Hello, once again! (: I know you all probably hate me for taking a four month or so hiatus. I truly am so sorry, however I have been so busy. It's my senior year meaning lots of homework, college apps, extracurriculars, football games, parties … you know. Right now I am on break for the holidays, so I have found time to begin writing again and I really have missed it! I will also be getting back to my other story Redemption soon (: . Btw I heard that Teen Wolf Season 2 wont be back until the summer? Please tell me that I heard wrong.
And did anyone watch the show Suits on the USA Network this summer? I'm obsessed (: I might do a story for that show. Yeah?
Here is chapter 5. Let me know if you like it or not (:! Happy holidays 3!
• •
"What. The. Fuck." I planted myself in the door way staring into the hell that lurked inside. I didn't know that such an abundance of something could be possible. The floor. The walls. The bed. The shelves. The curtains. The furniture. Everything… Pink.
How did it get so bad, so quickly? I stared in disbelief at the room before me.
"Dewik?" A little voice called out from inside the room. I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath before forcing myself into the room and turning the corner to find her standing at the bathroom door. Her long blond hair was dripping wet as it fell over her pink bathrobe while her familiar green eyes contrasted her red nose as she dragged her furry slippers towards her bed. I continued to stare at the girl as she struggled to pull herself up onto the bed. No matter how long I kept my eyes on her, it was still unbelievable to think that she was half of me.
"Dewik!" her little voice squealed as she failed to pull herself up. Within a split second I was there to gently pick her up and place her at the foot of the bed before turning around quickly to take my stance by the door on the other side of the room. Kayleigh stopped mid-crawl on top of the bed before turning around to glance up at me with her big green eyes.
"What?" I asked. She turned her body to sit on her bottom.
"Aren't you going to tuck me in?" she asked innocently. I looked at her quizzically. Tuck her in? Sure, my mother used to do that to Laura and I when we were very young, but I had a vague memory of what "tucking in" consisted of. Kayleigh continued to stare up at me with her big green eyes – waiting.
Slowly I made my way to the right side of the bed as she shuffled her way inside the comforter. I hesitated, staring down at her, not sure what to do.
Kayleigh looked up at me with her eyebrow lifted and a funny look on her face. After a moment, she reached out to grab my hand and pull it down to the comforter next to her leg.
"Push the blankey underneath me," she instructed.
Like a robot, I followed. I never thought I would be obeying the orders of a 3-year-old in a million years. After tucking her in on both sides, I stepped back, turning to head towards the door, before... "Stop!" her voice squeaked.
I let out a sigh. "What?" I grumbled, looking back over my shoulder.
"Where's my kiss?" she asked innocently. My body tensed. "Miss Lis always gives me my kiss after she tucks me in," the little girl added.
I didn't know how to react. "Go to sleep, Kayleigh," I commanded, turning my back towards the girl, heading for the light switch. I felt my heart darken when I turned the lights out – I could feel her disappointment radiating towards me. Again, I was the bad guy.
I turned back towards her, immediately catching her sparkling green eyes highlighted by her faint pink night light. The sadness in them was unmistakable. When she caught me staring at her, she quickly turned over on her side and pulled the comforter to hide her face followed by a quiet sniffle.
My heart dropped in a way that I had never felt before – it was like I was being pushed down to my knees. The image of her sorrow was fresh in my mind. Something was growing inside of me – anger – but this time, the anger was aimed towards… myself.
She was hurt, and it was my fault. My daughter.
She was crying because of me. Her father.
A father should not be the cause of pain to his daughter. A father should be the one keeping her from being hurt. My insides clenched and I started to hate myself more every second.
I wasn't sure how long I stood in the doorway staring over at her as I listened to her heartbeat grow slow and steady. When I knew she had fallen asleep, I quietly made my way to her bed side. Her angelic face was peeping out from under the comforter as she clung to her small, furry pink blanket that Miss Nelson said she never lets go of. Her long blond hair, still damp, spread all over her pillow and her mouth hung open slightly. She looked just like my mother.
Silently, I took a deep breath, hesitating once again, but after a minute I bent down and gently touch my lips to her forehead before brushing a piece of her hair away from her face. "Goodnight, Kayleigh," I whispered before backing away and closing the door gently behind me.
• •
"Dewik?" the small, familiar voice spoke. I kept my eyes closed, hoping that I was just dreaming. I was exhausted to say the least. I hadn't slept in days and last night was the first time I had actually laid down in my bed to try and get some rest. After I put her to bed, I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep until around 4 in the morning as my mind began to wander about anything and everything.
I kept my entire body still, hoping that the voice was just something in my head – but suddenly the bed shuffled slightly, only moving enough for a small child to climb on top of it. I sighed in my head. It was too early to wake up.
She was quiet for a couple minutes and I started to question if she was even there in the first place. Maybe I really was dreaming that she called my name. But just when I thought it was safe to start drifting back to sleep, I heard a tiny sigh. My eyes snapped open.
She was a lot closer than I expected. Kayleigh lay flat on her stomach with her arms out in front of her and her head resting on her two, small hands, squishing her cheeks gently. Her messy blond hair framed her angelic face which was about a foot away from mine. Her big green eyes stared at me – waiting. "Hi," she said innocently. It was as if she were laying out and watching TV intently, except the TV was my face.
"Hi," I responded, unenthusiastically.
"Guess what?" she continued to stare at me. I stopped myself from sighing in annoyance.
"What?" I responded.
"I think you copied my eyes," Kayleigh suggested. My eyebrows pulled together.
"What do you mean?" I asked the girl. She didn't respond immediately, instead she pushed herself into an upright position, scooted closer to me and bent her face down to mine so that she was only a couple of inches away from my face. She widened her eyes and pointed at them – for a split second, I almost laughed at her expression. It was pretty cute, I guess.
"Do you see them?" she questioned, with a serious tone. I was lost for a moment, taken aback by the fact that my personal space was invaded. Her hint of control over me pushed me to examine her examine her large green eyes.
She was right. It was like I was staring into a mirror… her eyes, her nose, her lips… it was all me.
Suddenly her eyebrows pulled together as she inched her face away from mine while her mouth pulled down at the sides in a frown. Kayleigh's stare now turned a little more harsh.
"What?" I asked, confused.
She huffed. "I have a question," she responded in a curious tone. I thought I heard a hint of suspicion in her voice too. Mindlessly, I gulped. She hesitated for a moment, fiddling with the bed sheet. "Why am I staying here with you? Why can't I stay with Miss Nelson?"
My heart stopped. This question, I didn't expect. Did she not like staying here with me? Well, I don't blame her. But if she doesn't like being here, then where else is she going to go? Would she ask to leave and stay with someone else? Does she want to go back to Nelson? Miss Nelson was not an option anymore, and as far as I knew Kayleigh didn't have any other family except… No! They… She…Kate…The Argents... they were not Kayleigh's family. What was wrong with Miss Nelson anyway? What was she sick with? What had she told Kayleigh?
My mind was boggled with questions. One after the other. How was I supposed to answer this? Lie, yes. I was good at lying, but my experience with lying to children was at a bare minimum. Lying to adults and lying to children were two completely different things.
I pushed myself up a little bit so I could look at Kayleigh. "What did Miss Nelson tell you before you came here?" I asked her. Suddenly her face swept with anguish and my insides went numb. Her green eyes dropped to the comforter and her shoulders slouched slightly. I stopped for a moment before I pushed my hesitation away and allowed my hand to reach up and gently tilt her chin up in order to get her to face me again.
"Hey," I said softly, coming out in a comforting way. Kayleigh's long eyelashes batted back revealing her glistening green eyes. My heart felt like it was ripping underneath my skin. "You can talk to me. It's alright," I soothed before taking my hand away.
The little girl nodded her head. She took a few minutes to think of what to say before she spoke again. "She said that she's not feeling well anymore," her voice shaky. "That's why I can't stay with her no more. Because she's feeling bad." The girl's mouth frowned while her lips trembled, fighting back tears. "I tried making her feel better. I got her water and I tried to clean my room and fix my bed and I tried to make food so that she didn't have to, but I wasn't very good like she is at it."
"Then she said that I needed to stay with someone else and I asked if it was my Mommy but she said no," once again her eyes fell and her voiced softened even more. "I think it's because my Mommy doesn't want me."
For a moment, I had to turn away. It was too much. My emotions were piling up, ready to explode. Anger. Sadness. Regret. Disappointment. Helplessness. Anger at Kate for leaving her daughter, sadness from Kayleigh feeling unwanted, regret that I hadn't come into her life earlier, disappointment that I can't be the father that Kayleigh deserves, and helplessness because I didn't know where to go from here.
My heart was thumping a mile a minute and it took a while for me to control my breathing before I turned back to her. She was once again fiddling with the comforter, keeping her head down.
"What about," I cleared my throat, unintentionally. "What about your father?"
Kayleigh looked up at me with confused. "Miss Nelson never said things about him," she shrugged. "Can you tell me things about my Daddy?" her eyes still soft. My heart started to beat quick again.
We were both quiet for a long time, as I contemplated with the words I wanted to say. Should I wait a little longer? Should Nelson tell her? How will this affect things? Was I making the right decision? Stop it, Derek. She needs to know.
I took a deep breath, staring right into her familiar green eyes. "Yes, Kayleigh," I began, "because I am him."