Thanks for reading guys, hope you liked it :p

Chapter Three – Happily Ever After

~?~

RV burst violently through the hat portal like one of those scary-ass funfair rides, making half the REDs scream and the other half furiously try not to barf. Everyone collectively shook to battle the headaches, and Sniper peered out the windshield.

"Well. That's lovely," he muttered with false enthusiasm.

Dead pine trees devoid of their needles bordered a narrow path of brittle snow. Broken beer bottles littered the trail.

"I miss the time when things made sense," Spy stared wistfully into the distance. The team turned on him, eyes asking when exactly that was. "Before I met all of you, obviously."

The others pouted.

"Let's just go find Pyro and leave…" Medic (who had somehow gotten away with calling shotgun) pointed out the sole line of footprints ahead. Deciding that was a decent idea, RV drove herself forward.

Soon the tree-skeletons were behind them, and, oddly enough, they came across the ruins of a castle. An old one. They drew up by the gaping doorway, finding a parrot-shaped tourist board which read;

'Welcome to' – here the name had faded – 'Home of the famous reindeer statue!' The remainder had been clumsily carved into the sign, "Yeah, so, someone stole the statue. If you find it bring it back, yeah? Norewardokay.'

The mercs blinked, exchanged glances, and wordlessly cruised around the building.

~REALM OF THE REINDOONICORN~

Pyro was FEARLESS.

Pyro was BRAVE.

Pyro was fearless and brave and- OH SWEET JESUS A RIVER.

Pyro flinched at the sight of water but rather stupidly forgot to stop running. Hey, kids! Looks like it's time for another episode of 'Pyromaniacs Defy Physics'! *Cue upbeat music*

A rough approximation of Do You Believe in Magic? spluttered its way through Pyro's gasmask as the RED bade gravity farewell and zipped over the river. Huzzah…?

Pyro adopted a grim expression; that had been close. Well, maybe it was grim. Chances are it was a grin. Ha ha.

Either way Pyro then broke some kind of space law and pulled the rainblower out from somewhere. Y'know, those trees could actually do with a little cheer…

~NEAR THE CASTLE~

The team lost Pyro's trail on a riverbank. Great. It could have gone any direction! There were no clues whatsoever as to where-

"So we follow the smoke?" Engy suggested flatly.

Sounds like a plan.

~O'ER IN YE OLD PYROLAND~

Much better! The land positively glowed with happiness.

Pyro hugged the rainblower and skipped onward, feeling a lot better. The merc and Balloonicorn epic-reindeer-saving duo crested a hill, thinking how cool they must've looked standing against the rainbow background. Disclaimer; wasn't that cool really.

Huh. They could see something in the near distance, but what? It seemed to be moving anyway, and – because that generally meant 'life form is here' – they moved toward it. Eventually Pyro could make out the shape of the Thing- human. SHOCK HORROR.

As you kids at home know, Pyro sees just about everybody as sweet little kiddies, even the enemy team. This bloke though- nasty looking fellow. Pyro went into serious mode and Balloonicorn stretched its forelegs in preparation to do some punching.

Unicorns get away with these things. Because magic, that's why.

Anyhow, with an air of 'who needs stealth!?' they charged toward the guy, smashing through the undergrowth with all the grace of Demoman leaving a bar. Needless to say the dude quickly spotted the flame-retardant-suit-and-gasmask clad figure approaching and wisely fled.

Pyro bolted after him, trying to scream something about justice but not making much sense. Unfortunately the merc failed to anticipate the villain would have two mates armed with water guns. Pyro halted, projecting 'You WOULDN'T' with its pose.

Actually they would, but then;

"ARGHHHHH!" the entire RED team screeched. RV shot in from nowhere and tackled the three guys, which apparently turned on ragdoll mechanics as they flew away to the side. Pyro and Balloonicorn cheered.

The other eight mercs jumped out before RV fully stopped and swarmed their lost-and-found teammate. Italics is what they said, bold is what Pyro heard;

"What were you doing!?"

"How fares your quest?"

"What were you THINKING!?"

"Did you save Reindoonicorn!?"

"Goddammit Pyro!"

"Rainbows!"

"We were worried about you."

Several minutes and many failed interpretations later the team had established basically what was going on. Out of fear of getting bored, they soon agreed to help save Reindoonicorn/the reindeer statue. In order to do that though they were going to need to go on a little trip.

"What did ya say these're called? Pyrovision goggles?" Engy looked dubiously down at the eyewear Pyro had given them, then reluctantly swapped his welding goggles for them. "…Oh God."

"What the bloodeh…?" Demo blinked at what had been a beer bottle in his grip before, but now appeared to be a carton of fruit juice.

The team had mixed views on Pyro's world.

"Well c'mon then!" Everyone jumped at the voice, and turned to see Balloonicorn hovering amidst them. "Let's go rescue Reindoonicorn!"

Sniper blinked, acknowledging the existence of the floating pink unicorn.

"You explain so much," he said flatly. With nods of agreement and glances at innocent wee Pyro, the mercs filed into the trees, RV cruising after them.

If Scout was bothered by the abundance of rainbows, he didn't mention it. Spy was about to make jokes about it when something occurred to him.

"How do you know if we are going the right way?" he asked, subtly fearing the answer.

"Magic would never guide us wrong." Heavy stared critically at Spy, wearing the most Goddamn terrifying expression imaginable. Everyone besides Pyro subconsciously took their weapons out and shuffled away from the unblinking Heavy. That's when they saw how different their guns looked.

"Holy crap, my rocket launcher shoots rainbow fireworks. AWESOME!" Soldier enjoyed that a lot. Some would say too much.

Just then though, the team heard hushed voices over to the side;

"Did you see that? Oh my God what if it's the fuzz coming for the reindeer!?"

That blatant lack of subtlety provided a hint of a clue for the REDs. They all whipped around to face that way, then simply… stared. Intensely. The tension was visibly building inside Soldier;

"Why aren't we attacking yet?" he whined, very manly.

"Because ve are vaiting," Medic explained, "I've been boring in zhis fic so now I have to do something really cool… LIKE SUMMON LIGHTNING!"

Unfortunately, lightning isn't particularly badass in Pyroland. Fortunately, Medic summoned instead a double rainbow.

Squealing because that was so awesome, the nine mercs, one RV, one Balloonicorn, one dove and one teddy barrelled toward the voices.

Two of those shady suspicious types were in a clearing, and – OMGWTHBBQ so was Reindoonicorn! Pyro reacted without hesitation. It leaped onto the rainblower like a broomstick and flew at the villains, sending them blasting off agaaain!

"…That was random," Scout deadpanned. But yay! Reindoonicorn was saved!

"Huzza," the team offered rather unenthusiastically, briefly raising their hats. Pyro and Reindoonicorn had some kind of in-depth conversation, but frankly I can't understand anything Pyro says so it could have been about ice skating dragons for all I know.

Apparently though it was decided Reindoonicorn would move into the RED base, much to the delight of Balloonicorn. With that, the odd progression made their jolly way back to the hat portal, accompanied by the loveable, innocent-

"Wait, uh… do I have to pay rent?"

This was going to be interesting.

The End!

Short but sweet :3

Sickeningly sweet...

More spinoffs to come! Byeee