Her hand shakes badly trying to hold on to her conflicting emotions that always goes haywire, whenever it comes in contact with Joon. It's has always been that way since the first time they meet each other, way back when they filmed their first episode of We Got Married.
Joon text message makes her feels so many things, confusing things, spinning around inside her head in a tangle mess.
So much conflicting emotions, it makes her head spins, and when that happens her mind takes a ride down memory lane at high speed.
She remember the way he smile, so boyishly at her when their eyes meet for the first time. His face lights up so brightly, his eyes stare at her so intensely, like she is the only woman in the whole world for him, the center of his universe.
He makes her feel so important and secure, like he can take on the world and fight for her. He has no idea how much she wants that to be true now.
In her mind eyes their first meeting looks so beautiful and almost too perfect to be true.
She can see now how innocent both of them are at that moment in time. They are children dreaming for happily ever after in a fairytale.
Their chemistry and connection to each other has been explosive since the very begining, which was surprising to her because they both never made any contact before they filmed that first episode.
MBC wants to keep it low key and secretive about whom will be the new husband and wife of the show, which means keeping both their names and identity a top secret from those involved in the show.
She remember vividly her feelings then. Her heart was beating so fast, standing alone in the garden, the sun shining down on her, the feel of the summer breeze playing with her hair, but inside she was so nervous, tormented with questions flying through her mind, each making her anxious as the minutes goes by.
And now all alone on the rooftop of her apartment building, waiting for Joon, with the same nervous feelings playing havoc with her emotions, trying her best to keep herself from running away and hide. It's like she is back in time to that same moment of their first meeting months ago, the same nervous anxious feelings and emotions gripping her heart now. She keeps replaying the bittersweet memories of their first meeting like a movie reel in her mind, while Joon short text making intermission breaks in between.
'Meet me at the rooftop of your apartment building at one am tonight'
She just hope nobody sees him sneaking up here at this late hour of the night. Both of them could not afford another disaster from the demented paparazzi, especially not Joon, he doesn't deserves all the trouble that she has caused him.
She wonders if things can ever be normal again for her, or if she is stuck in a dark reality that she can never escaped from ever again.
Pushing her hands deeper into the pockets of her winter jacket, she quickly scans around to make sure nobody suspicious saw her loitering around this place.
They follow her everywhere these days, and sooner or later she will go insane by their lenses, always watching her, always snapping away with their cheap camera and selca shots. Maybe they are here now, hiding somewhere in the darkness, watching her, always watching her...
God she has turn into a crazy paranoid freak, and it's totally not a pretty sight. It's a huge miracle that she haven't freak out Joon yet, or maybe he is coming tonight to finally tell her to fuck off and settle her problems without dragging him down with her.
She is such a mess now it's not even funny. Joon better have a good enough reason for meeting her tonight or else this can turn out even worse than it already is.
She could take the bashing and hate that was thrown her way but she could not bear seeing the same being done to Joon. He has been the voice of reason when everything in her world turns deaf and blind, and he don't deserves to be drag through the mud because of her.
Is she just a friend to Joon?
It's a question that has been puzzling her since this scandal broke out a few weeks ago. Her own feelings towards him has always been very clear.
She likes him alot, that has always been a constant feelings since their first meeting.
She wonders if Joon feels more for her than just friendship?
Does he feels the same way?
People always thought that Joon is an open book kind of guy just because he seems soo goofy and funny and he is damn good at variety.
But he is deeper than people give him credit for.
The saying of 'still water runs deep' match Joon real personality accurately. It's hard to decipher his real feelings most of the time, and its even harder for her because he guard his emotions very well when it comes to the matters of the heart.
It's easy for her to tell him that she likes him because for her if she likes a guy really well she will go out of her way to make her feelings known to him.
It's part of her personality to be very straight forward.
She prefers to make things less complicated by being clear with what she wants in every aspect of her life, and that includes matters of the heart. If she likes a guy very much she will go after him straight away.
That doesn't mean that she is an easy girl by any means. She only do this to someone she really feels a deeper connection emotionally, and Joon certainly fit this category for her in every way that feels right in her heart.
But maybe being too straight forward and carefree doesn't make things easier either, because it gets her into a very bad situations, and in the end, entangles her in a much more complicated problem than she originally were in.
'I could hear you think so loud, it's a wonder the neighborhood didn't call security on you'
Joon deep voice startles her from her labyrinth thoughts like a thunder strike. She turns around so fast that her large hoodie whip her face slightly, making her eyes twitch.
Casually attired in jeans, sweater and a thick winter jacket, Joon looks soo stunning standing against the dim atmosphere of the winter night sky, though his face looks exhausted as usual.
She was thankful for the shawl that covered her face, because she could feel how hot her face now despite the cold weather, damn her blushing reflexes.
'I'm sorry for meeting you so late like this, but we really need to talk without cameras focusing on us' he is quite right on that part at least, it's damn hard when your heart to heart confessions has to be done so publicly on live telecast.
'I understand Joon, and it's ok, i can even pretend that we are on a real date tonight' she tease him to lighten the mood, and as usual Joon easily becomes fluster when she talk daringly like this.
Adorably red face, Joon deep voice turns slightly squeaky when he starts to stutter his words, but it's what he said that shut her up into complete silence.
'Actually, that is what i want to talk about tonight, i want us to decide if we want try dating for real?'
And here she thought that things could not get anymore complicated and crazy, because apparently it can.
WTF?
To be Continue...
P/s: Thank you for reading, see you guys in the next chapter, and dun worry, i try my best to update soon. ^^