Okay, this is a longer chapter. It took me a while, but I got out what I wanted. I hope you guys like it.
Mickey's POV::
I had no Idea what the fuck I was doing. I just try to let it come as natural as possible. Well, as natural as possible for a in-the-closet Milkovich. I checked my surroundings, and took Ian's hand. I knew that surprised him. I had never really done that. And the electricity was like Fourth of July. My nerves from my finger tips to my toes ignited like a million lightning bolts. Made me feel things that didn't feel normal.
Those lightning bolts transformed into pure passion I guess you could call it. I looked around. Saw no one and heard no one. As quickly as the thought came into my head, Ian's back was against the wall. My hands on either side of his head, on the wall behind him. As nervous as I was, I pressed my lips to his. I had to make this night count. For the first time in my life, I had something to prove to someone other than myself. This kiss, it was something unexplainable. Our first kiss, it was quick. For fuck sakes, my cousins were not far away. And it wasn't like our wrecking kissing. It was passionate. As gay as that sounds, coming from me. No teeth, no blood. It was pure fucking Milkovich-Gallagher passion. As if the world was going to crash and burn underneath us, and I was going to die doing this. When Ian grabbed my face, I could feel his nerves were on fire. Sweaty palms and all.
I finally tore away from his lips when I heard something. Someone was watching. I just know they were. But at that very moment, I didn't give a fuck all. Because that is where I wanted to be.
"Ian, please. Come. I need to show you something. And don't fucking laugh. And don't think I have softened up on your ass. Fuck that shit" I said without breathing. The words just same out. It was like my brain wasn't connecting with my mouth. But hell, when have they ever connected?
I took his hand and led him out of the hospital. I thought about taking the EL but I decided not to. Besides, our first stop was near.
'Where are we going?" Ian asked me.
"Just follow me. Trust me" I looked at him with meaning in my eyes. "We're stopping by a few places, But I need you to tell me you trust me first. I wont hurt you. I promise".
Fuck, why was I so god damn nervous? Maybe it was because we were in the abandoned building where I hurt him. I let go of his hand, turned around, and looked at him straight in the face.
"Let me talk before you say anything. None of this may sound right, so just fucking bare with me. I have never done any of this shit before. Never needed to. But now I do." I said as I walked backwards.
"This spot right here…" Fucking damn it "This spot right here, is where you begged me to tell you what you wanted to hear. Where my world was crashing down. I didn't know how to react. Not then, and not now even. I still do not know what to say".
"Mick- you don't.." He started talking.
"Shut the hell up, Gallagher and let me fucking talk. This spot right here is where I broke not ONE, but TWO hearts. This spot right here is where I hurt the only thing that ever mattered to me". I took him by the hand again, and pulled him close to me. And again, I kissed him.
"I love you, and I am gay". I said as I pulled away
He looked at me with that shit eating grin that I fucking love so damn much. If I didn't have more shit to show to him, and to say to him, I would have fucked his brains out right then and there. But there was no time for that. Not yet.
"Stay here. I will be right back" I said and walked away for a minute. I had to make a phone call. I kept it short and sweet. Milkovich style, and walked back to him, taking his hand in mine, and leaving the scene of the crime.
Next stop; The baseball field. I could see Mandy running away, trying to get out of sight. Good. She did what I asked, for once.
I led him to 1st base. Mandy laid out in the middle of the field what I asked her to. A blanket and a backpack. But I don't think Ian noticed though, Because he wouldn't stop staring at me with that stupid fucking grin of his. It was almost to the point where I was positive he could see how hard I was.
I pointed to the dug-out where we fucked when I got out of juvie the first time. "That spot, right there, is where I had decided right then and there, that I was done. I couldn't do it anymore. But at the same time, it was where I decided that I was going to let life just go. Where whatever fucking happened, was just going to happen". And I kissed him again. But this time, I made sure to leave an impression. You know, just incase I didn't earlier. "I love you, and I am gay" I said again.
I grabbed his hand, and led him to the spot that was set up.
"Set the fuck down" I said. And he did. It was kind of hot the way he listened to me.
I pulled out a couple of beers that Mandy brought out.
"Shot gun"? I asked and took my knife out of my pocket, poking a hole in the bottom of the can, and popping it open from the top. I drank some and handed it to him and he finished it.
"This aint no fucking date, and I aint here to look for no shooting stars, either" I said, and laid back.
"Aww, Mickey- you shouldn't have" Ian said, laughing, and laid back with me.
When he laid beside me, I turned my head, and kissed him again.
"But I love you, and I am gay". I said it a little loud, but because I had reason for it.
It was then, when I kissed him, that rocket after rocket went off. My little sister was actually good for something.
"It's the middle of fucking winter. You can't see shooting stars in this damn city anyways" I said nervously, as I grabbed his hand, and intertwined our fingers. I squeezed his hand and we laid there for a few minutes, just watching our own little show. I sat up after a while, and screamed towards the dugout, where I knew Mandy was hiding. "Get lost, bitch", and I saw her scramble away quickly and she yelled back "Get a fucking rom".
"Was that Mandy?" Ian asked me. "What did you tell her"?
"Look firecrotch. I told her. She knows. You want me to tell you she helped me see the errors of my ways? Cause she didn't. She woke me up from a dream. An amazing dream. And I fucking told her. Now stop asking fucking stupid questions and kiss me already". What the hell, I was feeling pretty gay right now. But I wasn't going to let it ruin my whole 'take-me-back' date night. Fuck, even that sounded gay as hell.
I climbed on top of the red-head, straddled his hips, and pinned his arms above his head.
"I was so fucking scared he was going to Kill you. Kill me even. For fuck sakes, I still haven't wrapped my head around the fucking whore he put on me. But Ian, none of that matters tonight. Not right now. All that matters to me right now, is that you know that I am extremely sorry for how I treated you afterwards. I didn't mean it. I had to come to terms with myself. And when you egged me on, about loving you, and all that shit, it hit a nerve. I don't know why. I don't know why I cant get you out of my fucking head. As far as I am concerned, I don't want you out of there. No one knows me like you do. No one loves me like you do". I still didn't give him time to talk. I haven't let him talk much at all tonight.
"I only wanted to make sure you were okay, Mick. That is all I wanted. You were hurting, and wouldn't let me help you. And then Mandy told me that she was pregnant, and you were marrying her. It hit a nerve. It hit something that made me feel as if the world were crushing me alive. I know if I was hurting, I knew you were too. Your being forced into fatherhood, and I am being forced to watch it all. And it fucking hurts".
Those words coming from Ian's mouth let me know that this moment right now, was real. That I loved him. And he loved me. But I also knew it would be hard for us. But we've been through a lot together. It has been hard the entire time.
"I love you Mickey. I just want you to know that. I want you to know that no matter what, I will always fucking love you".
Looking down at him, I could help but smile. I didn't do much of that. But I liked the way it made me feel. I leaned down, and kissed him again. We kissed for what felt like hours, before the sprinklers went off.
"They fucking water this shit in the winter"? I said and jumped up, grabbing the blanket and back pack as we took off running. I ditched the blanket and backpack in the dugout, and we sat down for a few minutes.
"I am not done yet. Still have more gay shit to show you" I said, biting my thumb.
With his hand in mine, I took him to the next place. The Kash-And-Grab. Linda gave me a key, so it wasn't like we were breaking in or anything.
We went inside, and I took him to the back of the store, inside the Cooler.
"This is where I fell in love with you. The day you came running to my house, not having anywhere else to go. The day Monica came back. The day Towelhead caught us, and like the pussy I was, I took off. I fell in love with you here, because.. Because.. I felt your need. Your need for comfort. And to be honest, I needed it too. I had so much shit going on at home at the time. And you comforted me. My dad got black out drunk again, and decided to knock Mandy around. When he got like that, he always hit her. Because she looks so much like that whore that spit us out. I still believe to this day, he hates her as much as he hates that he has a gay son. I fell in love with you here, because you made me forget about all of that shit." I kissed him again, but softer than the others. I kissed his lips, then his jaw, then the space between his neck and shoulder. "I love you and I am gay". I could hear him moan. But I had to stop him. I had one more place to take him. Then he could do whatever he wanted to me.
I took him by the hand again, and we left after I locked the store up. Just Like I told Linda I would.
This time, we ended up at my house. It was late, so no one was outside. None of our lights were on. Terry's truck was gone. Mandy and him went upstate to unload some coke after she left the baseball field. She told me she would call when they are headed towards home so I could ditch the place.
Holding his hand, I could feel him tense.
"Mandy is with him unloading some coke. She said she would call when they started heading home. Its ok. My brothers are off fucking who the fuck ever and they never come home at night". I said to him, to try and ease his mind. I didn't want to get caught with Ian in my house again. We would both be dead. For sure.
We both walked in the house and I could feel him ease up.
I walked him over to the couch, and pointed to the middle.
"This is where I let my guard down. This is where I felt comfortable. This is where I told you things that I would never tell anyone. This is where I have never fucking watched a damn movie with anyone rather than Mandy. This is where I looked over at you and felt like I was where I belonged. But this is also where I felt like you were being ripped away from me, like cutting an arm off. This is where I was rapped. " and we turned around, looking at the other couch, where Terry tried to do Ian in. "This is where I fought back. This is where I got him off of you. This is where I knew I had to protect you. And this is the spot where my world felt as if it were on fire". I said, not even hardly breathing, because the pain was feeling real again. "I love you, Ian Gallagher. And I am gay". This time, those words meant a whole hell of a lot. Because I could see in Ian's eyes that this is the spot where he was scared. Where he thought he was going to die. But if I had anything to do with it, I would lock him away and never let him feel this way again. Because I love him. I took him by the hand again, and walked towards my room.
I sat him on the bed, and stood in front of him, between his legs. He wrapped his arms around my thighs, and continued listening to what I had to say.
"This is the spot where I wanted to fucking kill you. You barged through my door, waking me up with a fucking tire iron". I could see his eyes brighten, and see that smirk that he gets. This is the quietest this kid has ever been. But I didn't care.
"This is the spot where I was going to beat the shit out of you. This was the spot where all of this shit began." I paused and just looked at him. Those eyes, and that smile were getting to be all too much. I leaned in and kissed him. But rougher than the other kisses. This kiss was the way we devoured each other. Teeth biting lips, tongues disappearing into each others mouths, and blood dripping. This kiss was Us. "I love you, and I am gay" I said again, as we started ripping at each others clothes. Fingernails digging into each others skin, bleeding and leaving owning marks. Before I knew it, we were both fully naked and didn't have a care in the world. It was only us. Only this moment. It belonged to us. It was for us to keep.