Chapter 4

Their night was restless at best. Monica awoke several times, disoriented about where they were and before dawn a nightmare about Ian and Sam made sleep impossible. Andrew had only been dozing off and on, his greatest priority the little angel in his arms so neither of them slept well.

Morning left them awake and quiet, human bodies aching from the uncomfortable sleeping conditions of the car, as Andrew stroked her hair soothingly and Monica lay, unblinking in his arms, still trying to understand how things had happened as they had.

"Hungry?" Andrew finally asked, his chin resting on the crown of her head.

"Not really," Monica sighed softly. She supposed she could eat, but she also knew they needed to be careful with their food. Where eating in angelic form was rather fun, in human form it was necessary and their supplies were minimal and needed to last, "Are you?"

"No," He replied but she had a feeling he was only thinking of the days ahead as she was, "I suppose we should continue driving as I'm not sure how far we have until the next town."

Monica's face, drawn and peaked from the rough night peered up into his own, tracing the dark circles beneath his emerald eyes, "But you look tired, Andrew. Maybe you shouldn't-."

"Well, we can't just sit here," His tone, sharper than intended, caused the little angel to lower her dark eyes, and Andrew immediately regretted his words, "Angel-."

"I would really like to stretch after being in this car all night," She murmured, drawing back from his arms to unlock the door on her side of the car.

Watching helplessly as she got out of the car and closed the door behind her, Andrew closed his eyes momentarily, "Father, help us." Swallowing down his fears, the blond angel climbed out of the caddy.

The little angel stood with her back to him, the desert wind whipping through her auburn hair and her small shoulder slumped somewhat in defeat. Andrew felt a lump form in his throat as he drank in her simple beauty, remembering every reason he was so deeply in love with her. She simply took his breath away.

Andrew approached her slowly and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, "I'm sorry," He murmured, his lips brushing her cheek before he rested his head against hers.

"I'm just worried about you," Monica replied softly, "You bottle up your feelings to protect me so I have to rely on my instincts to know how you really feel."

"I need to stop doing that," He stated firmly, "And you're right. I am frustrated with the circumstances that have been forced upon us. I like knowing to an extent what is going to happen. Even in assignments I know what most of the possible outcomes can be, but this…" He sighed as Monica's hands came up to wrap around his, "I don't know how this is going to turn out and I'm angry about it. I want to protect you from all of it, but I can't. I don't like it."

Monica was quiet for a moment in the face of his honesty. She knew he always strove to be strong in order to reassure her, so his admittance to his concerns was a rare moment and not one to be taken lightly.

Turning around in his arms, she gazed up at him. She could see the storm in his green eyes and the tightness of his jaw and only when she reached up and touched his face did he relax a fraction, "My knowing how you feel doesn't mean you protect me any less, but you sharing your feelings with me helps me more than you know. I think that part of this new relationship of ours has to be based on a partnership, especially now. I can feel how angry you are about all of this and I need to be able to share it with you."

Reaching out, Andrew cupped her face in his hands, "I know. I just know how hurt you are; how hurt you've been, ever since our last assignment and I haven't been able to fix that for you…"

"It isn't your job to fix any of this for me, but Andrew, you help me so much, all the time. You make it all better. Even this; being out in the desert, being human, being unsure about what our future holds. Even something so hopeless you make so much better, and not because I know you will protect me. Because you are here with me."

Her earnest expression nearly undid him as he drew her into his arms to hug her tightly for a moment, before pulling away and kissing her lips, "I love you so much, Angel. I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"I know you were just upset about all of this," Standing on tiptoe, Monica brushed her lips with his, sealing her forgiveness, "So, what do you think we should do?"

Taking her hand into his own, Andrew led her back to the car and popped the trunk on the car. After rummaging around in the cooler, he brought out a sandwich and a bottle of water, handing her half and unscrewing the lip from the water, "I know you are worried about supplies too and we need to be careful until we arrive at the next town, but there is enough here to last at least a few days."

Suddenly famished, the little angel bit into her half of breakfast and chewed slowly, savoring each bite. She knew they could each easily eat an entire sandwich, but Andrew was right. Especially if anything went wrong, they needed the food to last.

"We'll drive for awhile but you're right. We are both tired, so we'll call it an early day. As long as we make some progress, it should be fine. Then we'll build camp and rest until morning. I know you didn't sleep well and neither did I so I think some extra rest is in order and you know what else? The stars should be especially bright tonight for an astronomy class if you are interested," He winked at her, bringing them both a feeling of normalcy in the midst of trying times.

Leaning into him, Monica rested her head against his strong chest, the feelings she held in her heart for him flooding over and through her, filling her with a sense of peace, "I love you too."

"Should have packed them more food," Tess murmured, not at all liking the way her babies were sharing a sandwich when she knew they had to be starving.

"I'll take them more if need be, Tess," Rafael stated firmly.

"I think not."

Ruth's haughty attitude did little for Tess' patience at the moment, "Because the way to make them see the error of their ways is to bring them to their knees with hunger?"

"Tess." Sam's words were a warning. He had heard the growl in her voice and he was not prepared for Tess and Ruth to begin arguing once more.

"Don't you 'Tess' me, Sam. All of this is wrong and somewhere in that heart of yours, you know it too."

"What's wrong is two angels deciding they are in love with one another," He replied as patiently as he could, though not even the Angel's Angel could deny how unified Andrew and Monica appeared to be right now, though he would not admit it.

"They are in the middle of the desert," Rafael raised his eyebrows in question, "Do you really believe that the Creator of the Universe would want his two human angels to starve?"

"Of course not, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it. If we get to it."

"Oh, you're going to get to it," Tess huffed, "I know them, Sam. What they feel is real and they are not going to come to you professing that they were wrong. If they say they are in love with each other, then it is as real as the Father's love for us."

"That's the point," Ruth stated evenly, "They only think they feel that way. Monica is young and they have spent too much time together. She is quite impressionable and she will come to realize that what she thinks is love for Andrew is only admiration."

"You sure don't know them well."

The sound of Adam's voice caused them all to turn their heads and relief shone on Tess' face.

"Mi Amigo," Rafael grinned, greeting his long time friend with a hug and a thump on the back, "You have impeccable timing."

"Seems there needed to be another voice of reason in this discussion," Adam replied wryly, "When generally wise angels start thinking of Monica as impressionable about her own feelings, and thinking that Andrew is leading her into temptation it is time to add another opinion to the mix. I've known Andrew especially a long time. He has always wanted to please the Father. He is as tormented as Monica is right now about the feelings of his heart."

"That is what should be telling him that what he thinks he feels is wrong," Ruth replied firmly.

"Their hearts have always been true," Adam argued gently, "Why would this time be any different? Because you say so? You suddenly know their hearts better than they do?"

"We know what we were created to be." Sam interjected.

"Just because you have never felt it doesn't mean it fails to exist. Maybe it just means you have not been chosen to experience it."

A retort on the tip of Ruth's tongue, she snapped it shut, suddenly unsure of how to respond to Adam's argument.

Monica opened her eyes as Andrew finished his astronomy lesson for the night. Being in his arms could make her forget about the rumbling of her stomach and the heaviness of her heart. The fire was warm and as Andrew had predicted, the stars were out in full force. She had lingered on every soft word as he had pointed out the constellations, bringing peace to her soul and Monica pondered how it had always been this way for as long as she could remember.

Andrew was aware of her sudden silence after so many questions about the stars and he waited patiently for a few moments before kissing the side of her head, "Some serious thoughts are going on in this pretty head of yours, angel."

She smiled shyly up at him before turning more serious, "I was just thinking…"

"Tell me." It wasn't a demand but a gentle request; a need to know every little thing about her.

Nestling down further into his arms, the little angel felt his chin resting on the top of her head, "I was thinking how very little has truly changed. It's nearly the same, you know."

Slightly puzzled, Andrew tried to follow her train of thought, "How so, Angel?"

"I've always loved you in some way, for as far back as I can remember. You have always brought such peace to my soul and I have always felt closer to you than to anyone else, even Tess. Though I love her like a mother, you have always been my most precious friendship. That hasn't changed."

"No," He agreed, now more understanding to what she was contemplating, "I have always felt exactly the same way."

"So really, the feelings we have always had; feelings that were always acceptable and never questioned, have only grown deeper. I just wonder at what point we crossed the line to no longer being acceptable."

"I suppose when our feelings became romantic," Andrew replied after a moment.

"But haven't our feelings always been that to some extent?" Sitting up, Monica turned in his arms to face him, her expression filled with great conviction, "It is your arms I have always longed to be in, whether something was hurting me or if something had made me incredibly happy. It has always been you I want to share it with. And dancing…isn't that romantic? I have always loved dancing with you and sharing every little thing that is in my heart with you."

His hand moved to stroke her cheek with great tenderness, "You know I have always felt the same way, baby. Only you can bring me peace when my heart is troubled and holding you is my greatest pleasure."

"Then the only thing that has changed is that we voiced what our hearts already knew."

Her words were so simple yet so incredibly true and Andrew's eyes filled with fierce love for her all over again. He had been tormenting himself all day long with the thought that he had somehow caused this pain to come to them, but now he knew that what the little angel was saying was complete truth. They had told each other they loved each other more times than he could ever count and now when he looked back on their relationship, they had always seemed to be a couple in all the ways that mattered. Holding hands, laughing together, the way she would always seek him out with whatever was on her heart and his own need to see only her when he was greatly troubled. Their relationship had always been more intimate than any human marriage he had ever witnessed.

"I think you are exactly right, my precious angel, and only you could speak the truth in such a way to make it open my eyes completely. My greatest regret is that I did not allow myself to tell you sooner what my heart had always known."

A tearful smile spread across Monica's face as she gazed into his green eyes, "I think I always knew it, Andrew. For so long now I have been unable to imagine my existence without you in it."

"And you never have to," He replied before meeting his lips with hers in a long, languid kiss, souls touching as their hearts spoke without words.