If you'd like to see the cover art up close and all shiny, go to deviantart .com and search Lynk Creonan. I drew it myself :3 Feel free to browse my other pieces. I'll generally always have all of my original characters drawn there for reference if your curious as to how they actually look.
FULL SUMMARY:
Because of certain circumstances, Fuyumi Chika moves to Japan and enrolls in Fumizuki Academy. It's always been her dream to come to Japan because of her otaku obsession, but she recently had other motivations to go to the foreign land. Once successfully in her class, she runs into strange persons, easily gains friendship, and even has her eye on a certain boy. These things, however, are the least of the complications going to come her way.
RATED T FOR:
Language
Suggestive Themes
I think I'm going to have a panic attack. The show is in two days. Sure, I know all my lines and stage directions and what not, but I still feel like my eyeballs are going to fall out of my head and then my arms will fall off. On top of that, basically everyone is insulting me. Almost every word I've been hearing has something to do with my personality or that I really need to "chill out." Screw them, I'm perfectly fine. Wait, no I'm not. Am I losing limbs yet? I don't think I can feel my toes anymore.
Right now it's lunch time and all of the usual people are on the roof with me. They're staring at me. I think they're talking about me. I don't know, I stopped listening a while ago, but it's really getting on my nerves. "Can you guys just shut up?" I yell.
They get silent, of course. I'm an intimidating chick. I think. I hope. Regardless, the gang stops talking and now they're really staring at me. Like really really staring. Akihisa puts his hand on my knee—he's sitting next to me. "Is something wrong, Chika-chan?" he asks.
I think about it. Is there something wrong with me? I don't think so. Other than the fact that I'm slowly losing my limbs and vital organs, I'm fine. Honestly, I know that there's nothing for me to worry about, but for some reason I still feel like this. It's really annoying and my friends aren't helping by talking about me when they're right in front of me. Wait, were they even talking about me? I guess I wasn't listening, so how would I know? "I'm fine," I tell him.
"Yeah, but you told us to shut up," he starts, "but we weren't even talking."
Ha ha what.
"No, you definitely were."
"Sorry, Fuyumi," Sakamoto says. "We weren't."
"Don't you be shitting with me!" I shout. Like serious, I'm not crazy I know it. I put my elbows on my knees and rub my temples with my fingers. I decide it's a good idea to separate myself from them and just focus on my eating. I close my eyes and just listen to the conversation they have around me.
"Sorry about her," Kinoshita says, "Our show is in a couple days. She's probably just anxious."
No, I wouldn't say that. I'm just feeling particularly bitchy today. Yeah that's it.
Sakamoto-san suggests, "Why don't we all go to the festival and support her? I'm sure it would make her feel better to know that her friends have her back."
Friends? I guess that is what these people are to me. I look up at them and they are all smiling and agreeing that it would be a good idea. Kinoshita thanks Sakamoto for the idea and Kirishima-san appears out of thin air to offer another idea. "It would be a good date." From her non-existent pockets comes a Taser. She holds it in one hand and locks the other onto her lover's arm. "Yuuji and I will go together." Like always, she rises and drags the poor boy out of the room while he flails and screams for mercy. I chuckle under my breath, loving the comedy that those two always manage to bring to any situation.
"Hey, Aki," Shimada starts at the same time as Himeji says, "Hey, Yoshii."
"Yeah?" he replies.
They simultaneously ask, "Will you go to the festival with me?" They look at each other, pouting with angry expressions. "Hey! I asked first! No you didn't! I did! Stop that!"
I outwardly laugh as the catfight breaks out, and see Akihisa slide over to where Kouta is. "Help me," he mumbles through a fake smile.
"Too bad, man," Kouta replies coolly, but mentions that he'll gladly take either one of them off of his hands for him.
"Yoshii!" Himeji calls, snapping his attention back to them. "You pick! Which one of us do you want to take to the festival?"
This just keeps getting better, but I know I have to intervene. Not just for their sakes, but because I have an idea. A glorious idea. "Hold up," I say. "Both of you are being selfish and not very fair either. I mean, no one could choose between you two gorgeous ladies." I add a wink on for effect.
Flattered, they reply, "Sorry, Fuyumi-san."
"So to resolve this, I'll pick the couples." I look around at everyone for an "okay" and a couple nod while the others look at me intensely, awaiting my every word. "It shouldn't matter anyway. As Sakamoto said, we're all friends and we'll all end up being together anyway." Akihisa nervously agrees to the idea, knowing that no matter who I pair him with will ultimately lead to his downfall. It'll be great.
Of course I put myself with Kinoshita, Shimada with Akihisa, and Himeji with Kouta. The others agree to it and soon after lunch time ends. I'm shocked back into the idea that time is flowing and as every second ticks, I get closer and closer to the time for the show. Are those my eyes rolling across the floor over there? On no, that's just Himeji's shoes. I look up at her. Crap, she just asked me a question. "What?" I say.
"I said, can Minami and I talk to you for a second," she repeats.
"Oh, yeah sure."
The two girls bring me to a hallway where no one else is. They ask me why I put them in those pairs, but also for advice on what they should do. Well, I might as well spill the beans. "Honestly, it would be the most entertaining situation for me to watch. I love Shimada-san and Yoshii together—can't help it. Too entertaining. And you and Kouta? That's going to be awesome too," I say to Himeji.
She pouts at me. "That's not fair, Fuyumi-san!"
"Well, sorry honey-bun. How 'bout you listen to the way I see it for a sec'? It'll be good for both of you, okay? Shimada, you'll get to have the rights of being his date for the evening, so you get to touch and drag him all over the place. You, Himeji-chan, though, will be the desirable maiden that he watches with jealousy. If you're all over Kouta, then how could he not notice? In his mind, both of you are basically his property."
The girls stare at me as if the idea had never crossed their minds. "You guys…aren't really observant, are you?"
"No, you just," Shimada beings, "kind of make it sound crude."
"What can I say? I'm American." I saunter off, leaving the two to watch me in all of my confidence and beauty leave. As I walk, however, I notice something. Everyone is looking at me. Like, all of the people I'm passing—they're staring. I'm not feeling very confident anymore. Does my hair look okay? It must, I checked it twelve times this morning. Same with my makeup. Oh I know, it's because my arms just fell off. Whoa, I feel a little woozy now. Hold on, I got this. Stay on your feet Fuyumi. I'm swaying, my vision is blurry, and there's someone down the hall I recognize. Is that my mother? It can't be. Not possible. Ow, I fell to the ground. I blink a couple times to try to clear my vision. Everything sounds like I'm in a bubble. I'm sweating a whole lot. That can't look good. I must look awful. I can't bear not looking good in front of people. I feel hands on my shoulders. I think someone's calling my name. Before I can look up to see who it is, I black out.
When I wake up, I can't tell how long I had been out for. I still feel like a million degrees. The color I'm staring at is a light shade of beige and I recognize it as the ceiling of my room. I try to sit up, but I obviously haven't regained all of my strength yet. "Hey, be careful," I hear someone say. Looking over to the source of the voice, I see that it is Kinoshita. I mumble out his name. "Really, please don't strain yourself."
"I'm sorry," I say. "I don't know what happened."
"I think I do," he replies, sitting down on my bed at my feet. "You're nervous about the show and that's okay. You haven't been sleeping very well lately, have you? Or eating anything?"
I struggle to sit up and stare at him, wondering all kinds of different things. I want to ask him how long I was sleeping for, why he was in my house, and how he knew all of that about me. For some reason, though, I can't think of a single way to form any of those questions. I want to sound cool, but collected—considerate, but edgy—mature, but rebellious. I keep opening and closing my mouth, hoping that something, anything, will come out, but nothing does. He definitely thinks I'm a fool now. Great, just what I wanted.
And now he's laughing at me.
"S-stop that!" I yell, crossing my arms and glaring at him.
"I'm sorry, you're just so cute."
Did he just say that? I think I just swooned a little right there. It's just not fair, this kid is gorgeous. It is quite possible that I might have a little itty-bitty crush on him. No! Don't say it out loud! Think of something else to say, quick!
"You're cuter."
Great, now you're flirting with him. Good job, Fuyumi.
He scoots down on the bed, leaning closer to me so that our faces are within inches of each other's. "Why don't you start calling me Hideyoshi?"
I feel like my hearts going to explode. I have to respond, he asked me a question. Desperately searching for words, I blurt out the only thing that I can think of. "Only if you start calling me Chika." Why do I do these things to myself? I seriously hate my first name. I cannot understand how it keeps coming up.
"Alright, Chika."
It's gorgeous when he says it. I want him to say it again. Then I want to kiss the lips that said it.
Well that was weird. I guess I've never really experienced real emotions like this before. I don't know what to do with them. That would explain why I'm having such a hard time talking to this kid. Hideyoshi. I love that. Hideyoshi.
"Hideyoshi." Oops, I said that out loud. I don't think my hands have ever been so sweaty.
"Yes?" he asks. Now I've really done it. This conversation couldn't get any worse. And that's my stomach over there on the floor, isn't it? "What is it?"
"I was just w-wondering," I begin, not actually sure if words were actually coming out of my throat, "what happened after I passed out?"
He seems a little offended that I asked him that question instead of something more meaningful, and says, "oh," while backing away, then continues with, "Himeji-chan and Minami-san brought you to the infirmary. They came to us later and told us what was going on and suggested that we all go visit you at the end of the day to make sure you were okay. When the day ended, however, and we went to the class-A room, you weren't there. My sister told me that they hadn't seen you since before lunch. We all went over to the infirmary and the nurse told us that you were fine now; you're temperature was back to normal. She asked if any of us could take you home because she had to go to a funeral. I was the only one available to, so here we are."
"Okay, well, thank you."
Then it was silent. Just the two of us, staring at each other. I can literally feel the tension in the air for someone to say something, but I also knew that I wasn't going to say a word. Not because I don't want to, but because I can't. As a matter of fact, I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable right now. I don't like that I feel so out of my element. This isn't me. I don't lose words, I don't pass out in the middle of the day, I don't get nervous, and I certainly don't get sentimental with people. None of this is me. Not anymore, at least.
"Chika, I want to know more about you," Hideyoshi says. "Will you tell me about your life in America?"
I want to tell him no because for some unexplainable reason, I don't want to lie to him. At the same time, I don't want to say no to him—I mean who could say no to that face? Then again, I want him to know what I'm really like, and not what this weak willed girl that I've been acting like is. So I say it bluntly, "No."
He seems surprised. "N-no?"
"You heard what I said."
"Oh, okay, I guess. Are you sure you're alright?"
"I'm fine, kid."
More silence.
"I guess I should leave then. I'll see you tomorrow at the festival."
"Yeah, just—wait tomorrow?"
"Yeah, tomorrow."
"No, not possible. I had two days this morning."
"You must have lost a lot of sleep, Chika, because you slept all day yesterday. It's seven in the morning."
"What? Why didn't you mention that in the first place?!" I yell.
Hideyoshi stands and crosses the room. He sighs, then says, "I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow, Chika-san," without looking at me.
Still exhausted and now frustrated, I fall onto my back and slap one arm over my eyes. Not fair. I hear my front door close and I decide that it's a good idea if I walk around a little. I rise to my feet and make my way into my kitchen. Opening my fridge, I notice that there is some food in a leftover container with a note on it. It reads:
Fuyumi,
I knew you would be hungry when you woke up, so I purchased some meat buns for you. Just heat them up and they're ready!
Kinoshita Hideyoshi.
This kid is impossibly cute. I can't even. I desperately want him to stop being so nice to me, but I don't want him to stop talking to me. I guess friendships aren't supposed to be strenuous, but if this keeps up, then I'm going to start having problems.
So now it's a new day and I have officially lost all of my limbs. The girls keep telling me that I look amazing, but I cannot understand how that is possible when I'm a limbless freak. We had decided that the girls would carpool together and meet up with the boys at the festival. At first, I was really excited to get there and let Hideyoshi have an attack over my beauty, but the only thing that I can think about now is my performance. I've been going over and over in my mind what I'll do for my curtain call as the entire crowd stands and throws flowers at my feet. It's what I deserve, but for some reason, I didn't expect it to be happening in Japan for a festival. My dad used to convince me that if I didn't get my grades up, I'd end up on the pole. After a while, I just accepted the idea and whored myself out to anyone with a dick; later any person within five years of my age. It was how I lived and in a way, it still is. I hate it, but if I tried to change it, I wouldn't know who I am. I've let it define me. Fuyumi Chika, the school bitch who's day job is being a slut.
"What are you thinking about, Fuyumi-san?" Himeji asks me as our vehicle comes to a stop. I tell her it's nothing and ask her if she sees any of the guys. She leans forward in the car to look out the windshield. Pointing, she replied, "They're right over there."
"Then let's go rub our beauty in their faces," I say. "Shall we, ladies?" The four of us exit and stand before the boys and flaunting all of our goodies. I hear them oohing and aweing as I toss my hair back behind my shoulder. Shimada thanks her mother for the ride and she drives off, leaving the rest of us alone and technically unsupervised. Anything could happen now. Anticipation pulsing through my veins of all of the shit that's going to go down, I amble over to the others.
"You all look great," Sakamoto says. At these words, Kirishima-san takes great offense. Silly boy, if only he knew better, he would be allowed to live. Grabbing him by the ear, his future wife drags him off to somewhere unseen. I chuckle heartily at the scene. The others stare at me worriedly. Honestly, they should know by now the entertainment I find in the couple's dysfunction and violence.
"Okay, if you're alive tomorrow," Akihisa calls, "then I'll take you out to dinner as a reward!"
"Aw, how charming," I comment. "I knew you were always jealous of Kirishima-san and him."
"J-jealous? What kind of a guy do you think I am, Chika-chan?"
"Alright you two," Himeji interrupts, "why don't we get on with this night?" She walks over to Kouta and wraps herself around his arm. Her boobs are pressed right up against him. I wonder how he's keeping so cool.
I toss the girl a wink of approval. My gaze shifts over to Akihisa and Shimada. The two of them are talking, but she's blushing and he's smiling cockily. I assume that it is because he just gave her a sassy compliment and she's pretending that his intentions are honest because the two of them are technically on a date. Then I notice Hideyoshi.
Sure, his outfit is no different from his normal street wear, but for some reason he looks as beautiful as the stars at night. He moves over to me and grabs my hand. "You look stunning, Chika," he says.
"T-thank you," I stutter, blushing. Of course, everyone else notices.
"That expression's a cute look for you, Fuyumi," Shimada comments.
Desperately needing to change the subject, I say "Alright, so we have about an hour to waste, what do you kids want to do? Split up? Stay together?"
"Let's stay together," Himeji replies. "I feel like I haven't spent a lot of time with you all recently."
"Sounds good," Akihisa agrees, "Let's go find some food!"
As the six of us pursue the quest to find some dinner, Hideyoshi is holding my hand the entire time. My palms are sweating profusely. I want to apologize, but I don't want to look so submissive. Then again, he must know I'm nervous, or rather, not nervous, so that doesn't make me look so good either. Either way, I love the hand holding. His hands feel just like babies. I like the way babies feel.
He pulls me out of my thoughts when he asks me what I want. I admit that I'm not very familiar with Japanese food.
"What have you been eating, then?"
"There are actually a lot of dishes here that have been westernized in the States, so I've been eating those. Just, surprise me, okay?"
He does as I instruct and even after I've consumed the tasty treat, I don't know what it is. I loved every minute of it though and made Hideyoshi promise me that he would come over and make it for me sometime. Of course, Akihisa then had to sassily comment, "Oh, so you two will be going on another date sometime soon?"
"Shut your face, Akihisa," I say.
"Ouch, so harsh."
"Kouta," Himeji begins, "I have chocolate on my face—can you get it off? My hands are all sticky, so I can't do it myself."
How naughty. I have taught her well.
Kouta leans over to her, his face brighter than a ripe tomato, and slowly removed the substance from her face with his thumb. In response, Himeji placed a soft kiss on his cheek and whispered, "thank you" in his ear. The kid looked like he was about to explode. I'm impressed, however, because he somehow manages to keep it all in. He must have been going through some intensive training with Akihisa. Or maybe it is just because he knows he's in a romantic setting and wants to look his best for the ladies. Prove that he would be able to handle a relationship. Oh how they grow up so fast.
I look over at Akihisa to see his reaction to the situation. He pulls Shimada over and wraps his arms around her waist, holding her in a backwards bear hug. She looks stunned at the moment, but leans her head back so that it gently touches his. His expression melts and he becomes inordinately soothed by the gesture. It's a cute sight, enough to make me want to vomit.
Once we decide that food is boring, we go over to some of the games to challenge our intellect or rather, our lack of intellect. Akihisa is really excited about the goldfish-scooping station. So we let him have his fun and walk on over to it. Sakamoto and Kirishima-san are already there, trying their hands at the game. Kirishima seems to have caught quite a few goldfish. Actually, it's a little unclear. Sakamoto is tied up, slightly unconscious, but he's the one holding all the fishes. The lady manning the booth warns Kirishima that she can only take one per person home with her, but the other shoots a glare and says that she is showing her love in this way. I, once again, laugh. Hideyoshi leans over to me, whispering, "Why do you always do that?"
"You can't be serious," I reply. "The two of them are pure comedy gold."
"Has anyone ever offered to take you to the hospital?"
"Awe, I'm flattered you think that of me."
And I'm serious. I'm actually flattered.
The gang and I walk up to the tank and, after paying, the lady there gives us each a poi and bowl, showing us how to play. "Aki-kun, will you catch one for me?" Shimada asks.
He sends her a wink, flexing his non-existent muscles and saying, "Sure thing, babe," in English. He is way too into this. I don't think it's healthy.
"Calm down there, Macho-man," I say. "Why don't we let the others go first so you can show off your bravo when we all fail?"
Akihisa takes one for the dramatic, placing a tense hand on my shoulder and slowly lifting his eyes to look at mine. "You, my friend, are a genius."
"I know." Himeji-chan, Shimada-san, and I walk over to booth and get ready to catch one. We make eye contact with each other and confirm our idea to all catch a goldfish at the same time. As if we have practiced it, a goldfish swims up in front of each of us identically in perfect unison. We each hold our bowl in the same ready position in the water. Gracefully, we place the poi in the water. It almost seems like the fish swims towards it. Literally at the same time in the same style, the three of us tap the fish with our poiand watch as the fish jumps up out of the water. A smile spreads across each of our faces as we pull up our bowls to catch the fish midair. Success.
We turn around to look at the others. Akihisa's mouth is gaping open in awe. I flip my hair and say, "Teehee, I caught one!" Hideyoshi smiles at me, walking over and placing a soft kiss on my cheek.
"That you did," he says sweetly.
"Well, that was pretty good, ladies," Akihisa says loudly, sauntering over to the tank, "but let me show you how a real master does it."
Now, of course we all know that he is going to fail miserably, but for some reason we let him try any way. Maybe because they know that they're all really only here for me and that I will have much enjoyment in his inevitable and tragic failure. So he snatches the poi and bowl out of the lady's hand and goes for the first fish. Without even touching the goldfish, the poi breaks. Hoping that no one would notice the fact that he annihilated it, he quickly threw it behind the tank out of sight, and swiped a new one from the lady, pretending like nothing had happened. Leaning closely to the water, he tries again. This time, one fish jumps out of the water and touches his nose. Now we're all like, dude, fish don't jump, but Akihisa just pretends like it's normal and continues his endeavor. Except now more and more fish are jumping out of the water and touching him. "Ah! They're biting me!" he's yelling. "Stop little fish! I don't taste good!" As those words come out of his mouth, I could have sworn that the fish congregated into the shape of a mega-hand, grabbing Akihisa and dragging him into the tank.
Basically the funniest thing I've ever seen. His legs are flailing about and the fish are literally assaulting him. Eating him. Only Akihisa would get eaten by goldfish at the festival. The girls run over to him to help after yelling at me for laughing hysterically, but honestly, how could I not? Are they not looking at the same thing I am? Himeji gets hit back and Shimada, soon after, does too. Sakamoto exclaims his apologizes to his dying friend, explaining that he would if he wasn't ties up. Then Hideyoshi and Kouta move in. They try a different method than the girls, but it fails even more miserably. So it looks like it's really up to me. I move over to the flail-face and reach my hand into the tank. I grab Akihisa by the back collar of his shirt. With one yank, I tug him out of the water, leaving the fish behind, angrily jumping about the tank.
Out of breath, scratched and wounded, Akihisa yells, "Well thanks for the help!"
"Hey, bro," I say in English, "I was the only one who could get you out of that. Guess I should have just left you there," I continue in Japanese. I snatch him by the ear, threatening to drag him back in to the tank.
"N-no! I don't die!"
Letting him go free, I shake my head and haughtily laugh, saying, "Some master," and walking out of the scene and onto another location. My posy follows closely after and leaves Akihisa alone. By himself. Him and his little fish boo-boos.
With the eating and flirting and fish coming to a close, Hideyoshi speculates that he and I only have a couple minutes before we have to be at the stage. We bid the others fair well and I joke, saying that they should try not to bite each other's heads off. Hideyoshi kindly asks that they try to look for Sakamoto and Kirishima-san so that they don't accidentally miss the show. That would be seriously depressing for me if that happened. It would mean that they would miss my moment of glory. No one wants to miss that. I mean c'mon, I'm gorgeous.
While walking to our destination, Hideyoshi's hand is still grasping mine. Since the two of us are technically alone, I decide that it would be okay if I finally apologized for the damp hand situation. "Hey, sorry my hands are so sweaty."
"They are?" he replies. "I hadn't noticed. My hands are sweating a lot too, I was about to apologize as well."
"That's so weird. We must just both be sweaty people."
That was possibly the most uncool thing I have ever said. Of all time. Ever. Being the adorable and good person that he is, of course, he chuckles and says, "You're so cute." He's so good, it's just not fair. Then it hit me.
I pull my hand from his and stop in my tracks. I fasten my eyes on the ground and refuse to make eye contact with him.
"This is wrong," I tell him. "We can't do this. You're so nice. I'm such a bitch. I don't deserve you."
"Chika, that's not true at all," he objects. I know he's just saying it to try to make me feel better. "You're wonderful and kind. I really like you, Fuyumi-san."
"Please stop. I'm none of those things. I'm awful and rude, self- centered and lying. No one likes people like that. I'm sorry."
As I start walking away, I hear him call after me. I try to ignore him, but it's really hard. "Don't you see? You're trying to protect me by doing this! It's an act of kindness!"
His words make me stop again. I can feel a lump growing in my throat. This moment, I knew exactly how it would play out if I let us continue to grow as a couple. I would believe him. Eventually, I would go back to him. In the end, I would hurt him beyond repair. I could never do that to Hideyoshi. I refuse. He's so innocent, I want to do whatever I can to keep it that way. I submitted myself to the horrid lifestyle I live and it's going to stay that way. For both his sake and my own. I continue walking away.
The show is about to start and I am completely distracted in every way possible. At least I'm not losing my limbs anymore, right? Isn't that a plus? No. No it's not. I'm horribly depressed at what happened. I mean, at least I ended it before we got really into each other. That would end really badly if I did. I'm also in no mood to put on the performance of my life. I know I have to though. It would be proof to me that I can do anything. If I fail, then my life is basically over. I would have nothing left. I'd die right on the spot. Dear lord on high the curtain is opening. I'm center stage, sitting in a wooden chair at a matching table. The set is tarnished a dark brown, and on top is a saucer, tea cup, and a single, burning candle. The spotlight focuses on me. I turn my head towards the audience. They're all anxiously anticipating my every word. I start with the opening line, setting the scene and introducing my character. I take a sip from the cup and Hideyoshi enters. We exchange a conversation. He leaves. I sing a song about my character's despair. The scene ends. I exit stage right. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. When I go on for the next scene, however, I look out into the audience and notice something disturbing. I see my mother. I panic a tad, considering that when I saw her earlier, it was because I was in a state of deliria. This time, I'm sure that she's actually there. Her face is in the same sneer as always. My heart is racing. I think I'm still saying my lines. I think I'm still singing, but my mind is focusing on other things. How could she be here? It's literally not possible. Am I hyperventilating yet? What if I run into her later? Is she going to take me back? I don't want to go back! No! Oh, okay, she's leaving. She shakes her head disappointingly and makes her way out of the crowd. The scene ends and I run off stage.
The first person I run into is Hideyoshi. Thank goodness it's the intermission. "What's wrong? You're breathing heavily," he asks me.
"I saw my mother," I respond bluntly.
"Your mother? Isn't that a good thing? Wouldn't you miss her?"
I stare at him blankly. I can't imagine what my life must look like to these people. Spoiled, selfish—maybe even that my parents wanted me to leave because I'm so nasty. Do normal people love their parents? I sure don't. Anyway, there's no way I can tell anyone what's really going on. It's hard, but I control my breath and compose myself.
"I'm fine, Hideyoshi."
"No you're not. Please, Chika—you're the most honest person I know—just tell me what's wrong."
I laugh haughtily in derision, saying, "Honest? That's the last thing I am. You must not be very observant. I'm a bitch, Hideyoshi, You can't even imagine how many lies I've told you since we first met."
"Don't you see, Chika? People who actually have bad characteristics can't admit them to themselves! You're not like that!"
"I've already made my decision! This is who I am! Stop trying to change me! After this show, I don't ever want to see you again!"
Well, shit nuggets. In no universe did I mean that, but if I try to apologize, then that'll just prove his point! I am way too conflicted right now. There's literally nothing that I can decided anymore. Maybe I should go back to the States with my mother. Lock myself in my room for the rest of my life. If my mother's found me here, then I really don't have anywhere to be happy anymore. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Even though I yelled at him, Hideyoshi is still standing in front of me, waiting to explain my every heartache. Crying, I collapse into his arms, letting my thick black makeup run off my eyes and stain his white shirt. His arms are warm. I don't even want to leave his hold. Within that short moment that I'm sobbing into his arms, I decide that the reason I came to Japan was to escape and change the way I'd been living. I don't care anymore, I'm not going to pretend to hate him, even if loving him would ruin my reputation.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Please, forgive me. You're right. You're always right. Please. Please don't stop talking to me. I need you."