Spelunking 3/?
"Can you tell me why that's so important to you?"
"No." Neal responded instantly, rising once again to pace. Huang sighed quietly.
"You're fighting this awfully hard. It makes me wonder what you're holding onto so tightly that nobody else is allowed to even ask about it."
"It doesn't matter. The bottom line is that they're *my* thoughts and *my* feelings. Peter's bosses don't have any right to them and neither do you."
"I can't evaluate you properly without your help, Mr. Caffrey. You know… now that I say that I realize that's probably the goal for you, isn't it? You stonewall, block me at every turn, hoping I'll get worn down or frustrated and give up. I can't afford to let that happen any more than you can."
"Ah, you've got my number. Amazing insight, there.' Neal shot back, words dripping with sarcasm.
"You've already opened the door an inch or two. Why not risk pushing it a little farther?"
"I have not."
"You weren't a child long enough… Mozzie trusted you instantly without asking for anything in return. Not to mention that your contempt for my profession and the fact that you knew the standard competency questions… that just screams that you ran into a lousy psychologist somewhere along the way. Probably more than one."
"Yeah, well… prison shrinks aren't known for skill *or* compassion."
"Not true. They start out with the enthusiasm most of us possess right out of college, but it gets sand-blasted away by the hopelessness they face and the stress of being in danger every time they go to work."
Neal glanced at his self-proclaimed adversary for a moment, but wouldn't give more than that. Huang, however, sensed a place to stick his foot and pressed the other man. "I'm not here to do you harm, Mr. Caffrey. Really, I'm not."
"You can use my first name. Mr. Caffrey…"
"… is your long lost uncle?"
Neal smiled tightly.
"Mr. Caffrey is nobody I know. It's a name I gave the system somewhere back in ancient history. They still like it… so I saw no reason to argue."
"And your real one?"
"Honestly… I think I threw it over a cliff pretty early on. I doubt I'll ever remember."
"You must have good reasons not to."
"Probably. Something else we won't be exploring."
"You don't want to get rid of the burden you carry? None of it?"
"The weight keeps me grounded. It serves as a… second conscience of sorts."
"Good to know you think you have a first one."
"The things I've done didn't require killing my moral center, Doctor. Just the ability to sing it to sleep when necessary."
"And the purpose of a back-up conscience?"
"To remind me why I'm not still in the game… and who I'd be hurting if I wandered off and started playing again."
"You mentioned that earlier, too. Something about a back alley…"
"My landlady, June, would be holding the bloodhound's leash and heading the search party."
"Not Agent Burke?"
"Like I said, the trust isn't exactly where it needs to be yet. It might take him awhile to be convinced that whatever trouble I was in wasn't my fault. Are we done now? Are enough of my guts laying on the ground to satisfy you?"
Huang grimaced slightly.
"Colorful. A few more things and the answer could be yes."
"Lay on, MacDuff. I'm hungry."
"You deflected when I said I'm not trying to hurt you. What was that about?"
"A blatant lie doesn't deserve an answer."
"Lie? I don't understand."
"Taking a backhoe to my old wounds, trying to make me look at what you dig up… that causes pain and pain equals harm."
"Not always. Sometimes it's a sign of healing."
"I heal by moving forward and never exhuming the bodies."
"Cemeteries can get too full. Then exposure and removal become the only option."
"I'll buy more acreage. We're finished now. Right?"
"Still not willing to get deeper into your relationship with Mozzie?"
"Keep dreaming."
"Then I'll see you here tomorrow. Same bat time, same bat channel."
"You're the one who's bats. Let's put it this way; *I'm* finished."
"Do what you feel you have to. Just don't forget that you blow this off at your own risk… and Agent Burke's" Huang reminded him, rising to his feet. "Have a good breakfast."
Neal watched him walk away, potent anger making him tremble so intensely he felt as if it could easily progress into a full blown seizure. Breath rasping in his throat, he soon left the park as well, headed back for the FBI building and the sanctuary of Peter's office.
TWO HOURS LATER:
Cursing the necessary evil called bureaucracy, Peter finally crossed the bullpen area and strode up the stairs. Not long after Neal left for his evaluation, Hughes had dragged Peter kicking and screaming into a series of meetings that exemplified 'sound and fury, signifying nothing' and he had only just been allowed to leave. He knew full well it was done to be absolutely sure he wouldn't interfere or try to rescue his friend and colleague, but, despite logically understanding the reason, it still ticked him off no end. Opening the door to his office and realizing who was curled up asleep on his couch, however, shifted his mood completely between one second and the next.
"Neal? Neal, what happened?" he questioned softly, kneeling down and gently touching the other man's shoulder. Caffrey awakened slowly and rolled to face his handler, blinking sleep away.
"Peter. You weren't here when I got back. I needed somebody to vent all over… the only other thing I could think to do was try and sleep."
"Guess it worked, huh?"
"Yeah. This thing is incredibly comfortable…" Neal commented muzzily as he sat up.
"I know, I bought it."
"Smells like dog, though."
"Satchmo comes to work with me once in a while. Can we get back to how the eval went?"
Neal scowled.
"Not as well as I thought it would."
"That bad?"
"He kept bringing up my past, Mozzie… things I haven't even thought about in twenty years or more. It doesn't have anything to do with my mental state or whether I'm doing any good in this job… but he wouldn't let it go. He… he says I come back tomorrow and suffer more of his bull… or the evaluation is down the tubes along with you and me."
"Damn. I knew it'd be tough on you, but it sounds like he's a real bastard."
"I don't know… maybe not. He's doing what he thinks he has to, I guess, to get a complete report. I just can't talk about all that stuff, you know? I can't."
"Yeah. Why don't you lay back down and rest some more, hmmm? I'll make sure nobody bugs you."
"No. Lunch with you first… then I'm going home, if that's okay."
"Whatever you want. Wait 'till you hear about *my* morning…"
TBC…..