Chapter 12
Heavy Words
Leah had been engulfed by darkness, but, at least, the pain was gone. On the other hand, her world was silent and so very lonely without Henry's comforting voice. Henry, who had promised her she would not die. And, yes, she was not dead. But, she was not alive either. She was in between. First, she tried to go back to Henry, to join the dead. She tried to sink into the darkness and away from all of her problems, but they continued to reappear with violent force the more she attempted to push them away.
She could not make herself die so she attempted to waken. She thought of the moments in her life when she had felt most alive. The first time she slept with Sam, the first time she ran through the forest as a wolf, that acute pain she had felt for so long after Sam left her.
Surprisingly, she found herself thinking about her time with Demetri. Him holding her over the river or teasing her or stunning her with his beauty. Once she started thinking about Demetri it was hard to stop, but she didn't want to think about a vampire. She didn't even understand why she was.
She fought against her Demetri memories and tried, again, to go back to Henry.
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Noise.
And weakness.
Heaviness.
Some pain.
She was beginning to regain her senses which meant she was beginning to wake up, but not quite yet.
Darkness and, again, she was alone with her thoughts.
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She could hear beeping on a monitor. The atmosphere was calmer than it had been when she nearly woke before. Now, she could remember urgent voices, shouts and many people touching her.
She shuddered at the memory. Her eyes were still closed. She tried to open them, but they felt so heavy. It was dangerous that they would not open at her command. What if she got attacked? What if there was an emergency? There was a whole world of possible scenarios where blindness would be equivalent to death.
She tried again to lift her eyelids, but it was as if someone had tied weights to each of her eyelashes. Maybe, she actually needed someone to attack her. At least then she would have some real incentive.
"Leah?" The voice carried a smooth, almost musical familiarity.
Leah's eyes flew open and Demetri's face spun above her. Demetri. Hadn't she just spent the last, who knew how long, engulfed in darkness thinking about Demetri? Demetri and Henry.
Demetri smiled and sat down beside her. She couldn't move her neck yet so only her eyes followed him. Desperation filled her chest. She needed to tell him. She needed him to know.
"I-..." Then her voice failed.
"Shh," said Demetri frowning at her anxious expression, "I'll get Carlisle and Seth."
"No!"
Demetri stopped in his tracks, confused.
"I killed him...Demetri, I killed-" Her voice failed again. It was so hard to speak.
"You didn't kill anyone, Leah," said Demetri calmly, "you must have dreamed it."
Tears welled up in her eyes. No, she had not dreamed it. Just as he had not dreamed killing his sister. If only she could get the words out, but they were such heavy words and she felt so weak.
"Leah?" He sat again and leaned in closer to her. Haltingly, he raised his hand and stroked her cheek. His touch felt so good it made her want to cry even more. The words were heavier now that he had done that.
"I killed." Pause. "My father." The weight lifted and Leah regained some control of her limbs. She managed to turn her body partly onto its side to face Demetri. "About two years ago," She continued, "It was an accident, I swear." Tears streamed down her face. "After you told me about your sister, I wanted to tell you."
He just stared at her. His fingers were still brushing her cheek, but they were motionless. He had froze. No, his eyes were traveling her face slowly.
She feared it had been a mistake. Maybe, she shouldn't have told him or, maybe, she wasn't saying it right or, maybe, it was a mistake to bring up his sister. But, wow, had he always been so handsome? She was suddenly glad he had froze there, in front of her. His hand on her cheek moved cautiously to cup the left side of her face. The look in his eyes was so tender, so understanding that she felt a new certainty she had not made a mistake.
He leaned in closer to her and the beeping from the monitor increased in speed. He was still perfect, even so close. She could count his eyelashes, see the different streaks of brown and red in his eyes and the way his nostrils flared slightly as he breathed in her scent. So perfect. He took her breath away.
When he kissed her, the monitor went berserk. His lips were soft and cold, but heat spread throughout her body. She could feel the blush on her cheeks and the longing in her heart. It had been so long since she had experienced that. She wished her arms didn't feel like lead so she could wrap them around his neck.
But, too quickly, it was over. Then, the drugs were taking effect again. She could feel herself slipping away and losing grip with reality too quickly for her to process what had just happened. Demetri spun in her view. He had just kissed her. Right? Or wrong? A vampire from the Volturi had just kissed her? She opened her mouth to ask him if that actually just happened, but he was gone and so was she.
The darkness was back. Leah, again, lay alone with her thoughts. This time, she struggled to decipher between what might have been reality and what might have been imagination.
As always thank you so so so so so much for the reviews!
(not mine, stephanie meyers')