Chapter 5 . No.
"Twenty to thirty minutes between the injections. And make sure he is under supervision constantly."
You nodded, still studying the kanji on the backside of the box with my new medicine. An addition to the old one. The doctor and you bowed to each other and we left, you rolling my wheelchair towards the emergency exit, down the dark empty corridor of the hospital, away from any curious eyes.
The security guard followed a little behind, escorting us through the back doors. There was a dark blue thick blanket covering me up to my chin, to hide the blood stains that had sprayed over my white shirt. It was not much but enough to attract attention and raise suspicions.
Not your blood, not mine, Sasuke.
You didn't say a single word to me even when we approached the car and you together with the guard seated me in, leaving the borrowed aid on the parking lot for the personnel to take care of. When you walked around the vehicle and took your place on the driver's seat and closed the door, you dropped your head on your hands on the steering wheel.
"Fuck!" you whispered through gritted teeth.
"Fuck! Itachi! Fuck!" you slammed your hand against the wheel, then started the engine. The car ripped off the place, leaving burnt tire tracks on the asphalt behind us.
You changed the gear and pressed the gas pedal into the floor, accelerating rapidly.
"Fuck, Itachi! What have you fucking done?!" you yelled at me turning to the left, driving out onto the expressway, maneuvering into the fifth lane. The fastest.
I heard the engine roar and the vehicle stumble as you changed the gear again.
We drove in silence, with only the sounds of you wiping your eyes with the sleeve of your shirt and slamming your hand back onto the steering wheel. You were crying, Sasuke. I could hear it.
I was awake and numb, my head leaning at an askew angle onto my chest, my eyes staring at the blue blanket over me.
I wished to tell you Sasuke, how sad it made me to hear you cry and be so frustrated. But I couldn't. This medicine they pumped into me was meant to send me into my deep sleep for hours but I was still awake fighting to keep conscious, for you.
When we arrived home you parked in front of the house and switched off the ignition and just sat silently, staring blankly ahead. Then you spoke.
"You nearly killed a man, Itachi. Do you understand?" you turned my head to face you.
I read so many emotions on your face towards me. And they were so much different from those just a few hours ago. I thought of how much you must have discovered about me but mainly about yourself. Was it new hatred? Or the old one for something I had committed in the past? Was it pity? I had to remember not to forget and ask you about it next time when I could talk.
My eyelids fell heavy on my face and I drifted off in to sleep, my thoughts were on you, sitting motionless in a car, watching the trees and the path by the house.
When I opened my eyes we were still sitting in the car, you had your eyes covered with your hand. Were you sleeping? Sasuke, you were still not resting enough and now there would be one more reason for you to be worried.
I moved my fingers under the blanket and yes I felt my hand. I stretched it towards you and stroked your cheek. You shrugged and opened your eyes, flinched away, scared.
"Fuck, Itachi." first confused. Then you looked at me and remembered. I saw it and I instantly took my hand away. It was not hatred anymore, Sasuke. This was far worse.
I wondered if you regretted it, taking me there today.
When you woke me up the morning you made an injection in my forearm.
"I'm taking you to the hospital, Itachi. Behave." That was all you said and you helped me to get up, dressed me and seated me in the car.
Sasuke, it had passed over a month already since the time I had returned home. Over a month. This would be the first time for me to leave our apartment.
There was a worrying factor Sasuke. You. I feared you would have to face the consequences for what you had done. And I was right.
When the doctor investigated the wounds you had been causing me the past week he was quiet at first.
"He was doing it constantly to himself while I was away. I just discovered it after that" you pointed at my neck "I can't watch him all the time" you added.
I smiled. Yes, Sasuke, you had made an injection to me today to make sure I would not contradict your side of the story. Though your worries were ungrounded. I would never inflict suspicions on you. This was unnecessary.
I saw you sweating slightly, Sasuke, when my doctor suddenly called after his colleague and they examined my scars and punctured skin thoroughly. They made you repeat what you had said and everything was signed in my medical journal. After a brief hesitation both doctors left us alone in the room. You turned to me and whispered.
"You see, Itachi, what fucking trouble you are putting me through? You better fucking do something about it and make it look trustworthy or we both will end up in places we don't want to be."
I looked in your eyes, Sasuke. What did you want me to do? How? I was not capable of answering or moving.
The doctors returned. There was another person with them. A security guard. Sasuke, it looked like your lies didn't work out well.
I saw a glimpse of worry flicker in your eyes when one of the doctors said to you.
"Uchiha-sama, we have reasons to doubt that your brother was in condition to cause himself these injuries. The medication he is prescribed is sufficient for the long lasting effect to suppress the aggression or any strong reactions."
Sasuke you were about to attack the medics when you shrieked "So what are you saying, that it's me who has done this to my own brother?"
The doctors exchanged the looks and the guard took a place next to my wheelchair, standing between me and you.
I saw how you panicked when you heard their next statement.
"We were forced to contact the police and they will escort you to the station for questioning. I am certain," the doctor added "that this is just a misunderstanding. Although you realize, Uchiha-sama, that we are obliged to follow the protocol and therefore Itachi Uchiha-sama would have to return under the hospital supervision."
Sasuke. You didn't count on that, did you? You didn't count that they would see how incapable I was to do something to myself. Though...
Looking at your eyes now, Sasuke. At your red face and your hands in fists. All those people staring at you with accusation. Polite disgust could clearly be read in their faces, and all of it was directed at you, not at me but at you.
Sasuke, what would happen to you now? Where would you end up? In jail, though what you had been doing was fair and I didn't blame you for any of that.
If only there was one chance for me to lift my hand and stretch it. Only one chance. Sasuke, this medicine, you shouldn't have injected it today. You shouldn't have. I tried to move my fingers and only one of them swayed a tiny bit. There was no way this could be seen as aggression.
Everybody was silent and waiting. I heard the approaching steps down the corridor. Yes, Sasuke. Japanese police was known for their fast actions. It didn't pass 5 minutes before they arrived.
You protested again as the door opened and two expressionless faces appeared. I saw them taking you by your elbows and you pushed the officer away from you. The other one took the handcuffs in his hand.
The doctors moved towards the desk away from the door as soon as the mess started. The guard was still standing next to my wheelchair and I watched a bunch of keys hanging on a ring from his pocket. They were rattling when he moved. Many keys, Sasuke, shiny, sharp, long and short, with peculiar shapes of teeth on them for various kinds of locks. The whole bunch of them.
One could take first the bluntest and the shortest one and push it all the way into human body, between the tenth and the elevenths ribs from the left side and watch. If one used a little bit longer key, one could puncture the lung, but this would be much harder to calculate where to stick it in, and the body wouldn't stand still probably either. One wouldn't want to miss it and meet the hard rib instead.
There was a possibility of cracking the rib, but not with those keys and not in my present state.
Hmm...there were higher chances of meeting the lung if I had a sharp object capable of slicing through the fabrics of the robe. I was not strong enough to do it with the keys only, or was I?
Sasuke, I had lost all interest in you now. Your troubles, brother... You had to learn to take care of yourself, not relying on me all the time.
What were you saying there? Screaming? Persuading? Were they even listening to you?
Sasuke, these keys, they were mesmerizing, how the light shimmered on them, how different distorted objects reflected off their surface.
A sudden realization came to me. Sasuke, were you irresponsible enough to have reduced the dose of my medication instead of increasing it before our trip here?
"I didn't do it!" I heard you exclaim just before the click of the handcuff on your wrist. Just an instant before the ring holding the keys cracked open and they were in my hand and with an amusing sound the bunch settled in the guard's body, in his side. Sasuke, did you hear? Did you see? The blood soaking his gray robe looked completely black, like ink. I watched the shiny keys color red, the shorter ones dangling below the wound and rattling like little bells, while the longer ones were deep in, as deep as they could get. As deep as I managed to stick them in.
I heard the panic and the screams, I heard people in white running into the room an stabbing me with injections, in my arm and my neck. I didn't resist Sasuke. I didn't care. I saw what I wanted to see, this vision of keys from the wound, Sasuke. This music they created when touched on another and the sound of blood drops gliding down the metal.
I saw your face in front of me Sasuke, just before everything blurred in one. You leaned to my ear and whispered in it.
"Thank you, Itachi."
What were you thanking me for, Sasuke? I didn't do it for you. I did it for him. And for me.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Sasuke, how did you manage to persuade them to let me return back home with you? How? What words and resources could solve that? Did your illegal urabon organization help you with this problem, the Yakuzas?
We were silent all the way while you were driving us home. I couldn't move my limbs as the medicines were much stronger this time and I could hardly keep awake. My head was on my chest but I felt you without looking at you. I felt this specific scent that only one emotion created. Fear. Sasuke, being next to me in the car, knowing I could not harm you now you were still scared. Scared of me.
And you had all the rights to be. You couldn't know I wouldn't hurt you as I had done to the guard, or did you realize now what risk you had been putting yourself through every single day of your life? And still you were willing to take that risk? Why, Sasuke? Why?
When you helped me out of the car and walked me into my room you undressed me and lay my body on the bed. You left directly and I heard you talking on the phone sharply, answering curtly, agreeing to everything you were said with half certain "Hai. Onegaishimasu."
It sounded like you were having problems because of me.
When you came back, you sat on the sofa opposite my bed. I could picture you resting your chin in the palms of your hands as you were pressing your elbows in your knees. You sat silently for a while and I was drifting off to sleep when you said
"Itachi, what you did for me today...thank you".
I opened my eyes and turned my head to you. I could not speak loudly and it took all my force to lift two fingers of my right hand and call you up. You hesitated an instant then came closer and sat on your haunches next to my bed, neared your ear to my mouth to hear me say.
"Not for you. For me."
"No, Itachi" you shook your head and took my hand in yours.
"For me." I repeated and smiled.
You shook your head again and cupped my cheek.
"Fuck you, Itachi" you said and smiled too. "You are fucking sick". You said somewhat happily.
Sasuke? You sat on the floor now, not letting my hand go. You started laughing. First quietly then louder. Sasuke, the pressure of the day was getting to you.
"Fuck, Itachi. You nearly killed... a fucking man, you... know it?" you were embracing your stomach with the other hand.
"Haha...Itachi, did you see their fucking faces...? you..." you stumbled and looked at me . You hysteria stopped. You slowly got up on your feet and leaned over me, just a hand away from my face.
You looked me seriously in my eyes. It was a very long moment, Sasuke, when we just studied each other without any words. I thought I read hatred suddenly grow in your eyes as they turned glowing black.
"I hate you" you confirmed my suspicions and
you suddenly lowered and touched my lips with yours. You didn't kiss me, you bit through my lip instead. I felt blood run down my chin.
I laid and felt you biting, tearing my skin with your teeth. There would be marks left tomorrow for me to see.
You stopped and looked at me again, wiped off the blood from your face. My blood, Sasuke.
"You see what you have fucking done to me?" you smirked and stroked my cheek. "How will I explain that ?" you touched my mouth with your index finger and stuck it into my mouth.
What were you doing Sasuke? It tasted of blood, sweet and sour.
"Oh, Itachi" You through your head backwards. "If you only knew" you whispered and looked at me again, took your finger from my mouth and carried it to yours, licked it, added another one and sucked them deep, not taking your gaze away from my eyes, not even for an instant. You put your two fingers back in my mouth and moved them in deeper.
"Yes, Itachi. This is what you want. This is how you want it." you whispered infatuated as I lay feeling your fingers glide in and out of my mouth, over my tongue, over my lips. I didn't move Sasuke. What were you doing, I wondered? Why were you doing it?
When you finished your game you wiped your hand off on my blanket and patted me on my cheek.
"Itachi," you said "you are fucking sick." you smiled. Then you stood up.
"Sasuke" I whispered.
You leaned above my mouth to hear
"water please" I asked.
You looked at me and smiled.
"No".
And left the room.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Sunlight through the frosted windows. The projection of the shaded pattern of the bamboo branch on the wall when the light streams through the shojo screen. The sound of your breath in deep sleep tickling my bare skin. Your hand was resting on my stomach, your head on my chest.
"Sasuke, I need to get up". I admired your closed eyes, your coal black hair sticking in all direction including my mouth when I kissed your forehead.
You moved a little but snuggled even closer to me, your leg laying across my leg.
"Sasuke...I need to...-"
"Wait, Itachi. Not just yet." you mumbled waking up.
I smiled and removed your head.
"Sasuke we will have to talk about it sooner or later, you know that?"
You rubbed your eyes and yawned, clearly annoyed.
"Fucking good morning, Itachi". You sat on the bed and yawned again, massaging the back of your neck.
"Why do you have to be an ass, Itachi, and spoil everything? Why can't we just enjoy this without your fucking lectures?"
I pulled you back to me, tightly.
"Because. Because we are brothers..."
You rolled your eyes.
"Fuck, Itachi, and what if I tell you I want more than that?" you asked , while your fingers playfully patted my abdomen.
I removed your hand and sat on the bed, and started putting my clothes on.
"No." I said, without turning my head.
Sasuke, you hated that word more than anything. It was for you alike a red rag for a bull. You caught my hand while I was putting my trousers on.
"Don't you want it, Itachi?" you looking in my eyes, and sat next to me.
"No".
I knew you would get furious, Sasuke. But even for a dream there were limits I couldn't afford to cross.
"Fuck you, Itachi." You said and kissed me.
I kissed you back, Sasuke. When we parted I repeated
"No."
"No?"
"No".
You smirked
"There are many different ways to skin the cat, Itachi" you also starting picking your clothes from the floor, from where you had thrown them before laying down with me in my bed.
"Sasuke. Nothing you say will change it. No."
A glimpse of disappointment, pain, anger, bitterness on your face.
You gave me your last "Fuck you, Itachi " and left. Not even slamming the door. Just left.
Even in my dream you always left, Sasuke, leaving me alone. In my room.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.
N/A: Thank you for Reading. Thank you for reviewing. Thank you for correcting me and for telling me your opinion about my work.
I want to point out how important is my dear beta's job is in all this. Half of the credit is hers. Thank you, Senpai, for every chapter and every single mistake you find in my drafts.
And thank you all, my old and new reviewers, and my readers, my friends. Thank you for Everything.