Tell Me What We Experienced Was Real (PG)
IMPORTANT: This is the second, alternative ending I wrote for my 'Twist Of Fate' series after receiving hints that a nasty, Farscapian ending might upset some of my readers. I thought, in an infinite universe, with millions of Johns running around leading millions of lives, you could each take your pick of which you prefer. Or, perhaps you can decide that both are right, in different times, different realities. I had originally thought to call this the 'Vinegardog's Shippy Ending' and call the other 'The Mind Frell Ending', until she told me she actually preferred 'The Mind Frell Ending'. Still, I reckon most people who read one will read them both, so does it matter?
Thanks: Thanks once again to Vinegardog for betaing
Tell Me What We Experienced Was Real (PG- shippy ending)
Part 1
Aeryn swirled the drink around in the bottom of her glass as she looked out of the hotel window, fascinated by the sparkling cityscape below, so different from everything she had ever known until just a few monens ago. She swallowed another mouthful of alcohol, relishing the strange, warm sensation it left as it slid down her throat. It tasted smoky, with a hint of sweetness. Far more satisfying than the harsh bitterness of the raslak she had grown up with. Indeed, she reflected, her thoughts about the drink could be extended to so many other things about her new life when compared to her previous existence as a Peacekeeper.
A strong arm snaked around her shoulder, pulling her out of her reverie and back onto a broad chest. She wasn't concerned or startled - she had seen the ghost of John's reflection in the sheet of glass in front of her and had almost been expecting for him to physically reach out to her. If she was honest with herself, she had been hoping for it.
"Penny for your thoughts?" He asked, nuzzling at her neck with his cheek and then nose.
She allowed herself a smile of indulgent incomprehension at the strange, human phrase. John seemed to pick up on her perplexity and gently kissed her neck. She longed for him to repeat the exercise, but instead he spoke again. Why did he never seem to appreciate that there were better things he could be doing with that mouth than talking?
"You know, these last few weeks? Well, they've been the best… I don't think I've ever felt so fulfilled." She stiffened in his embrace, feeling suddenly vulnerable, scared that he might be about to say how much being back on Earth meant to him. "It's not being back on Earth. I thought it might be, but it turns out it's not. It's being with you."
Aeryn was thrilled, yet terrified. Rejection would have, in many ways, have been easier to bear. Had he felt her stiffen and changed his words to make her feel more comfortable, less rejected? Frell it, why was everything suddenly so complicated?
"When we get off..." He was talking again, seemingly ignorant of her inner turmoil. She focussed on his words in order to still the voices in her own head. "Actually, whether we get off this planet or not, I want to be with you, Aeryn. I mean, for good."
Aeryn was caught too much by surprise to be able to stifle her shocked gasp.
"I...". Aeryn stumbled with her thoughts, blindsided as much by John's words as by her reaction to them. She was feeling things she was not familiar with, did not know how to cope with. She had not felt anything like this since those monens with Velorek. She had not wanted to feel such things again: they both scared her and reminded her of her own capacity for treachery and of how little she could trust herself to let down her guard.
"We can still call it off. If you want," John reminded her, as if she did not know it, rambling on in his ignorance of her innermost thoughts and fears.
"No, not now." Her throat was dry, protesting, as though it didn't want her to say the words. "I want... I think... I want to be with you." She held her breath, scarcely believing she had said such a thing.
"No, sorry," John laughed. "I mean, seeing my dad, trying to get D'Argo and one of our ships back."
She breathed again, relief washing over her that the conversation had turned away from Treacherous Emotions and back to something that she could understand and deal with on equal terms. But if they did abandon their plans to rescue D'Argo and escape Earth, what then? Stay here, wait for their luck to run out? Abandon D'Argo, should he still be alive? No, there wasn't really any choice. They had to go through with it tomorrow, they had to contact John's father, to try to enlist his help.
But, in the few arns until then, she could enjoy her new life. She twisted in his arms and smiled as she rubbed her nose against his.
"Can we get pizza and ice cream, and watch that movie again tonight?" She punctuated her request with a kiss on his lips. "The one about the peacekeeper and the bioloids?"
"Huh?" John enquired as her lips toyed with his once again.
"Dekker and Rachael?" She whispered, grinning as she reverted to another nose-rub.
"Oh... Blade Runner." He smiled and pushed in towards her. His nose nuzzled the delicate skin beneath her ear."Sure thing, Sunshine. And afterwards…?" She gasped in pleasure at his attentions and pulled him in tighter.
"And afterwards, John Crichton, I intend to frell your brains out." She chuckled, her hands slipping down from his shoulders to his eema and pulling his warm, firm body close to her, clamping it as tightly as she dared without hurting him.
"I guess I'd better hurry out to the store, then," he chuckled into her neck.
"Hmm. I guess you better had," she replied, smiling at her mimicry of his words as she pointedly dug her fingers into his buttocks and pulled him closer still. Then, with a determined act of will of which her drill instructors of old would have been proud, she released him, encouraging him off of her by leaning back and slapping his behind.
"Hold onto those thoughts," he grinned.
"What thoughts?" she enquired with an obviously dishonest half smile. He grunted a laugh in reply.
"Later," he insisted. She chuckled, deep in her throat. Indeed, later, John Crichton, she thought to herself.
"Love you," He whispered. Releasing her with a final kiss, he turned towards the door, and the table where his wallet and the door key lay.
"Love you, too," she mouthed near-silently, expectant that the sounds of him leaving would muffle her words so that he would not hear.
'~'
Rain fell in a soft, fine drizzle, almost a mist. Not strong enough to soak anyone in the cemetery, but enough that only a fahrbot person would claim that the weather was dry. Aeryn would have loved to stand out in the open in the middle of the park to soak up the bounty of the Earth skies, but the soldier in her told her to stay under cover, to stay out of sight. Apparently this was where the body of John's mother was buried. John had tried to explain to her how his father came here once every other week. She had understood very well that Jack did this. What she struggled to comprehend was why.
She lurked for a few microts in the shade of the temple entrance, her eyes scanning the necropolis for signs of surveillance - human surveillance. She tried not to think about how bizarre, how typically human it was to devote so much space and resource to the disposal of the corpses of their dead. She remembered staring, the Peacekeeper in her dumbstruck with disbelief, when John had explained the concept to her a few days previously. And yet, the whole concept did not annoy her as it once might have done. What was so wrong with a calm place devoted to the memory of those who had died, but had meant something to you, anyway? She snorted in derision at her own thoughts. The human was clearly rubbing off on her.
She could just about make out the human- her human. He was on the other side of the cemetery, watching his father from a distance, checking that he had not been followed, just as she was checking that there was no-one already waiting there for his arrival. John seemed satisfied that Jack had not been followed, because now she could see that he was moving to catch up with him at a junction between three of the paths which wound their way through the park. Everything seemed to be going fine.
She checked her human-made pistol once again, suddenly nervous about how well things were going.
She looked up just in time to see John step out from behind a shrub onto one of the paths, barely five motras from his father.
"John?" Jack asked, turning his head, his mouth hanging half open in shock as his brows knotted. His voice was barely audible to Aeryn, could not have been heard at all had the light breeze not been in her favour.
"Dad..." She heard John reply as, hand outstretched, he took a step towards his clearly-stunned father. To Aeryn, Jack seemed reluctant to turn fully towards his son, as though in doing so he would be facing up to and accepting something which was unacceptable to him in some way that Aeryn could only dream of. Was it fear for his son, or fear of his son?
"But you're… you're not…" Jack struggled to find the words. "You shouldn't have come. It's too risky. What if they were having me watched?"
"I had to, dad." John replied. "Aeryn... She..."
Hearing her name, Aeryn paused in scanning the area to look towards John - John and Jack were standing almost toe to toe, but now were both looking her way.
"Hell, son, you should never have come," Jack wrinkled his brow and flashed a grimace at Aeryn before turning his gaze back on John. "I told you not to... I told you..."
"Dad, we need to try to get back to Moya, our big ship. If we stay on Earth, we're always going to be looking over our shoulders. There's always gonna be people chasing us. So I need you to help us rescue D'Argo, get to one of our ships. I didn't know who else to ask..."
Jack stared at John for a couple of seconds, before shaking his head. "D'Argo is dead, son, and as for your ships, they're both in pieces in Area 51. No way they'd take you anywhere, even if you could get close to them. Security is tighter than a minister's wife's girdle. There's no way in..."
"There must be something..." John exclaimed, gesturing frantically with his arms, trying to deny the truth of his father's words, but Jack shook his head.
"I'm so sorry, son," Jack said, laying a comforting hand on John's elbow.
"Frell!" Aeryn hissed. Once again, all of their hopes and plans were in ruins. Had meeting up with Jack all been for nothing? Would there ever be a time when things would go their way?
'~'
Part 2
'~'
Aeryn could not deny that she had been more than a little nervous about the three of them travelling to Jack Crichton's house for refreshment and to discuss their next moves, and remained on edge every microt she spent in his ground transport or residence. Jack had assured them both that he was not been closely watched, as Wilson and his associates thought that Aeryn and John were still in Australia. Jack seemed to think he could be sure of that because he was part of the team working on trying to unravel the mysteries of the various alien artefacts that they had brought with them. John had seemed happy to accept Jack's assurances of safety, but then, since when had he shown a talent for avoiding trouble?
Since arriving at Jack's house, John had spent the last half arn coming out with one crazy plan after another to infiltrate the facilities where D'Argo and their ships and their other off-world possessions had been taken, only to have Jack immediately tell him why each plan would not work. Aeryn sat despondently at the dining room table, her pistol always within easy reach, nibbling at a slice of pizza and doodling on some paper, her spoken English not up to the task of joining in with the two men. That didn't mean she wasn't following their conversation with increasing frustration, though. To her mind, John was failing to focus on a minimal-risk feasible plan to achieve their objective, instead spending all of his efforts on flamboyant or elaborate high-risk strategies. The men seemed too busy talking for her to get a word in edgeways, but that didn't stop her from having an idea. Although, being a Peacekeeper crèche-brat, her artistic skills were limited, she set about drawing a quick sketch of her thoughts.
At a pause in the two men's deliberations, Aeryn loudly cleared her throat, held up her drawing and pointed at it. It showed something about the size of a credit card, but thicker. "Jack, these are our..." she paused, struggling to find the English word.
"They're our communicators, dad," John interjected, explaining to his father and nodding frantically. Aeryn nodded and gave him a wan smile of thanks. John beamed back and covered her hand in a comforting gesture. Jack's eyes flashed from one to the other, forced by the public display of affection to see and accept what Aeryn meant to John.
"We talk to our big ship. Could you... get one for us?" Aeryn asked Jack with the slow deliberation of one still very new to speaking English.
"Yeah!" John clapped his hands together and grinned even more. "What do you reckon, dad?"
"I... ummm," Jack paced back and forth in front of them, staring at the kitchen floor, struggling with his thoughts and with the blunt unavoidability of this new reality, that his son might be leaving Earth once again. He stopped and forced out a smile. "I think I know where they might be kept. I'll see what I can do, son." Aeryn had already worked out that Jack felt more than a little uncomfortable regarding her, so was not in the least surprised that he had replied to John rather than to her.
"Great dad," John beamed and threw and arm around Aeryn's shoulder. She looked up at him and smiled, causing another, ill-concealed nervous and uncomfortable look to cross Jack's face.
'~'
"You two were so lucky," Jack remarked, closing the front door and pulling a handkerchief from his pocket. He started to unwrap an object from it as he walked the short distance into the middle of the living room. Aeryn stood from her seat on the sofa and peered forward, keen to confirm what she hoped it would be. "Because they had a whole bunch of these, and because they've got lots of more exciting stuff to look at, the lab guys just put most of them into storage. I've signed it out to one of the research teams - it'll be a day or so before anyone starts asking questions."
"Thanks dad. Owe you big time." John rested his hand on Jack's shoulder.
Aeryn reached out and took the badge from Jack's hand - she noticed that he seemed to recoil slightly from her touch, but she dismissed the impression as trivial. She had for more important priorities than dwelling on his possible prejudices about aliens.
"Pilot, Pilot can you hear me?" Aeryn asked rapidly in Sebacean, holding the precious comms badge in her cupped hands. In the long silence which followed, Aeryn sank, dejectedly back into her seat. He face fell, first into sadness then into a stoical mask. Her plan had always been unlikely to work, after all. Moya had been on the other side of the wormhole, and they had been gone for weekens.
"Oh, hon, it was a long shot..." John rested a comforting hand on her shoulder then cradled her head against his shoulder, deepening the hug. Jack looked away. "We just have to..."
"Officer Sun?" A familiar, soft male voice crackled over the comms. "Is that really you? It has been so long, I was giving up hope..."
"Pilot, is that really you?" Aeryn's face lit up as she pulled away from John and lifted the comms badge back up to her mouth. Even Jack smiled, despite that part of him which seemed uneasy about Aeryn. John beamed broadly, first at Aeryn, who remained intent on the comms badge in her hands, then at his father, who grinned back at him and slapped him on the shoulder.
"How, I mean, it's been weekens?" Aeryn continued speaking to Pilot.
"Moya was pulled through the wormhole shortly after your transport pod. Since then we have been hiding in the large asteroid field between the fourth and fifth planets, trying to contact you and waiting for another wormhole. Is everyone well? John Crichton, Dominar Rygel, Ka...?"
"No, Pilot, I am afraid they are not." Aeryn interrupted, steeling her voice, determined to be strong and not to show emotion. "Only John and I. The others are dead. I am sorry."
There was a long pause. "Moya and I are most sad to hear that."
"We've had a rough time, Pilot," John contributed. "We don't have our ships anymore."
"That is most unfortunate," Pilot said.
"You need to send down my Prowler, Pilot." Aeryn continued. "If you engage stealth mode and set the auto-pilot to home in on the signal from this comms badge..."
"We will get on to it straight away, Aeryn, "Zhaan's calm, authoritative voice broke in. "Would you like me to come down, to bring anything?"
"No, Zhaan," Aeryn shook her head, despite the priestess being unable to see the gesture. "Too much of a risk for you. Besides, you're no pilot. Better leave it to the Prowler's automatics."
"Very well," Pilot continued. There was a short pause, probably while he checked something. "The Prowler should be with you in... just under two arns."
"Two arns, then, Aeryn out." She put down the badge on the counter and looked at the two men, waiting for one of them to say something, worried that Jack would try to persuade John to stay, fearful that John would want to.
"We've got about two hours then, dad," John said a tone of determination entering his voice to match the expression on his face. "Then Aeryn and me'll be gone."
"I... don't want to lose you, son," Jack held out his hand towards his son. Aeryn held her breath, waiting for John's reply.
"Dad, I'm with Aeryn now. And we have to go."
"I know." Jack nodded then lowered his eyes to the floor. "I know, son."
"I just want to gather a few things to take back with me, then we need you to drive out to somewhere isolated." John continued, his fidgeting manner betraying his racing thoughts. "I mean, the stealth systems on Aeryn's Prowler are like nothing on Earth, but I reckon we still can't exactly afford to have it land on your front lawn."
John smiled. Jack forced a smile back, determined to take his loss with a brave face.
'~'
The next couple of hours passed in a whirlwind: John had rushed around Jack's house, throwing anything which caught his eye and his fancy into a pair of bags, seemingly oblivious to the awkward couple waiting in the living room, struggling to know what to say to each other. Then had come a quick drive out into the country, a short, tongue-tied goodbye between John and Jack when the Prowler had landed, followed by a near silent flight back to Moya.
Aeryn had hardly said anything the whole time - as the flight to Moya passed, John finally found the time to start to worry about what her sudden silence might signify. His biggest fear was that their return to Moya would mark a return to her previous haughty distance from him.
"I... umm..." John ventured, trying to find a means of broaching a conversation with her. "It's really sad we couldn't save D'Argo. Or Rygel" A long silence greeted his words, causing him to wonder if she had even heard him.
"Peacekeepers are taught to regard anyone captured by an enemy as lost," she eventually replied. John considered how to respond to that for several heartbeats.
"But maybe you've moved beyond that, now? And it hurts?" John enquired, trying to make out how she had reacted to his question through the opaque backrest of the pilot's seat.
"We are also taught that emotional attachments are a dangerous indulgence," she responded, her voice still quiet and emotionless.
"But now, you don't see things quite like that, right?" John tried again.
"I can see that my instructors had a point," she answered flatly. Well, I'm glad we cleared that up, thought John. But he was unable to pursue the matter further, as Moya could now be seen as a faint dot in front of them, and Aeryn had begun to busy herself in preparing to land.
Once in the docking bay, Aeryn had, without saying a further word, popped the hatch on the Prowler and climbed out, carrying one of their bags to find only Zhaan and the new girl - Jana? waiting for them. Without speaking to anyone, or even waiting for John to climb down, she had marched from the bay. John guessed that the obvious absence of D'Argo and Rygel had proven too much for Aeryn, but he was left with a thousand questions about what to tell the others, not least about where he now stood with regards to his ex-Peacekeeper shipmate.
Zhaan tilted her head, frowned sympathetically and stepped forward, arm outstretched towards him.
"Tell me John, what happened?"
'~'
Half an arn later, with Pilot's help, John had found Aeryn standing alone on Moya's terrace, staring out into space, arms crossed across her stomach, one leg slightly extended out to one side. He was sure she heard him enter and walk up behind her, but she neither moved nor spoke to acknowledge his presence.
"Hey," John ventured, coming to stand just behind her, but not yet daring to touch her. Did coming back to Moya mark a return to their old, slightly distant relationship? "Zhaan, Pilot, everyone... they want to know if you are OK."
She snorted derisively.
"Aeryn, are you OK?" She took a deep breath, as though summoning her thoughts. John waited patiently for her answer.
"I liked your world. I mean, apart from the people trying to kill us and everything." Aeryn ventured with a slight shake of her head. "It had its good points."
"But now we're back here?" John asked, fearful that now they were back in her world, she would be tempted to reset their relationship back to where it had been before their trip to Earth.
"Back where we started," Aeryn replied with a nod. John wasn't sure whether it was a statement or a question, so, half fearful of the answer, but needing to know, he ventured an opinion.
"You know, I meant what I said, the other night, the day before we met my dad in the cemetery. I don't want to go back to the way we were before."
Aeryn stared ahead silently, giving nothing away in words, stance or expression. Maybe he should try another tack. Rather than try to get her to express how she felt in words, he should offer her something more tangible, something that she might feel more comfortable with?
"I... umm... you know I brought a few things from Earth. Not ice cream, though. It wouldn't stay frozen."
She twisted her head round to glance at him, her expression still giving nothing away, then quickly turned her face back to space. If he hadn't wanted her so much, if he hadn't had that taste of how good they could be together, would he have persisted in the face of such a lack of encouragement? He nervously slipped his arms around her and was half-surprised to find her taking his arms in her hands and securing the embrace.
"We've got chocolate, and, umm, a little machine to play DVDs on. I made sure I picked up your favourite movie... "
He paused, waiting for some reaction from her, anything. The seconds ticked by and John's hopes began to sink again, despite the fact she was still allowing him to hold her.
"I... I want to live, John." She whispered at last, still not turning to face him. He wrapped his arms tighter around her, as if to ward off the chill of space.
"What, like with chocolate, and movies, and..." he paused, summoning the courage to ask what was most on his mind. "Me?" He concluded in a hopeful whisper.
Aeryn gave a single nod. "Let's go back to your quarters, John. Talking to the others can wait till tomorrow."
John breathed out what seemed to be a long held breath as he turned her, took her hand and began to lead her away.
"You know, I don't know how long we'll have together..." he smiled encouragingly at her as they exited the terrace and entered Moya's golden corridors. "But then again, who does?"
The end