If you don't like any of the themes below (see Warnings), then click the magical button in the corner called a back arrow! I OWN NOTHING EXCEPT FOR THE STORY AND MY BRAIN! EVERYTHING ELSE GOES TO THEIR RESPECTED OWNERS!

Warnings: Yaoi, Attempted Suicide, Self Harm, OOC, Alcohol abuse, Drug Abuse, Child Abuse, Rape.

Pairing: MelloxMatt, MattxMisa, Mattx(anyone)

Matt's POV

"MATT! Wait, please!" I heard Mello shouting as I raced up the stairs to my room. I slammed the door closed, leaning back against it until I was sure he wasn't going to try to come in.

I sighed and looked around for a second before going to my closet, pulling out a small plastic box. I took the box and sat on my bed, pulling off the top and looking inside. A knife, a needle, probably over 100 small bottles of morphine, 2 bottles of vodka I'd stolen from Mello, and some strips of cloth. Some things never change I thought as I threw my shirt off into a dark corner to be forgotten.

I layed back slightly to pull off my belt before hooking it tightly around my forearm. I grabbed the needle and a bottle of morphine, pulling the clear liquid into the needle before shooting it into my veins. I loosened the belt from my arm and smiled softly, feeling all my sadness and all my problems melt away. I pushed my pants off, leaving me in only my Mario Bros. boxers, and pulled out the knife. I stared down at the cold metal blade for a while, contemplating, thinking, silently begging for a better answer. But in the state of mind I was in, I couldn't help but drag the blade across my thigh, watching with undivided attention as the thick red liquid pooled in the wound and poured down my leg. I did the same to my other leg and finally smiled, a crazed Beyond Birthday insane smile, as the blood fell from both wounds slowly. Nothing deep enough to kill me.

After cutting my legs, I opened a bottle of vodka and drank some. My vision became slightly fuzzy, I felt as if my head was spinning. I kept drinking the clear liquid until I finally couldn't lift the bottle anymore, I sat it on the floor, same with the box and all its contents, before I layed back on the bed.

"Matt is funny!" The young blonde in front of me laughed over the blaring music. We both sat at a booth drinking.

"So are you. Aren't you a bit drunk?" I asked, noticing she'd been drinking a lot when I came in.

"Yes! Misa is very drunk." She laughed again, her voice sounding similar to nails on a chalk board. "Come with me, Matt. Misa wants to talk to Matt in private." She stood and pulled me to my feet, dragging me towards a back room.

She pushed me to sit on the couch in the room and watched me. I just stared blankly at her, she seemed as if she wanted to say something but was afraid to talk. Then it hit me, she needs an escape. She's hurt and needs a friend to help. I patted the seat next to me. She hesitated before sitting next me and flinched away when I wrapped an arm around her.

"Why is Matt being nice to Misa?" Her voice took a softer tone than it had in the bar.

"Why is Misa upset? Did I do something wrong?" I looked at her, my eyes widened when she slipped to sit on the floor and hugged my waist.

"M-my boyfriend hates me. He loves another boy, Ryuuzaki. I heard them talking about a redheaded hacker. Ryuuzaki called him Matt." She looked at me. "Are you Matt? Light wanted me to get you to help us, please don't listen to him. You helped me, Matty, you helped me see how Light was using me. Let me repay you."

"I am Matt, the redheaded hacker." I ran a hand through her hair and smiled. She looks so much like Mello... I thought to myself. "How do you want to repay me? I can find some ways if you're unsure."

She blushed brightly and stood again, sitting on my lap. "I will repay Matt any way I can. Would Matt want to stay in a bar to sleep with me?"

I laughed and stood, carefully standing her up as well. "Nah, lets get a hotel somewhere. I doubt you want to go to your place. I have a really religious roommate, so I doubt he'd want to hear us at my place."

She nodded happily and pulled me towards the exit, pushing her way through to crowds of drunken people. Once we got outside, I wrapped an arm around her waist and lead her to my red cheverolet camaro. She jumped into the front seat happily as I walked around my side and sat down, starting the car. She gave me directions to a very expensive looking hotel. As we pulled up I realized I couldn't pay for us to stay here without Mello finding out, I didn't have that much money.

"Misa, can we go to a different hotel? I...I don't think I can pay for us to stay here." I looked towards her, but she was already getting out of the car.

"Misa will pay, it's only fair." She smiled brightly and started to the entrance.

I quickly jumped from my seat and locked the car, running to catch up to her. She stopped at the entrance, waiting for me, and wrapped her arms tightly around mine as we walked in. The front desk lady kept talking on the phone until she noticed us and hung up quickly, throwing a fake smile and talking to Misa. I tuned them both out and looked around, this place is so nice...How can she afford this? I thought to myself. I almost didn't realize when Misa had paid for the room, her tugging my arm snapped me out of my thoughts. I followed her to the elevator, she pulled me inside and once the door closed she was kissing me. I leaned against the wall and held her against me. However, she pulled away as the doors openned again and pulled me out into the hall. Just down from the elevator she stopped and opened the door to a room, pulling me inside and kicking the door closed before she sat on the bed.

"Let Misa make everything better, do what you want to me." She smiled.

I shot up straight in bed, gripping my head from the dizziness from the drugs and alcohol. For the first time in a while I stood quickly and ran into my bathroom, leaning over and emptying what little I held in my stomach into the toilet. I leaned back against the wall and looked at my legs, the cuts had stopped bleeding. I've never done this...Even after a fight, even after I've done the same thing...But I never relived the nights as clear as I did... I thought to myself, placing a hand on my stomach. I sighed softly and stood carefully, grabbing the first aid kit to clean up my legs. After an hour, I had bandaged my legs, dressed, and put the box back in my closet. I sat against the wall on my bed and drew a knee to my chest.

"Fuck..." I whispered when everything that happened in the last day clicked together in my mind.

I was in love with Mello.

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