"I know that's what people say- you'll get over it. I'd say it, too. But I know it's not true. Oh, you'll be happy again, never fear. But you won't forget. Every time you fall in love it will be because something in the man reminds you of him."
― Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
No one likes to be reminded of their high school days. Everyone has at least one horror story, they would rather not relive. Even if you were the popular and pretty, rich kids, there was that one time you did something so embarrassing and stupid you never forgave yourself. For some of us, just getting out of high school was enough for us. We were strong enough to just move on and get over it. But for others, it's not just that easy. There are those girls that you know, that peaked at homecoming. And there are some of those guys that you know that bullied the weak and defenseless and that weren't on the football team. But now in the real world, on the concrete jungle, they are the weak and defenseless. There the nerds and the kids they picked on, are their bosses. It's how life works. No one is happy about it, but it is how life goes. And karma is a bitch. Sooner or later all the times you shoved a kids face in a toilet will come back around and bite you hard in the ass. What goes around, comes around. Justin Timberlake wrote a song about it, so it must be true.
Although I was never the popular girl, I was never picked on. I guess my looks got me by as best they could. I was a nerd with the typical thick black rimmed glasses and the stupid retainer I had to wear at night. I didn't hit puberty until the second to last day of senior year when I actually went form an A cup to a C. I never had any weight issues and I had a clear complexion. I guess it was just that I liked to do school work. And I was involved in a lot of clubs…drama, photography, music…I was the A-Typical nerd, but I was proud of it and still am to this day. My family came from money but I wasn't bitchy about it to anyone and I never made anyone less fortunate then me suffer like some of the other kids did. I pretty much breezed through high school. No bullies, no enemies and 4 really close friends who I could turn to for anything. Well they weren't there all the time. In fact they left in middle of our junior year. I guess that's why it was hard for me to even decide to come to my 10 year reunion. I didn't know if I was strong enough to face them. Especially one…it just didn't end well, and I had already heard they were coming. It was all over the news. But I did decide to come. I bought myself a short little black dress, red pumps and a new purse. I wasn't going to try to impress anyone, but 10 years and a great life did wonders to my body and if I could shove it in any of the jocks who rejected me, faces, I was going to take the chance.
Walking back up the steps to the gym was actually nerve racking. I had come a little late and there were already a bunch of cars in the parking lot. I came alone, no date, no husband and no kids. I don't think anyone would be surprised by that to be honest. But I was regretting coming alone. When I walked through the doors I saw the table set up with two girls I recognized easily. They would be the last people I'd want to confront here. They were the queen B's of our class and made sure everyone knew it. But I remained cool and collected and walked confidently up to the table where they were chatting quietly to themselves. I stopped and cleared my throat softly. The first one who turned to me was the worse of the two. Megan.
"Oh. My God!" She jumped up from her seat and surprise, surprise, she had a stomach out to Texas. I had seen on Facebook she already had 3 kids. This would be number 4. "Claire Scott?!" I smiled small and she reached out, pulling me in for a rough, tight hug. "You look absolutely stunning! You got bigger boobs! How much did they cost?" I rolled my eyes and pulled away just as evil bitch number two stood up. Christina.
"Well they were free because I grew them myself." Both of them gave me a dumb look, like I just tried to explain simple algebra. I smiled, resisting the urge to laugh in their face and looked down at the table searching for my name tag. "So…have I missed anything big? I was running a little late." I glanced back up and Megan was sitting back down searching for my name tag. Christina smiled and waked around the table and gave me a softer and nicer hug. It threw me off actually.
"Actually…the guys arrived." She didn't need to say names. I knew exactly who she was talking about. "Kendall was alone." I squeezed my eyes shut tight and hugged her a little tighter. "I don't know if I was ever cruel to you in high school, but I'm sorry." She pulled away fast and walked back to the other side of the table. She sat down just as Megan handed over my name tag and a small gift bag. I placed my nametag on top of my chest on the right side and smiled at both of them.
"There is wine and snacks at the back. We're going to show a video in about 5 minutes so get up to the front to watch!" Megan smiled big at me and I nodded smiling back. I waved softly to Christina who smiled small and turned back to Megan to continue gossiping, no doubt.
I rarely stepped inside the gym, but when I did this time, it felt like I was stepping back in time. It was packed to the brim of my old class mates who all now had beer bellies, beards, and saggy breasts. I sighed out softly and walked quietly to the back table, hoping no one stopped me to chat. I wanted to be there, but only so I could see people and make fun of them to my roommate when I got back home. The table was in the back and the first thing I went to grab was a glass of champagne. It was the last one, and just as I grabbed it, a hand wrapped around my arm gently. I jumped slightly and turned my head letting go of the glass quick. "Claire? Please tell me that's you." I swallowed hard and forced a smile nodding my head. Logan Mitchell was one of my best friends. We lived next to each other and told each other everything. We literally did everything together. He was the reason I met the other three, who right now, were nowhere to be found. He did look 10 years older, but in a very good way. "You have no idea…how good it is to see you." Any nerves or fear left my body as I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around the back of his neck pulling us closer. His arms wrapped around the middle of my back and he squeezed me. He also lifted me off the ground hugging me, and squeezing me still. "You look so different. But I could find you in the most crowded room." I laughed quietly in his ear hoping he didn't catch on that I was crying. "It's been too long." His voice was now a whisper, and even thought I knew people passing us were staring, I didn't care. It had been too long and I was going to hug him as long as I could. "I'm so sorry." I closed my eyes, pushing out more tears that I know he felt on the side of his face. "I am such a bad friend." I seemed to wrap tighter around him and he let me practically choke him. "Do you want to talk somewhere?" I only nodded and while he still held me, he started walking us. I didn't care if he carried me. I just didn't want to let go.
I was completely blind to where he was taking us but when he stopped I could only hear silence, and looked up. We were in the theater, which made me really happy. I gently set myself down from his body and walked down to the stage. It was dark and it was cold, like usual but I didn't care. I gracefully puled myself up on the stage and sat on the edge swinging my legs. Logan wasn't too far behind me and when he jumped up on it next to me, he handed me the glass of champagne I was grabbing before. He was also holding a beer, and I was trying to think of how he could have carried both drinks and me here. "I heard you weren't coming tonight." I turned to face him and smiled wiping under my eyes. "Of course, that was through an email from Bitch Tory." I laughed taking a sip form my glass, tilting my head back slightly. "You know the last time we talked you said you had got a job offer in New York, but you didn't go into details." I nodded and set the glass between us crossing my legs and setting my hands in my lap.
"That's because I wasn't sure yet. You are looking at the number one journalist for the New York Times." His eyes grew wide and his eyebrows raised up a little. "Yeah…I'm pretty awesome."
"That is so great. You always wanted to do that…I'm so happy for you." I laughed and looked back out at the empty seats in front of us. "The last time we talked you said you were looking for a house in Texas to be closer to your parents. Everything alright?" He turned his head to look out at the seats and quickly drank some of his beer before sighing out and looked down. He started playing with his hands in his lap while my cheeks went hot.
"My mom got breast cancer. She passed a year ago." I reached out as fast as I could and pulled him in, hugging him tight.
"I'm so sorry Logan. I had no idea." He didn't say anything to me and didn't move to hug me back either. Logan has never known how to handle his emotions all that well.
"You shouldn't be the one apologizing. We left you…"
"Logan please don't start that alright. It's in the past." I pulled away from him fast and picked up my glass. I drank the rest of it, knowing he was watching me. The last thing I wanted to be reminded of was how I lost four of my best friends to fame.
"He's been asking all around for you." I closed my eyes and set my glass down turning away from him. "I think it would be best if you guys maybe talked…"
"About what? How he chose fame and money over me? Over us?" I turned back to him and he again looked down at his lap lightly swinging his legs. "You know…I cried so many stupid tears over him all the while people told me it was a stupid high school romance, and it wasn't going to go anywhere anyway. So I got over it real quick. And please don't start to think I came here to see him." He turned to me and for the first time, I noticed all the hair on his face. He actually looked like a man. But he was still Logie bear to me.
"I know exactly why you came here Claire. Don't think us not seeing each other in years has changed us. I know you got all dolled up, in a sexy black dress was to shove It in his face. You came here because you want people to think you were better off without him anyway. I know you Claire, and I know how hurt you were. You said it yourself."
"Yeah well you tell me how it feels to have your whole life walk away with nothing more then a short goodbye. For the record, I didn't just loose him. You, Carlos and James left too. You guys were my best friends!" He kept his mouth closed and continued to stare at me like I had an antenna coming out of my head. "Just…forget it Logan. I'm over it. I'm almost 30 years old. I don't need to be thinking about a stupid high school fling anymore." I pushed myself off the stage just as the theater doors opened. Megan, who was still smiling stuck her head in squealing.
"Awe! Look at the best friends reunited! We're going to be starting the video and you two are in it a lot so come watch!" I grabbed my empty glass and walked to the doors without looking back.
He followed me all the way back into the gym but while I went to the table in the back he went into the crowd, not even looking at me. I grabbed another glass of champagne and looked up at the small stage in the front of the gym. "Okay everyone! As you class president, I complied a bunch of old and new photos of everyone and put it in this video. Enjoy!" Max Brinks got off the stage just as the video popped up on the wall behind the stage and started playing. The lights shut off in the gym making it go almost completely pitch black. I crossed my arms over my chest and watched as pictures of kids I didn't even remember popped up on the screen. I really had no idea why I was still in here, suffering through this, since I was alone. I pushed off the table I started to lean against and turned to walk out of the gym. I froze directly in my tracks seeing the one guy I was hoping I could avoid all night. Kendall was walking out of the gym with Logan, and Logan was talking, not looking happy at all. I could probably leave without either of them noticing me but Logan might see me and force me to talk to Kendall. He was known for butting into people's lives when they didn't want him too. But I was willing to risk it because of what Logan had said. I did want to rub my happiness and great body in Kendall's face. I quickly headed to the doors right behind them and they disappeared out them before I could catch them. When I did push the doors back open I stopped quick hearing him.
"You shouldn't have said anything Logan. Now she won't even want to see me."
"Yeah I don't think you want to see her dude. She looks fucking great. It will just kill you even more." I walked out completely and let the door slam shut behind me. We were only in the foyer and it wasn't very big. But it was big enough the distance between us was safe. Kendall and I caught eyes first but to keep my pride strong and up, I looked away from his brilliant green eyes and turned to Logan. He glanced between both of us and started walking back towards me, and then past me to the gym doors. "Have fun kids." He disappeared fast inside but I continued to look at the spot by the door where he just was. I was immediately regretting coming out here.
"You look…so beautiful." I faced him fast and glanced him up and down. He looked good. A little muscle in his arms and his stomach looked flat. He also had scruff on his face, but it wasn't as much or as dark as Logan's. The jacket and tie he was wearing were both black, matching his pants. I could see that the white button up shirt was a last minute decision because it was wrinkled. But he still looked so…perfect. And when he kept talking, I felt my defenses going down. "I've missed you so much." I looked down clenching both fists trying my hardest not to run into his arms and forgive him if he was asking for it. "I've regretted leaving you since that night." For some reason, that really clicked bad in my head. I glanced up and saw he was walking towards me. "I've missed you so much Claire."
"Then you shouldn't have left." He stopped walking fast only a few feet from me. "If it was so bad to leave me, and it made you sad, why'd you do it?" He looked down, putting both hands in his pockets not saying one word. "I was so head over heels for you Kendall. I was calling you my world and in one night, you broke me completely. I was only 16 years old yet somehow I felt the pain of a thousand years. I could have over looked you leaving and moving to LA to be famous with your friends, because you were doing it for James. But after the first week of you calling me and telling em all the interesting and exciting things you were doing, the calls stopped." He looked up at me again and I could have sworn I saw tears in his eyes. "You completely forgot about me, and all your friends here. Because I guess you found better ones. And you of course found a pretty little blonde movie star to wrap under your arm so I guess I was out of the picture."
"I never stopped loving you." I couldn't help the chuckle that left my mouth and that seemed to egg him on. "I did what I did because my best friend was getting a shot at the big time. I had to make sacrifices."
"Well I'm so glad I was one of them Kendall! You're a real piece of work you know that?! It's been almost 12 years since we've seen each other. But you are the exact same immature little asshole I knew in high school! Why can you never do things for yourself? You want to talk about sacrifice? What about the sacrifice your mom and sister took on packing up and moving with you? And what happened to that dream of being a hockey player? You blew any chance of living your life the way you wanted because you don't want to lose friends! You have to have everyone like you, is that it Kendall?" He remained silent and unmoved so I took a few steps closer. I could faintly smell his cologne. "You were my everything. You were my first. Does that mean nothing to you?"
"Of course it does. That was the best night of my life. Every second of every day with you, was the best."
"Obviously not if it wasn't that hard for you to move on with…what's her face…Jo. I pictured our entire life together. I saw myself happy with you, and I saw us coming to this reunion, happy with a little family. I wish you would have told me you didn't want any of it because then I wouldn't have looked so stupid crying over a boy who left me for LA. I hope it has made you so happy Kendall. I honestly do. And I hope and wish you the best in the rest of your life because I know I'm going to have a great life without you." I turned quick, not being able to stand to see him upset but stopped. Standing in the frame of the gym doors was Logan, Carlos and James and a handful of other people watching us silently, in shock. I swallowed hard and wiped under my eyes heading for the doors to go back outside.
"Claire…wait!" I ignored Logan's voice and hurried back down the steps to walk back to my car. I didn't hear the door close which meant Logan was chasing after me, and was going to try to stop me, so I could make up with Kendall, but I was so hurt, I couldn't face any of them right now. And of course it started raining. You know how people in movies say, well it can't get any worse than this, and it starts raining? That's exactly how I felt. I hurried regardless, to my car feeling my hair and my body get drenched in rain. I was only about 20 steps away from my small rented sports car when a hand grabbed my upper right arm and spun me. I was actually really surprised to see that it was Kendall instead of Logan. As soon as we locked eyes, I started pushing on his chest, trying to get him to let go of me.
"Leave me alone Kendall! I don't want to see you ever again!"
"Why so in 10 more years we can run into each other again and you can scream and yell at me in front of everyone?" His voice boomed over top of me but he was only yelling because the rain was coming down so hard and loud. "It's my turn to talk Claire! You got your 5 minutes of making me feel like a complete jackass so it's my turn to try to make you understand!" I still tried to push on his chest but his other hand came up and grabbed my other arm. "That night I came to see you, and I told you we were leaving was the hardest night of my life. You told me it was the greatest thing, especially for James but I know how much it hurt you. For the past 12 years I've had to live with that decision and it has haunted me every night. No girl I met or spent time with, ever compared to you. If I could redo the whole thing I would stay here with you and live the rest of my life with you. Because I did see my life with you but I never told you because I was going to getting on a plane in 8 hours and if I had told you I would have begged and got on my knees asking you to come with me." I felt a sob leave my throat as his grip on my arms released and his left hand moved up, cupping my face softly. The rain was making it a little hard to see but I could still tell the difference between the water and his tears. "Don't make me go through the rest of my life knowing I could have had you, but lost you again. Please Claire." I closed my eyes and tilted my head down now gripping onto his soaking wet shirt. "I love you. I never stopped just because I was 3000 miles away. You are the only girl in the world I would lay in front of a train for. Please Claire…I need you." My pride came crashing down all around me as I moved forward and wrapped tight around him. The on hand of his stayed on my face while the other wrapped in my soaking wet hair. I laid my head on his chest and held onto him tighter hoping he would take this as my way of saying yes. "Where's your car?" I kept my head on his chest but started to dig through my purse trying to find the keys. I raised them up and pressed the horn button. I heard it and I assumed he saw it because he started walking us to the cars. We both sat in the back of my small car, but it didn't matter. We were practically sitting on each other, well me on his lap. I couldn't stop holding onto him. He was just holding me back both of us kind of shivering from the cold and rain. "I'm so sorry Claire." I pushed up off him and quickly started to undo his tie. His mouth hung slightly open and I nodded fast.
"I know you are…and I'm happy were back in each others lives, but it has been too long." I ripped his tie undone and moved over his lap straddling him. Both his hands went to my hips and rubbed up and down gently. My fingers moved down his chest fast and undid his shirt. Each button seemed a step closer to getting him back in my life. I've never thought sex is the answer to anything but for me, and probably him, this was going to be more then sex. It was going to be love making. In the back of my rented Jag.
All of our clothes stayed. His shirt was pushed open and his tie was still hanging around his neck. When I started to get his pants undone, he pushed up my dress and started kissing along my neck. I wasn't surprised to find how hard he was when I pulled him out. I also wasn't surprised at all when he just pushed himself inside me. I didn't bother take off my thong and it didn't bother him either. He just pushed them aside and shoved him completely inside my heat. I was actually really glad the rain was so loud, and the thunder clapped when it did because my scream was ear and glass shattering. I couldn't move myself because it was slightly painful. I'm not saying I haven't had sex since I lost my virginity at age 16, but the times have been few and far between. I think the last time I did have sex was about 6 months ago with a drunk guy I met at a bar. And That drunk guy, if I recall correctly, wasn't very big. At least not as big as Kendall was. "Move to LA with me…" His voice was lost in my neck as he started to suck on my pressure point. I made him sit up so I could wrap my arms around his neck as he slowly started to guide my body up and down his erection. I held his face in my neck as we started to rock together slowly and sensually. "Move to LA with me Claire."
"Don't' ruin this Kendall…" I was completely out of breath but he managed to hear me because he stopped talking. I pushed both hands up through his hair tugging gently. It felt amazing. The connection we had was like a spark of electricity. The physical aspect was phenomenal by its self but the images running through my head while he held onto me and pushed himself inside me, made it all that much better. I kept seeing us moving in together, getting married and raising a family. And they just kept replaying, over and over. But for some reason, I still told him to stop saying to move in with him. I decided to make my mind go somewhere else, like the fact that I was having sex with Kendall. I started to notice every move he was making. His hands seemed a little awkward, like they would grab ahold of my hips, helping me and guiding me, but at the same time, they felt like they wanted to roam my body, but he was afraid to. I moved my hands slowly to his face and pulled it up to face mine. His eyes were closed and his mouth was hanging wide open. It occurred to me suddenly that I hadn't gotten the chance to kiss him. On the lips, and I saw a very open opportunity. I leaned it slowly and just as I kissed the side of his mouth his eyes opened and he turned his head so our lips could lock. That was literally all I needed to go over the edge completely.
I was barely over my high that I realized he had cum when I did. And that he wasn't wearing a condom. I just didn't care enough to say anything about it. He gently sat back holding around my back with one arm, while the other wrapped in my hair and laid my head on his right shoulder. He breathed out hard and rubbed up and down my back. I couldn't think of anything to make this moment even more perfect then it already was. That is until he spoke. "I am so glad I waited 12 years to do that again." I only smiled and hugged around his bare torso tighter. "Of course…when I thought about that…I remembered you at 16 and it got me even more excited." I pushed up fast and slapped his bare chest, kind of hard. He only laughed up at me and smoothed out my dress, pushing it back down over my legs. "I can't believe me saying move to LA with me would ruin anything." I frowned and shrugged as I traced up and over his stomach and chest with my fingertips. "Does that mean, you don't want to move with me? AM I just a play thing for you?" I cracked a small smile and nodded fast. He frowned and I leaned down quick, kissing him again. When I pulled away I sat back up on his lap and started to put him back in his pants. "You don't want to move with me?"
"No…I didn't say that. But…" I buckled his belt and started to button up his shirt looking up into his eyes. "We've been out of each other's lives for 12 years, and the first time…we ended bad. How can I just jump right into another relationship with you with that thought in my head?"
"You know what your problem is?" I cocked an eyebrow up, giving him a warning and he pushed up fast pulling me up into his body. "You think too much." I frowned and he gently kissed my nose. "I can't guarantee that our life will be perfect and I can't promise that the next time I get a chance to be in a boy band, I won't pick you over it." I made a move to hit him again but he grabbed both my hands and laced our fingers together. "That was a joke… I can guarantee that for the rest of my life I will look at you like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. And I can guarantee that every day you will know and feel how much I love you. If you give me a second chance, I'm not going to mess it up. The only way you're getting rid of me, is by death." I moved both my hand sup to his neck and held it gently. In the cutest way possible he raised both eyebrows up at me and set his hands on my thighs sitting back on the seat. "The silence is hurtful."
"Well you've won me over. I'll move to LA with you." A smiled spread wide across his face but I shook my head. "But I need you to promise me one last thing."
"Name it." I chuckled and quickly reached over pushing open the back door. Standing in the rain, trying to look anywhere but at the car was James, Logan and Carlos. Kendall quickly tried to cover my legs but I laughed covering my cheeks, which were red from embarrassment.
"Can you try to get your friends to not be pervs and listen in on us having sex?" He put his head back, swallowing hard and closed his eyes. Before he could say anything I was pulled out of the car and pulled up into a big bear hug by James.
"She's moving to LA with us! The three musketeers are back!" James set me down gently and we all looked to Carlos who had a stupid grin on his face. Kendall got out of the car and set his jacket on my shoulders. Logan laughed quietly but stopped and turned to Carlos.
"Carlos…there is 5 of us." Carlos turned to him, still smiling and nodded.
"Yeah so?" I laughed leaning into Kendall who tried his best to shield ne form the rain. "Oh wait…" We all watched Carlos as he started to count on his hand putting up all five fingers. "If there's five of us…we can't be the three musketeers!" We all busted up laughing and started to walk back to the school, James patting Carlos on the back. I wrapped tight around Kendall and smiled mostly to myself.
Something's never change.