Mass Effect: Inspiration
One Shot Too Many
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect.
"I understand your anger, Flight Lieutenant, but the decision to ground you is made by the Alliance, not me." Tanil said, intertwining her fingers and leaning forward. If it wasn't for Joker's brittle bones, she knew full well he would crawl across the desk and deck her across the face. Thank the spirits for brittle bones. Tanil blinked, damn it, turians were starting to rub off on her. Of course, that was better than by the goddess, talking nonstop, or head butting people.
Tanil blinked again, no, dammit, Joker was talking, focus. "Commander Shepard would never allow this." Joker said.
Tanil leaned forward, resting her elbows on her desk as she observed Joker. "I understand that, Moreau, but this is a new time. The SS Normandy is gone; Commander Shepard is dead, and I'm the one here to do the Alliance's dirty work. Humanity may be in the Council now, but that doesn't mean the Alliance necessarily agreed with what Shepard had arranged while she was a spectre." Tanil explained, Joker sitting back in his chair and rolling his eyes. Being grounded was a thing no pilot wanted to hear. For someone with Joker's skill and… disability, it was probably devastating for him to hear a pencil pusher say that you're grounded, and you can't walk.
"I would like to help you Moreau, but these are the orders. I can't help you." Tanil continued, she had a way of giving bad news, maybe that's why the Alliance always pushed it on her. "If you really want to fly again…" Tanil grabbed a data pad and placed it on the desk in front of Joker. "I would look somewhere else, Jeff."
Joker leaned forward, grabbing the data pad. Resignation, there was no way the Alliance was going to let Joker fly another ship, Tanil knew she was giving him an option for a new life. "What's this?"
Tanil sat back, resting her elbows on the arms of her chair, her fingers still laced together. "Your resignation, the Alliance will keep you grounded, unless you resign and find work somewhere else. That is for you to decide. I'm giving you a chance, Jeff. You'll get discharged, and I can easily bring you back in should things change. You're talented, Jeff, and your skills shouldn't be wasted, not here." Tanil went on, noticing Joker's surprise. This job gave her another advantage other than being on the Citadel; she could easily pull strings, anything to patch up the loss of Commander Shepard. "Say the word and you'll be free."
Joker stared at the data for a long time in silence; he was still surprised by the offer. Who wouldn't be? Who gives an opportunity like this? Tanil smiled slightly, just small enough for Joker not to notice, she did. "Just think about it, Jeff, send me a message once you've slept on it, and I'll handle everything." Tanil said, drawing Joker's attention back to Earth… so to speak. Joker got up after a minute, saluted, and limped away with the data pad in hand.
The door fizzed shut, Tanil slumped against her chair, rubbing her temples with her fingers. Joker would send his response, probably a yes, and then it would be more paperwork. It was tempting to just unbuckle her uniform and sit there, but anyone could come through that door, and the work would continue. Was there a harder position out there; probably personal slave to Udina, poor Anderson. Tanil smiled, thinking about Ander'sons job; yeah, that was a hard job. The only reason Tanil got the second worse job in the galaxy was because of her knowledge, and the fact that she could hold her composure, despite her mental instability.
In battle, in a war meeting, when being faced with anything; Tanil could hold herself, go into her 'mode' and stay in it till the door closed, until the last shot was fired. Even when the door closed, she would refuse to break down or let the pressure completely crush her. Even just a few minutes ago, she was grounding an angry pilot, yet she kept her cool, carried out the orders and got the job done. As long as the higher ups didn't start reading her mind, then she would be classified as unfit for work. Tanil smiled, tapping her bottom lip, the mind was a safe place, you could scream your heart out within your brain, but continue to keep the military composure. No one had to know that in your mind you were playing music to keep the cool. The mind was the only place to go to in this position, given a hard ass job? Reside all the hatred in your mind and get the damn job done. Not everyone agreed with turians, but they got things accomplished no matter what; who knew what their methods were, but they were advancing quickly.
Damn! Tanil cursed, biting the tip of her thumb, she was thinking about turian culture again. Though it was a big improvement compared to thinking about the biotic capabilities of an asari. Tanil gently rubbed the bridge of her nose, how many more crew members were there to go through? If there was another one like Joker, she might go insane. Might.
The door hissed open and Tanil immediately snapped to attention towards the door. The mode instantly went away. "Kandros?"
"Commander Reynolds." Kandros replied.
Kandros was wearing armor, seemed like both of them were on duty today. The armor was black with an occasional blue highlight, it looked good on him; it made Tanil smile.
"Oraka." Tanil said, closing down everything on her terminal. "How can I help you?" Even if it was her friend, she was still on duty.
"Kandros, I'm off duty starting…" Kandros stood still for about a minutes. "now, and so are you, by the order of Sparatus."
"Sparatus? The turian councilor is making me take a break?" Tanil asked, a smile creasing her face at the thought of relaxing with Kandros.
"To a point, yes. You work for both if you recall. Let's go have a drink at Purgatory." Kandros said he was smiling; he was excited, which pleased Tanil, to see that her friend actually enjoyed her company now. Humans, well, not necessarily hated, but would rather be seen dead then with her in public. Letting Kandros know that he was her only friend sounded too depressing; so he didn't need to know.
"Sounds like an idea, but I still have work to do. I can't just get up and leave. I still have some paperwork to do and more crew members to speak to, more strings to pull, and when I'm done I have more work." Tanil started everything she had to do started coming to her mind as she began to make a mental list. What to do when joker made his decision, and arranging transportation for Dr. T'soni; she didn't even notice that Kandros had walked up and was standing right in front of her desk.
"No." Kandros said his voice stern and ripping Tanil from her mind. "You are leaving this office. I know for a fact that you haven't slept in days. You're working yourself too hard, even turians need to stop and burn off some steam. You are going to do that now, by coming with me and getting trashed at a bar. After that, you WILL get some damned rest."
If it wasn't for Tanil's ability to read body language, she would think he was bad, but that wasn't it. Tanil lowered her gaze to stare at her desk, he was worried. It was true that she hadn't been sleeping, but this work wasn't the thing preventing a good night's rest, he didn't need to know about the scar. Tanil's hands shook, but they were resting on her lap, so Kandros couldn't notice; she was resisting the urge to touch the scar, she could feel the side of her face burning, almost feel blood rolling down her neck. Tanil stared at her hands resting on her lap; they were covered in blood, resting on the bloodied torso of her friend, rather than her lap. Tanil glanced off to the side for the pistol, it was supposed to be there, but it wasn't.
"Tanil."
The blood disappeared, the gash on her face returned to a scar and Tanil finally glanced back up at Kandros, back to normal. "Fine! I'll go for a drink." Tanil said, getting up from her desk. "But if I end up in bed with a salarian, I'm blaming you."
Kandros relaxed then, but he knew there was something wrong that she wasn't telling him. Maybe alcohol worked as a truth serum for her?
The music was booming. Tanil glanced around the club, watching the lights dance around the entire area. It had been a long time since she had last had a drink, maybe it was due time for a couple of shots. Kandros had taken the time to get out of his armor, but Tanil was still in uniform with her officer's jacket. It felt awkward to be there while still in uniform, but her being pulled form work sodduenly didn't give her a chance to put something else on.
They both headed to the lower bar, each of them grabbing a drink and taking a seat at a booth. Tanil took a sip of her ice brandy, glancing at Kandros over the rim of her glass, keeping an eye on Kandros's mood as he drank. As the night went on, she doubted she would be able to keep a tab on his body language.
"I heard you gave quite a shock to the majority of the Normandy's crew." Kandros said, enjoying Tanil's reaction of her choking on her brandy. "Must have been quite a sight."
Tanil quickly wiped her chin and set down her glass. "Don't tell me, Vakarian spoke to you?"
Kandros chuckled and lifted his glass towards her. "I must admit, when you have something in your head, it doesn't always stay there. So you must tell me." He said, taking a sip of his drink. "Did Garrus show you his penis?"
Tanil smiled slightly, noting Kandros's amusement, as well as his genuine curiosity. "No, he fled my office as fast as he could. The only crewman that actually didn't mind answer my lewd questions was the quarian, Tali'Zorah." Tanil explained, recounting the events with Tali in her mind. "Apparently turian chocolate is quite divine." Tali lowered her glass, thinking. "Too bad I can't eat it."
"That depends on if you're allergic to dextro-proteins." Kandros said. "If you had an allergic reaction to this drink, that would mean you're allergic." He was curious, Tanil watched Kandros, why would he be curious if she was allergic? Interesting.
"As far as I know, I'm not allergic to anything." Tanil sipped her drink, a through popping into her mind, more time to screw with Kandros. "Good thing Garrus didn't show me his penis."
Kandros smiled, he seemed really happy knowing that. "Maybe you should get tested." He said.
Tanil placed her glass on the table and reached across the table. "Let me try your drink."
Kandros instantly hesitated. "Right and what if you're severely allergic?" he asked.
"You take me to the hospital. Just hand me the drink." Tanil complained, Kandros seemed hesitant at first but eventually he handed over his glass. Tanil took the green liquid, swirling it around the glass… before downing the entire glass.
Kandros's mouth dropped and he quickly reached over to snatch his glass back from Tanil's hand. "Are you crazy?!" he demanded, he looked so panicked.
Tanil laughed, she was enjoying seeing Kandros so worried. "Relax; I drink turian alcohol all the time. It just knows me on my ass faster." She said, still laughing at Kandros's reaction.
"You scared me half to death! Spirits, what were you thinking?" Kandros froze. "You knew you weren't allergic…." He realized.
Tanil smiled and playfully stuck out her tongue. "It's cute to see you worry about me, Kandros. I didn't know you cared." Tanil said, finishing off her drink, the alcohol slowly starting to get to her. She watched Kandros suddenly become flustered that it made, her giggle.
"Alright, if that's how it's going to be; I'm going to get us both another round." Kandros said, getting up and heading to the bar. He arrived back to the table after a few minutes with a tray of ten shots, five for each of them. Kandros sat down across from Tanil and set out the shots. "Turian brandy, let's see how well you can hold your liquor, Reynolds."
Tanil limberly grabbed a shot and held it up, smiling suggestively; she still had a grasp to notice Kandros was excited, and he was planning something. "You'd be surprised how well I can manage." Kandros held up a shot as well. "Bottom's up."
Knadros watched Tanil, the side of her head was resting on the table; ten empty shot glasses sat in front of Tanil's head. Kandros looked down at his own glasses, seven empty while three still had liquor left in them. Tanil did well, he had already reached the point where he knew one shot would knock him out. The music was still booming in the bar, but most people had already staggered back to the wards. Kandros glanced around the bar, fairly empty, a few turians and asari still hung round, surprisingly, there weren't any humans left in Purgatory.
"Tanil." Kandros said, tapping on her outstretched arm with his talon. "Tanil." Tanil groaned, moving her head slightly. "You going to throw up?" he asked.
"You ill nevah shee me drow up." Tanil grumbled, her words were jumbled now, but he understood her still.
"Even in the morning?" Kandros asked, he was amused to see Tanil like this, normal almost, lately she had looked like death itself. Here, at the bar, it looked like she was calmer, like whatever was haunting her was gone, for now.
"Nevah drow up." Tanil mumbled again and groaned. The turian brandy really knocked her on her ass. Tanil rocked her head back and forth, lifting her head up to rest on her hand. Tanil's eyes were closed, it looked like she was thinking, or at least trying to make the world stop spinning.
Kandros watched Tanil, her eyebrows occasionally scrunching and relaxing. What was she thinking? Where did she go when she was zoning out? Kandros's eyes searched Tanil's face, resting on the scar on her face. "Where did you get the scar?" he asked.
Tanil's demeanor changed, her eyes snapping open and looking off, not at Kandros, but off. "Skylian Blitz."
Kandros's eyes widened. "An attack on a human colony by batarians. You were there? That was seven years ago."
Tanil nodded, she was still very slammed by the brandy. "Went there for Grissom. We stayed the day in the colony when the batarians showed up." She mumbled. "Got an omni-blade to the face." She said, tapping her scar with a lazy finger. "Hurt like hell. Fifteen kids were there, three of us survived the battles. Fucked up dontcha think? We got back ta Earth… and I joined da Navy."
Kandros lightly scratched his mandible, so Tanil was just a teenager during the battle with several other kids, most of who died. She got a terrible wound during the battle, she survived, but barely. She joined the Navy as an officer after that so she was in the field, in battle. Something happened that put her behind a desk; he just had to ask the right question.
"Where do you go when you zone out?"
Tanil's head lulled around in her hand, maybe she wasn't going to answer? "the mode, the calm before the shit storm. I have ta keep inside da hole, or else shit blows up." Tanil said, she was calm, but not necessarily making sense. "They call it PTSD, a mental disorder to revert back to traumatic experiences what's so terrifying about it? They have to monitor you, why? Is it because I can't sleep? Is it because sometimes I can hear the bullets or feel the blood, sticky on my fingers? The onley reason Ima still here is 'cause da Navy wants me as a soldier but I gots to sit behind a desk and keep my shit cool. One slip up, one little break down and BOOM!" Tanil shouted. "I lose my job."
Kandros leaned in as Tanil spoke, everything suddenly coming into the light. He didn't know PTSD, but he knew what Tanil was suffering from. She was reliving the near death experiences from the Blitz, more than that; she was reliving the deaths and the pain. Some turians even suffered from this, but they had ways to treat themselves, to recover from traumatic moments. What did humans have to treat Tanil, drugs? Not only that, Tanil might lose her position in the Navy if her mental instability continued? She had kept this from him, from everyone, and she had let herself sink because of it. The blood shot eyes, her paleness, she wasn't sleeping because of nightmares, and the scar probably didn't help her either.
"I have da mode dough." Kandros looked up; Tanil was resting her head back on the table again.
The mode, what was that? Maybe it was something she did to remain cool? Wait, the first day when she took her gun out at him. That was the mode, the mode of a soldier. That was her way of keeping her composure; it was obvious that she was slipping though. Kandros watched Tanil's slumped body, she was hammered, and he doubted she'd remember the night, much less his questions.
"Tired?" Kandros asked, instead of nodding Tanil just groaned. She was tired; hopefully with the help of the brandy, she would actually get a good night's rest. "Alright, let's get you to your apartment." Kandros got up, standing next to Tanil's seat, she probably couldn't stand.
Kandros bent down, carefully sliding his talons under Tanil's legs, tucking his arm under her knees and then her back. He then slid her carefully out of the booth and lifted her up, resting her body against him. Her body tensed for a split second, but instantly relaxed as she rested her head against him. At least she was comfortable with him. He carried her out of Purgatory, stopping at the taxi stand; he tapped the call button with his talon.
The taxi arrived and opened up; Kandros gently placed Tanil in the seat and climbed into the taxi. "Wards." The taxi took off.
It didn't take long for them to arrive at Tanil's apartment, in which Kandros pulled her out of the taxi and carried her bridal style to her apartment door. He typed in the code and the door hissed open. Kandros entered the tiny apartment and froze. Data pads after data pads littered the desk next to the bathroom, some of them stacked to the side, but the amount, there was at least fifty data pads on the desk alone. The bed too… she hadn't even touched the bed; the sheets still perfectly flat and made like it was on day one. She hadn't slept in weeks! Kandros glanced down at the small form in his arms, his expression turning from worry to sadness; he wished he had known about her condition sooner.
Kandros slowly walked to the bed and gently placed Tanil down on top of the covers. Tanil rolled towards the center of the bed on her side, curling up into a ball. Kandros stared for a while before he bent back down and pulled the covers out from under Tanil and pulled them up over her. Satisfied that Tanil was comfortable, and warm, he turned to leave.
"Kandros…." Kandros turned back around to see Tanil's out stretched hand reaching for him. "Please, can you stay? It's hard to enter the mode when I'm alone." Kandros's eyes widened, there was utter fear plastered across her face.
"Of course." Kandros said, walking back to the bed, he grabbed her hand and sat down on the edge of the bed. Tanil let go of his hand an drolled back onto her side, her fingers digging into the fluffy white pillow as she clutched it. She was terrified of the nightmares, so terrified she hadn't slept in weeks, he had known few turians who suffered from lack of sleep as well. Maybe this was why humans suffered from such a disorder so much worse than turians, it was secretive, and almost seen as a weakness to admit to it. It was hard not to revert back to such memories when one was alone, but it was an easy task for a turian to ask someone for their company. Humans wouldn't dream of that, simply asking Kandros for it required Tanil to be severely drunk and tired. Humans are too personal Kandros scoffed, getting up from his seat on the bed.
Kandros walked aroudnt eh bed, stripping off his shirt as he did and setting it down at the foot of the bed. Once he got to the other side of the bed he lifted the covers and slid into the bed. Tanil's nightmares were already affecting her as she flopped onto her back, her eyebrows scrunched and Kandros could feel her shaking under the covers. Kandros hesitated, before leaning forward and planting a soft kiss on her forehead. Tanil instantly relaxed, her body stilling and her breathing normalizing as she entered a peaceful sleep again.
Kandros relaxed onto the bed as well, watching Tanil sleep, his eyes moving to look at her scar that now faced him. Tanil had survived a battle, one that was barely won to begin with, the batarians terrorized the colony; if it wasn't for reinforcements, the colony would have been wiped out. Her comrades were at the colony with her, and all of them died… save three. Tanil survived… and here she was, asleep in the same bed as him, he was going to make damn sure it was going to stay that way. Wait… did he just imagine sleeping with her forever? No, he was still drunk; it was just the brandy thinking.
Kandros's eyes slowly drifted closed, although, having sex with Tanil wasn't exactly something he hadn't already thought about. Kandros finally fell asleep.