Okay, I admit this chapter took way too long to get posted. Between never-ending study sessions, tests, work, and even more tests, I barely had time to finish this. On the plus side, I've finally been able to catch a break so I might be able to squeeze out one more chapter before I return to my bottomless pit of despair. After that though, I have no idea when the next update might be...

On a totally different topic, I want to thank everyone who's reviewed so far. I know I wasn't able to personally respond to many of them due to all the work I had but just know that I truly appreciated each and every one of them. Heck, I probably wouldn't even had made the effort to continue this if it wasn't for all the great reviews that all of you sent me. I know most of you probably saw this one coming a mile away, but I'm going to give a shout-out to all of you fantastic reviewers and say that you guys are all awesome!

Anyways, let's talk about the chapter. I'll apologize in advance for the shortness but I felt making it any longer would simply be overkill. Once you read it, you'll get what I mean. As for the rest of it, I think the title sums it up pretty well. Either way, enjoy the official first chapter of the new story!

"Hell, it's about time."
- Tychus Findlay, Starcraft II: Wings of Liberty

The Legend of Malon: Meme's Mask
Ch 1: A Chaotic Reunion

Journel Entry #3272013
Subject: Status Update on Malon

Yawn…

I can't believe I have to put down another one of these… Oh, cool. Apparently the book puts down my yawns into words when I do it. Hmm… I wonder if it'll do the same thing to my claps?

Clap… clap… clap…

Wow, that's pretty neat. Then again I suppose this might get annoying if it starts putting down everything else I do. I better find a way to…

Giant badger-lion leaping out of bush to eat owner…

Badger-lion? What badger… Oh come on!

Owner blasting said badger-lion with dimensional blast… Badger-lion being sent to dimension 985… Badger-lion gone… Owner turning to glare at book… Owner glaring at book… Owner contemplating whether or not to set book on fire… Owner's irritation growing after reading these logs… High chance of combustion detected… Warning! Flying terra-shark approaching from sky…

Ha! You're not getting out of this with a trick like that you stupid book! And besides, everyone knows that the flying terra-sharks went extinct several hundred… You have got to be kidding me…

Owner being attacked by terra-shark… Owner shouting death threats at book while being eaten by said terra-shark…

Journel Entry #3272013 v2
Subject: Same as Last Time

Okay, I've finally gotten rid of that annoying terra-shark as well as that stupid narration feature on the book. Unfortunately, I've wasted so much time on these idiotic trivialities that I've only got a handful of cosmo-seconds to put down what I need. With that in mind, let's get straight to business:

Magical improvements: 0.

Physical improvements: 0.

Mental improvements: -5 (of course Link was in the area when I got this reading so I'm not entirely sure about this one).

Overall chance of Malon being able to survive her own legend: 0.000008%

Yeah, that about sums it all up. Ever since she got to the child timeline, Malon's been doing nothing but goofing around with Link and helping around with her farm chores. She'll occasionally read through that Magic for Dummies book I gave her but she hasn't done any real studying from it. I've already visited her personally a few times to remind her about the dangerous future ahead of her but I don't think she's getting the hint. Sure, she's learned how to use a simple healing and barrier spell since my latest visit but I don't think that's going to be stopping Cloud anytime soon. If things continue on at this rate... well, I guess I don't even need to finish that sentence. Then again, I suppose my real goal will still be fulfilled even if Malon fails. Yeah, I know that's a bit cold of me but hey, facts are facts.

I guess I could try one more time to get her to step up her act but I'm not sure if there's enough time left for that. Mortal chronology moves a lot faster than I'd like to admit, and going back in time to change events is a royal pain in the… I'm getting off-topic again, aren't I? Okay, to recap, Malon hasn't improved in any way and time's running out. I'm going to try to meet with her once more but I'm not sure if I can get there in time. I've got plenty of other things to take care of before then and most of these things are going to be rather time-consuming. I just hope for Malon's sake that I don't arrive too late…

-Arc

Run. Don't look back. Just keep running. There's nothing you can do now except run.

Amidst the fire and smoke, a ten-year old Malon was seen running across a devastated Hyrule Field as she tried desperately to keep her mind off of what had just transpired. Behind her, the sky turned blood-red from the sunset as the sound of gunfire and explosions echoed across the land as the invaders continued their onslaught of destruction.

Why? Why is this happening? Why couldn't I save everyone? It's… it's all my fault. If only I hadn't been so weak…

Just as Malon was about to initiate a flashback sequence, a grenade suddenly landed in front of her. Reacting quickly, Malon summoned a wall of energy around her just as the grenade exploded. Needless to say, Malon was left unscathed from the blast but a new threat presented itself as soon as the dust cleared.

"What the…? Hey! This one's still alive! Contact the rest of the guys and tell them to get their asses over here! We might have another mage on our hands!"

Before she knew it, a group of Call of Duty soldiers teleported onto the field and quickly surrounded Malon.

"Heh. This one's just a kid," one of the grunts remarked with a laugh. "I don't see why you needed to bring all of us over to kill one little girl."

"Don't let your guard down," the apparent leader of the group retorted. "The mages here are a lot stronger than the ones we've faced in those backwater worlds. In fact, I just got a report that the squad we sent into the forest was decimated by some kid wielding a sword. Apparently he wiped everyone out with a single magical blast."

Hearing this, Malon suddenly felt a spark of hope rise up in her. Even with the bleakness of the situation, perhaps there was still a chance that she could save the life of at least one person she loved. With this thought, Malon summoned her powers once more as she faced the CoD soldiers with a determined look.

"Well, whatever," the grunt from before spat out as he lifted his AK-47 and aimed it at Malon. "If there's one thing I've learned from our training camps, it's that most things tend to die when they have a bunch of bullets in them."

Just as he tried to pull the trigger though, Malon suddenly disappeared from view, leaving only a faint wisp of red behind. Before the CoD soldier could react, Malon zoomed back into view behind him.

"Most things also tend to die when they're blown up by a divine force," Malon said in a deadly whisper before snapping her fingers.

The unfortunate CoD soldier didn't even have time to blink before he suddenly exploded into a giant fireball. The gigantic explosion didn't have any effect on Malon but the five other soldiers that were standing in the area weren't so lucky. The rest of the soldiers who were outside the blast radius were knocked off their feet from the shockwave as they all tried to comprehend what had just happened. However, Malon didn't offer them the luxury of recovering from her initial attack as she moved out of view again and began knocking out the survivors with a flurry of punches. Soon only the commander of the group remained as Malon reappeared in front of him.

"D…don't kill me!" the CoD commander stuttered out desperately as he tried to back away from Malon. "P… p… please, just spare my life! I… I…"

"Shut up and answer my question," Malon interrupted with an icy glare. "What can you tell me about the sword-wielding kid you were talking about before? Was he wearing a green tunic and a hat?"

"I... I'm not really sure…"

At this, Malon raised her fists once more.

"Wait, stop!" the CoD soldier yelled out as he backed up even further. "I…I don't know about the green clothes part but I heard he had a small sword and shield along with a bunch of spell crystals that allowed him to teleport and blast fire magic! I swear, that's all I know!"

Hearing this, Malon couldn't help but give a relieved sigh. With the information that her friend might still be alive, Malon could feel her hope starting to return. Unfortunately, her moment of peace didn't last very long as she heard the sounds of multiple helicopters approaching towards her from the distance. Knowing that she was running out of time, Malon grabbed the CoD soldier by the collar and asked him one final question.

"Where exactly was your squad when they attacked the kid in the forest?"

"I… I have the location on my GPS. If… if you let me down, I… I can get it for you…"

After considering it for a few seconds, Malon let the CoD soldier go. Acting quickly, the CoD soldier reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, phone-like object which he hastily handed over to Malon.

"The forest was the last place I checked with that thing so the area should be marked with a red dot," the CoD soldier explained as Malon took a look at the screen. "Just follow that and you'll get there in no time."

"Thanks," Malon replied as lowered the GPS and faced the CoD soldier once more. "Now then, I think it's about time you joined your friends in dreamland. And I'm not talking about Kirby's place."

With that Malon knocked out the CoD soldier with a swift knock to his head. After checking to make sure that there weren't any more soldiers around, Malon set off towards Kokiri Forest with a new determined look on her face.

xxx

Dammit… I was careless…

After making it across Hyrule Field without any incident, Malon had foolishly let her guard down as she entered Kokiri Forest. After taking a few short steps into the woods, Malon realized too late that the CoD soldiers had booby-trapped the entrances to prevent anyone else from entering or leaving by ground. As a result, Malon found herself stepping on a landmine with only a few seconds to react. Luckily, she had managed to put up a barrier just in time to avoid anything fatal but the damage done to her right leg was still very severe. Wincing in pain, Malon sat up and forced herself to pull the shrapnel out of her leg. After several painful minutes, Malon was able to stand up after using a healing spell to stop most of the bleeding. As much as she would've liked to have healed her leg all the way, she knew that she would need to save her energy to face the new squad of CoD soldiers that had entered the forest not too long ago. Even though Malon couldn't make out most of what was on the GPS's screen, she managed to infer that the various other dots that now lay across the forest were enemy reinforcements.

After taking a deep breath, Malon slowly stood up and, after making sure that her injured leg could support her, began walking deeper into the woods while wondering where her friend could be. As this thought crossed her mind, Malon couldn't help but give a dry laugh. How ironic, she thought, that her friend had gone to the forest to look for a lost friend of his own and now here she was doing the exact same thing. Of course, things were a lot darker and more dangerous than when he had set out but Malon was dead-set on finding him anyways.

After a few more hours of roaming through the dark woods with no sign of any other living being, Malon decided to take a rest at a small hollow she found. With a tired sigh, Malon sat down next to an old stump and tried to gather her bearings. As soon as she did this however, memories of what had happened to her home came flooding back. With a quick shake of her head, Malon dispelled these thoughts as she tried to think only about the task at hand. There would be a time for grieving but Malon knew that this was definitely not it. After a few more minutes of thinking of a way to locate her friend without alerting the CoD soldiers, Malon realized just how tired she was. With a yawn, Malon closed her eyes and tried to get some sleep. Unfortunately, the peace and quiet was suddenly broken when an ominous presence appeared out of the surrounding darkness.

Upon noticing this, Malon immediately got up and took a defensive pose as she tried to locate the source of the energy. As it turned out, the mysterious entity had no intention of staying hidden as he stepped out into the hollow. Even with the moonlight streaming in from above, Malon was only able to see a vague, shadowy image of the intruder. From what she could tell though, the person was a young man with ridiculously spiky hair and was wearing a black cape-like cloak. The most note-worthy thing about him though was the enormous broadsword he was carrying over his shoulder. From the ease of which he was holding it up, Malon guessed that he was a lot more powerful than he originally looked. Even more worrisome, however, was the magical aura surrounding him. Although Malon had never fully mastered the skill of detecting an opponent's energy, she could still sense an incredible amount of power radiating out of the mysterious figure in front of her.

"Who are you?" Malon managed to ask as she glared at the shadowy figure. "Are you the leader of these so-called Call of Duty soldiers?"

Instead of answering, the shadowy figure simply raised his hand and aimed it at Malon. Before she could react, a bolt of dark energy suddenly hit her and sent her flying several feet away. As Malon tried to get up, the mysterious figure teleported in front of her and lifted her up by the neck. As much as Malon struggled, her ten-year old body wasn't able to do much against her opponent. With an evil smile barely visible on his shadowy face, the figure lifted up his sword with his other hand and prepared to strike down Malon with it.

Why can't I use my magic? Malon thought as she tried desperately to break free. Is this person somehow negating my powers? Dammit! Is it really going to end this way? If I die here, then I won't be able to help Link… Ugh… Why… why am I always too weak to defend the ones I love? If… if only I was stronger… Then maybe… maybe all of this wouldn't have happened.

Just as the figure tried to swing his sword, Malon suddenly felt a familiar energy surround the area. As if sensing this energy too, the shadowy figure looked up just as an enormous shadow fell across him. With a surprised gasp, the figure quickly tossed aside Malon as he tried to jump away from whatever was falling towards him. As it turned out, his reaction was a bit too slow as the mysterious object crushed him flat with a resounding crash. Strangely enough, the resulting shockwave seemed to have no effect on Malon as a flurry of dust surrounded the hollow. After spending a few seconds coughing up all the dust that was thrown about, Malon got up to see exactly what had just saved her life. As the dust slowly settled, Malon was able to see that the large object was actually… a pineapple.

As Malon stared at the enormous fruit in front of her with the world's most bamboozled expression ever, a loud voice was suddenly heard coming from out of nowhere.

Goddammit you stupid book! What the hell is with this pineapple? I was just thinking about buying and eating one later, not dropping it on this world! Seriously, you just ruined a completely perfect dream sequence that I had going on! Now I have to go down there and explain myself to Malon before she ends up in a coma from the sheer stupidity of the situation! Ugh… And here I am arguing with a book once again… Honestly, I should really stop doing that…

Following this outburst, the familiar fedora-wearing figure of Arc appeared next to Malon in a swirl of strange-runes. As Malon turned to stare at him with the confused look still on her face, Arc gave his large spellbook one final glare before putting it away and facing Malon with an apologetic look.

"Ahem… well… umm… it's nice to see you again Malon," Arc stated with a rather uneasy laugh.

Malon simply continued to stare with her mouth open as an awkward silence formed between the two of them. After several minutes, Arc gave another cough and tried to start up a conversation once more.

"Okay, I guess I should at least explain what's going on. Ahem. Believe it or not, we're actually in your dream right now. Or at least it was your dream until I made a few adjustments to put you in the situation you were in right now. You see, I thought it would be cool to show you one of the possible futures that could occur if you didn't stop the oncoming threat. If things had gone according to plan, you would've 'died' and then found yourself in an empty white void where I would've given you some words of wisdom as well as some handy tips about what to do in your future. Standard hero dream sequence stuff really. Pity things didn't work out like I hoped it would. I was personally looking forward to doing this during your legend but I guess there's still the ending sequence. Hopefully my book will actually listen to me at that point and won't crush the main villains with oversized fruits or anything."

Malon remained silent for another few minutes after hearing Arc's rather lengthy explanation. Just as Arc began wondering if Malon had actually gone into a coma, she suddenly swung a punch at him.

"Whoa, whoa! What did you do that for?" Arc yelled out indignantly as he easily dodged the punch.

"You… you inconsiderate bastard," Malon managed to say through gritted teeth. "Do you have any idea how much I was worried and scared throughout all this? And after all that, you have the nerve to suddenly appear and tell me that it wasn't even real? That you set all of this up just so you could entertain yourself?"

"Umm… to be fair, entertaining myself was only a small part of the plan."

"I"LL KILL YOU!"

With that, Arc spent the next few minutes dodging a flurry of fireballs that Malon sent his way.

"Okay, I get it! I'm sorry about putting you through all that! Geez, you mortals are sensitive about these kinds of stuff."

"DIE!"

After a few more minutes of dodging fireballs, Arc decided it was time to end their little farce.

"Look, I've got places to go so if you don't calm down and listen to me, you'll definitely end up in the situation you were in just now!"

After throwing one more fireball for good measure (which Arc easily dodged), Malon put down her hands and glared at him.

"What makes you think I'll trust you after what you just did to me?" Malon retorted angrily.

"Hey, I think you're forgetting who sent you back into the child timeline so that you could be with your friends and family again," Arc replied with a shrug. "But hey, if you think you can get through all this by yourself, be my guest."

As much as Malon would've loved to have ignored Arc's remark, her curiosity about what he had to say eventually won over her distrust for him.

"Hmph. Fine then," Malon stated after a few minutes with her arms crossed. "What's all this about an oncoming threat? Does it have something to do with that great storm you hinted about during your last few visits?"

"Precisely," Arc replied with a smile, obviously pleased that Malon had remembered what he had said. "The time has come for the future of the video game universe to be decided by none other than you: a simple farm girl. You must step up from your humble origins and prove to everyone that there are still great heroes out there. A hero who is willing to put everything on the line to do what is right and just. A hero who -"

Unfortunately for Arc, his overly dramatic speech was suddenly interrupted by a highly energetic female voice that suddenly resonated from out of the void.

Yo, Arc! You done with your super, secret mission thingy yet? Because I just found this awesome little parfait shop here! Only problem is that they're charging ridiculous prices for them so I was wondering if you could pitch me some extra cash.

While Malon looked around to locate this mysterious speaker, Arc couldn't help but face-palm and give an annoyed sigh at this strange interruption.

Of all the ridiculous…. Look, I'm kind of in the middle of something right now so I'll get back to you later, okay?

But…

No buts! Honestly, you're almost as bad as my book sometimes.

As Arc ended this strange conversation with another sigh, Malon couldn't help but question what had just happened.

"Who exactly was that right now?" Malon asked with a confused look. "And… was that person communicating through telepathy? Because I'm pretty sure I felt those words in my head rather than actually hear them."

At this, a slight hint of surprise crossed the visible part of Arc's face. However, this expression didn't last for very long as he quickly put on his usual smile.

"Heh. I suppose it's only natural that you would be able to tune into that exact thought-wave," Arc muttered more to himself than anything. "Hmm… Perhaps things will become more interesting if I brought her into this whole mess."

"Umm… hello?" Malon interrupted in an impatient tone. "If you're done talking to yourself, would you mind answering my questions now?"

"Oh, right," Arc replied as he snapped back to attention. "That person you just heard is my… assistant. She's definitely a strange one but she's a dependable companion... to an extent. And yes, she was using an advanced form of telepathy to communicate with me. Well, it's not exactly telepathy but a form of interdimensional thought transfer but I think you'd appreciate it if I skipped that lecture."

"Uh huh," Malon replied with her arms still crossed. "Look, I really don't care about your interdimensional girlfriend so if you could just -"

Malon never got to finish her sentence as Arc began to suddenly laugh like an utterly insane maniac. Now, any other person would've probably backed a whole mile away from him, but Malon was too used to Arc's strange outbursts to pay it any mind. After waiting the customary eight and a half minutes for him to calm down, Malon gave Arc a look that pretty much asked him what was so funny.

"Oh, the irony" Arc managed to say as he tried to catch his breath. "Honestly, if only you were able to know what I did. Then again, your head would've probably exploded if that happened. Ah, well. You'll figure all of this out soon enough so I don't think I need to explain anything just yet."

Following this strange exchange, Arc returned to his usual, semi-serious state as he decided to get back to his original topic.

"Okay, things seem to have gone completely off-topic…"

"Gee, I wonder why," Malon muttered sarcastically.

"… but it's of the utmost importance that I let you know of this oncoming threat," Arc continued unabated. "Although I won't reveal everything about it yet, there are few things you must do before everything gets set into motion. First off, you'll need to -"

Hey! Are you done yet? Arc's mysterious acquaintance interrupted once again. I'm getting real tired of waiting you know!

Not now! Arc practically shouted out (or thought out in this case). Look, I don't care about your silly little parfaits so stop interrupting me with these insignificant -

They have pineapple parfaits.

Upon hearing this, Arc immediately summoned his spellbook to his hand and quickly surrounded himself with his teleportation runes.

"Okay, change of plans," Arc quickly stated as he charged up his teleportation spell. "I'll explain everything at our next meeting so just hang tight until then. As for the location, I'll send it to you through the Magic for Dummies book so keep an eye on it."

"Are you serious?" Malon asked incredulously. "The fate of the universe hangs in the balance and you're leaving for parfaits?"

"Pineapple parfaits," Arc corrected casually.

Malon was left speechless at this as Arc began to slowly fade away.

"Well, sorry about not being able to tell you anything today," Arc said as the scenery around them began to disappear with him as well. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll introduce you to my assistant the next time we meet. I'm sure the two of you will become great friends… I hope. Of course, if the two of you end up fighting then the entire universe could be destroyed but I think it's worth a little risk like that to add some more fun to all of this. Anyways, I'll make it so that you'll wake up once I'm gone. I could've put you in a happier dream sequence but I think you're too angry at me to fully enjoy anything of that sort right now. Oh, well. It was fun talking to you again Malon, but now it's time for some pineapple parfaits! Woohoo!"

With that strange comment Arc disappeared along with the rest of the dream world leaving Malon with one lasting thought before she woke up:

What did I ever do to get the god of absolute insanity following me?