Piercerella
Radio Guy: Alright, and that was Sebastian Michaels singing his hit new song, "Behind The Window" on our pop channel *65.3 Kidz (Kid Cheer) . . . Today, we have something different to do. Instead of playing more hit songs, we're going to read and play out a script we got in the mail. It's an 'awesome' story, you kids will love it! Now, brought to you by Kidz Zone, McDonald's, and Lovely Shop. . . Piercerella!
(Harp Starts Playing)
Narrator: Once upon a time, there lived a man. He had two sons, the eldest named Gilbert, and the youngest named Ludwig. The man was old, and poor. His wife, who was the one to bring in the money, died right after Ludwig was born, so his sons never really had a mother most of their lives. That's why the man married right away to a beautiful woman, who had a set of twins that were Gilbert's age named Red and Robin. Together, the children learned to be happy again, and that made the man happy.
(Harp Stops)
But, just two years after the wedding, a terrible tragedy happened. . .
(Fire Crackling)
The man and Ludwig died in a house fire. Along with everything they had. Gilbert was devastated. He had no idea how to deal with the new pain he had. His father and brother, the only real family he had, were now gone. The thought often floated in his mind. His stepmother bought a new house in a new town, and he was forced to live with them. It was then, that Gilbert started hating his stepfamily. Every day, he had to clean, cook, do everything around the house while his step family just laughed and told him to do more.
Red: (Laughs) you're so weird, Gil!
Gilbert: Shut up! I'm awesome! Not weird!
Robin: Awesome? You're the maid!
Red: What kind of 'Awesome' person has weird white hair and red eyes like you?
Gilbert: This awesome person! I'm not your maid! Someday, I'm going to leave and you'll be sorry!
Red: Riiiight, go back to cleaning, Bird-Boy!
Narrator: That evil stepmother never let Gilbert leave the house in their new town. The family was too ashamed of his white hair, and red eyes. It wasn't normal in their eyes, and didn't want to be seen with someone like that. Since he never left the house, he never finished school. He was very pale since his skin hadn't seen the sun in so long. His hair was blonde, but it turned white over time due to stress. As you can tell, his life sucked. His only friends growing up were the birds that would come to his window in the morning and night. Well, I've given enough information. Shhh, they're starting.
(Footsteps)
Red & Robin: MOM! MOM!
Gilbert: She's in the dining room.
Red: Shut up, Bird Boy! No one asked you!
Gilbert: Fine then, you ugly hag!
Red: What did you just call me, you —
Robin: Red, we don't have time for this!
Red: Oh, right! Move out of my way, bonehead! MOM! MOMMY!?
Stepmother: (Walks in) WHAT DO YOU WANT!?
Red: M-Mother . . . ?
Stepmother: Oh, I'm sorry, honey. With all your yelling and whining, I thought Gilbert was calling me.
Gilbert: HEY!
Red: Mom, this is important!
Robin: The king is throwing a HUGE ball because the queen survived cancer! The princess is going to be there, and she might pick her husband!
Red: Mom, this is our chance! If Robin can marry Princess Madeline, then we'll be rich!
Stepmother: What!? Rich!? When is this ball!?
Red: Tonight!
Stepmother: Oh, quick! We have to get you ready!
Red: Good thing they're letting everyone in!
Gilbert: Hold up! Hold up!
Stepmother: (Groans) what do you want?
Gilbert: Everyone in? That means I can go.
Robin & Red: YOU!?
Gilbert: Yeah, me! I'm awesome; I should be able to go!
Stepmother: Gilbert, you can't go.
Gilbert: And, why not, you old bag?
Stepmother: Because you are a huge disgrace to this family. We can't afford being embarrassed and seen with you.
Red: Yeah! You're so weird!
Robin: You're inhuman! A total monstrous freak!
(Laughing, Stepmother, Red, & Robin walk away)
Gilbert: . . . I'm not you family . . .
Narrator: Poor, poor Gilbert. After that, he stormed to his room, and slammed the door. He would never admit it, but he was very excited about going to that ball for a few seconds. Soon, night came. Stepmother, Red, and Robin had left for the ball, leaving Gilbert all by himself.
Radio Guy: Commercial break! Brought to you by . . .
Commercial: KIDZ ZONE! (Kids cheer) A PLACE WHERE A KIDS DREAMS CAN COME TRUE! WE HAVE EVERYTHING FOR A KID, AT ONLY 10 BUCKS A CHILD! COME AND MAKE YOUR KIDS DREAMS COME TRUE, AT KIDZ ZONE!
Radio Guy: Back to the story.
(Bed creaking)
Gilbert: (Sighs) Man, this place sucks. Those women don't know how awesome I can be! They need to get over their woman feelings, and start seeing my greatness. I'll make them kiss my feet one day. I would try running away again, but they have that stupid mutt to track me down again, I still have that bite mark on my butt! (Groans)
(Sudden music)
Gilbert: Huh? What's that?
Lovina: Over here, you stupid potato!
Gilbert: Huh?
Lovina: My names Lovina. I'm your Fairy god sister . . . HEY! Don't give me that look! Do I LOOK like a mother to you!?
Gilbert: No. You're too hot.
Lovina: Watch that mouth of yours, bud. I've been alive longer than your great, great, great-grandfather! I know all the wrestling moves and can take you down in less than two seconds using only one hand if you say something like that again!
Gilbert: Fair enough, continue.
Lovina: (Sighs) Great, you got me off track. I completely forgot my speech I was going to give you. Thanks a lot, idiot. I'm just going to sum it up; I'm here to make you stop whining like a little baby. You want to go to that ball, right?
Gilbert: What's it to you—?
Lovina: Shut up and let me talk! Now, I'll give you your wish and stuff.
(Magical music)
Gilbert: Whoa! I look awesome! Wait, what's this?
Lovina: I gave you two piercings, dummy! Gives you that, "Bad Boy" look that girls these day love for some reason. A cartilage and helix piercing on your left ear. Now, I'll poof your butt to the ball. Oh, yeah. Everything I just gave you will disappear at midnight. Be careful and keep that in mind.
Gilbert: Cool, I—Wait, POOF!?
Narrator: With that, Gilbert was poofed to the ball. People were dancing all over the place; it was a whole bunch of fun! Gilbert was having the time of his life, until he laid his eyes on Princess Madeline. He marched up to her when she looked his way.
Gilbert: Hey, you're hot!
Madeline: Ah! T-Thank you, I think?
Gilbert: Whatever, girl. Want to dance?
Madeline: U-Um, yeah. Sure.
(Music plays)
Gilbert: So, who are you and where have you been all my life?
Madeline: Oh, I-I, um, I am Princess Madeline.
Gilbert: Sweet! Hot and loaded!
Madeline: Uh, what's your name?
Gilbert: My awesome name's not important.
Narrator: So, Gilbert and Madeline continued to dance. Even after that, they hung out all night. That is, until they saw it was midnight.
Gilbert: Aw, dang it! I forgot! Listen, touts, I have to go. Like, now. See ya!
Madeline: W-What? Wait!
Gilbert: Call me!
Narrator: Gilbert ran back home, he was relieved to see that his stepfamily hadn't reached home yet. Before going to bed, he went to the bathroom, and stopped when he walked past a mirror.
Gilbert: What? Didn't I have two piercings on my ear, not one? Oh, well must have lost it when I was running.
Radio Guy: Commercial break! Brought to you by . . .
Commercial: McDonalds! Where any kid can get fed everyday and not get tired of the same thing! Now having a two for one discount! (Theme music)
Radio Guy: Back to the story.
Narrator: A couple of days later, Gilbert and his stepfamily received a letter saying the Duke and princess were coming. It seemed Madeline had chosen her husband, but he left the ball early. The only thing she found was his piercing on the ground near the castle. So, she's looking for a man with two piercings on her left ear. It's harder than you think.
Stepmother: Hurry! She'll be here any moment!
Robin: Mom, relax. I don't need fixing up; I'm PERFECT!
Stepmother: Still, this is our last chance.
(Knocking on the front door)
Stepmother: THEY'RE HERE! Gilbert, go to the back room. Be a good boy and not come out until they leave!
Gilbert: Shut up, woman. I'm going.
Stepmother: Red, get the door!
(Door opens)
Red: Welcome, Your Highness.
Madeline: Alright, I'm tired, and I want to go home. Let's get this over with, boy, let me see your ear.
Robin: (Walks over) my ear . . . ?
Madeline: (Groans) yes, your ear! I've had a long day, and I have had it with imposters! Tell me right now, are you the dude at the ball or not?
Robin: I-I am! Look! (Takes earring and tries to push it though his ear) OW!
Stepmother: Oh no! Blood! Red, get a towel!
Madeline: (Sighs) it's not like this hasn't happened before. You put it in the wrong place, too! Goof; is there any other man in the house?
Red: No—
Gilbert: (Walks back in) Oh, so I'm not a man anymore?
Madeline: Who's that?
Radio Guy: Commercial break! Brought to you by . . .
Commercial: Lovely Shop! A place to get the perfect things for your mother or sister! Any female relative! For a birthday, Mothers Day, or Christmas! The highest price is only $30.00! Come here, come now!
Radio Guy: Back to the story.
Stepmother: Oh, don't mind him! He's just the maid!
Red: YEAH! He didn't even go to the ball!
Gilbert: Oh, yeah? Watch this, ladies. (Takes earring and sticks it though his ear)
Everyone (but Gilbert): IT FITS!
Madeline: And, look! He has two piercings on his left ear!
Red: How'd you get that!?
Madeline: Who cares? We shall wed in a week. Please, tell me your name!
Gilbert: My name is Gilbert . . . The Awesome Gilbert.
Narrator: And so, Gilbert and Madeline got married. Robin, Red, and Stepmother were left to rot by themselves. Everyone, but the evil stepfamily, lived happily ever after.
(Music)
Radio Guy: Alright! That was our story! Oh, looks like we got a call! Hi, what did you think of our story?
Kid: Don't ever, EVER, play out a story EVER again . . . that was really painful to hear, and even more painful to stay on this station. (Dial tone)
Radio Guy: . . . Well then . . .
The End