I awoke in a daze. Alfred was above me. He hovered, blocking out the light. The memories flooded back and before I could stop myself, I launched up.
"Alfred! Tim, where is Tim?" I stuttered. He coaxed me back down.
"You have only been sleeping for a few hours Master Dick. You need time to rest. The bullet grazed your side, nothing major." I worked myself up.
"No Alfred. I need to see Tim." Alfred tried to push me back down when Bruce walked into sight. "Bruce! Where is Tim? Is he okay?"
I should have noticed that darkened features, the angry look in his black eyes. He was defeated, lost. He looked the way he had when we had lost Jason. He said nothing to me, only walked away from my view.
"Master Dick, please, you need rest." Alfred tried to push me back down, but I would not move. I saw the two cots beside me. Pushing Alfred away, I stumbled to them in a daze.
First, I saw Jason. His face was pale, like porcelain. He was hooked up to a machine monitoring his heart rate. He also had two IV's hooked into each arm. I rested a shaky hand on his cheek. He was cold, but alive. He would live in the more than capable hands of Alfred and Bruce.
I turned to the second cot and my fears were confirmed. He laid there, with nothing attached to him. His eyes were closed, the same deathly smile on his face. His face was clean, but swollen. Someone had washed the blood off. There was also a white sheet placed carefully over the bullet wounds. He looked peaceful. My mind wouldn't accept it.
"No." I muttered, walking closer to him. He stayed there, still as stone. I paused, lifting a hand to him. Bruce turned and looked at me. Studying my very reaction.
He said nothing. He didn't need to. He knew what I felt. He knew that I would believe that this was my fault. He knew I would believe it for the rest of my life.
"No." I said again, resting my palm on his cheek like I had done with Jason. He was my brother, my responsibility. It was my doing. If I had said something, or done anything differently. My brother would not be lying in front of me dead. "Tim."
My hand shook when I pulled it away. It was my little brother. He was the most kind, generous person I'd known. He was more human than all of us. I should have said something, done something. I could have told him I forgave him. I could have gone to more lengths to understand what he did for this family. I could have stopped the Joker from taking his life away.
"Dick…" I heard a voice from behind me. I turned from his body, tears welling in my eyes. Jason looked up at me. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." I felt the tears spill over. I knelt down to him as he reached for my hand. He was cold, but I gripped it tightly. "You're going to be okay Jason."
"I know." He smiled, noticing my tears. "Where is Tim?"
My lip quivered, and I felt my body shaking. I couldn't lose it now, not in front of Bruce and Jason.
"He…" I muttered, turning to look behind me. "Tim…"
"He didn't make it." Jason looked up at me, then to the bed behind me. "What happened Dick?"
"The Joker shot him." I muttered. "While he was trying to help you. He died helping us…even in the end."
"I remember him looking down at me, but I faded out." He muttered, attempting to get up.
"No, you need to stay." I lightly set him back down, despite his protesting. "It's just you and me now, I can't have you going off now."
The tears were not letting up, and Jason was still hard as stone. I turned from him again, looking at Tim. He still looked so peaceful, just like he was sleeping. Jason let go of my hand and reached for Tim. His fingers brushed past my legs and touched Tim's cold shoulder.
"He was next to you. You both looked so cold, so…dead." I said, looking at the fact that Jason was reaching to Tim. The fact that Tim died helping Jason. They hated each other and Tim gave his life trying to save him. In the end, Tim got what he wanted, the die saving the family. Fate gave Tim what he wanted after all.
"He died, next to me?" He let his arm drop and looked back up at me. I could see his eyes shining, the closest they'd get to tears. I nodded. "I should have been awake. I should have been there."
Bruce looked to Jason from beside Tim, his eyes like black beads. He was used to this. Or, at least, it looked like he was used to this. He got up and waved to Alfred to leave us. Jason hardly noticed.
"I forgave him, when he was dying. He told me he was sorry. I didn't know he was dying." I looked back to his body, hiding my face from Jason.
"You told me just yesterday you would never forgive him." He said quietly.
"I would have." My voice hitched. "He's my brother. I would have forgiven him. He would have to have known that."
"He did. He knew you loved him." It was silent as we watched over Tim's lifeless body, both willing him to wake up. He would pop back and tell us it was all a joke. We would go on with our lives like nothing happened.
"Oh God Jason." I muttered, letting my head fall into my hands. "It's all my fault."
"No Dick." He muttered, sitting up. "Don't ever think like that. It's not your fault. It never was. And you never know, maybe he'll come back just like I did."
I looked back up at Jason, wondering if I wanted him to come back like how he had. Tim didn't deserve the pain and the sadness. He deserved to live, but to live happily. It wasn't fair.
I said nothing. I curled up next to Jason, my back pressed against his chest, letting myself sob. It felt so natural, being close to him. But everything was wrong and yet Jason and I made it. We were still together through all of this hell. And maybe Tim would come back. Maybe he would come see me and I would tell him all the things that I hadn't said. I would forgive him a thousand times over and tell him that everything was my fault and I would never let anything like that happen ever again.
But we would have to wait.