I Said Seduce the Camera, Not Me.
Title: I Said Seduce the Camera, Not Me
Pairing: KidOC. SoulMaka. Black*StarOC.
World: AU
Summary: "He's an insufferable nabob prat, that's what."/"She is an infuriating little parvenu with no capability for symmetry."/"I despise her; her and her idiotic camera."/"He can go die, for all I care."/"Goddamnit, woman, I love you!"
.ooOoo.
It was five in the bloody morning that Pippi found herself in a dimly lit but incredibly elegant, swanky and surprisingly 24/7 London café, typing furiously on her sleek black Dell Notebook (honestly, Mac was pretty damn confusing. Not to mention ridiculously expensive,) taking advantage of the free Wi-Fi and typing furiously to her best friend (via Facebook) about the unfairness of this world, especially to her.
Written in the section aft this sentence is the very interesting (and totally PG— well, not at first, but definitely later on) conversation between Phoebe 'Pippi' Stefanov (plus family!) and Evangeline Rosetti, henceforth known as LoveTheMango and EvaEyeDomination respectively.
If you didn't understand, Pippi has the fruity name.
The Highly Informative (in the rhetorical sense) Status and Notification Spamming of 'Pippi-Slash-Family-And-Eva-And-Friends' via Facebook
EvaEyeDomination is wondering why she uses her nonsensical, delusional-best-friend-christened-nickname as her Facebook name, as opposed to her perfectly good one.
about an hour ago *Like* Comment
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LoveTheMango Because it's perfectly awesome. Admit it.
Draco Stefanov Ha! Eva, really, you don't need to pity her and succumb to Pippi's fruitiness. Very bad pun intended.
Phoebus Apollo Stefanov Yes, Eva dear. My elder is absolutely correct. I know right?
LoveTheMango Oh, shut up. Fruitiness does run in the family, you know.
EvaEyeDomination Oh, yes. I've noticed, best friend.
Ra-Seth Stefanov I'm afraid she's right, dear brothers (and little sister.) Haven't you ever noticed the oddity of our names?
Loki Stefanov I was under the impression that Mum was just a History buff.
LoveTheMango Ah. That explains why you're okay with everything. But really, haven't you ever wondered why we're all named after mythical gods? (With the exception of Draco, of course— Mum's also a major Potterhead.) And not very flattering ones to boot.
EvaEyeDomination They're not unflattering at all, actually. I think they're adorable.
LoveTheMango You're too sweet sometimes, darling. Isn't that right, Russet dear?
Ra-Seth Stefanov I distinctly remember telling to stop calling me that. It's not my fault I drew the short straw. Stop making fun of my name.
Draco Stefanov Honestly, little brother, it could be worse. Mum could have called you Silvanus. (18 people like this)
Phoebus Apollo Stefanov Sylvie. Ha!
EvaEyeDomination There's no 'y.'
Phoebus Apollo Stefanov Silvia, then.
Ra-Seth Stefanov Oi! Don't give them any ideas!
LoveTheMango That would have been pretty freaking awesome, coz, you know, Russet does look very androgynous.
EvaEyeDomination Yeah, but isn't your mother's name Silvia?
LoveTheMango Mum's spelled with a 'y.' Sylvia.
EvaEyeDomination Oh. Well, that makes sense. Anyway, Phoebus, why do you keep using your middle name? Come to think of it, I've never really known your full names. Or ages. Or middle names. OHMYGOSHISOTOTALLYDON'TKNOWYOURMIDDLENAMESANDI'VEL IKEKNOWNYOUGUYSFOREVERANDSTUFF.
LoveTheMango …Is it really that important? We don't know yours either. But, because I love you and because you've always been there for me (unlike certain *coughAllcough* family members,) I shall graciously answer your questions. You know Phoebus's, Russet doesn't count because his name's already made up of two, mine is Artemis (barfff,) Loki's is Tyrr and Draco is Draco Luscious— er, Lucius Stefanov.
Phoebus Apollo Stefanov This is why I use my middle name. I refuse to acknowledge you as my relative, let alone admit to being your i-freaking-dentical twin.
Ra-Seth Stefanov W-What?
Phoebus Apollo Stefanov OH MY GOD. (28 people like this)
Draco Stefanov O.O I don't normally do these kind of things, but I'm kinda… er…
Draco Stefanov …..I suppose totally violated and disturbed should do the trick…..
Loki Stefanov And This Is Why You're My Lil' Sis! ^3^ Score, sweetie! (52 people like this)
Ra-Seth Stefanov LOKI!
Loki Stefanov What? I'm living up to my namesake, so there.
LoveTheMango chu!~
EvaEyeDomination So, your middle name's 'Luscious?'
Draco Stefanov NO!
Isley Warner I AGREE WITH THE LUSCIOUS LUCIUS THING! The man is delicious, although I think Draco (both the movie one and the Pippi one) are scrumptiouser! Ah, the perks of having a gay friend, eh, Pippi? (92 people like this)
LoveTheMango :)
Ra-Seth Stefanov …Is scrumptiouser even a word?
Isley Warner Is now! xD
.ooOoo.
Okay, so I lied. I swear, the next one's the important one. No, really. Honest.
(This was posted around 2.45 am, an hour or two after Pippi's defilation of the building, prior to the above, which was put up at a time between and am.)
(It is safe to say that our protagonist got very little sleep.)
.ooOoo.
LoveTheMango thinks that this world is screwed up. Especially now.
2 hours ago *Like* Comment
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EvaEyeDomination What happened?
Isley WarnerYeah, what crawled up your ass (again) and died? :) (27 people like this)
LoveTheMango Shut up, Isley. Just because you were my roommate once does not give you express permission to ask me what crawled up my ass and died.
LoveTheMango I got hired.
LoveTheMango As in, I have a job.
Isley Warner What the hell's so wrong about that?!
LoveTheMango That's what I thought too. Until I found out who my employer was.
LoveTheMango And who the SUBJECT was.
EvaEyeDomination ?
LoveTheMango I'm now an amateur photographer under Franken Stein, in lieu of Phoenix Stefano, of who the three irritating men refused to believe I wasn't. Anyway, it's bad because my ultimate manager happens to be the father of the absolutely infuriating supermodel, Death the Kid.
Isley Warner And what the hell is wrong with that?! The guy's hot! And, he's a total gentleman! I've had a crush on him since— oh, I don't know? At any rate, trust a male's opinion, dearie— you ain't never gonna find a man as sexy as that. Except maybe Luscious. Teehee.
LoveTheMango About that, I might have accidentally on purpose turned him into my PNG (persona non grata, not the picture format, so shut it with the puns) numero uno.
EvaEyeDomination Oh, Pippi. What did you do?!
Isley Warner 3 puns, ha!
LoveTheMango Okay, do you still remember that little you-don't-graduate-until-you-do-this-shoot-thing from the school? Let's just say you do. Anyway, I started taking pictures of the model (PONCE) and he got all pissy because of his stupid OCD said that the pictures weren't symmetrical. OF COURSE THEY WEREN'T SYMMETRICAL! IT WOULD HAVE LOOKED STUPID IF THEY WERE! So he got pissy and I got even more pissy and we had this all shouting in your face thing. Oh, and I might have also purposely tilted everything to the left.
EvaEyeDomination Oh, Pippi. For the 197th time. (54 people like this)
EvaEyeDomination And don't you dare say anything on it. I KNOW. I counted.
LoveTheMango …..
Isley Warner So what'cha gonna do 'bout it?
Danube Siobhan Well, you could always sock him in the face, right?
Isley Warner WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE?!
LoveTheMango I'd love to, only his nose is worth, like, a million dollars. At least.
LoveTheMango I don't have that kind of money.
LoveTheMango At least, not yet.
Danube Siobhan Wow. RICH BITCH MUCH?!
LoveTheMango Ya think?
EvaEyeDomination Well, I'm assuming he looks down on you now, correct?
LoveTheMango That's kinda harsh…
EvaEyeDomination I'm right anyway. Why don't you prove him wrong then? Show him you're not immature and irresponsibly childish— even though you are— as he now undoubtedly thinks. Work hard, gain approval from everyone else and eventually, he will be forced to grudgingly acknowledge you as a capable individual (which you actually ARE, despite how you act,) in which you will have certainly, hands down, unquestionably WON.
Danube Siobhan Wow, that was pretty deep, Eva. Although a nice punch would have done the trick. Maybe in the gut, since his nose is apparently worth more than my mom's house.
LoveTheMango ikr? And your mum's probably got the swankiest house I've ever seen.
EvaEyeDomination Guys….. Is violence really necessary? Why can't you all settle this like normal, CIVILIZED people?
LoveTheMango ….Because we're not exactly normal? And I'm a nonconformist. Speaking of which, aren't you too? I mean, just look at all your creations! It's so oddball, yet you manage to make it all elegant! HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!
EvaEyeDomination Stop trying to change the subject! For God's sake, Pippi, save me the effort of hauling your sorry ass out of hell and use WORDS.
Isley Warner Eva, darling, I've been telling her that for years and she hasn't once listened. It's a shame, isn't it? What with her fine conduct of the English language and all.
Danube Siobhan Nah, I prefer fists.
Isley Warner That being said, you don't count. You're a barbarian.
Danube Siobhan Eh. I know.
LoveTheMango So, you're giving me permission to go apeshit, only with words?
EvaEyeDomination YES!
Isley Warner YES!
LoveTheMango Is that all?
EvaEyeDomination Pretty much, yeah.
LoveTheMango Kay. Bye. I'm going to eat breakfast now.
LoveTheMango Peace out.
.ooOoo.
As she typed out her last comment with a flourish, Pippi checked the time on her screen, scowling in annoyance when it read 5.3o.
Eh, whatever.
Pippi dug into her brassiere again, pulling out her wallet only to find it empty. After digging into the other random little flaps at the side, she discovered something.
Her credit card.
Oh, thank God.
Immediately, Pippi set about to the task of flagging down a waiter and ordering a hot, extra large piece of piping hot apple crumble with a scoop of vanilla at the side, crème brulée, apple strudel, a toasted ciabatta with mozzarella cheese and a filling of toasted tomatoes, basil and shredded roasted honey-garlic chicken and a tall glass of hot milk tea with one sugar and three ice cubes on top.
Ah, and a slice each of chocolate and apple pie drizzled over with copious amounts of cream.
Pippi cared not for the calorie count of all the hot, considerably sweet and carbohydratey food that she was ordering; she was already planning for the vicious running spree she was going to partake in tomorrow morning.
But enough of that.
Today's today and tomorrow's tomorrow.
For now, she was just going to eat.
And then maybe go get a crane (although maybe a tank would do,) and demolish that horrendous building.
Ah, sweet revenge.
.ooOoo.
DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME AT ALLL! Christmas! It's totally over but I, have returned with the spoils. Ferrero Rocher, Cadbury, Toblerone, Bounty, Rafaello Vanilla-Coconut Truffles, Gingerbread, Fruitcake, CHRISTMAS PUDDIN'S! OH, OH! AND BUTTERFINGERS! AND CRUNCHIE! AND KINDER BUENO! AND PASTILLAS! OHMYGOD, PASTILLAS!
I HAVE A WHOLE CARTON OF STRAWBERRY MILK!
HAHAHAHAH, ALL MINE!
+Chuu, review, and tell me what you think!
+Oh, well. At least my helper's pretty damn fine. Haha, it's my best friend. xD
+I'm sorry it's all Facebook…. *gloom* But, CHOCOLATE!
+I get the feeling this is pretty filler-ish… I kinda only did this because I wanted to introduce (or at least inform you of the existence) of Pippi's circle of family and friends.
+Review!