Author's Note: They're not mine. Warning of Lindsay/Buffy 'romance' and NC-21 content, but ultimately B/A. Let me know what you think of it please. Thank you frosty600 for being my beta. Updating A Pugilist's Paramour next and then onto my new fiction Love's Imprisonment. I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter Four

It was a place where she stood in waiting for the moment that numbness would snatch her into it's grasp and overtake her, possess her, become her. Standing beneath the black velvet sky, the diamonds still sparkled around her and the moon still shined above her, creating a silhouette of her body. Blonde hair cascaded down her back, shielding shoulders that held the weight of the world, while still creating a veil over orbs that were as dark as the reaper waiting in the shadows to guide her. Hands once soft and warm were the frail and ashen cover that hid the flush of cheeks that stood out amongst the face which blended with her hands. Tears that she was once certain could not fall ever again taunted the desire for numbness as they spilled like blood first shed in the ongoing battle between life and death.

The coolness of her breath was ironic in that moment, still reminding her of life, but taunting her of the chill of death's grip. There was no warmth provided to her as she stood barefoot, clad in just a white gown that was irrevocably becoming. What better look to taunt the scene than one of purity. Arms falling to her sides steps were taken as if she were walking the plank against her will but instead were taken to find freedom in the finality of a fall. The picture of an angel she took her place upon the ledge as her arms spread out like wings. Golden locks whipped around her and twisted into tendrils as the angel stood still on the ledge ready to tip toe over the edge of the fine line she had danced upon for so long and just fall.

Eyelashes were the last of her that still clung to memories of a life that others took refuge from. Wings from the reaper wrapped around her body, blanketing her with the darkness as snow would the ground beneath her. Knowing it was beyond her time to fly, to sore from the depth of the depression that she had found herself drowning in, she turned her back to the world as she had done so many times before, her own wings ripped from her as she took that last step over the edge.

The hand on her shoulder was more a harsh yank back to reality than the saving grace it was intended to be. Taking deep breaths as if she had just come up for air, Buffy blinked to adjust her to the harsh florescent lighting in the office. Looking up and over at the figure standing over her, a weak and most certainly forced smile greeted him because words could not.

"You okay, Sadie?"

There it was that feminine sound to a voice that offered little masculinity to comfort her. Wincing more at that sound than the cramp in her neck, she rubbed the left over sleep out of her eyes as she stared at him blankly. Realizing that he was indeed waiting on an answer, she brushed her blonde bangs out of her hazel eyes.

"Peachy. Really." For once she wasn't in the mood to pacify the man that had pursued her since she had accepted the job as a paralegal. "Just didn't sleep much last night."

Rising from her desk Buffy was thankful he took that moment to step back so that she could escape the office that always felt as if it was closing in on her. Rubbing the back of her neck she made a mental note to not fall asleep on the job again. She'd end up fired and then where would she be? The thoughts that followed made her wince and when her eyes met with Lindsay's she saw the immediate concern there in those blue depths.

"I'm fine." It was near impossible to hide the irritation she felt, but she forced it just like she did her smile before. "Excuse me, … I need to go to the restroom."

Head down as she scurried to the bathroom like a mouse trying to break free from a room full of felines, Buffy pushed the door open only to rest against the other side once inside the restroom. Deep breaths, they were taken just before she found her way to the sinks nearby. Hands resting on the sink, she looked up at her haggard reflection. The dreams were taking too much out of her.

Examining the bags beneath her eyes, she frowned as she had to pull the hair down that hadn't already managed to fall free of it's confinement to fix the ones that had. Quickly she twisted the locks back into a messy bun. To Buffy, it seemed to look worse than before.

"I give."

Defeated by a simple thing such as fixing her hair Buffy decided to take the rest of the day as a sick day. Ignoring the curious looks of coworkers and the worried one from Lindsay, Buffy gathered her things and made her way out of the building that brought her more misery than happiness.

The afternoon was spent in the only place that offered her any kind of comfort, her bed. It was her sanctuary, but the way her friends made it sound, it was the cell that kept her imprisoned away from having any kind of life. Sleep eluded her, but like more often than not she was thankful that it had. The empty glass of Scotch was the only sign of evidence that she had drank besides the migraine threatening to disturb her. Reaching for the glass that still held the sweet scent, her eyes lingered on the answering machine which blinked with four voice mails. Narrowing it down to bill collectors, her friends, and Lindsay, she debated on whether she should listen or leave them as missed calls.

Placing the glass back on the nightstand, she hid her face in the pillow and pulled the sheets over her head. The missed calls could turn into lost calls for all she cared. Eyes closed, she groaned moments later when the doorbell rang. "Nobody's hommmmmme."

Kicking at the covers when the door buzzed again she fought her way out of the bed as she dragged herself literally out of it kicking and wanting to scream. Work clothes still on, but wrinkled beyond all belief, she all but yanked the clip out of her hair as she opened her front door.

"Lindsay." Head resting on the side of the door, she looked at the man she had once called her husband as her fingers played with the door jam. "What. Are. You. Doing here?"

He chose then to step forward as his hands went to her face and he tilted her head up so he could look into her face. "You haven't been sleeping."

"And you're pointing out the obvious. Again, I say … what are you doing here?"

The annoyance on his face pleased her more than she'd ever admit, but he soon found payback when he pushed himself inside her apartment and closed the door behind him.

"Since we're still married -"

Buffy chose that moment to interrupt him, her hand going up in the stop fashion. "We're getting divorced."

Like always when the topic of their divorce was brought up he chose to ignore it and continued with what he originally planned on saying.

"Since we're still married I have every right to be here just as you should be at home with our daughter."

The mention of their daughter brought the guilt she was certain he intended her to feel.

"That's not fair." Her voice cracked as she continued on back to her bedroom. "I'm coming to get her tonight."

As she took a seat on the bed her eyes followed him as he walked to her nightstand and picked up the empty glass.

"You're drinking again." There was disappointment she didn't care to hear in his voice, but couldn't prevent either. There was always something in his voice or in his eyes that she didn't care to see or hear, but she could not do anything about.

Watching him set the glass down she rubbed her face as she felt her eyes tear. "Please don't take her away from me. She's all I have left."

"Sadie, it can't be that bad."

A look was set in his direction so cold that Lindsay found himself frozen in his spot.

"I'll work less, just come home, Sadie."

When Wolfram & Hart had asked him play the role of husband and father, Lindsay had jumped at the chance to take his revenge out of Angel. What better way was there to take out your enemy than to do so by going for the heart? It was the only way to truly kill that particular vampire. Worse than a stake to the heart, Lindsay wanted Angel to suffer. He just didn't plan on being a victim in his own game of revenge.

Lindsay had recognized Buffy immediately when he walked into the hospital room to find her unconscious. Even with the machines hooked up to her, he found her to be more beautiful than the picture had shown her to be. Just by looking at her, he could see why Angel had lost his soul and had walked away to protect her. After he was informed that she tried to kill herself, Lindsay learned that the baby was safe. It had sweetened the revenge for him. Everything that Angel had ever wanted, Lindsay was about to gain.

The moment her eyes opened, Lindsay had slipped into the role of doting and worried husband. With her memory wiped clean of her life as Buffy, artificial memories of her life as Sadie with him replaced the old. He held her hand and they worked through her physical therapy. The 'car accident' had left her alive and the baby would be fine. It's the only thing that Buffy needed to pull through and return to her life with Lindsay. Caught up in the life that had been created for him with his wife and child, Lindsay found himself falling in love with Buffy. When her dreams started, he became worried. When she started pulling away, Wolfram & Hart became worried. The harder he tried to hold onto her, the more she slept and slipped away from him.

Blinking back the memories away, Lindsay ran a hand through his hair. Her drinking had started around the time the dreams had started. Hearing her call out for Angel, Lindsay found himself envying Angel once more. Even with him out of her memory, he still had a hold on her. Lindsay had desperately tried to break that hold, but ruined their marriage in the process.

Angling her head to observe him, Buffy tried to figure out the inner-workings of her husband's mind. She had told him the day she left him that the man in her dreams was the man of her dreams because even though he wasn't real, she felt more of a connection with him than she ever did with Lindsay. It had bothered her to hurt her husband the way she had, but Buffy had needed to get away to figure out what she really wanted. Exhausting dreams or sleepless nights had driven her to the point of insanity and she had began to question everything. She just could not do it anymore and so she had fled.

"I can't." Tears filled her eyes as she thought of the dream she had in the office. If she dreamed of suicide, it meant she wasn't happy with her life so it wouldn't be safe to return to it.

Stepping toward her, Lindsay gripped her arms, not tight enough to hurt her, but tight enough to keep her close. "I need you."

He needed her because Wolfram & Hart needed him to, but he needed her because he wanted her so badly.

Shaking her head no, the tears began to stream down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Linds."

Reaching up, she cupped his cheek. "You're not him."

Linday had to refrain from jerking away like he had been burned. It hurt. It hurt him more than he thought it would.

"He's not real." It was whispered as he swiped away her tears. "None of it is, Bu-baby."

Buffy opened her mouth to object him from continuing, but he silenced her with a tender kiss. She loved him, she always had, but she wasn't in love with him. Buffy doubted she ever was.

"Vampires aren't real. Slayers aren't real. There's no world full of demons. It's just us and Ava. We're real."

The pleading in his voice made her believe him despite how much her heart screamed for her not to. It made sense. Even though it didn't seem more real to her, it had to be. She could not allow herself to become insane enough to belief that the supernatural world actually existed outside of books and movies.

"Okay." The word sounded so defeated, but it was said.

"Okay? Okay, what?" Lindsay dared not to get too hopeful.

"Okay, I'll come home with you." Looking down at the floor, she felt her heart break as tears fell harder.

Lindsay's face lit up as he lifted Buffy off the ground and wrapped his arms around her. Buffy smiled weakly at him. He loved her. That had to be enough.

"And … I'll see that doctor you suggested to make the dreams stop."

Lindsay felt guilty for lying to her, but it was for the best. "Good. He'll help. He'll make it all go away."

Wolfram & Hart would be happy. Angel wouldn't have a hold on her again. Everything would return to normal and Ava, the child of the vampire and the slayer, would grow up to be on their side in the battle. Her memory would be wiped of the dreams and they'd prevent them from ever coming back.

Instead of responding with a lie that would satisfy him, Buffy just nodded her head. She didn't want the dreams to go away. She'd lose him, but if she kept them, she'd lose Ava. Cringing inwardly, Buffy knew she had to give him up for the sake of her daughter. Lindsay and Ava needed her. This was real.

Leaning in, she tried to erase the dark eyes that haunted her heart even while awake. Seeing her intention, Lindsay smiled as he closed the distance and kissed his wife. "I'll make it all better, Sadie."

Turning them toward the bed, Lindsay laid her down on the comforter. "I don't want to lose you."

His body covered her own as his lips found hers again in a kiss meant to make her forget. Slowly, Lindsay undressed her before undressing himself. With them both nude, he joined her back on the bed, set on consummating their marriage all over again.

Staring up into blue eyes, Buffy could not bring herself to reach out for him so she allowed him to climb above her again. Staring at the ceiling as he kissed her neck, concentrating on her pulse, Buffy felt her eyes well with unshed tears as he pushed her thighs apart and carefully entered her. Squeezing them shut, the tears began to slip passed her lashes again as she felt him moving inside of her. She had to make it work. She just had to. Wrapping her legs around them, Buffy pulled him deeper inside of her, but she never felt more empty in her life. She could hear his panting in her ear, feel the heat of his body and the sweat clinging to his skin, and it all just felt wrong. The moment he raked his blunt teeth down the scar on her neck, Buffy tensed as it hit.

Angel.

Angel's mark.

Even with her eyes closed she could see his dark chocolate eyes staring back at her, feel the coolness of his skin against the burning heat of her own, as he pulled her close and nipped at the mark with his blunt, human teeth. Squeezing her eyes shut tighter, Buffy tried to imagine him. Holding Lindsay to her, she squeezed around him as she lifted her hips to meet his own. Lindsay felt relief from his wife's participation as they moved just out of sync from one another. Still, she was trying. Kissing her skin sloppily, Lindsay reached between them to rub her clit vigorously as he pumped inside of her. They were back. She loved him again. She had to or she wouldn't be trying. Moving his mouth from her neck, Lindsay thrust his tongue into her mouth as he speed up his pace seeking his own climax. With Lindsay pinching her clit as he thrust inside of her, Buffy held onto the image of Angel above her as she tipped over the edge into her climax. Her teeth sunk into Linsay's lip as she kept herself from crying out Angel's name in release. Feeling Lindsay jerk forward, she knew he'd finished. The warmth of his seed spilling down her thighs made her thank god for birth control. She really could not stay for a second kid no matter how much she loved Ava.

When he rolled off of her, Buffy had to refrain from climbing out of the bed. Instead she tried to hold onto the image of Angel's face as Lindsay reached out to pull her closer. Body against her husband's, Buffy closed her own eyes as she tried to ignore the sound of his snoring so that she could join Angel in her dreams and find real release in his arms.