Disclaimer: Nope, don't own them.
Author's Note: I'm sorry this took me so long. I blame too much work.
When Rose came back to consciousness, she took a moment to realise where she was, restrained to a metal table on the derelict spaceship. It was not the first time she had woken up restrained or in trouble since leaving the Powell Estate. It was, however, the first time where instead of The Doctor beside her, it was Mickey. She looked around for the man who usually saved the day, voice getting slightly panicky. "What's going on? Doctor?"
Mickey was no relieved when Rose woke up. He looked over at her, as she was calling for The Doctor, and he remembered, more than ever, all the reasons he hadn't wanted to travel with Rose and The Doctor. "Rose? They're going to chop us up, just like the crew. They're going to chop us up and stick us all over their stupid spaceship. And where's the Doctor? Where's the precious Doctor now? He's been gone for flipping hours, that's where he is!" He had meant to sound more angry than panicked, but he was pretty sure he hadn't managed it.
Rose was trying to place where they were on the ship, and when she could expect The Doctor to arrive and save the day, or given how distracted he was with Amy, if she had to get them out on her own. She wasn't as good at that yet.
One of the boy-band droids stepped up beside her. "You are compatible."
Rose panicked without letting it show for a moment. What would The Doctor do? Probably talk a lot, while instigating some plan he had just come up with on the fly that ended in 'run'! Out of options and incapacitated, she tried to stall, hoping for her own moment of brilliance or for The Doctor to save the day. "Well, you might want to think about that. You really, really, might, because me and Mickey, we didn't come here alone. Oh no. And trust me, you wouldn't want to mess with our designated driver."
The droid didn't seem scared, or even the slightest bit bothered. Instead, it extended a kind of strange, serrated blade near her neck, with an odd little brass wheel.
Rose couldn't help but eye the weapon, which, she assumed, meant to chop her up into bits for use around the ship, cameras, pumps and the like. She really wasn't looking forward to this, but she didn't have another plan, and The Doctor always saved the day. "Ever heard of the Daleks? Remember them? They had a name for our friend. They had myths about him, and a name. They called him the..."
The relative quiet of the spaceship was suddenly broken by several loud crashes and bangs in accompaniment to a rather off-key version of some tune from a musical. Unfortunately, it was a voice Rose knew well. "I could've danced all night, I could've danced all night..."
Rose didn't know what was the more appalling thought: That The Doctor was drunk and seemed to have had a rather good night, that The Doctor was drunk and had seemed to have had a rather good night with Amy, or that The Doctor seemed in no state to save himself, let alone she and Mickey. What the hell, she didn't have any better ideas, so she just kept talking. It always worked for him. "They called him the. They called him the, the..."
The Doctor apparently decided this was the perfect time to come into the room, spinning about and swaying like a socialite after a few too many glasses of champagne. It didn't help that he was still singing, either. "And still have begged for more. I could've spread my wings and done a...You should meet Jeff, my God that man knows how to throw a wedding party."
Rose couldn't hide her frustration , as she still had a pointy clockwork blade at her throat. "Oh, look at what the cat dragged in. The Oncoming Storm."
The Doctor swayed back into a piece of disused equipment, a little surprised at Rose's tone. "Oh, you sound just like your mother."
Rose was willing to put the indignity of saying she sounded like her mother to the side, as there were slightly more pressing issues at hand and throat. "What've you been doing? Where've you been?"
"Well, among other things, I think just invented the Yonanas machine a few years early. Always take a banana to a party, Rose. Bananas are good." The Doctor observed, getting close enough to Rose to get a good look at the restraints on the table.. "And then I danced with everyone at the wedding. The women were all brilliant. The men were...a bit shy. The Macarena is fabulous. I don't know why it ever fell out of favour." He turned his head to find the first clockwork droid he had ever encountered, and continued with his drunken act, which it seemed even his companions had fallen for; it slipped a little as he talked though, some of his anger slipping through the drunken facade. "Oh ho, ho, ho, ho, brilliant. It's you. You're my favourite, you are. You are the best! Do you know why? Because you're so thick. You're Mister Thick Thick Thickity Thick Face from Thicktown, Thickania. And so's your dad."
The Doctor moved back so he could see both his companions easily, trying to regain the , laughing, drunken demeanour. "Do you know what they were scanning Amy's brain for? Her milometer. They want to know how old she is. Know why? Because this ship is twenty-three years old, and they think that when Amy is twenty-three, when she's complete, then her brain will be compatible." He circled the surrounding droids then, talking more at them than to them, knowing by now that it was unlikely they would answer him. He took a seat on Mickey's metal table as he finished explaining for the benefit of his companions. "So, that's what you're missing, isn't it, hmm? Command circuit. Your computer. Your ship needs a brain. And for some reason, God knows what, only the brain of Amelia Jessica Pond will do."
The lead droid intoned robotically. "The brain is compatible."
"Compatible? If you believe that, you probably believe this is a glass of wine." The Doctor replied, removing the bad Hallowe'en mask, and pouring his goblet's contents directly into the clockwork brain of the droid. He put the mask back on and patted it on the head as it slumped over with a choked whir. "Multigrain anti-oil. If it moves, it doesn't." He explained to the two captive companions.
Of course, the usually reticent repair droids apparently took this as a threat and started to click and creak their way toward them, so The Doctor quickly hurried over the console to hit a button to stop the androids. He stood back up, all business without a hint of his drunken act, sonicing the restraints on the tables to free his companions. "Right, you two, that's enough lying about. Time we got the rest of the ship turned off."
Mickey slid off the table, starting to realise why nothing seemed to shock or surprise Rose anymore. "Are those things safe?"
"Yeah. Safe. Safe and thick, way I like them." The Doctor said, more focused on closing the time windows. "Okay. All the time windows are controlled from here. I need to close them all down. Zeus plugs. Where are my Zeus plugs? I had them a minute ago. I was using them as castanets." So maybe he had been having a good time before - but he needed those Zeus plugs!"
Rose pondered that for a moment. "Why didn't they just open a time window to when she was twenty-three?"
The Doctor had found his Zeus plugs and was frenetically clicking buttons and jury-rigged switches to try and close the windows, deliberately trying not to think about what Amy would be thinking when she realised that he had left. "With the amount of damage to these circuits, they did well to hit the right century. Trial and error after that. The windows aren't closing. Why won't they close?"
A strange ding captured Rose's attention, hoping it was the answer to the question. The sooner the time windows closed and they got out of here, the better. They could put this whole Amy nonsense behind them. "What's that?"
The Doctor looked up in confusion. "I don't know, incoming message?"
"From who?" Mickey asked, hoping against hope it was a rescue ship and they could leave this place behind.
"Report from the field. One of them must still be out there with Amy. That's why I can't close the windows. There's an override." As he put things together, The Doctor felt himself worrying again, trying clicking switches that hadn't worked before again.
Suddenly, with a click, the lead repair droid flipped itself back up and expelled the anti-oil through a finger. Grudgingly, The Doctor had to admire the craftmanship and cleverness behind these robots. "Well, that was a bit clever." Still, it didn't help when the off switch clicked itself back on, allowing the droids free reign once again. "Right...many things about this are not good." The strange dinging started again, this time varying in tones, like a language the TARDIS couldn't translate. "Message from one of your little friends? Anything interesting?"
The lead droid deigned to answer this time, either still acting under orders, or because it felt there was nothing The Doctor could do. "She is complete. It begins." As one, the droids teleported.
"Doctor, what's happening?" Rose asked, confused.
The Doctor looked grim. Who knew how long he had to save the life of a woman who shouldn't exist? "One of them must have found the right time window. Now it's time to send in the troops. And this time they're bringing back her head."