Once I get home, I start packing, which is surprisingly easy. I think back over my life as I'm going, but only because of items I found which trigger my memories.

My favorite Jersey, one of the last presents I got from my dad. That was an up and down relationship if I ever did see one. Usually consisting of him drinking and doing something stupid, me forgiving him, and then him doing something else, and I forgive him again, the cycle repeating itself over and over for the most part of a decade.

The home movie collection from my mum, who would have thought that she, the person who hurt me the most, would be back in my life again. It was rather easy to forgive my mum for leaving all those years ago, but when it's your mum, its hard not to forgive.

My Hall and Oates album, I think back to how stupid I must have looked dancing around Luke's kitchen singing you make my dreams come true. Laughable now. I think I was only able to forgive him because of the space we had from each other over the past year, and probably because I knew all along, it wasn't going to last. Its good being friends with him again, we probably should have stayed friends from the start.

Half way through packing, I found my speech. The speech, I was never going to be able to make, the one Traci would never get to hear. I sit down and read it over, tears forming in my eyes, then spilling over to run down my face. Folding it back up, I leave it on the kitchen bench, so I can decide what I am going to do with it later.

My photo album, haha, I can't help but smiling at all the good times shown in these photo's. I will miss them all really, there is something to say for a bond people form only when you have been through the toughest moments, when you struggle to pass the last exam, or running the obstacle course, or shooting at your paper targets, the exhaustion that comes over you, and in that moment the only people who are feeling the same thing are the people around you. That bond has remained with all of the other rookies, even after the 6 months I left.

At this point, I have taken myself on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, and maybe its time I rested. I have a quick shower and jump into bed. I lay there for a while, exhausted and yet not being able to sleep, I find myself letting the guilt, and the regrets wash over me again.

The next morning I am awoken by alarm. I berate myself for not turning it off last night. The sun is only barely making an appearance, but I figure I have a lot to do so I may as well get up. I get dressed and make my way out to the living room. I feel a bit shocked when I see all the boxes, I didn't realize how much I had packed last night.

I start going through the rest of my things. I'm almost done; all that's left is my closet by the front door. As soon as I open the door, I wish it were something I could have skipped over. Behind all my coats, is the oar I bought, during my vacation while I was suspended.

If I had only realized back then, I was ruining the relationship with Sam, maybe I would have stayed. I don't know, its too confusing. It was like I was doing the right thing and the wrong thing at the same time. Even if I had stayed this time, maybe he just didn't trust me not to run again, maybe it wouldn't have worked either way.

There's a knock at the door, I quickly go over to open it. I smile as I'm greeted with a toasted sandwich and a coffee.

"Thanks Nick" I say with a quick hug.

"How's the packing going?" Nick didn't want me to go, has actually even begged me to stay, leave 15 but stay in Toronto. I wish it was that easy.

"Ok, except for the whole reminiscing part" I laugh.

He squeezes my hard, and gives me a small sympathetic smile.

"Do you need some help?"

"Yeh, um, there is a pile of things on the kitchen bench, I am giving away to charity, could you run it down to Goodwill for me?"

"Sure thing"

"Thanks, I am just going to finish up here, then I have a few errands to run".

"Ok, are you coming to The Penny tonight?"

"Yeh, I guess, one more Karaoke night to remember everyone by, why not?" Nick laughs at me, and turns to go into the kitchen.

I go back to the cupboard and finish packing away the items. I stand in my living room once I have finished; everything is ready for the movers to pick up tomorrow.

Nick yells from the doorway "I'm going to drop this stuff off, I will see you at The Penny later, call if you need anything before that"

"Thanks Nick" I yell back.

I figure now is the time to go and see the one person it will break my heart to leave again. I know it will be hard, but I figure the least I owe him is a goodbye.