A few days ago, another breaking news explodes in the media, and she was surprised to read that it's about Joon.
Of all the people that she expected to get this type of shit happening to them, Joon is really low on her list of suspects.
Joon knowing that she will be worried and confused by the issue, immediately contact her to assured her that his words are not related to her scandal or WGM show. His voice sound so sad, so tired, but with an undertone of his usual cheerfulness. She is glad that he remains so optimistic despite having to face something that could potentially buried him in the industry. It makes her feel more confident that he will survive this. Joon is very strong, and he has his adoring fans that will makes sure he will make it. Unlike herself, who seems to sink deeper into the quicksand that has been pulling her down deeper everyday.
She never ask Joon why he wrote those words on his blog. It's his personal problem and she thought that he must have his own reason for doing what he did. A part of her felt like a coward, no, she is a coward for not having the courage to ask him. She is not strong at all, not enough to face the truth behind his issue. To be honest she is worried, because the trust between them are still very much fragile at this early stage of their relationship. It's better not to rock the boat harder than it is now, since the storm is still very much raging full force at the moment.
The situation between them are really a unique one. It's rare for a couple in WGM show so wrought in controversies and scandals like they do. If she did not know any better, she would think that they were set up, for which now that she has time to contemplate on it, might be plausible. There are many who dislike their growing closeness together in the show, and if what happened to her is the result of those who wants to break her off from Joon, then so far she admits they are succeeding tremendously.
Sitting alone in her room, her mind keeps spinning around with various scenarios and circumstances that has pushed them both into this mess.
Joon is much more popular than she in terms of fanbase for MBLAQ, though her popularity is no joke either, thanks to her stand out character as the bratty sister-in-law in her drama My Husband Got a Family.
But Joon's fangirls viewed him as more than an idol they love and adored, and a lot is willing to do almost anything to get him to notice them. This is where the whole sassaeng fanbase starts to grow and take roots, spreading like viruses that refused to be gone.
She knows them well because some has gone very far in their spiteful revenge against her. She has encountered them quite a lot since the beginning of her stint in the show with Joon. She will not go into details, but these crazy fangirls really means business in the nastiest kind. The creepy insane things they did has been enough to give her nightmares for weeks that she will not even be surprised if what happened regarding her scandal is part of their dirty works.
But sassaeng fans are not the only ones who wants her gone from the industry. She knows well enough that there is more than the sassaeng fanbase that has been hard at work in turning her world upside down. These unseen puppet masters are the more dangerous force behind her whole scandal, and they are the ones who pulls the strings in order to satisfied their greed for money and power. Of course she keeps these information to herself, and Joon have no idea about any of this. He is an innocent victim in this mess, and she will keep all that she knows deep in her heart and would probably keep it to her grave too.
If there is one person who will have to be sacrifice in this dangerous games, to keep the other safe from harm, then she is willing to be the one who will be buried alive.
In a twisted strange way, she has them to be thankful for, because if they didn't work so hard in trying to get rid of her, then maybe her relationship with Joon won't be as close as they are now. In trying to sow discord and malice, ironically they are helping to build the stepping stones to the foundation of her blossoming relationship with Joon.
Her phone beeps suddenly in her hands, a familiar tone that has been the reason for her to keep sane and smiling despite her pain. It's melodious tone momentarily washing away the doubts and fear in her heart like clear spring water. She could not contain her smile hearing his low voice whisper in her ears like a sweet dream comes true. How she miss Joon so much. Without even trying her tears starts to fall, the feeling so bittersweet it hurts to even breath properly.
'Can't sleep?' Joon ask, knowing she has been losing sleep more than usual, and staying up late has been the norm for both of them, in light of what happened, and their insane schedules.
'Yup, it's hard to sleep when your mind refused to shut up. By the way, Happy Birthday Joon, i wish i could be with you to celebrate your birthday' Joon currently is in Japan, filming for IRIS2. She hopes his time in Japan will give him some breathing space from the rabid craze media and paparazzi. He needs to rest more than anything else, though she doubts very much he could do so, knowing well he has a more extensive schedules than her own. But more than anything, at the moment she felt deep regrets that she is unable to celebrate Joon's birthday with him. It tears her up inside knowing that because of what happened, the two of them might not be able to do such a simple happy things that other normal couple took for granted.
Trying to be strong is very hard to accomplished if you felt like your heart is literally bleeding out of your chest.
'Japan is fine, pretty but cold. Nothing much is happening, just been filming, and more filming. The food is good as usual, the people works hard everyday. I miss you Hatnim, it felt like part of me is gone when I'm so far away from you. Things have been rough for me, for us actually, but knowing that our time together in the show is now over makes it much more harder to get through the days. I have never felt this hurt, not since i was in my training days. But thank you for remembering my birthday, it's not the same when you are so far away from me, but i guess we do not have a choice right?' hearing him like this, his sadness so deep, makes her feel like dying. Needing so much to hold him now and never let go. Her heart aches so much, wishing for things to be different for them, not this heartbreaking reality that's been eating them both alive.
'I feel the same way, i miss you, so badly. This is hard Joon. I want so much for the world to stop hurting us, me and you. If only things were more normal for us. I have so many things i want to say to you that i can go crazy just thinking about it. It's painful and I'm sorry for saying all this when you are in pain yourself,...' and she abruptly close her phone off, curling up her body and crying her eyes out, ignoring the beeping tone that keeps ringing, ashamed of her weakness, of her failure to be strong time and time again.
She cried till her eyes hurts, but still nothing change. Dawn is approaching soon, and still she stayed trapped in her sadness. The familiar beeping has long stop it's ringing, Joon has stop calling her. Maybe it's better if he stop calling her forever. Maybe if she is gone, the world will turn right again. There is a lot of things, crazy things that's keeps dissecting her mind right now and it hurts to think. Crying is useless. Nothing will change even if she cry tears of blood.
The night keeps it's silence, a lone witness to the darkness that is creeping into her mind to shuts off the sunlight. She stares at everything and nothing, watching and contemplating.
I'm sorry Joon...
Far away in Japan, a tall lean figure could be seen pacing his hotel room, his hands clutching tightly to his mobile phone, his nerves going crazy trying to call someone whom he lost contact a while ago.
In the end he gives up and contact someone else whom he knew can do more about this than he could. But only if this person don't hang up on him first, which he pray she won't or else things will be too late for someone else survival.
'Hello, noona, please don't hang up, please hear me out first, i think something is wrong with Hatnim now, No you don't understand, please don't hang up, this is important,..p please help Hatnim,..no i know she is not fine,.. i.i..is wrong with her, yes, i know, but please call her or go find her now, i don't think she is ok, and we have to reach her before it's too late, noona please i beg you, no don't, please help Hatnim...noona please...i beg of you, please help my Hatnim, her life is in danger now, please help my Hatnim noona,...before it's too late...''
To be continue...
Author Note: So sorry for such a long wait for chapter 4, and im sorry for making it so full of sadness. It pains me to write it like this, but after several times revising and re-writing this chapter, i end up writing it this way because i want things between our dear couple to be much more realitic to what happened to them in WGM show at the moment. Actually i originally write this in Joon POV and ended it with Joon going full on Bipolarish crazy on our dear Hatnim, but i guess after thinking things through i can see that this type of scenario will be much more realistic if seen it through my Hatnim unnie POV and i ended up making her more darker than i first want her to be.
I want this to end on a much more happier note, but i want them to go through intense pain first before letting them have some happily ever after chapters. Im sorry if i hurt some of my readers with the dark vibe i put in this chapter. Thank you for reading and please review and tell me what you think about this chapter? i really am learning my way in writing fanfic, and getting into both our Joonseo heart and mind in regards of what happened to them in real life in the show is really not easy for me.
Again, thank you so much for waiting and reading my story, its been a hard bittersweet journey writing this fic, and i hope i can continue with a much better happier chapter in the next one. Have a good day guys, and may god bless us and our dear Joonseo with happiness in life. See you guys in chapter 5. ^^