot and she doesn't need me to add to what she's already had to give up in life. I think…it was just too much too soon. I know I was too much. I could see my future with her and I wanted it all right then and there that first night. If I could go back right now and love her differently I would. But I can't. I made my mistakes and now I have to live with them and let her get on with her life."

The camera pans to the crowd. Men and women are united in sadness for him. I close my eyes feeling the pain of the last night come back to me.

"Tell us about her, my boy. Sometimes just talking about it makes it easier."

I open my eyes again to see Plutarch's hand on Finn's shoulder. I almost don't want to hear what he has to say next…almost.

He rubs his forehead as he starts to speak. "She was everything I never knew I wanted. She's perfect. I know everyone says that but she is. The intensity of just her looking at me... the first time I saw her, really saw her she nearly fell off-" He stops. That would be a dead giveaway if he mentioned the train incident. I was so busy staring at him I nearly broke my ankle as I took that last step off the train. That was the first time he had to come to my rescue.

He gives his head a shake. "She made me feel wanted… needed. Like I was the only one for her. Her hair was the softest hair I had ever felt. She kept it natural all the time. And when she said my name…it was like a song when she said it. Just for me. Sometimes when she was still asleep I would count the freckles…" Finn pauses and the world is on their toes waiting to hear more about his dream girl. "Plutarch?"

"Yes?"

"You know you made it worse don't you?" I couldn't agree more.

Rowan nudges and tells me it's time. I'd rather let my body sink into the crevices of the couch but that's not what I came here for. I stand, straighten my dress more out of nerves and to waste a little time than for looks. Rowan leads me out of the room but not before I catch Plutarch's next words. "It's only going to get better from here. I have someone who wants to join us. A secret admirer I'm told."

Rowan tries to guide me closer to the stage but I keep wobbling on the heels I begrudgingly agreed to. "Wait," I tell him. I unstrap the heels from my ankles and toss them off to the side. Rowan shakes his head at me and smirks. "You're not making it easier for you to run are you?"

I playfully shove my way past him until I'm close enough to the side entrance to make out what Finn is saying. "...if they come out here they won't be a secret any more will they?"

Plutarch mimics my thoughts exactly. "I think that's the point."