Unexpected Grace - Chapter 5

Standing in the exact same place where she had been a few hours earlier in her office, Miranda crossed her arms over her chest and gazed out the window. Her eyes tracked the clouds as the wind swept them to the southeast. The storm would move off over the ocean and away from New York taking the rain with it. The sun was just barely breaking through, sending long ribbons of light streaming into the city.

Looking down, she saw the glimmer of the wet streets once again filled with the darting schools of pedestrians as they went about their lunch time hurry. She had given up on any Andréa sightings, knowing that such behavior had moved beyond futile and became simply a pointless indulgence she could no longer afford.

Miranda was not looking forward to her next meeting. She had spent the early part of the week in meetings with the CFO of Elias-Clarke, the parent company that owned all the magazines housed in the building. Quarterly financials were grim across the board. Runway was hit as hard as all the others. Sales were plummeting. Creative marketing and outreach to readers were having no impact. Readers were not renewing and new subscriptions were at an all-time low.

The effects of the recession and the slower than expected recovery were acutely felt. Potential readers were focused on the realities of life of which fashion was not high on their priority list. In addition, this negative trend was felt internationally and impacted all of Runway's sister publications.

Meetings between all the executive officers had led to difficult, necessary decisions. Today, announcements would be made to all upper management. Though she was comfortable with this aspect of her job, what she had to announce today was life changing for herself and her staff. Miranda could feel the tension in her neck and shoulders and the beginning of that stress headache that was too often a part of her day. She closed her eyes and rolled her neck in slow circles trying to relieve some of the tension. One hand lifted to massage one particularly tight muscle just at the hairline. She wishfully imagined other fingers performing that same task with a slight shiver.

At that moment, Emily knocked and entered the office. "The editorial team is gathered in the conference room for the weekly review, Miranda. Is there anything I can get you before then?"

Miranda straightened, not wanting her assistant to see her tension. "A glass of Pellegrino. You will attend this meeting and take notes. "She continued staring out the window, not looking at her red-haired first assistant before taking a huge breath in, holding it for a few seconds and then exhaling deeply, straightening her spine. "Let's go." She turned on her heel and headed to the conference room.

Surprised, Emily scrambled to gather her pad, pen, a copy of the agenda and the asked for water, before falling in behind her boss. She had not expected to be asked to join the usually closed session today. Once they reached the conference, she moved to sit in the back as she had in the past.

Miranda interrupted her movement and said, "No, Emily. Sit next to me during this meeting. We'll be covering some critical details and I want to make sure they are all recorded."

She turned toward the always dapper Nigel. "Nigel, could you bring up the prints from the last photo shoot as we start the meeting."

"Of course, Miranda. I've got them right here." Nigel settled next to her, opening his laptop to display the latest updates. He leaned forward with a look of concern, noting the stiffness in Miranda's face and posture. Knowing he would be forgiven for the question, he asked so quietly that the others could not hear, "Are you all right?"

She responded curtly, lips tightening, not meeting his eyes, "I'm perfectly fine, Nigel".

He looked at her quizzically. "We'll talk later. Perfectly fine is not what I see." Nigel settled back in his chair, folders ready in front of him.

She felt a small burst of irritation. Since Paris, Nigel had become more direct with her. It pushed the envelope of their professional friendship. "There will be time later, Nigel". Almost sub-vocally, she murmured as she focused on the group around her, "Gird those loins, Nigel ….. now."

Turning back to the business at hand, Miranda scanned the figures around the long mahogany table, this fashionably dressed gathering of her creative editorial team. They were all handpicked, brilliant at their jobs. She went out of her way to keep them on their toes, constantly challenging and provoking new ideas and new approaches. They were a proven team. All of them should be up to the challenges she was about to drop on the table.

The conference room was windowless and sound proofed. One entire wall was glass, viewing the hallway between offices. People avoided that hallway when this meeting was going on to avoid getting sucked into the maelstrom.

She interrupted the quiet chatter around the table "Quiet, let's get going. We're behind schedule. Emily, you'll be leading this meeting."

Surprised, Emily gamely stepped into the fray, leading the group through the agenda, keeping things running efficiently and on track. The meeting went ahead as smoothly as it ever did as the group reviewed the status of the current issues, each department reporting, trying to resolve problems and enhance the general quality of the upcoming edition. Miranda was oddly silent for the most part, her normally venomous comments at a minimum. The tension in the room increased as the participants worriedly looked at each other, waiting for an explosion.

Just before the end of the meeting, as Emily announced the final item concerning long range planning for future issues, Miranda interrupted, her voice, low and clear, "Put down your folders and notepads, and close your computers and iPads. Emily, that includes you. Nothing that I am about to say will leave this room in any form, written or spoken."

Miranda stood, smoothing her skirt as she came to her feet, brushing the fabric with a gesture of self-assurance. Steely blue eyes caught those of each individual around the table, one by one. "Let me remind you that you have all signed an iron clad Non-Disclosure Agreement. If you need to review them, do so. If it is discovered that one word of this is shared with anyone, you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. I trust that this is clear? "

Seeing the worried looks and furtive nods around the table, she took a big breath and continued." As most of you are aware, the entire publishing industry is in dire straits. Publishing houses of all kinds of content are closing. Book stores, printers, distributors, the corner newsstand; they're all disappearing like the dinosaurs we're all becoming. We're being replaced by electronic media. This is a simple truth. The reality is we change or we become extinct. "

The room had become deadly quiet, looks of consternation on the faces of those gathered. There had been rumors flying for weeks with the execs furtively dodging in and out of meetings. Executive flutter was never a good sign. Speculation had led to expectations of staff being let go, of salaries and benefits being reduced even more than they had been in this hurting industry, or in the worst case scenario, the magazine closing.

Miranda paused and took a sip from her glass before continuing. "Elias-Clarke has decided to take all its publications to a new online format as quickly as possible. This has far reaching ramifications. As the flagship publication, Runway will be the first to undergo this transformation."

"You, the people gathered at this table, will form the group that takes Runway into this future. You will be led by a team of three. Those individuals are, Nigel, who will become the Creative Director, Emily who will step into the role of Managing Editor, and a third individual, yet to be chosen, who will head up the technical communications team that will oversee this change and which will be embedded in all departments. I will be staying on as the Editor-In-Chief through the transition."

Miranda saw the stunned looks around the table including the absolute shock on the faces of Nigel and Emily. As small murmurs began, Miranda held up a hand, "I know you will have many questions. Emily will be distributing information by tomorrow covering the next steps in this process along with the timing for informing your staff later this week. A schedule of meetings will be included. You will receive a package asking you to evaluate your resources and your budgets and to establish the timetable needed to make this happen within your department. You also will be working with the international teams in this venture. We will be unifying content with specialty sections for each region. "

"We have nine months from today to produce the first interactive, multimedia based edition of Runway. This is an exciting, challenging time". She paused. "Welcome to the new Runway International."

With those words, Miranda moved to the door, "Take a few minutes to digest this before you return to your offices. Nigel and Emily, you're with me. "Striding out, she looked back over her shoulder and smiled as the tableau around the conference table gave way to surprised, excited chatter.

Reaching her office, Miranda said, over her shoulder, "Close the door." She sat with a relieved sigh and faced Nigel and Emily.

Emily jumped in, her mind and thoughts spinning." Miranda, you just….I mean….that was my name…..what the bloody hell are you going on about?"

Miranda lifted an eyebrow, half-amused. "Must I explain myself?... In this case,….. I shall. Emily, you're the best trained individual to manage the daily functions of this magazine. In the last few months, you have matured and proven your worth, handling every task pushed your way with great competence and increasing confidence. I need someone who knows this magazine like the back of their hand. That person is you. I wish that there would be more time to prepare you. But that is not to be. "

Miranda watched carefully as her words began to sink in and the realization of what she was hearing hit Emily. Her British resiliency came to the surface as she took a calming breath and listened carefully, eyes tracking Miranda's. Her posture straightened and despite her nervousness, she seemed to settle as the conversation continued.

"Your next step will be to spend half of each day rotating through each major department, deepening your knowledge and working with the managers to adapt to the needs of the new product. The other half, you will be managing the administrative shift that will be necessary to support this change."

"You will spend the next few days training our current 2nd assistant to take over the 1st assistant's role. You will then work with HR to find her replacement. This individual will offer assistance to us both. You'll take over the empty office right next to the conference room. It's being readied as we speak."

Reaching across the desk, Miranda handed Emily a thick folder. "This contains all the details we have right now. Please distribute the schedule and package that I promised to the management team by the end of today. You're scheduled with Finance first thing tomorrow to get up and running with our current status. "

Looking at both Nigel and Emily, "We have a meeting tomorrow at 1:00 p.m. with the existing IT team. You two will be coordinating the search for candidates for our new technical communications director. Pull together the committee you need for this. You'll want input from each department. There are some preliminary CVs in the folder."

"And now, let's move on."

Emily rose, saying, "Miranda, I will not disappoint you. Thank…..", Miranda lifted a hand and interrupted her, "Do not thank me", she said dryly, "I will not pretend that this is a gift. It's an opportunity and it will demand much of you, very quickly. Now, go…!"

Emily exited with a quick, "Yes, Miranda," closing the door behind her. A clear, "Oh my God!" could be heard as her footsteps faded.

The office was quiet for a moment while Nigel and Miranda looked at each other. Nigel was the first to break the silence. "Miranda, I will say thank you and mean it. I knew you would find a worthy place for me eventually after that fiasco in Paris. But this…..this I did not expect. I am stunned, simply stunned."

Miranda smiled. "I wish it could have happened sooner but nothing came to fruition. This is perfect for you and will give Runway the continuity it needs, my friend. You deserve this position and have earned it. I could not share this with you sooner, everything is happening so fast. I'm bound by the same restrictions as the rest of us."

"This must have been hard for you, Miranda. Runway is yours. I understand….but… "

"Nigel, what you're hearing are my suggestions, my conclusions about what's best for Runway. All children grow up, Nigel. You can't hold them forever. Hopefully, they've learned to fly before leaping off tall buildings. This will be a very tall building. "

Nigel looked at her worriedly, "What does it mean that you will be Editor-In-Chief through the transition? Only the transition?"

Miranda turned her seat so she was not directly looking at Nigel." It's time. I've thought long and hard about this. I'm not the one to lead this magazine into this new age. I've established a standard of artistic and editorial excellence that is the foundation of Runway. But flexibility is not my strong suit. All this new media requires…pliancy. Others need to take the lead. I will stay in some role, gradually decreasing my involvement, coaching, helping artistically, perhaps becoming a consulting editor. This change in my role will not happen overnight but over months, perhaps years."

She turned back to look him in the eye, letting the fatigue and stress show momentarily. "I'm adrift...almost drowning, Nigel. I've given my life to this. It's time I reclaimed that before it's too late and there's nothing left of me. I've paid a high price and despite all it's given me, all the joys as well as the sorrows, I've lost too much. I've lost too many. "

"There once was a young woman who strolled through the streets of Paris, who loved and lived and dreamed of designing beautiful things. I want that to be more than some forgotten fairy tale. I'll love my children and breathe life back into that part of me. I need to find that passion again. It'll be a life worth living, even alone."

"Miranda, alone? Whatever you need to do, you have my support, always. I've watched you fading over the last months, since Paris. Something changed. You've lost weight. You seem to carry an edge of fatigue that doesn't go away. Perhaps those that don't know you well don't see it, but I do. I've been concerned, very concerned. Whatever happened shook you deeply. The only thing I've been able to connect that to …..is….. Andy's leaving."

Andy had quickly become special to him as she blossomed in her past job at Runway. Nigel thought of himself as her fairy godfather, without the pumpkin and with permanent results. He had caught the furtive looks and dreamy stares she had tried to hide. Miranda was better at hiding her interest in Andy. But neither woman could hide from him. A visual artist sees everything. He knew them both too well.

Paris had been bloody for all involved. It had taken him time to let go of Miranda's scheming to get to a place of trusting her again. He had blamed her for all that gone on that week ending in Andy's leaving.

Miranda sighed and decided it was time to share some of this with someone before she imploded from trying to hold it alone. Her voice fell low and sad, "What happened? I sent her away is... what happened. I pushed her out of the limo and out of my life without her ever guessing that I had manipulated her into walking away...…as much as it hurt to let her go. I had no choice."

"I want everything for her, all that she deserves and that's not me. It's impossible, so clearly impossible. It's enough to know she's out there in the world, living and breathing and with a chance at happiness. But not with me. She's young and beginning and….. I am ….I am not what Andréa needs in her life, as much as my heart wishes it could be otherwise. "

Coupled with the resolute finality that Miranda expressed, the sorrow he saw was painful to view. He respected this woman as he did few others in his life. Their long working relationship had allowed him to see glimpses of the woman beneath the Dragon skin. He had been wrong in his blame and had never seen the end game that Miranda was running and that troubled him.

It was a delicate dance to reach through Miranda's fierce independence and extremely private nature. He cared but knew any suggestion of sympathy would be quickly turned away. He reached forward, wrapped her hand in his larger one and squeezed gently. "There is always hope, Miranda, always."

He saw her pull back at his touch as she murmured," Not this time...not this time.", as she withdrew her hand from his." I have a lot of letting go ahead of me. Andréa was only the beginning."

Miranda visibly shook herself, the business persona slipping into place, "And enough of this. We both have an enormous amount of work to do." She paused, "Thank you, Nigel."

"You are most welcome, Miranda. If there is anything I can do, just ask."

He rose and started for the door before turning back. Perhaps it was time for the fairy godfather to step up to the plate again. Couture was not all he had in his toolbox.

"Oh, and I'm expecting you this Saturday at my party at La Nuit Sombre. I sent you the invitation weeks ago. Send the girls to their father for the weekend. Come out and play, Miranda. This is not a formal event, no air kisses and empty conversation, no designer gowns. It will be casual wear, French food, music, with fascinating people: writers, artists, designers, entrepreneurs, a couple of drag queens dressed better than all the rest of us put together, people you will want to know and a few you already do. It may not be a stroll along the West Bank but it's as close as you are going to find in New York. I know you probably won't stay long but it will be good to see you there and you know how you love my parties. "

"I need to know one thing, Nigel," Miranda said, her eyes looking down at her hands, holding firmly to her self-control, "I know you and Emily talk with her, see her. I've overheard….things. Will she be there? I can't…..see her, be around her…I just can't. " Her eyes lifted to search his face for truth. "It's just too much right now…maybe with time."

"No, don't worry. She sent her excuses saying she had to work over the weekend", Nigel said without a second of hesitation, shaking his head for emphasis, while saying to himself, That is until I convince her beautiful ass to show up.

Exiting the office, he gave a frazzled looking Emily a wink and made his way back to his office, thinking hard. He had just been handed his dream job. The party would be an unexpected celebration. And now, he had a lot of work to do.

His thoughts were interrupted by the buzz of an incoming voice mail. He dialed and listened, internally adjusting his schedule to meet with Andy earlier. Need to talk, do you Andy? We shall see. Something is going to change.

Gird your loins indeed, Miranda.