ANGLES - Chapter 4

She wanted to leave the party; Now. But it would look too suspect; the idea that she'd just spoken to Harvey for the first time and now she was leaving. It angered her inside that she was now strategizing her own private life. This wasn't how any of her life was supposed to go. She hugged her arms around herself, feeling the need for a cigarette or a glass to hold just to have an excuse to be out here longer.

"Why would anyone stand out here? It's far too cold for May."

The moment she heard the voice – today was just full of surprise one-to-one visits – her back turned rigid like she was shielding it from the wind.

Today was clearly testing her nerve.

The older woman slowly sauntered towards Donna, the door to the reception shutting behind them and engulfing them in the almost darkness, save for the city lights still visible in the night sky. The last time she'd seen Harvey's mother was when she'd come to the office; Donna had been instrumental in helping Harvey get on with the day sans his mother. The woman had put a pin in it then; almost savouring the occasion for a later date.

It appeared she had come to collect.

"You could go back inside?" She replied, harsher than she'd intended.

"And leave you alone? What happened to the handsome date you brought?" The older woman asked.

It only took about ten words from this woman to see that this was where Harvey had gotten all of his hard qualities. They were like crabs with these impenetrable shells shielding them from harm; arming them in battles not just in War but also in Love. Gordon; like Harvey's younger brother Markus had been born of the softer, more open condition. Harvey and his Mother shared the same deep down fears. But this woman had hurt Harvey, badly; and for that Marcia would always have to be held accountable in Donna's eyes.

"He's had work. How are you Marcia?" Donna said; trying her best at cordial.

"Grateful that you encouraged my son to invite me to his wedding..."

Donna shook her head, frowning into the skyline. "I didn't do anything."

"And I don't believe that for a second, my dear." Said Marcia; a glint in her eye.

"Harvey doesn't always listen to me." She argued, wrapping her arms around herself.

"He listens to you more than most. I expected to see you in white today." Said Marcia.

Why was everyone saying that? Did people have no tact?

"HARVEY and I are just friends."

"If you think you can fool me then maybe you're not as smart as I thought you were. And believe it or not I know my son pretty well. He's having doubts. He's like his mother."

"He's nothing like you." Her retort was sharp and hard and she wasn't going to apologize for any of it.

"I loved his father very much. But I didn't always make the right decisions for myself. I let other people…not make the decisions for me so that I didn't ever have to fight for anything."

Then the truth hit her.

She'd never really spoken to Marcia properly; too busy shielding Harvey from her and listening to the heartbreak of his father in his silences to really take the time to hear her side. She'd trusted in Harvey and in Gordon that it was clear enough a' situation to pick a side.

But it wasn't, not now.

It burnt; the knowledge that a woman in his past could still tell the signs; it worried her. Not against his mother- heck she was more than Donna could handle. But if she could tell then there was a possibility that Harvey's bride would too. He had a habit of surrounding himself with intelligent women. The Dumbass…

"I've watched you two together; tonight; at his office. You play a very integral role in his life. Making sure everything goes to plan even if it doesn't affect you. It's enviable in its foolishness."

"Well, it's someone else's job now." She said, remaining defiant.

"Don't be so sure about that. Harvey's not very good at letting go of things completely; when he cares about them enough."

"He's different now." Said Donna.

"He's just forgotten."

"Goodnight Marcia."

She didn't stay to hear her reply. For all their good-doing she'd had about enough of the family Specter for a long while.

She'd finally found solace in a little garden Markus had spoken of. She wanted to go home; but somehow home seemed twice as lonely as being sat in a garden in the middle of Manhattan in the dark.

She should have known Mike would find her. He was a bloodhound in training.

"Mike...I can see you."

"Hey… out here alone? Rachel was worried about you; but she got stuck talking to…someone…"

"Figures. Keep an eye on her; she's always been too charming for her own good." Donna warned in good humour, gesturing for him to sit down.

"Yeah, I'm getting to realise that… listen, Donna, what's going on? You and Harvey have been acting strange all day…"

She knew Mike very well, and if he caught on and she didn't give it up he would only press to find out where it hurt. He'd been taught by a good master after all.

"I need to say something. You can't go to Harvey, and you definitely can't tell Rachel." She said, her voice low; eyes watchful of her surroundings.

"Then why are you coming to me with this?" he asked.

"Because believe it or not; you've actually been there. In some respects."

She took in a long breath; gathering momentum for the inevitable.

"What is it?" He asked; forehead creasing as he sat beside her; rubbing her back gently with the heel of his hand.

"Harvey and I slept together."

"Oh my g-"

"It gets worse."

"Go on."

"An hour before the wedding."

"How did you-" He asked, mouth agape.

"He started it. But I definitely didn't stop it." She said, her eyes still keeping watch.

"Oh my god; and he STILL got married? He was acting strange in the car this morning but he never said anything; that it was just jitters. I can't believe he still got married; after everything his Father went through…"

"I told him to."

Only then, did it occur to Donna what she had possibly done.

"You told him to…get married? That was bold."

"What else was I supposed to do, Mike? I just turned up to make sure he was ready; which he wasn't; and then… and he is not making it easy for us to move past it. I think he blames me for…" She hung her head in her hands. "...forcing him to go through with it. I told him to 'not ruin both of our lives'…"

"Wow… ouch. Well, you know Harvey; if he actually made a move and you cut it down and made him continue with what he was having doubts with then he's going to resent that, regardless of if he knows it's the better choice to make. I have to say, stopping that wedding would have looked horrific in front of that many law firms."

"Exactly! I can't always stop Harvey from punching people but I can execute damage control before it gets out of hand. We did it in his hotel room, on a marble dressing table."

"Ugh! It's like hearing about your parents-far, far too much information."

"What makes it worse is that unlike most of the women he's dated; Alex is a good person. Not only is she smart; but she's not vindictive. It's a mess."

"Well… okay, two things. The first: Do you love him?"

"Mike." If she heard that question one more time…

"I know I know…look, you're going to have to open up to that one day; you can't keep avoiding the notion that you may be in love with him."

"I told him once; a long time ago that I could fall in love with him…so easily."

"Really…?"

"We were drunk; we were…younger."

"The second… are you willing to let him know that you regret it; that you want things to be different? Unlike Harvey; who seems to have made some sort of step towards changing things between the two of you – albeit it with horrific timing – you're still shutting him down."

"I know." She moaned; letting her head fall slowly into her hands once more.

"He is Managing Partner now. And the wedding is done. Things could work…after a week, or a month, with some annulling and letting the dust settle,"

"No. I can't do that...it just... it feels good to talk about it." She patted Mike's hand, standing up. "Thanks Mike." He was a good kid.

"Donna?" He called after her.

"Yes Michael?"

"For what it's worth; we all think that you're meant to be together. I don't think there's a person that knows you two in there who isn't wondering why it's not your wedding."

The kid was a sweetheart. She smiled softly.

"Thanks Mike."

It was time to get out of here. She'd made convincing excuses to most of her colleagues, except Jessica, whom she knew needed no explanation. That woman had a Hawkeye and a sixth sense for the kind of trouble Harvey and she had cooked up; but she knew that Donna was not one to unravel the tapestry so there was no use in bothering her.

"I can't believe you're leaving! I hardly got a chance to speak to you tonight." Rachel winced, a whine in her voice as she hugged her friend. "But I understand why." She whispered, sneaking a look at Harvey. "Are you going to say bye; they have to leave for the airport in an hour, so."

"Yeah, I will." She nodded; trying to convince herself.

She walked slowly over to where the happy couple were being occupied by a couple of Partners.

This should be easy, get in and get out. Last little bit of the band aid, and then most likely she would see very little of his new young wife for the foreseeable future.

"Hey." Alex smiled at her instantly. Donna couldn't help but notice the way the young woman leant into Harvey; completely at ease in their company. She had to hand it to the woman, she was either stupider than she'd ever realised or just completely at peace with the notion of what Harvey was: a very sought after man.

"I have to go; but I just wanted to say bye and… congratulations." She said, trying to focus most of the sentiment on Alex.

"Thanks, Donna. I expect you'll be happy to see the back of this one for the very short week we're in Tuscany," She said, tugged at Harvey's hand with a knowing look.

"Oh yeah, a week off…Loving it." Donna said.

She popped the 't' a little too much. Harvey caught the end of it in a visible tightening of his jaw. It made her a little nervous so she continued.

"I've told Harvey a thousand times to go take a holiday; it's a good thing he has an excuse, now." Donna said.

"I've always had an excuse." He chimed in; his usual playful self inching its way out; but the words were different somehow and it still felt like they were talking about them in front of his wife.

"Well, good night and … safe trip?" She finally said, praying this would be over shortly.

Alex started to move forward; to hug her or maybe kiss her on the cheek; until she checked Harvey not moving and stalled. She felt a huge red marker draw little exclamation marks around her.

"Sorry, habit! Harvey and I don't really…'hug it out'. It's like hugging your brother," She joked, making a face.

Alex humoured her. "Sure. Well goodnight. I'll make sure Harvey doesn't send you messages about work; I have threatened to throw his cell phone in the ocean, so."

"Harvey's right here you know!" Harvey said; giving Alex a look. When he looked back; his face was softer. "See you in a week?"

"Yeah…" Her answer lingered. "Bye."

Harvey's mother was right. It was FAR too cold for May, she thought as she hugged her coat around her.

"Donna."

She thought that was the last she'd catch of this man for the week. How unlike her to be wrong…

"Harvey. We said 'bye'. What else? You realise that Alex… she is a good person." She said, indicating back towards the hotel.

"I know."

"Don't hurt her." She said, surprised that she actually meant every word.

"What about you?" He asked.

It was the last thing she expected him to come out with.

"I'm Donna. I'll be fine." She smiled; although lacklustre.

She couldn't tell what he was thinking anymore. It was new; she'd never really seen that look in his eyes before but he'd been giving it to her all night; since he'd given it to her this morning. Punning in your head was not cool past twenty-five.

"Whatever you're not saying Harvey…just, stop it." She said, biting back the need to throw something, anything at him.

"What am I not…?"

"I've got to go." She flagged a cab just in time, giving herself enough time to put on as supportive a face as she could muster. "Try to enjoy your Honeymoon. And DO NOT call me. Okay?"

She didn't wait for his answer.

He had a real fucking puppy dog face when he put it on.