"Y... you eat meat, right?"

Lero Michealides gave a small silent, start of surprise. It wasn't often that a pony could sneak up right behind him, unnoticed. The heavy clip-clop of their hooves was always a giveaway, but having lived among ponykind as long as he had, Lero's ears had also become keenly attuned to the flap of pegasus wings in the air, (particularly since Rainbow Dash had become such an important part of his life.) Even with unicorn teleportation... there tended to be a soft sound, like the tinkle of ethereal bells, just before the unicorn poofed right next to you.

Then again, he was walking down the marketplace road, in the middle of the day. Lero supposed he'd overlooked Whoever-Was-Behind-Him, under the clatter of everypony else's hooves. The crowds were especially thick right now: so many of the shops were hosting sales today.

He and Rainbow Dash both turned around and saw a young blank flank colt. His coat and mane were both bright green. Wide blue eyes studied him with intense curiosity.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" asked Lero.

"Yeah! I just asked you if it's true that you eat meat. I know you're the hu...something. My aunt's told me a little about you. I just wanted to know if you really ARE a meat-eater."

Lero smiled patiently. "Yeah, kid, I eat meat."

The young colt took a small step back, gawking up at him in wonder.

"Whoa. S-s-so, when you DO eat meat, how do you kill your prey? Or do you just start chomping into them right as you catch them, like a tiger? Do you eat your meat in broad daylight? Or do you wait around until after dark, when nopony can see you?"

The questions just spilled out of the kid like coal from a sack. There was nothing mean-spirited in the little guy's tone. But he made Lero felt like an honest-to-goodness vampire being asked how many necks he needed to bite to get full and which blood type was yummiest: O, A, B, or AB?

"Oh, and... and have you EVER eaten pony m...?"

Head lowered, glowering warningly, Rainbow Dash put herself between the kid and her stallion, fanning her wings out like an angry eagle about to launch itself at a foe.

"Don't you have somepony else to bother?" she growled.

The kid lost his footing while scrambling backward. "I... I'm sorry, miss, I wasn't trying to bother anypony..."

"Beat it, kid! Just scram! Or so help me, I'll...!"

"Dash, please! That's enough!"

"Hey, this kid's just being a brat! I'm not going to let ANYONE talk to you that way, least of all a little punk like this!"

Lero ran a calming hand through her mane. "Let me handle this. Please?"

Reluctantly, Rainbow Dash backed away while Lero came up and hunkered down by the colt.

"Hey, kid," he said gently. "Look at me."

The young colt looked up, and they both caught sight of a tear rolling off his face. Lero pulled his backpack off his back, drew out a small piece of candy from a pocket, and unwrapped it.

"Saltwater taffy?"

Lero just kept smiling kindly as the colt took the taffy from his fingers with his teeth and ate it noiselessly.

"I'm sorry, mister," the colt said, in a small, sad voice. "I didn't mean to say anything bad or nothing. I promise."

"Hey, it's okay. I know. So what's your name, kid?"

"Absinthe."

"Absinthe?!"

Lero could almost feel Rainbow Dash's eyes pop in time with his own, like they were telepathically linked. They exchanged horrified glances.

"What?!" Absinthe cried hotly. "Why do ALL you grown-ups react that way when I say my name?! What does it even MEAN?!"

"Uh... nothing! It means nothing!" said Dash, looking away.

"Yeah! It's a complete nonsense word. Like 'tiramisu.'" said Lero, hoping that this'd be the one time where a pony's name didn't turn out to be QUITE so prophetic. (What possessed pony mothers to DO this to their kids?) "A... anyway, you wanted to know about me and meat, right?"

Absinthe nodded.

"Alright. Let's see... I think you asked about how I 'kill my prey.' I don't even HAVE 'prey.' I'm not a cheetah, kid. I ain't a hunter of any kind; I've never killed anything bigger than a spider in my entire life!"

"Then how...?"

"When I do get meat, I always buy it."

"Oh! Like those... whatdoyacall'em... butcher-things that griffins have!"

"Yeah. Butcher-things. Though it's pretty much all fish and shrimp for me, nowadays, so I go to restaurants or fishmongers." The human took in a breath. "Also... I hate to spoil a great urban legend, but I don't eat pony meat. Not pony, not zebra, or any other kind of equine! And I never will. Because I already know you'll all taste absolutely terrible."

"Terrible?!" the young colt squawked.

"Yep, terrible. Awful. Revolting. Inedible. Don't get me wrong; you ponies are wonderful friends, great to interact with, but as a MEAL? I'd rather chew compost."

"And what's WRONG with pony meat?! Huh?! Huh?!" The human couldn't believe it. The kid was actually indignant, INSULTED, that he wasn't on Lero's menu! As if he'd told Applejack that her apples weren't fit to eat. It was all he could do not to laugh at Absinthe, hopping around in anger.

"Answer me!"

"I can sum it up in three simple words: guilt and shame."

That stopped the kid. "...Oh." he said quietly.

"Yep. Guilt and shame will make EVERY meal taste like ash. My rule of thumb is to never eat anything that I could ever hold a conversation with. Then I would be nothing but a monster."

For the first time, the young colt really smiled at him. "You really ARE a good guy, huh? So then if hu-things..."

"Humans," Lero corrected.

"If humans don't eat ponies, what meat DO they eat?"

"Well, humans like me enjoy things like chicken. And pork."

Absinthe tilted his head. "What's pork?"

"Y'know, pork! Bacon? Bratwurst? Kielbasa?"

Both Absinthe and Rainbow Dash squinted at Lero, like he was speaking a dead language.

"...Pig meat."

"You eat PIGS?"

A faraway, dreamy smile spread up Lero's face, as his eyes misted over in fond nostalgia. "Ohhhh, yeah. Pigs are the BEST. Spare ribs, sausage links, sausage patties, ham, pulled pork, pepperoni, pork chops, tenderloins, pork rinds, meatballs, chorizo... the list goes on and on! Heck, a few humans - not me, though - even like pickling pigs' feet and eating those!"

Both Absinthe and Rainbow Dash grimaced. "Eeeeewwwww,"

"You can eat ANY part of the pig," Lero sighed. "ANY part. There's a saying among humans about that: Everything but the squeal."

"So then, what do you make from their eyeballs?" Absinthe asked.

That jolted Lero back to reality. "You're a MORBID little guy, aren't ya, Absinthe?"

Right as Absinthe was giving a sheepish smile, a new voice called out. "Absinthe! ABSINTHE!"

A teenage pegasus filly with a high-strung, over-caffeinated look to her eyes galloped up to the young colt. She spared one thunderstruck look at the human before wheeling on Absinthe.

"How dare you wander off on your own like that?! What if something had happened to you?!"

Absinthe cringed. "I'm sorry, Triple Espresso! I just had to see the human! He's nice and he eats pigs!"

"That's no excuse! Our herd-mothers are all furious with you, Absinthe! Especially your own!"

Then Triple Espresso head-butted Absinthe in the flanks, herding her half-brother back to their parents. Shaking her head, Rainbow Dash turned around as Lero put his backpack back on, and they resumed walking.

"Gotta hand it to you, Lero, you were really sweet to that little colt. If I'd been in your shoes, I doubt I could bring myself to be that nice."

"Well... I don't want children thinking I'm something that shouldn't be approached. Even if all thereal threat comes from you, Dash."

Rainbow Dash nuzzled her head against his palm. "Softie."

They walked on in silence a little longer, before Dash suddenly exclaimed. "Pig meat! Of all things! You could at least eat something that keeps itself clean, like, I dunno, cats or something."

Lero snorted. "What I don't get is why ponies even keep pigs, if not for their meat?"

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "I'm no farm girl, but I'm pretty sure Applejack would tell you it's for fertilizer." Then she looked over at him. "Still... in spite of what you told that foal, I know for a fact that ponies don't taste THAT bad to you, Mr. Human."

"Why's that?"

Now the old lusty smile was back on Dash's face, as she whispered, "Because not a day goes by where I don't feel your tongue or your teeth on SOME part of my body. Some nights for HOURS on end!"

He grinned back at her. "You're one to talk! Are you sure you're even a herbivore? I swear, Dash, one of these nights, you're gonna jump on me when I least expect it, make a sandwich out of me, and that'll be the end of Lero Michealides!"

Her smile widened devilishly. "Ohhhh... you'll be in a sandwich, alright. Twilight's will be the top slice, Lyra will be the bottom, and there you'll be, right in between, slathered in ranch dressing."

Rainbow Dash then made a show out of slowly running her tongue along all her upper teeth before snapping playfully at his fingers.

"Dee-lish."

He smiled. "I knew you were going to make that pun."

"How couldn't I? The way you were going on about sandwiches and jumping you, It'd be like NOT saying 'who's there?' during a knock-knock joke! You're SO see-through! You WANT to be the sandwich when the four of us are together tonight!"

Lero frowned. "Er... not tonight," he corrected her. "Tonight it's just the two of us, remember?"

"Oh. Yeah. Well then... the next time we're all under the same roof."

At this point, they had finally reached their destination, and the bell over Rarity's front door jingled as they entered into the Carousel Boutique.

Years ago, when Lero had first been transported to Equestria, the only possessions he'd had to his name were the clothes on his back.

A shirt. Denim blue jeans. Tennis shoes and white socks. A set of briefs. The day he'd put them on, long ago, back on Planet Earth, they'd been in good condition.

Flash forward to the night he'd arrived in this world. He'd stumbled out from that Evertree bramble bush, dressed in what now were disgusting, threadbare rags, rotting against his skin. Holes everywhere; the shirt, the underwear... the bottom of his left shoe was completely GONE, as were all the pockets of his jeans. Filthy with old blood, dirt, grime, swamp slime, and worse, (to think that shirt had once been WHITE!) And all the sweat that had soaked into every strand of fabric certainly did nothing to help the smell he gave off.

And Lero liked showers, soap, and clean clothes! His parents hadn't raised a slob! But the vicious, sadistic world he'd miraculously escaped from, with all its vicious, sadistic inhabitants... well, suffice it to say that nobody there had been interested in letting Lero have access to a washing machine. Or even the smallest shred of compassion.

Lero would've loved to say that he'd been able to get fresh clothes right away, but that would've been a lie. First had come first contact: encountering those traveling ponies in the woods. A few days later, government agents had captured him. Then he'd been caged, and studied by scientists. Once the scientists had established Lero was just as intelligent and sentient a being as themselves, he'd been brought before Princess Celestia, so she could threaten to annihilate him before offering him citizenship.

It wasn't that the ponies were inhospitable. Even when he'd been caged as an animal, the ponies had treated Lero with infinite more humanity than the monstrous humanoids of that World-Before-Equestria. It was that their society was clothing-optional, (and most opted out.) And no pony had anything in Lero's size or shape, anyway.

So between one thing and another, Lero had gotten a few months' more mileage out of his 'Gollum threads,' before he finally had the luxury of entering Rarity's shop, peeling off his shirt and pants, and begging her to make new sets of them, only without any holes. Which Rarity had. She'd even gone so far as to let Lero shut himself up in a back room - clad only in the remnants of his underwear - and wait for her to sew him his first new jeans and shirt in forever.

To this day, Lero had never gone to any other store for clothes. He was proud to be Rarity's patron.

In a lot of ways, the Carousel Boutique hadn't changed one bit since he'd first set foot in it, all those years ago. Oh, the dresses on display were a new style... but that was just fashion. The elegant furniture hadn't changed, the walls were still painted the same pretty color... even the faint scent of lilac and lavender in the air was just as he'd always remembered it.

Rarity, herself, stood behind the counter, listening politely to a talkative stallion, babbling at her a mile a minute with a lovestruck look in his eyes. Her eyes flicked over to him and Rainbow Dash.

"Oh, my stars!" Rarity said, crossing over to the two of them. "I'm sorry, I'd love to continue this discussion, really I would, but the customer comes first, I'm afraid. Stop by again some time if you like, I'm definitely considering asking you out on a date!"

Just before the stallion stepped out, Lero heard him whisper, "She said she'll CONSIDER me! Whoo-hoo!"

And then the three of them were alone.

"Rainbow, do be a dear and flip the 'Open' sign to 'Closed,' would you?"

She did. They followed Rarity into a back room that Lero had only been in a small handful of times. Bolts of cloth, spools of thread, accessories, outfits, silk things and lace things all spread about the room rather haphazardly, in a sort of organized chaos. There was also a fairly large sheet stretched out like a theater curtain.

"I'm guessing THAT'S the super-cool thingy you wanted to show us?" Dash said.

Her unicorn friend gave her a shy but excited smile. "Well... honestly it's not all that incredible. In fact, it's really more for me than for you... but since it concerns you, Lero, I thought you might like a look at it."

She cleared her throat. "Fillies and gentlecolts! You've all heard of the ponyquin, right?"

The other two nodded, Lero a little slower than Dash. "Today, it is my pleasure to present Equestria's one and only, first-ever... duh-duh-duh DAH...!"

She bit down on a cord, and the sheet swung aside.

"...Humannequin!"

Lero stared. Standing on a central pedestal was a smooth featureless mannequin version of... himself. Made of the same material as the pony-mannequins up at the storefront. Back on Earth, clothing store mannequins all bore the shape of generic GQ supermodels, whereas this thing was an unmistakable replica of Lero's own personal physique, down to the shoulders and the shape of his head. He actually found it quite a bit...

"...Freaky." Dash stuck her tongue out it at, like she'd licked a lemon.

"Freaky?!" Rarity balked.

"Yeah, it's like looking at Lero... if Lero had done something super-bad and Princess Celestia had to transform him to stone, like Discord... only it was something WORSE than Discord, so she had to TAKE AWAY HIS FACE!"

Rarity and Lero blinked.

"Or, then again, it's like some freaky magical-science-experiment! Trying to create new life forms, tampering in Celestia's domain! Like some blob of protoplasm latched onto Lero to copy his genetic code, but didn't do it QUITE right, and now it's out for blood! I can see the title now: It Came From Rarity's Boutique!"

To Lero's surprise and relief, Rarity took this in good humor, laughing. "Yes, yes... I can sort of see that! Roar! Give my creation life!"

And she used her unicorn telekinesis to bend the mannequin's arms up, like a movie monster's. Only the mannequin's limbs were so stiff, it was more like a toy action figure Lero had once dug out from a foot of snow, halfway into winter. They all shared a little laugh.

"I think it looks fine," Lero said. "It couldn't've been easy to have something like this made, Rarity, and I'm touched that you went to all that trouble."

"Oh, no great trouble at all!" Rarity said. "Considering how you buy all your clothes from me, I'd say it's long overdue, in fact!"

"I hope it really does help you with making my clothes." Lero fished a piece of paper from his pocket. "It comes at a good time, in fact. All my clothes at home are starting to get pretty patchy... I made this list."

Rarity took the list from him with her magic, skimming it over. "Hmm... yes, this is a tall order, but it shouldn't be too much trouble."

"I'm in no rush," Lero said.

"One of these days, though, you really must let me try making you a set of pants with emeralds sewn into the belt-line."

Lero rubbed at his chin. "You know what? Why not? If you can make it look manly, then go ahead!"

"Oooh! Just you wait! You won't be disappointed! I'll even take half-off, since it's your first... ANYTHING from me, with gems sewn in!"

Rainbow Dash shook her head in wry amusement. "I don't think I'll EVER be able to get over how uptight you are about keeping your body covered. One of these days, you ought to TRY being like me. Think of how much money I save on clothes!"

Of course, they'd gone over the question of clothing before. At this point in their relationship, it was just another cozy running gag between them, so Lero just shrugged, smiled, and played along.

"What can I say? A big part of being human is wearing clothes."

"So, wait, if you don't wear clothes you'll stop being human?" Rainbow giggled. "Ooh, I can see it now! A month in the buff, and you're suddenly struck by a freaky desire to graze on roses and tulips! Two months, and your ears go pointy! Your hands become hoofs and your face pushes out into a muzzle! In fact..."

Dash circled around right behind Lero, staring at the seat of his pants, and giving a mock-gasp. "Oh my goodness! ...there's a tail there!"

"Huh?!"

"Yeah! It's not that big yet, but it's hairy and swishy, can't you feel it?"

And the pegasus pivoted a bit so she could flick her own tail playfully over the small fray in the seat of his pants, tickling his exposed skin. Lero huffed.

"You've been watching waaaay too many weird shows at the movie theater lately."

Laughing again, Dash raised herself up on her back legs to hug him.

"Awww, you know I'm only kidding! I love my human stallion, clothes and all! You're like a birthday gift I can unwrap every night, and those FINGERS of yours... mmm, they're just too MAGICAL to get rid of!"

The human smiled lovingly, and they cuddled and kissed, until Lero saw Rarity in his peripheral vision. The dressmaker seemed to be peering at both of the braids in their hair, as though trying to decide whether they were fashionable or not. They backed away from each other, Rainbow Dash landing on all fours.

"So," Rarity said, "I've been meaning to ask... where's Lyra? I haven't seen her around town recently."

"Yeah, Lyra's not in Ponyville right now," Dash said, "Her Still Way sensei wrote her a letter, and now she's traveling abroad. Part of some... learning... meditation... martial arts... Still Way... doo-jigger. You know her. Said she'd be back in a few weeks."

"Actually, we're going to be heading out of Ponyville ourselves, right after this." Lero said. "But it's only for a day. Two days tops."

Rarity arched an eyebrow. "Oh? Why's that?"

Lero leaned in conspiratorially, speaking in a lower voice. "This is not to be repeated... but just last night, Twilight got this special package from Princess Celestia. It contains an unfinished spell from this really ancient... uber-magical... wizard... Gandalf-fellow, from the days of yore. Starswirl the Bearded."

"Never heard of him," Rarity said.

Dash rolled her eyes. "Well, to hear Twilight go on about him, you'd think he was the Fourth Alicorn that time forgot."

"He's that big a deal?" Rarity levitated a tea set over and poured herself a cup.

Lero nodded. "Yeah. Anyway, this Starswirl guy apparently came up with a big spell of some sort, but he only got so far with it before he died. Princess Celestia wants Twilight to see whether she can complete his work... finish his unfinished masterpiece. But Twilight wants us out of the house first. She refused to even look at Starswirl's spell to see what it's supposed to do... didn't want to risk this dodgy, unfinished ultra-spell hitting anyone in her herd."

"I see." Rarity said, sipping her chamomile.

"So Lero and I decided to make a little getaway vacation out of it!" Rainbow Dash said, flying up and putting an arm around Lero's shoulder. "My stallion's gonna get the ride of his life!"

Rarity spat out her tea, cheeks reddening, choking a little.

"In the AIR," Rainbow Dash finished flatly.

"Oh! Uh... of course!" Rarity nodded, only for her pegasus friend to smile mischievously.

"AND the ground. But the air, first."

Rarity set her tea tray on a counter. "Not to pry... but I remember Lyra mentioning this one time where Lero went off on a private vacation with her while Twilight was studying, and it really upset Twilight afterward. Are you sure this is alright?"

"Well, normally it wouldn't be okay, but this isn't just any ol' everyday studying session. We talked it over with her, and she's totally on board with this, since, y'know, it's the great Swirlstar and all. She actually said 'the more distance the better.' Speaking of which, Lero, ready to blow this popsicle stand?"

"You bet! Thanks for inviting us, Rarity."

Rarity saw the two lovers to the door, wished them a fun time together, and then flipped her sign back from 'CLOSED' to 'OPEN.' She was heading back behind her counter, when a dismaying thought froze her in her tracks. She raced out the door; Lero had already climbed on Dash's back, and the pegasus was spreading her wings.

"Wait!" she cried. "This super-spell which Twilight wants you far away from... is it safe for me to stay here? Do you think I ought to, well, close shop for today and take a train ride somewhere?"

Rainbow Dash gave her friend a reassuring smile. "Aw, come on, Rarity! You worry too much! This is Twilight we're talkin' about! Have some faith in her! The Princess sure does! Now, hang tight, Lero!"

And she shot off into the sky like a firework.