a/n:

Damselfly: Chapter X

Not much honking followed Gibbs as he drove to the hospital, just tire squeals. By the late hour, Shelby should be out of surgery and Gibbs hoped that he was going to be able to get answers, and the ones that he wanted, not ones that a father would not want to hear.

Though visiting hours were over, they still let him through.

When he got to the open door, Kate didn't notice him. She was sitting in the armed chair near the foot of Shelby's bed, her legs tucked under her and her sketch pad in her lap. She would look up at Shelby before going back to her pad and doing a few strokes. Shelby lay asleep in his bed.

"Kate," Gibbs called.

Kate's head jerked to him. "Gibbs," she quickly closed her book and stood. "Any news on the case?" she asked him after she approached him at the door with one glance behind her at Shelby.

"Reynolds committed suicide," Gibbs told her.

"Oh," she said in sadness and relief at knowing that Shelby wasn't in any danger. "Do you know why."

"Depression." he said shortly and looked at Shelby as he said the word.

Kate looked at him with furrowed brows, not liking what his look implied. "You don't think that Shelby's involved, do you?" she couldn't believe that. She may have only known him for only about twenty-four hours, but that was a lot of time to talk. And from what he had told her, he had been through a many things in his life, and sure at times he seemed sad, but she couldn't see him as depressed.

"How did his surgery go?" Gibbs asked.

"It went fine," she said. "They were able to repair it. He'll be able to leave the hospital in the morning."

"Good." Gibbs nodded and shouldered passed her.

Kate turned to him. "Are you going to tell him? Now?"

"Yeah." he stepped to Shelby's bed and gently shook his shoulder, careful of his injured one.

Shelby moaned and his right eye lid peeled open and Gibbs looked into his peacock green eye- for just an instant he was taken back to the days where every morning he'd wake up and see those eyes, her eyes looking down at him.

"Dad?" Shelby questioned, blinking. He reached up to his face but stopped when the sling hindered his progress and he twinged his shoulder. He switched hands and rubbed his right eye, almost doing the same to his left eye but stopped when he felt the bandage. "What are you doing here? Did something happen?" he asked, his voice cracking from sleep.

Kate stepped to the other side of his bed and offered him a paper cup filled with water.

"Thanks," he smiled softly at Kate as he took the cup with stiff fingers, and she returned the gesture. Gibbs looked between them with narrowed eyes. "Dad?" Shelby asked again, handing the empty cup back to Kate, who threw it in the trash, when he was finished.

"Commander Reynolds committed suicide, Shelby." Gibbs told him.

"What?" Shelby struggled upright. "But..."

"I'm sorry, Shelby." Kate whispered, giving his shoulder a rub.

"Why?" he asked Gibbs.

"McGee found records that he was attending sessions with a psychiatrist for depression." Gibbs informed him.

"Depression?" Shelby didn't believe it. "Was, was it the divorce?"

"Partly, and his long Service."

"But if he committed suicide, why did he do it the way that he did?" he questioned.

"You tell me." Gibbs told him without much sympathy.

Shelby furrowed his brows in confusion. "I don't understand."

"Maybe this will clarify things." Gibbs said and reached inside his coat to pull out the bagged note that he had gotten from Abby before he left for the hospital. "This was a letter that we found that was addressed to you from Reynolds."

"What?" Shelby didn't understand, his heart was beating harshly inside his chest. "I've never seen that before!"

"Explain this little passage for me." Gibbs ignored his son's confusion.

"I'm doing this because I've recently realized that I had been feeling this way for a long time now, and just never realized it until my wife left me and took my daughter with her. And since I've realized these things about myself, I've realized them about you, Shelby Jackson. I see it when you suddenly stop, stop moving and stop talking... and you'd stare off to some far away place. At first I believed that your were remembering your days of deployment, but then I started to notice the things that triggered them. Not things of war. But things like the slamming of a truck door.

I wished you not to live the way that I have, living in denial. And so this is why I prepare to take my own life. And do you the favour of taking yours. And if you do survive this ordeal, I shall feel shame in my grave for I have failed in saving you.

Jeffery Reynolds V"

"Gibbs!" Kate was shocked.

Gibbs tucked the note back into his jacket and looked at his son, he was still filled with a burning anger, but it wavered at the look of his son.

Shelby's face was wet with tears as they leaked from his watery gaze. His expression was so betrayed, but he didn't make a sound. He took a deep breath through his teeth and reached up with his good arm to wipe away his tears. His fingers caught the wet bandage over his injured eye and came off with the wetness.

He didn't seem to notice, but Gibbs did, and saw one of Shelby's more serious injuries for the first time. His eye was swollen, red with irritation and bruised; and there was a harsh looking cut that extended from the bottom of his brow to around the center of his eye lid, it was held together with a single stitch.

Shelby ignored the expression that was in his father's gaze. "Why don't you just come out and say what you're really asking!"

"Did you know about this letter?"

"No."

"Were you privy to what was happening when you were disarming the bomb, but became afraid and ran?" Gibbs questioned, his tone not even close to familial.

"No..." Shelby hated the fact that his voice croaked. "I didn't believe that the bomb was real. I ran... because Commander Reynolds ordered me to."

Gibbs wasn't sure whether or not he actually wanted to know if this next part was true, but he could already feel his gut churn and twist with all his past guilt. "Are... Is what Reynolds wrote in this letter the truth?"

Shelby sighed. "I've been through a lot, dad. All of it happening at a defining moment in my life. And despite all the things that have happened, I don't regret the choices that I have made. Everyone has had those moments where something reminds them of the past. And it's true that I had been having those moments because around the same time that the Commander got a divorce, I was reminded of Kelly. And how, always months before her birthday, she'd go running around telling everyone about this cool thing that she saw. But I am not depressed." Shelby told Gibbs, setting his shoulders despite the twinge it gave his strained shoulder. "I could never kill myself, I don't even allow myself to think that way. All I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me, and I knew the shame that you would feel if I did."

Shelby was finished and he threw the thin blanket from off his legs, and threw them over the side. His bare feet hit the floor as he stood and his gown billowed around his body. Gibbs moved out of the way as Shelby limped passed him on a wrapped shin, dragging his I.V. stand with him.

As soon as the bathroom door closed behind Shelby, Kate turned to Gibbs.

"That was harsh, Gibbs." Kate told him, her voice upset but quiet.

Gibbs turned to her. "I needed answers."

"You didn't have to do it that way." Kate said. "He just went through something traumatic, and you bombard him with that letter?"

"He's not a child, Kate."

"Maybe not, but he's your son. And I should think that seeing as he's the only son you have, you'd treat him better." Kate knew that she was over-stepping with this, and the glare in Gibbs' eyes told her that he agreed, but she couldn't just stand there and not say something.

Gibbs looked her up and down. "You are not to get involved with my son, Agent Todd." he told her, his gaze narrowed. "Go home," he said, "This case is over."

Kate looked at him with a narrowed gaze, her expression said what she was feeling even if she didn't voice it. She collected her sketch pad and bag and left.

Gibbs just finished sighing when Shelby came out of the bathroom with a fresh bandage over his eye. He looked around the room in confusion.

"Where's Kate?" he asked, seeing that she and her bag were gone.

"I sent her home." Gibbs told him, and saw the disappointment that flashed across his face.

Shelby sighed and went back to his bed, he avoided his dad's gaze as Gibbs fixed the blanket around him. "Are you staying?" he finally asked quietly.

Gibbs sighed this time. "If that's okay with you. I'm sorry that I made you upset, Shelby. But I had to know,"

"I understand," Shelby said, finally looking Gibbs in the eye. "You can stay... if you want."

Gibbs smiled and pulled up a chair. "How'd the surgery go?" he had already asked Kate, but he needed to hear it from his son's lips.

Shelby smiled back. "It went good. I just can't fly or be around very loud noises."

chapter X end-