There was a part of death that they forgot to mention in the Academy, Neji thought as he broke away from the crowded downtown streets. It was a lesson most young genin in training did not forget about.
He still clearly remembered the visions Iruka had projected to the class. Bodies charred, hacked and mangled. He also clearly remembered the lectures associated. Like coping method to be used until one, if ever, got used to such a thing. He also remembered walking into class the next day and only seeing about half of the students. How foolish, he thought at the time, to be discouraged by such a thing.After all, death was a part of life.
It had been months since the war had ended, but he still felt a dull ache clutching at his chest. If he tried to pinpoint it, the feeling would vanish and he would stupidly dismiss the idea. He was in optimal condition. Yet he still felt it, the haunting pain that always seemed to be skirting away, clinging just out of sight.
It was suffocating. It gathered right behind his eyes and stretched down his throat, making it hard to see and impossible to breathe. He shook his head in an attempt to break out of his thoughts.
Neji looked out at the throng of moving people from his retreat in the alleyway. He scanned the crowd one last time before unconsciously leaving. He clutched the bag in his hand and took off, his legs and mind moving out of sync.
He hadn't really been aware of any sort of movement, so arriving at his destination had come as a bit of a shock. He removed the flower from the bag and placed it lightly against the stone looming over him. He sat gingerly and traced his thumb over the freshly engraved names and stopped over one name in particular.
'Hyuuga Hinata'
"Good morning, Hinata-sama, please forgive me," he said as he bowed humbly before the stone.
There it was, the pain at his chest. He couldn't help the grim smile that found its way on his face. There was no mirth behind his gaze.
"I failed as your protector, Hinata-sama. The duty given to me at birth. I deserved to be punished, not you."
He crouched down, so that he was eye level to her name.
"Do you remember the Academy lessons on death?" he asked idly. He was met with silence, but continued.
"Most ninja remember those lessons for their entire lives. It is sobering for young ninja in training. They get reminded that this…this duty we have is not something out of a fairy tale. Anyway, most remember these lessons for being extremely thorough, covering everything in extensive and horrifying detail."
He paused again, letting a light breeze tickle his face.
"But there is something that no one mentions." His voice grew soft. "No one mentions this ache. It build and builds, and does it ever hurt. No one ever mentions how, even months later, the stupid hope that builds in your chest as you search around in a crowd. I can't tell you how many times I've caught myself just staring out, trying to find you push your way through. As if you were just lost all this time."
Neji blanched a little as he felt the ache behind his eyes give way. He shut his eyes before any more tears could form. Wiping at his face with his sleeve, he stood up, and turned to leave.
"Farewell, Hinata-sama" he said quietly, his back turned from her name. "I'll be back again tomorrow."