It's Friday somewhere, and I feel like updating early. :D Thanks for all the reviews. You guys rock!
Chapter Three "Grasping at the Wind"
Fiona couldn't think. She knew she was walking down the path toward the street. She knew her keys were in her hand, and she was going to get into her car and drive, but she didn't know where, and she didn't know why.
She knew Sam was right beside her, and somehow that was comforting and irritating at the same time. She knew she would have gone mad without Sam these last three months, and she knew that at this precise moment she needed him more than ever.
When had her life become so wrapped up in someone she used to hate? How did she lose so much that a washed up ex-SEAL had become her best friend? She hated it, but she couldn't live without Sam now. She couldn't leave Miami and all the bitter memories because this was where Sam was, and this was where they had worked together for six years, saved each others' lives, all because of Michael. He had left them, but he hadn't left them alone. Fiona wasn't sure which was worse. If she had been alone, she could have left or jumped off a bridge or gone back to her old life of selling weapons to criminals.
After Michael everything changed. Fiona couldn't be satisfied with anything but this life, even if it meant going on without him. Even if it meant Sam was the only person she could count on.
Fiona handed over her keys without thinking, and Sam took them. She was in no state to drive, and she knew he would complain if she tried. As they headed down the street away from the source of Fiona's emotional stupor, she began to gain some clarity. But that only allowed her to focus on the memories she was trying to wipe out. She heard his voice in her head, smelled his unique, Michael scent. It brought back thoughts of the way he would hold her face in his hands when he was scared or how he wrapped his arms around her when he kissed her. She could hear all the anger and the fear in her head as so many of his unforgettable words filtered through her mind. There is no line when it comes to you. I can't lose you. I did what I had to do.
Fiona felt hot tears forming in her eyes, and the road outside her window blurred. She had thought she was past this right up to the moment Jesse told them Michael was back. Those words brought her back to a place she never wanted to be again. A place she had left three months ago with Sam's help. It was supposed to be over.
"Hey, Fi?" Sam's voice filled the silent car. He sounded worried. "You okay?"
They had been on the road a good five minutes by this time. Fiona knew Sam was giving her as much space as he could. "I'm fine, Sam," she said, but she couldn't keep the pain out of her voice.
"He won't be here long." The dark tone in Sam's voice was something Fiona still couldn't get used to.
"I know," she said as she stared out the window. "It was just surprising."
"You think it would help to—"
"What? Talk to him? You've suggested that before, and I think you remember what I said then."
"Yeah, yeah, you're gonna cut out my tongue and tie it in knots. I'm just saying maybe you need—closure."
"Or maybe you're just saying that because you need closure."
"Fi—"
"You haven't been the same since he left, and you know it."
"I haven't been the same?" Sam looked like he was going to start into one of his rants of denial, but he glanced over at Fiona, and the anger faded from his eyes. "No one's been the same since then," he said quietly and turned to stare at the road.
"We're doing all right, Sam," Fiona mumbled. "This is just a—a momentary bump in the road."
Sam nodded, but he didn't look like he really believed it. Fiona didn't either, but what else could she say? They had to be all right. There was no other choice.
* * * Burn Notice * * *
Michael had endured a good many boring assignments in his life, none of which compared to a morning at the Miami Art Museum with his mom. Neither of them could think of anything to say to each other or about the art they were supposed to be appreciating. But they looked the part, a sharp dressed man and his mother walking through the museum arm in arm. It was kind of disgusting how easy it was for them to smile and pretend they were having a good time. They had been doing it for so long now.
It was only as they were leaving the museum that Madeline thought of something to say. "We should never do that again."
Michael laughed weakly. "It was even more boring than it sounded."
"We could have gone to the mall, but you probably would have spent the entire time looking for tails or scouting escape routes."
"Yes, I would have."
"Don't think I didn't notice the way you watched for exits when we were in there." Madeline gestured at the building behind them.
"I guess I'm just not built for civilian life."
"Well, I appreciate you coming back to it for a couple of days. Who knows when I'll get to see you again?"
Michael shook his head. "I don't know, Mom. That's why I came. We didn't really get a chance to say goodbye last time."
Madeline nodded. "So that's what this is? You're gonna go back to the CIA for good, and I'll never see you again?"
"Like I said, I don't know. It didn't used to matter how often I could get home because I never came anyway, and I know that bothered you, but I hope you understand why. It's different now, but maybe that's worse. Maybe I can't come back at all."
Madeline averted her eyes, looking anywhere but Michael's face. "I wish I had an answer for you."
Michael sighed. "Never mind. Let's just enjoy the time we have left. Where do you want to have lunch?"
Madeline seemed to understand that the conversation was over, and maybe this would be the last time they would talk about it. There was no argument to be had. So, she threw out the name of a restaurant she liked, and they headed back to the car in silence.
* * * Burn Notice * * *
Sam had a hard time keeping his mind on the job, and he knew Fiona was having an even more difficult time. After their conversation in the car, they hadn't addressed the subject, but he knew it was bothering both of them. Actually, the only person who seemed to be acting normally was Jesse which confused Sam. Jesse had always been the most volatile, the most likely to shoot someone or blow them up if he thought it was necessary. Even more than Fiona.
But Jesse seemed fine. It was as if Michael solving all their problems by going back to the CIA didn't bother him at all. Which didn't make sense to Sam, because Jesse had a chance to go back and decided he didn't want that life anymore. He and Michael were completely opposite in that respect. Sam, on the other hand, had always understood why Michael wanted to get back in. He just couldn't understand the timing, the circumstances. The CIA had screwed Michael over so many times, that Sam had almost thought he wouldn't go back if they asked him. Of course, it hadn't been a request, and Sam understood that too, but he didn't have to like it. Never mind that Michael was in this position because he shot a man in cold blood. Maybe that was Sam's biggest problem with it. He knew they all had their reasons for how they reacted to the news three months ago.
Part of Sam wanted the chance to talk to Michael about all these things before he left, but another side thought the conversation might go a little like the one they had when Michael wanted to take money from Carla. And Sam wasn't in the mood to have another fist fight with his best friend, if that's what they were.
It was a good thing the job was a simple interrogation. With only one member of the team thinking clearly, a more intense operation might have gotten them all killed. Sam was glad when they finished up and headed over to Carlito's. Jesse had said Pearce was meeting them there, and Sam was interested to learn how she ended up getting her old job back. It would be a nice distraction, anyway. Or so he thought.
Dani Pearce was sitting at one of the outside tables when Sam and the others arrived. From the looks of it, she had already ordered for them. Sam smiled at the thought that she remembered their preferences so well.
"Keep this up, and we might have to hire you on," Sam said. "There is a job opening."
"So I've heard," Dani said, taking a sip of her drink as the others sat down. "But I don't think I could live up to those standards, and the pay would be a problem."
"Nah, it's practically non-existent."
Dani laughed. "That's the problem."
"It was worth a try," Fiona said with a weak smile.
"I'm sure you all do fine on your own."
"We manage," Sam replied. "So, tell us what brings you back to sunny Miami. We thought you were gone for good."
"Jesse didn't tell you?" Dani looked from Sam to Jesse and back. "I guess I was more surprised Michael didn't tell you. When he got back in, he found some strings to pull to get me reassigned here. I guess he felt he owed me, though I wouldn't have done anything differently."
"Is that so?" Fiona asked, giving Jesse a suspicious look. "And here we found out Michael was in town this morning."
"He's here right now?" Dani asked. "I'm surprised he didn't call."
"He hasn't been calling many people lately," Sam said. "He's just visiting his mom for the weekend."
"Oh." Dani nodded once. "Well, good."
The rest of the evening was an awkward mix of subject changes and Fiona hardly saying a word unless someone asked her a question. What Sam had hoped would be a relaxing gathering of friends turned into another conversation about someone they all wished they could forget.
* * * Burn Notice * * *
The TV was on, but the volume was so low, no human would be able to tell what the characters were saying. Madeline had spent most of the evening bustling in and out of the kitchen, as if looking for something to do, while Michael sat on the couch pretending not to notice. They had run out of things to talk about that afternoon, and Michael was wishing he had booked his return on Sunday morning instead of Monday. He wasn't sure how they were going to spend another day together, and being in this house again made him itch to move. He felt like he should be working on something, chasing down kidnappers, or helping a neighborhood with their gang problem. He had been so good at that, but he threw it all away searching for something he would never get back.
Michael knew now that things would never be the same. He was back in the CIA like he had always wanted, but it wasn't the what he thought it would be. He didn't used to miss people. He didn't wish he could be home. Michael realized that he never had a home until six years ago. It took a combination of his mom and Sam and Fiona to make want something he never knew existed. He didn't realize it until too late, but Michael had been happy in those days. There was nothing he could do about it now, and that grated on him. There was always something. Or he used to think so.
Michael's train of thought was broken when Madeline returned to the living room and sat down next to him.
"I called Ruth," she said.
"Ruth?" Michael didn't see how that was relevant.
"Your former sister-in-law. I asked if we could take Charlie to the park tomorrow. He's two now, you know?"
"Yeah I—I didn't think about it."
"Well, he likes cars, so I thought maybe you could take him for a ride in the Charger. He'd get a kick out of that."
"Sure. I'll have to ask Jesse for the car." Michael wasn't sure what he was agreeing to. He didn't know the first thing about two year olds, except that they were notoriously ill-behaved.
Madeline smiled. "You don't have to act like you're good at this Michael. I just thought you should see him before you go back. You never know if you'll get another chance."
Michael nodded. "Yeah, I know." He smiled. "Maybe I'll share some of my free yogurt with him."
"That's the spirit. Just not too much sugar before dinner, okay?"
Michael almost laughed. "I promise."