Rainbow Dash and Lero.
Lero and Rainbow Dash.
What a fascinating couple they make. Oh, and Lyra and Twilight too. Mustn't forget them.
On one hoof, they're such a happy, loving herd. I'm happy for their loving relationship. I will always support them.
And yet... and yet... this is something I would rather die than ever voice aloud, EVER, but whenever I look at Lero's herd... I feel like I've dodged a lightning bolt.
How had it even happened? Rainbow falling in love with the human?
I remembered Rainbow describing the moment they officially became coltfriend and marefriend: "I told him I was a skinny, garish, over-muscled freak... and then he turned it around on me. He said I wasn't skinny, I was 'slender.' He said I wasn't over-muscled, I was 'athletic,' and I was colorful, not garish..."
I had nothing but respect for the human for such generous sentiments, for seeing the best in my friend, for accentuating the positive. Because Rainbow Dash is NOT an ugly pony, by any means. To see herself as THAT unattractive, that was just being too harsh on herself!
And yet... and yet...
I briefly stopped what I was doing to shut my eyes and imagine myself in Rainbow Dash's horseshoes.
"I'm a pegasus, not a unicorn." I spoke softly, as a hypnotist would speak to a pony she was hypnotizing. "I'm an athlete, not a fashionista. The Wonderbolts are my idols. My goal in life is to become the fastest precision flyer ever, and joining the Wonderbolts is my dream. Also, I have rainbow-colored mane." I opened my eyes, and looked in a mirror, picturing this new me, this new rainbow-maned Rarity. And even with these different goals, I still couldn't ENTIRELY empathize with what my friend had made of herself.
If Rainbow DID happen to be skinnier and more muscular than the regular mare, whose fault was that? A number of Wonderbolt mares managed to be athletic AND retain their girlish figure. All Dash would've needed to do was research different exercise programs, different diets. As for 'garish,' I agree with Lero; there's nothing wrong with Rainbow's coloration. Dyeing such a one-of-a-kind mane would've been a crime against fashion! An absolute felony! But if anything WAS 'garish' about Rainbow's mane, it was that she kept it so unkempt and uncared-for. Would it have KILLED Rainbow Dash to have put a dab of styling gel in her mane, in between all those midmorning naps?
Of course it would've. Because hair care was 'froufrou.' And the ultra-awesome Rainbow Dash didn'tdo froufrou. And look where that had gotten her: a body she wasn't 100% proud of, a terrible self-image! For all her boasting and bravado, Dash was probably so fraught with insecurities about her looks, that she probably hadn't planned on APPROACHING stallions until she'd made Wonderbolt Captain.
Talk about overcompensation. Talk about dodging a lightning bolt! How lucky and smart I was to have never gone so anti-froufrou! Poor Rainbow Dash had probably come to regard herself as such a freak... no wonder the first guy she'd formed a heartfelt personal connection with would be the alien biped from another world.
"I'd have been an even better Rainbow Dash than you, Rainbow," I chuckled at my reflection.
But then... how had Twilight come to fall in love with the human? Unlike Rainbow Dash, Twilight's problem had never been embracing the softer side of femininity.
I thought it over a bit. Eventually, I came to a conclusion that Twilight's issue had been the same one which brought her to Ponyville in the first place: she was bad at socializing. I mean, come on! A girl like Twilight, who was as good as a daughter to our sun goddess? Suitors had to have been tripping over themselves to catch her eye! Instead, she buried her nose in books for her entire fillyhood.
As much as Twilight has improved since moving to Ponyville... there's a world of difference between platonic friendships and romance. Must've scared her. Given the choice of doing things 'by the book,' or forging her own path, Twilight always prefers the former. I suspect that once Rainbow Dash had taken the actual risk of courting Lero first, Twilight must've been attracted by the prospect of a herd-sister who could 'show her the ropes,' on how to handle a coltfriend who'd already been 'broken in'... so to speak.
Insecurities... so many blasted insecurities! My poor friends. Well, Lero would be an ideal catch for an insecure girl. The human is just so... nonthreatening.
Fillies do love to think of themselves as the stronger gender - myself included - what with all our 'superior numbers' and such, our instinctive need to safeguard the scarcer sex... yet no girl wants to admit just how much POWER stallions can truly command over us when they want to; physically and psychologically. But what does Lero actually have?
No wings. No magic. He does have a pair of hands, and from what I had already seen of Spike, hands made for an adequate-enough substitute for magic... but even little Spiky-Wikey has claws on the end of his! Lero is no layabout, he keeps in shape... but even so, a pony would need to be very young, very old, or very sick to lose a tug-of-war with the human. Same principle applies to running; in terms of both speed and endurance. Some of his teeth might be pointy at the end, but how well would THOSE stand against a solid buck to the face? My own cat has scarier fangs.
And THEN there is the matter of pregnancy. How ecstatic Rainbow is to have a "stallion" that can bring her to the throes of ecstasy at every estrus, with no risk of ever winding up with foal! On one hoof, it's for the best - if motherhood isn't right for Rainbow Dash, better she stay childless. Still, the fact remains that in the battle of the sexes, impregnation is perhaps one of the greatest weapon in a boy's arsenal. And in this world, Lero is incapable of it.
So even if - Celestia forbid - Lero WANTED to transform into the Coltfriend From Hell, (a route which FAR too many of my ex-coltfriends have gone...) what could the human do? Especially when you factor Twilight into the equation. If he were to ever break the heart of Princess Celestia's protégé badly enough, there's nowhere under the sun he could run to.
To be the one human in a world of ponies is to be neutered in every way except the most literal!
...
...
...
...I am suddenly very deeply ashamed at the direction my own thoughts have taken. It's a good thing I'm quietly sorting out my thoughts in the privacy of my own bedroom, rather than voicing them in public.
I know Mr. Bellerophon Michaelides, and the LAST thing he deserves is scorn. He's blessed with a truly noble heart, nobler than a great number of the nobleponies at Canterlot. (I'm not going to name names, but one in particular starts with 'B' and ended in "lueblood." Or was it 'itch?')
I can't really fault Lero for falling in love with mares any more than I can fault Spike for falling in love with me. Spike's and Lero's situations are both so similar: the only ones of their kind, surrounded by ponies. But at least if Spike ever yearned to mingle with his own species, there ARE other dragons in Equestria. Lero's not even born of this world.
I sympathize with his plight. I really do. If our roles were reversed, if it were me, stranded in his human world, I'd imagine I'd barely be functional. I'd be a basket case, always pining for Equestria. But Lero didn't give into homesickness. He adapted to an alien world.
He helps so many of us; you could hardly ask for a finer neighbor. I don't think there's an unkind bone in that human's body. He has done everything within his power to fit in with pony society, become one of us... with the notable exception of clothing. (Not that this is a complaint, on my part. Lero may not be an aficionado of haute couture, but a clothier like me certainly can appreciate a returning customer!)
Best of all, he has made two of my dearest friends genuinely happy.
An individual like that doesn't deserve to live in loneliness. He deserves the love and support of fine ladies.
Take Lyra, for instance. I'm fully in favor of HER hooking up with Lero. She's just so very... unique, that I could hardly imagine her with anypony else.
But why oh WHY couldn't it have just been her, (or maybe some of Lyra's OTHER friends?!) Why did he have to drag two of MY best friends into it?!
It's not that I have anything against interspecies romances. Perhaps it's just a touch of psychological projection, because I just don't swing that way, myself. Non-ponies do nothing for me. (Though Spike's not ready to know that yet. He's just a baby, after all, and I couldn't bear to break his loving little heart.)
I'm just afraid that one day, years from now, when the novelty and the thrill of the exotic has died away, they'll wake up, see the... the BEING sleeping next to them in bed, and think: what did I marry?!
But I am grown-up enough, and open-minded enough to recognize that what they have together is true love. I am no racist bigot, like that horrible Honeydew mare is. It is for these reasons that I am, and will always remain, the most outspoken supporter of Lero and all his herd.
Well, that's enough idle thinking for now. Time for bed! After all, Dash and Lero will be stopping by tomorrow to have a look at my little surprise. I hope they like it!