Chapter 3. The beginning. Urabon.
You were leisurely half laying on the sand-colored two-seat sofa to the right from my bed, your head resting in the palm of your hand, and you were slowly turning the pages of a thick volume in front of you. You were reading.
"Hmm. That is amusing, you know, Itachi..." you started thoughtfully when your eyes ran down another page.
"Itachi, they are saying that people in your condition should be introduced to nature from time to time. It is said to produce calming effect on sick mind." you chuckled, continuing to skim through the text.
"Itachi, shall we 'introduce you to nature'?...haha!...'an especially successful treatment in complicated cases of schizophrenia proved to be periodical activity sessions performed in unfamiliar landscape or nature surroundings. Waterfalls, mountains, forest walks, even fishing! All these must occur under supervision of experienced personnel who should be at ready to take actions whenever required" you slammed the book shut.
Sasuke, you turned instantly furious.
"Idiots! What if you just run off or start climbing the fucking mountain upwards and fell hundreds of meters? Huh? Or even better, you'll take a fucking rock and make someone swallow it through an open wound in their forehead ?! Imbeciles!"
I simply lay there and watched your outburst.
The reading always gave you controversial reactions, Sasuke. Sometimes you would find interesting ideas and you would tell me about them in detail. Other times you would become outraged at what you had read and you would cuss and throw and smash things around. Sasuke. You always got frustrated in the end when it was about me.
Was it because of that you avoided staying in my room most of the time? Did my helpless condition make you feel that way?
I wished you didn't have to go through the trouble of taking care of me, brother.
You looked at me, already calmer, then you swung your legs down on to the floor and got up, moved in the direction of my bed, a puzzled expression on your face.
You walked up to me, sat on the side of my bed staring in the wall.
"Itachi, I don't know what the heck to do." you sighed and rubbed your eyes tiredly. Sasuke.
You hadn't had enough sleep for days. Was there something going on in your life that I should have been concerned about? Or was it all my sickness?
"What was the fucking point of me taking you out of there if I do exactly the same shit to you as they did to you there in the mental house? Huh?" you questioned me, glaring.
I see. This was not easy that you got to feel that way, brother.
"Itachi, you can't even answer when I'm talking to you. Do you at all understand what I'm talking about, Itachi?"
Yes, Sasuke. I did understand, but I couldn't reply to you. The medication wouldn't let me move, Sasuke. That was the whole point of it.
"Oh, I don't know, Itachi. Maybe we should just stop with it and all. It's not like you gonna run around killing people, right Itachi? Right?"
You got off the bed and opened my bedside table draw, took out the kit, twisted the ampule with the yellow liquid in your hand, then looked at me.
"What do you think, Itachi? Shall we stop with it? You would agree to that, wouldn't you?" you had the skinny see-through ampule held between your thumb and your index finger, you brought it close to my face, and watched my eyes move after it. It looked like you were entertained by my reaction, Sasuke.
"Yes, Itachi, ..you would love that, if I just smashed it between my fingers..pop!..and this yellow shit would run out and you could speak and walk and do whatever the fuck you please, right, Itachi?ne?"
I took my eyes off the container and stared at you. Sasuke, for your own sake I wished you were joking. There was a reason why this had to be done and I had accepted it as necessity. Sasuke, you knew that reason far too well yourself and to ignore it would be irresponsible and dangerous.
"Yes, Itachi,..." you touched my cheek with the ampule. It felt cold. I closed my eyes.
"You look so peaceful, Itachi. So happy."You were sliding it slowly down my cheek, over my mouth...
"Itachi..you look so..."down my chin, under it,
"Itachi..you look so..." touching my neck, swirled it there, I felt my heart speeding up and starting to sound louder in my ears.
"You look so stupid, Itachi!" a roar of laughter.
You cast the ampule into the open draw and sat back down on the bed, looking at me, smiling, or should I say, grinning, Sasuke?
"Did you fucking hope I would do that, huh, Itachi? That I would take you off your meds?"
No, Sasuke, I really hoped you wouldn't.
"After you had killed two of my best friends, you fucking psycho? You hoped for that, didn't you?"
No, Sasuke, I didn't hope for that at all.
"Just know, you piece of shit, that you're gonna pay for everything. I will make you pay and you have no fucking idea, Itachi, how dearly this will cost you. This is just the beginning."
You took out the ready syringe with medicine from the same draw, popped out the plastic lid that was covering the needle and I heard it hit the tatami floor.
You leaned over me. Without any warning you stuck the needle into my right forearm. Half of it went under my skin. I felt it meet my bone and scrape against it.
"This is just the beginning, you piece of fucking shit." you repeated hatefully through your squeezed teeth as you were pressing the medicine out. I passed out before you finished. Thank you, Sasuke. I feel better now.
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"Urabon, Itachi".
"What?"
"Urabon. We're gonna shoot it here. Now."
Sasuke, was that some kind of a joke? It was not a good one.
"Why would you do that, Sasuke?"
You looked at me firmly from the sofa.
"Because I said so." You answered.
We were not alone Sasuke. There were more people in my room. I couldn't see exactly how many as it was all dark around. Only a few oil lanterns lit up the room.
Sasuke, the smell of oil had always given me terrible headaches. You also knew that I couldn't see well without daylight and it worried me. You covered the windows, Sasuke? To make it dark?
Yes, to shoot urabon.
You smiled wide. You obviously enjoyed my confused face.
Urabon. The uncensored illegal pornographic industry in Japan, producing and publishing adult explicit video and live sex content. The only one genre of virtual prostitution that had been unsuccessfully haunted by the authorities and had recently exceeded in all the expectation on supply and demands of the contributors and consumers as well as the public feedback.
The needs and tastes of the strict and proper Japanese adult population have grown wild. Censored soft-core pornography available at any general store in Japan could not compete with urabon, by quality, variety and availability.
Rape, violence, minors, fetish, animals, as well as traditional sex-film scenarios, solos or couples involved - urabon included it all. All of highest standard, well plotted and perfectly screened.
This industry, Sasuke, was controlled and ran by underground studios, protected and covered by Yakuzas, Japan's most feared mafia. I couldn't start to imagine how and why you associated with these people, Sasuke. And why would you get involved in something as low and dangerous as urabon?
We couldn't have had financial problems, Sasuke. Was there something else that pushed you into this track?
Sasuke, who were you? An owner? A customer? A worker? Why would you bring these people into our house? Into my room?
I observed you waiting for your answer. You smirked. Here it was, this weird new habit of yours to fiddle your hair when talking. Were you nervous? Sasuke, I had stopped understanding you.
"Why are you asking, Itachi? Hmm...who would I be not to give my poor sick aniki the pleasure of life enjoyment once in a while? Right, Itachi?" you giggled
"These eight months that you spent in the hospital, Itachi, with your arms restrained. It's not much you could reach there, could you? Not much to look at either, right brother? Did you get to relieve your pressure at all? Or were you constantly being watched?".
I see. Very funny, Sasuke. Very mature. I wished I could smile with you at that, even though this would not be the right topic to discuss when there were other people around.
Sasuke. Was that your plan from the start to get me introduced to this occupation of yours in this peculiar manner?
Sasuke, you were surprising me with your actions. And just the inability to move properly prevented me from reacting to this accordingly. I would really prefer you to realize it before it got too far.
Your eyes were glittering with excitement. Your group of people were setting up the equipment. Two professional cameras were placed on the rails facing my bed. The operators, two fairly aged men in suits and ties (the official Japanese work wear clothing style), were connecting the cables to the electric plugs and building up the screens with decoration articles around my bed to create a certain thematic background.
I saw another person, Sasuke, in your crew. A girl, dressed in school uniform. When she felt my gaze on her, she half bowed to me.
Joshikusei, Sasuke, a high-school girl. This theme was one of the most common, and also highly forbidden in porn. I didn't doubt your actress was of legal age, but she was representing a minor, Sasuke. Why would you choose to do that? Why exactly that? And why here? You knew, Sasuke, how unpleasant this topic was to me. It should also be unpleasant to you, Sasuke.
The girl looked very much alike Noa. This was not her, but she looked similar to her. She even had a Little Kitty bag. Sasuke, why?
"Itachi. This is Nanako Matsushima. Our actress. Be kind to her."
I nodded to a lady, probably in her early twenties, though she was styled to look hardly 15. She smiled and asked for permission to sit next to me on my bed.
"Be careful, Nanako," you warned, laughing."My brother is not only big down there, he is also in mental condition. One never knows with him."
The girl laughed at your joke clapping her hands but preferred to remain standing. I didn't mind.
What was your game, Sasuke?
You got up off your sofa and started giving orders about the light and the scenario. Besides you, two operators and the girl-actress Nanako there was no one else in the room. Were you the partner, Sasuke?
From what you were discussing with the producers this was a Baacharu Deito, the scenario where they don't need to show the male partner's face, just his action, his bodily parts. The story is screened from the point of view of a boyfriend who is being taken on a date by a underage schoolgirl. Was it that you were doing, Sasuke? This was tasteless, brother. But there was one more question I had unanswered.
"Where is your partner, Nanako-hime?" I asked the girl standing next to my bed. She smiled and came a little bit closer to hear me better, she was bowing out of tradition when she answered.
"I am not very certain, Itachi- san." she said. "I believe you are my partner for this episode".
I looked at her seriously. So that was your plan, Sasuke. I see.
"I'm afraid I will have to decline" I pronounced firmly and so that you would hear it. "Please don't take it as an insult."
"What was that, Itachi?" you cut in switching your attention to me. The girl Nanako made some steps backwards letting you get closer to my bed.
You stood there now, your arms crossed on your chest.
"What did you say, Itachi? I couldn't hear you".
I sighed.
"Sasuke. I'm afraid I will have decline this offer. I would prefer you to leave my room. I do not feel well."
A smile split your face.
"Really? You are not feeling well, Itachi?Why is that, I wonder?"
The smell of the lantern oil, Sasuke. You knew it. A lot of unknown people in my room. Darkness. And sex. Sasuke, you knew all of it. Why would you put all these people, including yourself at risk, by creating the situation that was irritating me? Why would you take this risk keeping me awake and conscious and provoking my condition on purpose?
"I guess it is the medication, Sasuke" I said. "Please, Sasuke. Leave."
The pulsing in my temples reminded me of a drum beat.
"Itachi." you sat on my bed, took my hand in yours and stroked it, looking in my eyes.
"Itachi...do it, please. For me." you said.
I closed my eyes. What were you talking about, Sasuke? The drums were slamming louder and louder. What were you taking about?
"Could you please open the window, Sasuke?" I started feeling very ill. You leaned on my chest, drilling your sharp elbow into my ribs and stroking my neck at the same time. You had let go off my hand already.
"No." you said quietly and smiled.
I looked at you.
"Sasuke, my head hurts. Open the window please." I repeated, looking at you. The pain in my head was intensifying. It took the shape of orange circles appearing and disappearing every time I moved my eyes.
Your fingers tickled my neck. Sasuke. There was not enough air. Your weight against my chest Sasuke. I gasped trying to catch air in my mouth. You continued pressing my chest with your elbow and heavy weight. Continued tickling my neck with your fingers.
"Hard to breathe, Itachi?" you wondered in a mocking manner.
"Yes, Sasuke. Window. Please".
"No."
I coughed.
"It's all set up, Uchiha-sama", one of the guys addressed you. You turned to them, then stood up and walked away.
I heard you say "Let's begin."
Studio lamps installed around my bed got lit up. They were directed in my face. Even through my closed eyelids their brightness blinded me completely. It took some time before I could regain my breath and open my eyes to start recognizing the objects around.
Industrial lamps, from many directions, situated a certain way so that only a patch next to my bed would be perfectly visible the rest was just white.
Sasuke. You turned your head to me.
"You are not involved in the movie, Itachi." you said, taking off your shirt. "I am".
I must have drifted off with your words echoing in my head.
"I am...I am...I am..."
Before I opened my eyes again I could hear the sounds.
Sasuke, these strange sounds around my bed...what were they? Screams? Moans? All those cables running over my blanket? An empty syringe on the bed cover. Sasuke. Where did all of this come from all of a sudden?
"Now, turn your head a little bit to the left, as if facing that picture, Nanako. ..yes, that would be fine, thank you .." I heard the producer's voice. I tried to turn my head to see you, Sasuke. But I couldn't . My limbs were numb and my body wouldn't move.
But I could hear. Yes, Sasuke, I could hear you...panting and moaning, moving on the other side of my bed, Sasuke.
"Uchiha-sama, the angle. One hand off, please. No, take the other hand away please..yes, that would be fine.."
Sasuke.
I heard your voice between all the other noises.
"I can't ...hold much... longer" you said obviously to the directors and they gave you permission to...
climax.
I wished I could shut my eyes, Sasuke. I wished I could close my ears. I wished I could stop the breathing and vanish in my dream instead of witnessing that.
There were so many beautiful things I could feel in my dream, Sasuke. The way you loved me, how you cared, what you were to me. Not this, Sasuke. Not like that.
"Fuck. Itachi. Did you see that? Fuck, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did." I heard you talking to me then I sensed the bed shift as you sat next to me, wiping the sweat off your face by the towel slung over your shoulders.
I could picture you smiling, I heard a sound of you pulling the draw out and preparing my injection. I knew this sound Sasuke. Thank you.
You leaned against my face and whispered in my ear.
"This is just the beginning, Itachi. Next time you won't escape it that easily. You can thank Nanako for my good mood, Itachi."
and I felt you angrily sticking the needle between my ribs. Sasuke.
This time the medicine was running out slowly and you were watching my vision get fuzzy and my mouth freeze open.
Sasuke, you were not even holding the syringe in place with your hand. There was no need, the needle was in all the way and all you had to do is to press out a drop or two, that would be keeping me conscious and numb.
I heard the actress come up to you and give you a kiss.
"Sasuke-san, he is not hurting like this? It looks like he is in pain" she said.
you laughed continuing to press the medicine a cubic more, then stopped again.
"Here, you can try." you put her hand on the syringe and she pressed it a little. This was enough to drown me back into my sleep.
Before I passed out I heard you say,
"No, he is not hurting. He is a monster, it will just do him good. Besides, he is a vegetable already."
and you both laughed.
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N/A: I am appologizing for the delay in update. It's due to my personal life drama. It's all back on track now. Hope for your comments and reviews. As always. I tried my best.
mainki