You guys, right, you guys

You are the best :D

(Oh yeah I don't own TF2 m'kay)

Chapter Two- The Quest For Reindoonicorn

~OUTSIDE RED BASE~

Somehow, Scout and Soldier had in fact managed to craft somewhere in the region of one hundred hats from the robot remains. Scout smooshed another hat into existence;

"Whaddya think, Pro?" he asked Prometheus. The turret stared critically.

"Throughout history, men have worn hats as a way of showing how much better they are than other men," he offered after a pause. Scout's ego converted the statement into praise, and he ran off happily.

The Soldier meanwhile, rocket jumped back and forth, casting a different shadow every time he sailed overhead as he made more hats. Stopping only because he needed to reload, the merc said;

"I don't even remember what the rest of the plan was. Let's go blow up stuff!"

Immediately on board, Scout shed hats until only donning his default baseball cap and both the REDs (and Prometheus) left to find crud to explode.

Pyro appeared on the scene then, walking contentedly along. The melodic chirping of a loquacious songbird provided peaceful background music, and – holy crap look at all those hats.

~PYROLAND~

"Gosh, Pyro, look at all the hats!" Balloonicorn neighed, hovering above its awestruck friend. The merc nodded excessively with an excited little clap. This display of happiness, albeit short, made dat thing happen again; Balloonicorn's hearty Pyroland magic came forth.

Right.

Into.

The.

Hats.

Picture a whirlpool. Envision the torrential spiral of water spinning dramatically like some kind of epic spinning top. Great, now combine that with a swarm of pissed off bees shaped like hats.

That's ideally what was going on.

"Holy Companion Cube at a tea party!" Balloonicorn squeaked, watching said spectacle. Pyro reached up and held the unicorn comfortingly to its chest, then – with minimal thought or actual motivation – the RED strode to the trippy hat formation.

Murmuring something like 'Wow…' Pyro gradually shuffled closer as the hats formed a giant circle. Well. That was practically an invitation.

Much to its inflatable pal's displeasure, Pyro rushed forward and jumped into the hat portal. With a brilliant flash of light, the pair of them vanished into thin air.

"…This did not just happen."

"Dear God I hope not."

Scout and Soldier then left to go get tacos.

~AN UNKNOWN LAND~

Oddly enough, Pyro had never given the concept of Heaven much thought. Now, though, the merc was positive on the idea of Heaven's existence.

Skylengths of snow stretched ahead, the slopes dyed grey-blue in the evening light. Iridescent crystals protruded from the ground in shades of purple, scattered randomly but each looking as if it belonged. To either side stood tall pine trees, strangely cuddly despite the abundance of green needles on them.

Pyro squeed like the little child it probably was- this place was freaking awesome! The giddy pyromaniac tromped through the thick blanket of snow, every footprint housing a small shadow even under the full moon's gaze.

Balloonicorn, looking particularly sparkly in this background, suddenly gave a gasp of recognition;

"Pyro!" The RED snapped to attention. "This is the fabled realm of the Reindoonicorn!"

Immediately Pyro shrieked like a little fangirl/boy 'Really!?' before taking off, running like that awkward day Soldier unboxed the disciplinary action.

It had a mission now- it was gonna darn well find that Reindoonicorn!

~BACK AT THE BASE~

"Did any of ye get the feelin' w'missed a lot just now?" the Demoman asked, a puzzled frown clouding his expression. "Y'know… plot important stoof?"

Engy glanced up from his dispenser, which incidentally finally had the secondary function of 'toaster'.

"Yeah actu'ly. Mah Engy senses were tinglin'," he said, standing and affectionately petting his dispenser. Heavy, Medic and Sniper shrugged impassively, their attention focused more on their card game around the table. Spy surveyed the room from his designated smoking corner;

"The offense classes are missing," he observed, "Do you think they-"

"YAY TWENTY ONE!" Heavy suddenly interjected, triumphantly chucking his cards down.

"Uh, Heavy? We're playin' poker, mate. Not blackjack." Sniper sighed, and Heavy adopted the crestfallen look of a kicked puppy.

Medic merely facepalmed.

~REALM OF THE REINDOONICORN~

Pyro had quickly discovered that running through deep snow was quite difficult; that was lesson one. Lesson two was do not stub your toe on one of those crystals. Balloonicorn however encountered neither of those problems and jauntily floated over the merc's head.

The pair of them made steady progress anyhow, assuming of course they were headed the right direction. Ha ha ha, wait- this is a fairytale! Of course it's the right way!

Gladly accepting that as legit, Pyro put on a burst of speed and all but flew to the edge of the tree line.

"Hudda!" the childish merc exclaimed gleefully, for suddenly in the near distance appeared a castle. A FREAKIN' CASTLE, MAN.

Balloonicorn caught up then, landing on Pyro's shoulder with several high-pitched little pants. Pyro turned to face the unicorn, then raised a trembling-with-excitement arm to point at the grand, elegant tower. Balloonicorn perked up immediately;

"Ohmygoshthat'sitlet'sgorealquickpancakesareaweso mehurryPyrohurry!"

The two Reindoonicorn super-fans wasted no time and casually teleported to the castle, swaggering to the massive doorway. To their surprise a parrot of all things perched on the door handles to meet them.

"This is the home of Reindoonicorn!" it squawked in an accent Pyro couldn't place, "But he's GONE! Taken! You must be chosen or something! Go forth and find him!"

Pyro nodded all determined-like and jogged away in slow motion, the noble steed Balloonicorn alongside.

I don't understand what's going on either.

~RED BASE~

Soldier and Scout eventually returned to the rec room, and somehow the latter had lost a tooth during a rocket jump lesson. Currently he was telling everyone how he was gonna put it under his pillow and be freakin' rich the next day. Medic attempted to make a point,

"Scout, you know zhere's no such thing as zhe tooth fairy, don't you?"

Scout turned around and promptly slapped him in the face.

"Asshole- you just killed a fairy!"

To break the stunned silence, Engy asked;

"Uh, fellas? Where's Pyro?" Soldier suddenly blanched, avoiding making eye contact with anyone.

"Oh, y'know… into a vortex of hats. The usual." He put on a massive, fake yawn, "Wow I am tired see you men later." Heavy grabbed him before he could leave though.

"I'm tinking that was your fault," the defence class said. Soldier grinned innocently. Demo sighed,

"Reckon w'gotta find the lad… lass… Pyro, then." The mercs abandoned their card game (well, multiple card games. They spliced several.) and moved out.

"Let's see if RV'll come with," Sniper suggested, leading the way to the garage. And that was when the team found out that RV likes to sit in her Transformer form and have debates with Archimedes and Teddy Roosebelt. The topic was something about squirrels.

"You would think something like this should surprise us…" Spy mused. Eventually the REDs clambered into RV-shaped-RV and drove for the hat portal.

'DOCTOR! Are you sure this chapter makes sense!?'

'I HAVE NO IDEA!'