Title: After Tonight
Author: aseaofGrey
Rating: M
Summary: Dr. Arizona Robbins never wanted kids. Despite being the most outstanding Pediatric Surgeon in the country, saving their lives was where it ended. That was, until her older brother Timothy was killed in combat in Iraq, naming Arizona as the guardian of his daughter.
Author's Note: Thank you guys for reviewing, it means so much to me! As you can see I changed the story title. I didn't realize someone already had an awesome story with the Against All Odds title. But, now that it was so kindly pointed out, I fixed it! Anyway, thank you guys for the reviews, it made me feel awesome! You're all awesome!
"Callie," I started to speak, trying to form the words I so desperately needed to say. I needed help, I needed someone to tell me what to do, someone who wasn't my family. Someone who did not have a personal stake in the situation. I'd tried to talk to my mother, but she turned straight to screaming the moment I hesitated. "Callie," I tried again, but nothing came out. I shook my head. A few more minutes past before I gathered the courage again to speak. "Calliope, Timmy's wife killed herself this morning…" I paused as her jaw dropped for the second time today, "Arielle is gone, and they want me to take Dylan."
I watched as the shock spread across her body. Her hands reached out for mine, squeezing tightly once she grasped them. Her arms were wrapped tightly around me. For a moment I almost forgot what I'd just told her, relishing in the way her arms never failed to make me feel better. Silence took over, and for the first time all day I allowed myself to close my eyes. I felt her lean down and place a soft kiss on the top of my head. As she pulled away, the tears began to fall from my eyes again as a painful sob escaped my lips. I wasn't sure how long we sat like this, Callie's hands tracing pictures down my arms while I cried into her chest, but she soon broke the silence.
"What's the next step?" She asked me gently, in a tone of voice I'd never heard coming from her lips. I looked up at her as I registered the fear in her voice. Was she afraid to ask? I twisted my body so I was facing her, straddling her lap once again.
"I ne-need you t-t-to tell me what to d-d-do," I stuttered through my tears as I attempted to wipe my face. Callie's hands moved towards my face as if on instinct, her thumbs swiping the tears from my cheeks. Her eyes never left mine as I pleaded for a response. This wasn't fair of me. Not even two weeks ago I was ending our relationship over having children. Now, I'm sitting on her lap asking her whether or not I should do as my brother asked and become a parent to his child.
"Arizona," Callie started as her hand brushed loose hairs from my face, "I can't make this decision for you." For some reason, hearing those words from her mouth caused my tears to start again. This time, I simply laid into her welcoming arms, unable to control myself.
My eyes opened slowly, trying to adjust to the brightness of my living room light. Everything was sore: my eyes, my back, my legs. Once my burning eyes had adjusted to the change in lighting, I leaned upwards. My eyes caught sight of the clock on the wall, it was 2 AM. I must have fallen asleep. I felt movement beside me, and a smile tugged at my lips as Callie awoke from her slumber beside me.
"Hey," she whispered, leaning upwards to touch me. Her hands grazed my shoulders and down my arms before falling back beside her. "You fell asleep," she told me softly, "You just cried yourself to sleep in my arms."
"I'm sorry," I told her as my heart filled with love for this woman. I'd broken her heart and yet here she was. The realization shocked me. "None of this is fair to you," I murmured, "I'm so sorry."
Callie immediately leaned upwards, engulfing me in her strong arms, "No. Don't apologize. When I told you I loved you, I meant that. Just because we broke up does not mean I stopped loving you. When you love someone, you hold them when they cry."
A smile crept upon my lips again and I had to mentally kick myself in order to stop myself from leaning down to kiss her. She must have caught my hesitation because her hand took hold of my cheek, tangling her fingers into my hair. A mere moment passed before her lips crashed down onto mine in a fierce kiss that nearly knocked the wind out of me. When it ended, we remained still, foreheads touching, eyes closed.
"I spoke to Timmy's lawyer first. He told me about Arielle and their decision to name me Dylan's guardian," I started to say. I pulled away to look at her, "I called my mom after for more information. Dylan was at school when the officers came to the door. They told Arielle what happened, but she wanted details. Against better judgment, they told her the details. Timmy's platoon had entered an underground bunker. In true Timothy fashion, he moved in first. Three seconds later the entire bunker exploded, 3 enemy fighter planes dropped explosives. They couldn't recognize him when they finally got things calmed down and went in for bodies. The lower half of his body was completely blown off."
Callie listened intently, never letting her hands stop soothing me as I spoke. "The officers told my mother that Arielle had seemed to take everything well, but they clearly misjudged. When she didn't show up to pick up Dylan from school, they contacted the neighbors. They found her in bed clutching Timmy's things nearly unconscious. She'd pumped her body with every drug in their medicine cabinet. By the time the ambulance got there, she'd already suffered too much damage. She died before the doctors could even try to save her," I finished, leaning down onto Callie's chest. My hand moved up to rest on her as I listened intently to the sound of her heartbeat.
"I can't imagine the pain she must have felt," Callie told me, that same hint of fear back in her voice, "I can live without being in a relationship with you, but if I lost you lost you? How does someone bounce back from that?" I could tell she was thinking out loud and decided not to reply. "But how could she leave her daughter?"
"I'm supposed to fly out to Boston tomorrow, I need to fill out papers and take Dylan. The funeral isn't until Thursday so I'd need to stay another day," I told her finally. "I need to decide if I'm going to raise Dylan, or if I'm going to let my brother down."
"Raising a child is a huge responsibility Arizona," Callie told me softly. "If you decide that you can't do it, then you don't. Letting your parents take over would not be letting Timothy down. If you know in your heart that raising Dylan yourself would be toxic for her, then handing over the reins is what would make your brother the most proud. Do you want my honest opinion?"
I knew in my heart that she was right. Timmy would want me to do the best thing for Dylan, even if that meant surrendering her to my parents. Nodding, I moved to look her in the eyes, "Please Calliope. I need you to be honest with me."
"Maybe you should sit back and think about why they chose you. Arielle has sisters, and your parents would have gladly taken Dylan in, but for some reason, Timmy picked you. Nobody knows you better than he does, and yet he still chose you," Callie told me, hesitation evident in her voice. I had no response. There had to be a reason why Timmy chose me. He knew I didn't want children, ever. But, here I was, struggling over whether or not to take in his daughter, my niece.
"I can't think straight Callie," I told her simply, finally climbing up off the couch. I began pacing the living room. "All I can see is Dylan; lost and scared, huddled in a ball in a stranger's home, waiting for someone to come get her. Can you imagine? You wake up, go to school, and never get to come home because you're being shipped off to a temporary foster home until someone can claim guardianship. She's six years old, I doubt anyone has even told her what's going on. There's no way she understands. How am I supposed to think when all I can see is her eyes, pleading with me every time I stop to catch my breath? " I was rambling and I knew it, but I couldn't stop myself. I turned to face her, "How could Arielle do this to her? How could she leave Dylan after just losing her father?"
My voice was shaking, but the anger was finally coming out, and I had no intentions of stopping it. "She's selfish!" I screamed at Callie, "She's selfish and now her daughter is sitting in a fucking stranger's house! How could she Callie? Please, tell me how a mother can walk away from their own child like that? This is her fault! Timothy would be ashamed of her! My poor baby, she's all alone," I screamed, finally coming to barely above a whisper as Dylan's face sprung into my brain again.
"Ari," Callie started, standing up from the couch. She moved until she was standing in front of me, gripping my shoulders to hold me still. "I think you already know what you're going to do."
"What?" I asked her, completely oblivious to the solution at hand.
"You've just spent the last 10 minutes ranting about Dylan, worrying about Dylan. Your brother just died and all you've shown to me is that Dylan is your first priority, not yourself," Callie looked me straight in the eye, "You're already more of a parent than you thought you could be."
The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. She was right; since the conversation with Timothy's lawyer, the only thing I'd been able to think about was Dylan. I knew in my heart that I had no choice, I was going to be Dylan's legal guardian. "I have to go get her," I finally said, barely above a whisper, "I need to go get Dylan, now."
"Make the arrangements, I'll pack you a bag and take you to the airport," Callie told me, handing me her cellphone and turning to walk towards my bedroom. I silently thanked her as I began searching her iPhone's web browser for a ticket to Boston.
"Come with me," I said gently as I leaned on the doorframe to my bedroom. I'd been standing in the doorway for a few minutes, watching her as she moved knowingly around my room. For some reason, the fact that she knew where everything was in my room made me warm inside. "Please Callie," I added, "please."
She looked up at me from her spot on the floor, finally turning to face me. Her cheeks were tear stained, the whites of her eyes a subtle shade of pink. She'd been crying. Immediately I dropped to the floor and pulled her against me, running my hand down her face, wiping away the tears.
"I can't come with you," she told me, "I can't come with you and watch you become the very thing that took you away from me."
Shaking my head rapidly, I took in a deep breath, "Callie, you've been so good to me. I broke your heart and yet here you are, sitting on my bedroom floor picking up the pieces that I can't. I'm nothing, I'm no one without you."
She turned to face me, "you are everything."
"Then be with me," I answered suddenly, without even processing what I was saying. "Be with me, come with me to Boston. Help me, show me what being a mother really is, help me understand. All I know is that I cannot live one more day without you. Timothy is dead, Arielle is dead. She gave up her life for the person she loved. I'll give up my life for you Callie, for our ten kids and our dogs."
Callie laughed through her tears at the last sentence, wrapping her arms around me finally. She didn't speak for a few minutes and it felt like my heart had stopped beating in my chest. I wanted Callie back, I wanted my girlfriend back. Not because I was sad, or being irrational. Callie was the one for me, she'd proven that today, sitting here with tears in her eyes. Callie would rather cry and break her own heart over and over again than ever let me hurt. Calliope Torres loves me. Sure, she'd told me that multiple times over the last few months but nothing had made me truly believe it until now. She'd give up everything for me, and I needed to do the same. We could build our own "everything" together.
"Dylan isn't my daughter," Callie told me simply. "Say we do this, and I come to love her as my own, we'd have a child. But Arizona, that's not my dream. My dream is you and I with a baby of our own. Dylan isn't enough for me. I'd want her to have a brother or sister, maybe both."
"So we'll have them," I told her honestly, "Callie I can't live my life knowing I'll never get to hold you like this again, or knowing that someone else is. I don't want babies that look like you and Mark or you and Karev running around. I want our kids, you and me and however many children you want. I can learn your dream, I can love your dream too. We can make our own dream, together. Just tell me you'll come with me, tell me that you'll be with me again."
"Okay," she told me so lightly I wasn't sure I'd heard her. When I didn't move, she spoke again, "Okay. I'll come with you, we'll figure this out together." My heart surged with emotion as I pulled her into a kiss. It was tender and sweet, piled high with pent up emotions and declarations of love. When air became a necessity, our lips parted and I smiled genuinely for the first time all day.
"Good, because I already bought your ticket," I told her with a small laugh, "I love you Calliope Torres, more than you'll ever comprehend."
She kissed me again, "I know."
AN: Next up, Boston!