23-August-1998

One of the strangest things you can do is stare at your reflection for a prolonged period of time, Hermione found. You know what you look like but after a while your mind stops recognizing its face and starts thinking 'this is what you look like' then 'this is what people see when they look at you.' If you continue to stare, your face starts to become meaningless features, just a nose, a mouth, eyes and a brow.

Hermione kept staring until she didn't know who she was looking at. It had become a habit of hers. It was fitting since she didn't quite know who she was anymore. Her life had always been planed since she realized one can't just go aimlessly through life. They were never detailed plans as people would think; she guessed they could be considered golas really. Do well on her OWL's; do well on her NEWT's. Find and destroy the horcruxes; Survive the war. Bring her parents back; finish Hogwarts; get a good job. Those kind of things. For the first time in her life she had no goals, nothing to strive towards. Her life had been throws upside down and she couldn't find her footing. Her parents were dead and tomorrow she would be burring them. She and Ron were in this strange place. They held hands and talked, but not about anything that mattered. Sometimes their distance would be so unbearable that Hermione would ask him why he was pulling away from her but he insisted he wasn't. Harry suggested that perhaps the loss of her parents was making her paranoia and she was just imagining that she was losing Ron.

That infuriated her; she wanted to yell at him for suggesting such a thing. To tell him how would he know anything about her or what was going on between she and Ron, since he had forgotten them. He and Ginny were always in their own little world. He was always taking her out or they were locked inside Ginny's room doing things Hermione had once told Ron, Harry would never do under Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's roof. If your names wasn't Ginny Weasley, you no longer existed to Harry Potter. She wasn't the only one who had noticed. He and Ron had a row over it and Mr Weasley and Bill began keeping a loser eye on the couple. But in the end Hermione had no energy to argue, yell, or trust people at their promises.

The night she and Ron had rowed over Lavender Ron didn't come home. Harry had promised if Ron wasn't home for dinner they would go looking for him. But like Ron, Harry had broken his promise to her. She was all ready to search for Ron when she overheard Harry and Ginny's plans to go Muggle bowling. It seemed like everyone was living a life and she was being left behind. The worst thing about it was it wasn't her fault. She would like nothing more than to go out and forget the world but each day brought a reminder of her loss. She wasn't just talking about the pain of it all. There was just too much to do. Flower arrangements, caskets, phone calls to her parents colleagues and friends. There were obituaries and eulogies to write. Picking pole bearers. Offers on the house, the cars, and her parents practice.

Hermione was drowning and there was no one there to save her. The Weasleys tried as much as they could but they all had their own lives, they couldn't put everything on hold for her.

'Ron could,' a voice in her head said. 'He doesn't need to work at the twins shop. He has money, and it's just temporary. Besides that Fred and George wouldn't hold it against him if he decided to take time off. They would understand. Hadn't they taken time off to help you acquire the best flowers money could buy and offer to pay for it them selves?'

It was the thought that kept her up at night. Ron was letting her go through this alone. The night after their fight when she went to look for Ron without Harry she had found him in a corner of the Hogs Head with Seamus, Dean and Lavender Brown. It was Ron laughing that caused her to snap. Without a word she stormed over to them and ripped Lavender out of the booth by her hair before turning on Ron. Seven years of friendship with Ron and the Weasleys' had taught her every swear word in the book and she had thrown them all at him, at the both of them.

She knew Ron wasn't cheating, but Ron's fidelity wasn't the problem. She was living in a nightmare and Ron just didn't seem to care. Lavender at least had the decency to apologize for monopolizing Ron's time, but then gave excuses that the dim blond thought was acceptablel. 'The full moon was approaching and she still wasn't accustomed to the effects it had on her. That because of Bill, Ron knew some tips on how to handle it. But the fact of the matter was,rather than holding her hand and offering support in her time of need, he was giving it to Lavender. When she brought this point up he said, "You had everything under control." It was at that point Hermione slapped him. She didn't want or need his help. She was strong and she could get through this but she needed him to be her strength when she felt weak. To help her up when the weight of her grief caused her to fall to her knees. She just wanted him by her, she need him to lean on. How could he not under stand that? He always did before.

The knock on the bathroom shook her out of her thoughts.

"Are you OK in there?" Harry's voice came from the other side

"I'll be out in a bit," she called then turned back to her reflection and she was Hermione again. 'Ron and I are going to be fine,' she told herself. They had made some progress since that night at the Hogs Head. Ron stopped going out and they were spending time together now. Sure it was distant and she still slept in Ginny's room. But they would get better; they just had to get through tomorrow.

Hermione opened the door and gave Harry a small smile. She expected him to move out of the door way or enter the loo but he just stood there.

"This was supposed to be over," he finally said.

"I know."

"If there's anything you need…"

"I know where you live," she said giving him a smile, then because she hadn't done so in a while, she hugged him.

"I don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow," she whispered in his ear.

"The same way we got through everything else. Together." Hermione hugged him tighter and thanked him before slowly making her way to Ron's room.

When she reached his room she found him laying out his dress robes. They were freshly pressed and he was still smoothing out non-existing creases.

"You're going to wrinkle them if you keep that up."

"Yeah," Ron said stopping what he was doing to look at her before carefully lifting them from the bed and hanging them in his closet.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" he asked.

"Yes. I called the parlor from the village and… well they're… The flowers have already arrived. The hearse will be waiting at the church, and the ministry cars will be here at 10."

Ron frowned and looked at her in a way he hadn't since this whole nightmare began. Like he actually cared. "That's not what I meant."

"No," she said closing her eyes tight overwhelmed by a mixture of grief and joy of seeing her Ron making an appearance. "I don't want to say good bye." It took every ounce of strength not to cry. She took a deep breath and continued.

"I know we've been… off lately. I don't know why but we have."

Ron took a deep breath of his own somehow expecting this and let it out when he sat on his bed.

"I know."

"You're my rock. I don't care about our fights or Lavender or what's happened. If you love me, if you truly love me, I need us to be us again. Can you do that for me? Please. Even if it's just for tomorrow?"

"Of course." He had reached out for her hand. "I promise, tomorrow we'll be us." He said it with such conviction that Hermione couldn't help but start to cry. Her Ron was back and she knew whatever tomorrow brings she would be OK.

A/N:

Two more chapters to go!