Your fingers had barely slid over the materiel of the long skirt she'd worn that day. Barely grazing it, but it was enough. She stopped. The door was still open, you could still let it all escape, but then you knew you'd be like this forever. Weak. So you tried again, this time no less panicked, but with more strength, and actually grabbed a fold of it. A weak tug, and the door slowly closed again, with her safely inside.
You could hear her take a breath, and slowly you realized that all those things you'd never thought her to be were being displayed right in front of you. Gradually your fingers slip down, and she takes off her shoes. Your legs still feel weak and you wish you had more strength, but it doesn't matter right now, for at the moment she's turned around and is kneeling neatly beside you.
There is no smile this time, there is no grin or smirk. Her lips are set in a straight line, and her eyes are looking to you for questions and answers and promises. All those things you were trying to think of, all those fears you were trying to take care of an all those beliefs you had tried to tell yourself. They didn't matter, not anymore. Not when those crimson eyes gazed at her with the same fears she knew so well.
Tears welling in your eyes you sniff, and think how stupid you are. You could have let her leave, have put all of it and all those sins you didn't want to claim behind you. But you couldn't do it. And within her eyes are all the questions of why.
"Why?" The question is endless and at the same time you both know exactly what it refers to.
"Idiot." You whisper as the first of the tears slip down your cheek. It's a simple, childish word, but it suits you so well. Because you're both idiots, to each other and to yourselves. The simple admission brings a confused smile to her lips and its enough to make you lean forward and press your cheek into her shoulder. With hesitance not usually so tangible she wraps tender arms around you.
And for right now, it's enough. It's more than enough. All you really wanted was to feel, to remember what it was like before, what it was like to be held. Though you'd never done so so intimately before.
You know, with the blood of all your sins on her hands, you should be repulsed, and maybe you were. But this was your own form of madness, to continue on, to keep her here, to try, where others would have let her go. Though you know, now, that the lie you'd once told yourself, about not needing anyone was truly broken. You needed her, and you weren't sure why. You registered her voice whispering calmly to you as she rubbed gently through your long hair.
Her sins, and the evil that slept so beautifully inside her, were all connected to you. And your fears, your insensitivity and insecurities all broken in return by her. You couldn't leave, she's the only one who knows exactly who you are.
Maybe that's the thought that pushed you to kiss her. Maybe it was the pain in your chest left from the idea of her leaving that pushed you to grab her in a way you didn't think you'd be able to. Maybe it's the fear of losing yet another person you cared for that forced you to shush her when she went to protest. You were willing to agree to all of these when they occurred to you, all the excuses for why you started what you did.
Yet you could come up with no excuse for when she said she loved you, that you said it in return.
Decided to add a second chapter after all. :) I hope you y'all enjoyed and I thank you again for reading. *bows* :)