Join us, Burglar

by Anonymonimus

It's going to be a long quest with no women to satisfy their needs - not that the Dwarves had many women to begin with. Nonetheless, they have to find some way to cope and some have formed couples. Bilbo isn't too bothered by this though he doesn't know that some are keeping an interested eye on him. SMUTT, threesome

Something that I really wanted to put in this story but found no way of integrating it was that Kili actually had a crush or a thing for Bilbo but didn't want to say anything about it because he feared rejection xP

So now you know xP

This was actually written to fill in a prompt on Hobbit Kink Meme but I lost it so I can't really send this story to the person who asked for it xP SO I ASK OF YOU THIS FAVOUR: if you ever find yourself cruising the Hobbit Kink Meme and find a prompt requesting a threesome between Dwalin, Bilbo and Thorin, send them this story xP

BTW, I also wanted to mention that the title was inspired by a line in Vikings which originally was 'Join us, priest' (said by Ragnar when he wants to have a threesome with his wife and Athelstan - worry not people who don't follow the show, Athelstan is a rather good looking priest and not some old dude lol)

NOW ENJOY!

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Bilbo Baggins was a very logical Hobbit. Whenever something unexpected or unnatural occurred, he rationalised it by evaluating the situation and attempting to understand why whatever occurred took place. Before, he had only needed to exercise such deduction skills in the face of small matters such as the increased price for flour or sugar. However, now that he was travelling with Dwarves as to help them regain their home, he had to rationalise the developments of more peculiar things. The first thing he found himself needing to understand was the abundant amount of same sex relationships shared between most of the Dwarves.

At first, he had been rather shocked and dismayed when initially witnessing Fíli and Ori exchanging lewd kisses and could barely look at them without blushing out of embarrassment. But then, when spotting Bofur and Nori and Dwalin and Thorin displaying the same type of affection for one another, he began assessing the matter logically. He soon concluded that, what with the lack of women in the Dwarven race and in the company, it was only natural that some of the men exchange 'favours' with one another as to satisfy their personal needs. And though same sex relationships were frowned upon in most races – including the Hobbit race – Bilbo was still acceptant of it because what may have been odd for him was potentially normal for others. Not only that but Bilbo was one of the few Hobbits who preferred male partners to female partners – not that he would advertise it, he was a respectable Hobbit – which also explained why he was an unmarried bachelor.

Thus he quietly accepted the homosexual relationships the company of Dwarves shared amongst each other, happy that none of them dared to display their affection explicitly. However, that didn't that Bilbo didn't know when the couples would leave to become more intimate. The couples would always declare that they would leave to scout the perimeters or gather firewood and though they did return with a report or firewood, they had taken much longer than necessary. Bilbo had begun by thinking that perhaps they had gotten lost while embarking on the task but soon dismissed the thought when he wandered by Thorin and Dwalin fucking senseless while on a nightly stroll.

As nature would have it, Hobbits were naturally curious creatures and so, when Bilbo happened upon the two seemingly most powerful Dwarves of the company, although he was disturbed, he was intrigued. Out of the two, the future King was the one on the receiving end and Bilbo wondered how someone with such an impressive and imposing authority could be so submissive. He noticed how loudly Thorin moaned and how he allowed Dwalin to say such crude things in his regard and demean him during their intimate moments. In fact, if Bilbo wouldn't have known better, he would have said that Thorin enjoyed it when Dwalin belittled him. Nonetheless, his Baggins upbringing quickly caught up with him that particular night and he quietly fled the premises as to not disturb the couple.

However, since that night, although Bilbo desperately attempted to act normally with Thorin and Dwalin whenever he was forced to socialise with them, they seemed to act differently with him. Every time they asked him a question or said something potentially suggestive, it seemed as though they were evaluating his reply. Using his deduction skills, Bilbo tried to rationalise why the two would be assessing him in such a manner but no logical answer ever came to fruition. Thus, after two weeks of being observed and questioned by the two most powerful Dwarves, Bilbo began to feel incredibly nervous.

What did I do? He wondered, gazing into the flickering flames, Is it because they think I'm useless? Because, in my defence, I think I've proven my worth during the troll incident…

"You seem tense, laddie." Bofur said, pulling Bilbo from his thoughts as he sat next to him, "What's the matter? You missing your home?"

"A little…" Bilbo answered, and though it wasn't what was preoccupying his mind, it was still true. He missed Bag End ever since he had first stepped out his door. "It's hard for me to stop thinking about it."

"There is a way for you to forget about it, temporarily of course," Bofur mentioned with a sly smile, "Though I doubt you would partake in it."

"Don't assume things so quickly," Bilbo smiled, "Tell and I will decide for myself."

"Well, you could always join one of us." Bofur hinted to with a carefree laugh.

"What do you mean?" Bilbo asked, confused, "Aren't I already with you?"

"Not in that sense," Bofur chuckled, "I mean that you could always join one of us while we fuck. Whatever pair you choose won't matter, none of us are opposed to a third party. But if you can't handle two at a time just yet, you could always ask Kíli or Dori. Balin and Oín think themselves too old for such things and Gloín is hopelessly loyal to his wife."

Bilbo couldn't resist the horrible blush which overwhelmed his face in a matter of seconds, "I-I, no." Bilbo stuttered, unable to look at Bofur any longer, "That's out of the question. Not only is it against my culture but I would be imposing on your relationships."

"Oh but none of us mind, honest!" Bofur encouraged, "Most of us don't think of this as something serious – well, except for Fíli and Ori, maybe. They're young thus they might think more of it."

"No, it's wrong." Bilbo insisted, but it seemed as though he was only trying to convince himself of that more than anything, "I could never – not with my morals."

"Suit yourself," Bofur concluded with a smile, "But don't feel restricted if you ever change your mind."

"I don't fathom that I will change my mind." Bilbo stated, though he wasn't entirely convinced.

And as the night stretched on and Bilbo was left to ponder in his thoughts, he actually began to consider joining in the Dwarves' physical activities. Due to being the only Hobbit within the Hill's perimeter to prefer men to women, Bilbo had never had the option to engage lovemaking with another. Granted, he wasn't a virgin, he had to test his preference with a women before concluding that he would rather have a man. Nonetheless, he had never had a man before and, being curious by nature, he always wondered how it would feel. Bofur had so recently informed him that all the couples present, including Kíli and Dori, were ready to have him join in thus it was the perfect opportunity to satiate his inquisitiveness.

However, his morals constantly returned to mind whenever he was seemingly ready to uptake Bofur on his offer. He would then curl into a ball, burying his face deep within in knees as he groaned pathetically in frustration. He repeated said action several times before being approached by Dwalin who had been observing him for quite some time. "Are you feeling sick, burglar?" he asked gruffly.

"N-no." Bilbo nearly yelped.

"Then why are you moaning in such a position?" he queried.

"No particular reason." Bilbo lied, it wasn't as though he was about to confess that he potentially wanted to engage in sexual activities with one of them.

"If you're feeling fine then come with me." Dwalin ordered, "We're patrolling the borders for Orcs."

Bilbo would have suggested another, maybe Thorin, to partake in that order of business in his stead considering that he wasn't the most apt fighter; but a quick glance around the camp sight informed him that the King had left. Thus, with a shrug, he got to his feet and followed Dwalin into the darkness, hoping to the gods that they wouldn't encounter anything bizarre or dangerous.

The walk around the forest was relatively quiet. Night critters made themselves known here and there, and though they did occasionally scare Bilbo, he was quickly reassured with Dwalin's presence. Nothing would attack them boldly with as menacing a Dwarf-warrior as Dwalin. Nonetheless, Bilbo was tired and was beginning to find the patrol much longer than necessary, however he hesitated to make that fact known. The dwarf was quite terrifying and he feared that, if he were to speak his mind, that he would be schooled and nagged about the importance of what they were doing – or something of the likes. Thus, Bilbo kept his mouth shut and only prayed that the walk would soon end and that they would return to camp.

However, something quite unexpected occurred in the following moments. Dwalin deviated their course and guided them towards an assembly of closely joined pine trees. He then passed through the branches, leaving Bilbo rather confused as he pondered following the dwarf. Quickly, he concluded that he may have heard suspicious activity in that general area – though that would have surprised Bilbo because he had better hearing than the rest of the Dwarves – but ran after him nonetheless. Though he half expected to be faced with ugly Orcs upon pushing pass the pine tree's branches, Bilbo was utterly surprised when his eyes laid upon Thorin.

"Uhh…" he managed to sound, regardless of his deep confusion. Am I in trouble?

"Were you followed?" Thorin asked in all seriousness.

"Calm yourself," Dwalin responded all too familiarly, he took his King by the waist and pecked his lips, "It's not like it would have mattered anyways."

"Nevertheless, I do still treasure my privacy." Thorin stated succumbing to the taller dwarf's display of affection.

Bilbo stared at them dumbly, wondering why it was that he had been brought there but quickly remembered that Dwalin had never ordered him to follow him. It then occurred to Bilbo that he might not have been meant to follow the warrior and thus, he felt very embarrassed about the whole situation. "I-I guess I'll be taking my leave now…" Bilbo stuttered awkwardly, averting his eyes when a moan was pulled from Thorin's lips.

"Now why would you do that, little lecher?" Dwalin asked teasingly, his hands roaming down Thorin's back to grip his butt causing the latter to squeak.

"I-I beg your pardon?" Bilbo asked, vexed by the name-calling. "I am in no way a lecher." And yet he somehow felt as though he told a lie for his eyes were practically glued to Thorin who moaned and writhed beneath the taller Dwarf's touch.

"And I beg the differ." Dwalin snorted back, grinding his hips against his King's, "I'd say you rather enjoyed watching me fuck Thorin." he then slapped his King's arse causing him to gasp in surprise but then receive a glare.

"I don't know what you're—"

"Save it." Dwalin interrupted with a wide grin, "We noticed you. We would have invited you to join us but you left before we had the chance to offer."

"W-what are you trying to say?" Bilbo asked, pressing a hand against his racing heart.

Thorin reached out towards the Hobbit, leaning against Dwalin comfortably, "Join us, Burglar." He said smoothly.

Bilbo's mouth dropped open as a violent shade of red overtook his face. He stared at them dumbly for quite some time before finding his voice, "I-is this some kind of joke?" he stuttered.

"Would you like for it to be?" Dwalin chuckled back.

And Bilbo actually considered the question for a short moment.

"Let me tell you something," Dwalin continued before the Hobbit could respond, "This little cock-slut here," he grabbed a hand full of Thorin's hair and forced his head back with a dry tug, "has had his eye on you for quite some time. It was his idea to drag you out here the way we did." Bilbo's eyes widened and looked at Thorin for answers but the King merely blushed horribly and averted his gaze. "I don't think I have to tell you about your duty towards Thorin, do I?"

"Wha…" Bilbo managed to sound out, but the confusion he felt was much too intense to allow him to finish his thoughts, "I don't…wha…?"

"Do we have to spell it out for you?" Dwalin growled, mildly annoyed, "Thorin's been longing for you for a moment now and I'm rather curious for you as well. Take off your clothes and join us."

Again, Bilbo looked at Thorin and then at Dwalin repeatedly, trying to find some sign that would confirm the joke to which he was playing the victim. However, their straight faces filled with minor irritation showed no sign of duping Bilbo. When the notion that both Dwarves were completely serious sunk into the Hobbit's mind, he could only blush furiously as he sounded the beginning of words that were meant to decline the offer.

"No, no, no – I couldn't possibly…it's…no, I—no…" Bilbo mumbled frantically.

"For the love of—" Dwalin growled releasing Thorin and storming towards Bilbo. He grabbed the Hobbit by the shoulders, keeping him from fleeing, and crashed their lips together. Bilbo gasped in shock upon the contact, which proved to be a big mistake for Dwalin was now able to penetrate his mouth with his tongue. Bilbo screwed his eyes shut as the other's wet tongue rubbed agreeably and roughly against his own, forcing soft mewls to erupt from his throat until the contact was finally broken for air. They panted heavily, a line of saliva keeping them connected until Bilbo severed it with a brusque movement. "Enjoyed yourself?"

"Hardly." Bilbo hissed, glaring at the warrior.

The latter merely laughed, "You can't lie to me, little lecher." He hummed then poked a growing bulge in Bilbo's pants.

"Ah!" Bilbo gasped, cowering away from the other man in embarrassment. Then he forced himself to glare at Dwalin, "D-don't call me a lecher!"

"I call 'em like I see 'em." Dwalin grinned, then he placed a firm hand on Bilbo's back and shoved him towards Thorin, "Now off with your clothes. We both desire you and I'm sure you desire us in return."

"I-I'm not sure this is a good idea…" Bilbo persisted, though his resolve was quickly diminishing.

"Forget your respectability for a moment," Dwalin whispered huskily as he pressed against Bilbo's back and drew Thorin closer, "Enjoy the moment. Give in to your lecherous desires."

Bilbo was trapped between Dwalin and Thorin. As uncomfortable as he felt, he couldn't deny how arousing the situation was no matter how much he tried to convince himself it was wrong. He averted his gaze, staring at the ground as he tried to think of a reasonable course of action to get himself out of his compromising situation when Thorin gently grabbed his chin and redirected his stare. "Just say yes." He whispered sensually, "And join us, burglar."

And though Bilbo thought that he would have continued to refuse the advances made, he was never given the option for his mouth was silenced by Thorin's and Dwalin's hands began to roam his body. Shyly, he opened his mouth, allowing the Dwarf King entrance while Dwalin made his way down to Bilbo's pants, grinding against his behind. The pleasure he felt was undeniable and Bilbo couldn't help but moan and lean into the touch. He began to return the kiss, fighting Thorin for dominance, and leaning into Dwalin's hands as they began to play with his hardening cock.

"You know," the warrior whispered into his ear, "You're allowed to touch as well."

It was clear that he was referring to Thorin though it had taken the latter to grab Bilbo's hands, placing them on his body, for him to actually begin to explore. The Hobbit began by slipping his shaky touch beneath Thorin's shirt and feeling his muscled chest. He shivered in delight though he wasn't sure whether it was because of the feeling of Thorin's chest or Dwalin's hands. Nonetheless, he continued, slowly roaming downwards until his fingers brushed against the rim of the King's pants.

Thorin finally broke the kiss, his breath hitching in anticipation as he waited for Bilbo to pleasure his semi-hardened erection. Fingers trembling from the pleasure being brought to him, Bilbo clumsily undid the lace binding the Dwarf King's trousers. He paused before rapping his grip around Thorin's cock, utterly distracted by the pleasure Dwalin was exercising on his person.

"Go on," Dwalin urged, resting his head on Bilbo's shoulder, "Thorin's been waiting for this for a long time. It would only be cruel to make him wait longer."

"Aah! I-I can't!" Bilbo moaned, leaning back against Dwalin's torso, "Stop moving your haa-hands and I'll—"

"Unable to multi task, eh?" Dwalin asked rhetorically, "We'll have to fix that."

The warrior reached for Thorin with his spare hand and brought him closer to Bilbo's body. He then reached inside of Thorin's pants, pulling out the erection which he rubbed against Bilbo's. Stretching out his hand, Dwalin was able to cease both throbbing members and rub them simultaneously together. The blissful friction made caused both Thorin and Bilbo to cry out, the former collapsing on the former as he struggled to stand on his legs. Bilbo gripped at Thorin's shirt, overwhelmed by the intense pleasure and managed to unscrew his eyes as to peer at the King's facial expressions. They were pricelessly arousing, incredibly submissive just like the time Bilbo accidently spotted him being fucked by Dwalin beneath a tree. It engaged his curiousness.

Bilbo released his grip on Thorin's shirt and trailed his fingers down the latter's back, slipping them beneath his pants. Thorin moaned at the contact but his eyes only popped open in shock as Bilbo began to massage his hole. "Wha—ah!—are you doing!?" Thorin demanded between languorous moans.

"Ah—eh-exploring…" Bilbo responded.

Then he pushed his index pass the twitching hole and rhythmically began to thrust it in and out, moving gradually deeper. Thorin, unable to cope with his most sensitive areas being pleasured at the same time, grounded his hips hard against Bilbo's and into Dwalin's hands, nearly screaming in please. "S-stop!" he demanded pathetically, "Stop! I-ah!-I can't—" but he was unable to finish his sentence before he came, Bilbo following soon after.

Dwalin released both softened members with a grin, "Well I'm glad you enjoyed yourselves," he said, "But I would like to be satisfied as well."

"A-and how would we accomplish that?" Bilbo asked, his mind fogged by lust.

Dwalin smirked, moving from behind Bilbo to his side. He pushed Thorin to his knees, breaking the contact he was sharing with Bilbo, and shoved his cock in his face. Slowly, Thorin regained his senses and began to lick at the tip of the erection; earning groans from Dwalin before the latter grew impatient and shoved it pass his abused lips. Bilbo watched in awe but also in arousal while Thorin bobbed and sucked off the warrior. "What are you doing staring?" Dwalin groaned, "Keep fingering that cock-slut of a King! You'll save us some time for when we really get down to business."

With a vague nod, Bilbo got to his knees and pulled off Thorin's pants and undergarments revealing his well shaped ass. Bilbo eyed it hungrily but contained himself, fearing a consequence if he disobeyed Dwalin. Thus he pushed his finger pass the border of Thorin's twitching hole and resumed his rhythmic thrusts. Thorin jolted violently, releasing a choked moan around the erected member in his mouth, which pleased Dwalin regardless of the fact that his concentration was wavering. Nonetheless, Thorin did his best to continue pleasuring Dwalin, using his hands to pleasure parts of the organ his mouth could not reach while being pleasured by Bilbo's teasing fingers. When the second finger was added, Thorin began to meet the thrusts eager to increase the speed and pleasure he was currently feeling.

The whorish side Bilbo was now seeing from the leader of their quest excited him; there was just something about strong men being reduced to a writhing mass of wantonness that aroused the Hobbit. And so Bilbo began to finger Thorin deeper and faster as per requested by his body, earning louder moans and groans. Eventually, his fingers jabbed a particular area causing sparks to ignite within Thorin's belly. He nearly screamed and probably would have if Dwalin's massive cock hadn't been in his mouth.

Seeing as Thorin was no longer concentrating much on pleasuring him, Dwalin, grabbing a fist full of the former's black locks, began to thrust in the moist cavern. He would soon release his load and thus deepened his movements, forcing Thorin to deep throat him. The King struggled with the cock being shoved down his throat as well as Bilbo constantly stabbing into his prostate but all that was quickly put to an end when Dwalin finally came. He spat out the cum and forced Bilbo to stop his tantalizing thrusts by moving away from his touch. Though he soon returned to it as he threw himself upon the Hobbit and crashed their lips together.

Dwalin moved back and enjoyed the show displayed before him. He watched as Bilbo suddenly found the confidence to dominate Thorin and pinned him on the forest ground as he rubbed his knee against his erected crotch while, in return, the King attempted to unclothe the Hobbit. The attempt on Thorin's part was partially successful, managing to remove Bilbo's pants and undergarments but only unbuttoning his shirt. Of course, the fact that he couldn't remove the shirt without breaking their contact wasn't much of an issue to Thorin who really only wanted to be taken by Bilbo at the given point.

"Fuck me…" he whispered wantonly.

And though Bilbo was about to comply thoughtlessly with the demand, he turned his gaze to Dwalin for approval. "Aye, go ahead, little lecher." He smirked, "Make it worth it."

Bilbo nodded and readied himself, aligning his cock at Thorin's entrance when he suddenly became aware of everything. Due to his sexual orientation and the way it had been viewed in his society, Bilbo had never gotten the chance to fuck with another man. Though he was far from a virgin, he was still incredibly nervous to be engaging in such an activity – some of this was attributed to the fact that he always assumed he would bottom. Nonetheless, a reassuring but lustful smile on Thorin's part but his worries at ease.

He poked the head of his member at Thorin's entrance, shivering in delight when hearing the other's eager sounds. Slowly, he proceeded to push the rest of his erection within Thorin, hesitating to continue with his action when the King showed signs of pain. Actually, Bilbo would have stopped if it Thorin wouldn't have ushered him to finish sheathing himself. Once he was fully in, Bilbo wasn't sure what to do anymore and he felt really awkward in regards to that. His old worries came pouring down on his shoulders and he quickly became very flustered. Luckily for him, Dwalin, who was unable to stay apart from the two for too long, moved behind the Hobbit, placing his hands on his hips as to guide his movements.

"Normally," Dwalin whispered in his ear, "You'd start off slow as to let them adjust to your size. But Thorin's a cock-slut so you don't have to wait."

The warrior guided Bilbo's hips back and forth, thrusting violently in and out of Thorin who moaned loudly as he clutched the group. Bilbo too moaned at the pleasurable sensation and though he wished to be independent in his actions, he let himself be controlled by Dwalin. Bilbo was intoxicated by the action; the man's hands felt so good on his hips but the friction created by his erection rubbing between his cheeks was beyond words. He wondered what it would feel like to have Dwalin within him but that thought quickly escaped as the immediate pleasure took precedence. Bilbo lost himself within the intense sea of blissful actions, moaning more frequently as his limit drew closer. However, Dwalin's guidance wasn't meant to last. He too had a problem to take care of and, when he had had enough, he pushed his cock within Bilbo's unprepared hole.

"W-wha-ah!-are you doing!?" Bilbo squeaked, then hissed, "I-it hurts!"

"Of course it does," Dwalin replied, pushing in further, "I haven't prepared you and I don't have the patience to wait. Just concentrate on the pleasure."

Bilbo cringed horribly and gritted his teeth together tightly as Dwalin sheathed himself further within him. It was potentially the worst sensation he had ever felt, as though he was being ripped in halves. Bilbo was so consumed by the pain that he was unable to continue pleasuring Thorin – and himself for that matter. Thorin was the one who had to take the initiative and move for Bilbo as to create some form of bliss that would temporarily distract him. To some extent, it did work, but what helped more was Dwalin patiently waiting for Bilbo to adjust to his size.

Eventually, Bilbo was able to brave the lingering pain of being stretched abruptly and slowly began to thrust into Thorin again. Doing so caused him to fuck himself on Dwalin's cock which was initially painful but gradually became more pleasurable. When Dwalin noticed – or assumed – that most of the pain in Bilbo's voice was gone, he began to move independently and without permission.

Bilbo squeaked in surprise as Dwalin's cock penetrated him deeper, but moaned as he got used to the sensation and was lost in the pleasure overtaking his body from two separate fronts. He could barely describe how wonderful it felt to feel Thorin around him and Dwalin within him, touching particularly blissful spots which caused him to moan louder than the rest. Soon, he also found himself near his climax as Dwalin began hammering in his prostate.

"You're not going to be the one to cum first are you?" Dwalin growled in his ear.

"I-I ca-ahn!-n't hold onn!" Bilbo moaned in response.

"Leh-let him cum first!" Thorin said between gasps of pleasure.

However, instead of obeying Thorin's command, Dwalin reached around Bilbo and grabbed Thorin's cock. And regardless of his protests, he began to pump it avidly while he continuously fucked Bilbo. Thorin was now quivering as much as Bilbo and they soon came simultaneously. With a grin, Dwalin released the softened member and quickly finished himself, filling Bilbo with his warm seeds.

Then he pulled out and laid next to Thorin, pulling Bilbo in between them. It was quiet for a moment; the three relaxed in the after glow of the intense sex they had just had. Finally, however, Dwalin felt the need to be cheeky. "How did you enjoy yourself, little lecher?" he smirked.

"I'm not a lecher!" Bilbo persisted, "Though if the role of a lecher will continuously lead me to this repercussion, then I'll gladly play it again."