I playfully shove my way past him until I'm close enough to the side entrance to make out what Finn is saying. "...if they come out here they won't be a secret any more will they?"
Plutarch mimics my thoughts exactly. "I think that's the point."
Finn attempts to argue further against the idea of being setup with a perfect stranger in this fashion. He stops when he sees Plutarch glance up at me and nod for me to begin my entrance. His mouth falls as soon as his eyes meet mine. And I try to walk on. Only my legs are numb and my heart is beating so fast I'm afraid if I take one step it will explode as if I'm about to step off of a mine.
No one knows it's me. Only him. I could back out. Plutarch could cover and tell everyone he followed his better judgment and decided to not reveal the surprise guest. Only the hand on my back and voice in my ear is fulfilling his role in this plan. Rowan's stronger and faster than me. And he's prepared for any spontaneous anxiety attack that may cause me to attempt to run. And he promised me and my parents he won't let me down. I will go on stage even if he has to pick me up and throw me on himself.
"I just need a minute," I tell him.
"You've had more time than you deserve. Do you want me to get Haymitch? He knows the whole story. Who do you think Panem would prefer to hear it from?"
Damn. Damn it all. I can do this. I will do this. "Fine." I inch one bare foot closer and Plutarch stands up to greet me. Then I'm stumbling on to the stage as Rowan has kindly given me the push I needed.
The crowd gasps as I catch myself. "Now that's an entrance," I hear Rowan say.
In my head I am glaring back at him. In reality I'm frozen on stage, in front of who knows how many people and cameras. Like a foreign being masquerading in Violet Mellark's body. I know I don't look like myself. I went through hours of torture to ensure that. Strapless, light blue dress that sparkles like the waves in the sunlight. Hair up, shinier than I knew possible, all visible scars and blemishes hidden under a coat of make-up. After the finishes touches were added to make my beauty as 'natural' as possible Haymitch reassured me I was going to be irresistible to Finn.
"This is getting embarrassing, just go get him!" Rowan hisses at me reminding me why I'm actually here.
The embarrassing part is I was counting on the irresistible look to work on Finn. To have him sweep me into his arms and the rest would be history. My appearance and entrance appear to have had little effect on him as he's now turned away from me.
Plutarch welcomes me to sit and the audience, though still in awe, applauds my unanticipated appearance. Even without those treacherous heels my legs feel dangerous to walk on. Wobbling as carefully as I can I make my way to the extra chair next to Finn.
The air is tense between us. I was not prepared for this cold of a reaction. I take a single glance to the other side of the stage where Haymitch has taken his position to block the only other escape route. He nods at me. I nod back. I can do this. This is my opportunity to fulfill Finn's last request. I've come this far - or was at least shoved this far. I am not turning back now.
"I think we can do better than that! Let's give Violet Mellark a most sincere welcome, for her first interview in the Capitol!" Plutarch's voice is booming and gives the people in front of me the encouragement they needed not to hold back their cheers and shouts of joy in getting their first real-life glimpse at me.
Now that his voice will be drowned out by the noise Finn whispers that last words I wanted to hear. "I am not doing this Violet. Is this what you thought I wanted? You have no idea what you're doing…this just needs to be over."
He turns away before I can look him in the eye. Plutarch notices the reaction on my face that Finn has garnered from his private whisperings and again calms the sounds around us. It took all of two seconds to convince Plutarch to let me crash the show. Odds are he'll never have ratings like this again. Of course no matter which way this goes I'm sure my attempt at declaring my love for Finn will be replayed over and over. All that's left is for me to actually say it…
Politely I swallow my growing disappointment and thank Plutarch for having me on his show. He corrects me and thanks me for finally accepting his invitation.
"I thought it was time… it just seemed like the right time to… well I have a reason to come here this time." My voice is shaky but I managed to complete a sentence.
"And it has something to do with this young man sitting beside us, doesn't it?"
I smile at Finn. His cheeks are red. But he never blushes out of flattery. It's been a rare occasion but this shade of red is definitely one I've seen before. He's angry.
"If you're talking about me then we can stop beating around the bush and just get to the point. Violet, I'm sorry you came all the way out here but I'm not interested. I don't know what you thought was going to happen or why you thought you should… yes we spent some time together while you were in Four and I'm sorry if I led you on-"
"This is what you wanted, you said it yourself!" I cut him off and call attention to every other conversation we've ever had.
Tight lipped he starts again. "I'm sorry if I led you on. I can't help who gets a crush on me and who develops feelings for me. I'm trying to let you down gently. I'm not the one for you." He finishes earnestly and places his hand on top of mine just for a second before pulling away.
Why is he pretending like I'm not the one he was talking about? How can he sit there and reject me as if I'm just another silly girl with a silly crush?
"What... what about…" I stammer. And then collect myself. I am not going to let him prolong the act. This is not a game anymore. I love him and I am not afraid of saying so.
"Finnick Odair, there is no one else for me. I realize that now. And I don't care who knows. Or what they think. Or what…what they'll say." I reach for him but he catches my hand before I can get too close.
He gnaws nervously on his bottom lip. This should be enough for him. Why isn't this working? I've said it. Almost.
"You are young. You are sweet. You are… perfect. But not for me. This…" He touches my hair. "… isn't you." He waves one hand at the crowd. "This isn't you. I realize that now. What I did was wrong. I can see… you are perfect just the way you are. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression you had to be more for me. You shouldn't have to give up anything. Please forgive me Violet but… I can't be with you."
And up goes the wall. Back into my tiny hole I crawl. He's right. This isn't me. This is not where I want to be. It took being driven to near insanity to get me here, plus the never-ending speeches from every member of my family on how I shouldn't lose Finn. But did I want to? The attention my rejection is going to bring is far less than what it would be if Finn and I were to walk off this stage hand in hand.
The lights are beating down me and the air is getting harder and harder to breath. I glance at the side exit and back at Finn. His smile is sad but knowing. "It's ok. You didn't know," he says softly.
I twitch as he reaches a hand to my cheek, gently wiping away a tear with his thumb. "Everything's going to be ok." He looks into my eyes and it's everything I can do not to run out on him right then and there. I don't believe him. I want to. But I don't.
He leans in just a bit closer turning my head. I know what he's going to do. He's going to kiss me on my cheek and send me on my way. A final kiss…
That's the thought that terrifies me most. That's the nightmare that's haunted my sleepless nights. He did make me choose but I made the wrong choice. For better or worse… Everything with him is better. Every second apart from him was worse than anything else I could possible lose.
I catch his lips with mine and find his collar with my hands, pulling him in so hard he doesn't even have a chance to do anything but let our lips stay locked together. I kiss him with every intention of never letting him go.
He shudders as we part. "What are you doing?"
"I love you… you and only you. It's always been you. It's only going to be you. I'm not going anywhere ever again and neither are you." I say it with so much sincerity I'm surprised when I hear the confusion in the audience's reaction. They think I'm still just a naive girl with a crush on Finn.
"You don't…" he tries to pries me off but I tighten my grip.
"I do! I love you and I want the world to know. I can't live another day without you Finn… please."
Instead of declaring his love as he's done a thousand times over in private he looks at me apologetically. He's still letting go of me. "Violet…I-"
He's cut off by his own voice in the background. "When will you ever learn Mellark? There is no escaping me. I can't promise we won't have two unexpected guests though. I mean what can I say? Women love me."
"Just remember I love you more."
He looks behind me at the large screen showing the two of us in an embrace in my parents' kitchen. "There will come a day when you will know without a doubt how much I love you. And it's going to hit you so hard you'll think you've died of pure ecstasy. In case you aren't already aware how much I am impossibly, eternally, deeply in love with you," he says before we end our embrace in a kiss. Rowan caught that scene with his camera without either of noticing. Plan Z. Thank goodness someone was thinking ahead that far to bring along the only proof of our love that wasn't hidden away in my mind.
My gaze is completely fixated on Finn's reaction. His eyes flutter back to mine. Green eyes reflecting the love he declared in that moment back at me again. "I know," I whisper to him. "Now do you?"
Slowly… gently… this time he kisses me. I feel him come back and I know it was all worth it.
~ 2 chapters left ~