So I'd like to thank, winterschild11, Swayzee Sweetheart, LoveSparkle, KSchmidtluvr24, IceRush, rawbbles, CUTE CARGAN LOVE, DeniseDEMD, and lilygirl42001 for all taking the time to review.

Chapter 5: Walls

Camille was sitting in her bedroom with a stack of envelopes on her bed. She gotten them from her grandmothers trunk a few weeks ago, among other things. All of the letters were addressed to her. She hadn't opened them yet though. She hadn't even told her mother about them. She wasn't sure what they were for. She was scared to open them and she didn't know why.

Each envelope had a date on them. The earliest date was the day she was born. She picked up that envelope. She looked it over and turned it over. She finally opened the envelope and pulled the letter out.

My Dear Camille,

I am writing this letter to you on the day you are born. I don't know how old you'll be when you find these little letters. I am writing them because, it's what my grandmother did for me. She had dozens of letters to me. I know I'll probably see you all the time, but these will be my little tidbits of advice for you for when you're older. Maybe eighteen? I do not know yet.

Anyways I got to hold you today after your mother of course. You were just so small and cute. I can't believe how beautiful you already were. I am so proud to be your grandmother.

Love,

Grandma Cece

Camille felt a tear slip down her cheek. She hadn't realized that her grandmother had been writing letters to her. Maybe that was the point of the letters. She didn't understand why Cecelia hadn't told her. She had almost seemed like she knew her time was coming, hence giving the key to Camille.

Camille looked at the next envelope. It was dated for a few months after her birth. She looked at the letter. She turned it over and opened it as well. She then started to read the letters. Each one of them had an anecdote from Camille's childhood. Some of them she remembered, others she didn't until she read them. One of the letters really stuck with her. It was a letter about Camille's first day of middle school. She remembered that day very well and the advice Cecelia had given her.

Camille ran crying into her grandmother's house. She had to go there after school because her mom had to work. She ran into the kitchen where Cecelia was sitting at the table.

"What's wrong Camille?" Cecelia asked the eleven year old. Camille just looked up at Cecelia and wiped her eyes. "Camille what's wrong?" Cecelia asked.

"These boys at school were being really big jerks to me," Camille said sniffling lightly.

"What did they say?" Cecelia asked.

"They called me stupid because I answered a question wrong and they kept it up all day," Camille said.

"Oh, Camille, you're not dumb," Cecelia said.

"Maybe their right, maybe I am," Camille pouted and looked down at the floor. Cecelia beckoned Camille over to her. Camille stood in front of Cecelia who was sitting in her chair still.

"Look Camille you are a bright young girl," Cecelia said Camille just looked away from Cecelia. Cecelia grabbed her chin and made her look at her. "Camille, never let anybody define who you are, people will only love you as much as you love yourself," she said. Camille nodded her head.

"Ok," Camille said.

"Come now, I've got some cookies and milk for us," Cecelia said pointing to the table where the before mentioned items sat waiting to be eaten. Camille smiled and sat down.

Camille smiled at that memory. After that she had stopped letting people define her. She defined who she was, until recently. She had let the town tell her what she was, a dream killer. She wasn't a dream killer though. She had just made a mistake. Sure, the consequences were big, but it was an accident.

-Perfect-

Carlos laughed, but quickly slapped a hand over his mouth. He had to keep quiet. He was in the schools library on one of the schools laptops. He looked around to make sure no one had heard him. He was chatting with CrazyBeotch18 again. It was just so easy to talk to her.

LatinoStud10: Corndogs or Hamburgers?

CrazyBeotch18: Corndogs they can go anywhere.

LatinoStud10: god your perfect.

CrazyBeotch18: Lol I just speak my mind.

LatinoStud10: Could you be anymore perfect?

Carlos smiled as he waited for her to reply. She was perfect though. She liked a lot of the same things as him. They had similar tastes in movies and food. He had gone to her for advice more than once and she wasn't afraid to tell Carlos the truth.

CrazyBeotch18: I'm not perfect, I'm just being me. So how are things going with your friends?

LatinoStud10: Still the same. I think as the weeks go by they start to ignore me more and more actually.

CrazyBeotch18: You've got to stop being down on yourself.

LatinoStud10: I'm not being down, I'm being realistic.

Carlos sat there for a moment before he thought of something. He had a question he wanted to ask.

LatinoStud10: I've got a question.

CrazyBeotch18: What?

Carlos sat there a moment thinking over what to say. He knew he could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge him. He just wasn't sure how to say what he wanted to say. He didn't want to use any names here.

LatinoStud10: I've got two friends who are dating and I think they're both cheating on one another, yet they refuse to break up?

CrazyBeotch18: Wow, both of them are cheating?

LatinoStud10: I think so. I mean I know one cheats all the time, but I don't tell the other. I mean one of them has been my friend longer and I don't want to lose his friendship. The other one has never cheated before but I think he is now with another friend who my friend hates yet they are friends as well.

CrazyBeotch18: Ok I think you lost me, but keeping this information from them is only gonna hurt them in the end I think. I mean I'd want to know if I was being cheated on.

LatinoStud10: but they are both cheating.

CrazyBeotch18: Honestly I think honest is the best thing.

The bell rang and Carlos sighed.

LAtinoStud10: I've got to go to my next class. I'll talk to you later?

CrazyBeotch18: Totally.

Carlos packed his things up put the laptop back where it belonged. He then headed to his next class. He was thinking over the things CrazyBeotch18 had told him. Keeping what he knew might hurt the guys in the future.

Carlos smiled at the thought of CrazyBeotch18. She was the perfect girl. She was into a lot of the same thing as him and he felt he could be himself with her. He could let his walls down and let her hear or read his inner thoughts. She was someone he could bare his soul to and not feel like he was being judged.

-Perfect-

Camille followed Katie, as she wheeled herself along the path through the park. Katie had called her and asked her to come to the park with her. They had been silent the whole way here. Camille didn't what to say to Katie. They reached the small bridge that crossed over the small stream that passed through the park. Katie sighed and stopped. She turned to face Camille. Camille moved to stand against the railing.

"So," Katie said looking at Camille. She wanted to know why Camille had been acting so different lately. She hardly talked to Katie anymore. Camille turned her head to look at Katie.

"How've you been?" Camille asked calmly.

"Fine, considering the circumstances," Katie said looking down at the chair.

"Well that's good," Camille said nodding her head.

"Where have you been Mille?" Katie asked finally.

"Around," Camille shrugged.

"Camille cut the crap, you've been avoiding me," Katie said getting straight to the point. She wanted to know why Camille had been acting so weird. She wanted Camille to actually confirm what she had been thinking.

"I can't do it," Camille shook her head.

"Do what?" Katie asked.

"I can't shake it Katie, Everywhere I go in this town everyone knows what happened. I'm the girl who did this-" Camille gestured to Katie and the chair, "-to you." she said tears forming in her eyes. She fought them as hard as she could, but they still came.

"Hey, it's not your fault," Katie said. Kendall had been right. Camille felt guilty about the accident.

"Yes it is," Camille insisted.

"No," Katie shook her head. Through this whole ordeal she had never once blamed Camille. It wasn't Camille's fault at all.

"People know that I am the one who did this to you," Camille said crying freely now.

"Stop it, that's not true," Katie said.

"Yes it is, I am the girl who put you in a chair and ruined this towns hopes of having a star be from here," Camille said tears falling down her cheeks now.

"Camille stop," Katie said.

"But you were perfect," Camille said covering her face with her hands as she sobbed.

"Hey," Katie grabbed Camille's arm and pulled it away from her face. Camille looked at Katie tears still slipping down her cheeks. "I still am," she said.

"No you're not and it's all my fault," Camille sobbed.

"Stop it," Katie demanded. Camille looked at Katie shocked.

"I may be in this chair, but I am still me. I haven't changed, I mean yeah I can't walk, but that doesn't change…" Katie trailed off. She didn't know where all of this was coming from. She hadn't felt this way in weeks, but she was still the same girl she had been before. She was just in a wheelchair now. She was still perfect. "It doesn't change who I am," she said.

"How can you not blame me for this?" Camille asked shocked.

"It wasn't your fault, the light was green the drunken idiot ran his light," Katie said.

"I am so sorry Katie," Camille said again.

"It's not your fault, now stop it," Katie said. Camille bit her lip and nodded her head. "Can we be friends again?" she asked.

"Ok," Camille said.

"Promise to be friends forever?" Katie asked holding her pinkie out to Camille. Camille looked at her pinkie and laughed.

"Forever and always babe," Camille said locking her pinkie with Katie's pinkie. Katie smiled at that.

-Perfect-

James was leaning against the hood of his car. He was waiting for Carlos and Kendall to show up. It was still early and classes didn't start for awhile yet. He couldn't take his eyes off the statue in front of the school. No one could. It was the talk of the school.

"Hey James-what happened?" Carlos asked. James looked at him and saw he was looking at the statue as well.

Across the parking lot and in front of the school stood the schools lumberjack statue. It was a typical lumberjack with an ax. What had everyone's attention was state the statue was in. There was graffiti all over the statue. Sayings had been spray painted on it with things like; 'Lumberjacks suck,' 'Lumber Losers,' or 'Lumberjills.'

"You know who did this come on Carlos," James said. This was the only thing in school he care about really. Sports. Their mascot was a part of sports. It was what gave the team a face and gave the school something to cheer about.

"Panthers." Carlos said glaring at the statue.

"Their pissed we beat them in sectionals," James said.

"They took it too far this time," Carlos said.

"What the hell?"

James and Carlos both looked over and saw Kendall, Logan, and Katie behind them. Kendall looked pissed while Katie and Logan's faces held shock.

"Those panthers are gonna pay," James said.

"Don't stoop to their level James," Kendall said shaking his head, "they are not worth it," he added.

"Don't be such a pussy, they're just pissy that we're better than them," James said.

"Yeah," Carlos nodded his head in agreement.

"Yeah we are better them and it shows since we're going to state next week," Kendall said, "be the bigger person here and just let it go," he added looking straight at James.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" James asked putting his hands up.

"I know you James," Kendall stated simply.

"I would never do anything stupid like that," James said. He moved over to Logan and slung his arm over his shoulder. "Right Loges?" he asked looking at his boyfriend.

"Yeah right," Logan said shaking his head.

"You're supposed to defend me," James said pouting.

"Can't, not when I know Kendall is right, now please just leave it alone. You retaliate and you won't be able to play at state," Logan said.

"He's right, I bet that's what Coach will tell us at practice tonight," Kendall said. Carlos nodded his head in agreement with Kendall.

"Fine, fine," James said putting his hands up once more.

"Come on let's get inside before the bell rings," Katie said making herself known to the guys. They all nodded heads and headed inside.

-Perfect-

Kendall sighed as he fell into the hay inside the barn. Logan laughed as he did the same. They were done with their work and were taking a much needed break. They had been working since about three thirty since they got here after school. James and Carlos ditched working today in favor to do something else. Their reason being that they had just spent eight hour in school and didn't want to work.

"I love the farm and all, I just hate all the work we have to do," Logan said.

"You don't even have to do half the stuff I have to do," Kendall said looking over at Logan. Logan laughed and nodded his head. Kendall was right. Logan wasn't Kenneth's son and didn't have to do all the work Kendall had to.

"Hey at least he pays you to help him out," Logan said.

"I know, it's the only way he could keep me helping him," Kendall said laughing. Kendall loved his dad, but he was almost eighteen and he needed a paying job. He needed to make money for college or whatever he planned on doing after high school.

"So where's James? He didn't tell me he wasn't going to be here," Logan said looking over at Kendall.

"He ditched with Carlos," Kendall said waving his hand. He moved to sit next to Logan. "He didn't tell you?" he asked.

"He never tells me anything, anymore," Logan said shrugging. Kendall laid down next to Logan and pulled him into his arms. "I don't know what his problem is lately," Logan said shaking his head.

"I've got a question."

"What?"

"You ever gonna tell your parents that you're gay?" Kendall asked. Logan sighed and looked away from Kendall.

"I don't know, I mean my mom hates you, more so now that you're out, just think what she's do if I were gay," Logan said shaking his head.

"She's your mom, Logan," Kendall said.

"Yeah, but she'd probably ship me off somewhere," Logan said shaking his head.

"You don't have to, I don't want to push you into something," Kendall said. Logan nodded his head. Kendall leaned in and pecked the brunette on the lips. Logan grinned and leaned in and pressed his lips to Kendall's once more. This time with more feeling behind it.

"We shouldn't be doing this," Logan said against Kendall's lips. Kendall laughed and pulled back.

"Then stop," Kendall said as he sat back. Logan shook his head and pulled Kendall back in. He pulled them down until he was laying under the blonde. Kendall grinned as he leaned over Logan.

"God, this is so wrong," Logan said shaking his head.

"Yeah, but do you really want me to stop?" Kendall asked as he leaned in and pecked Logan on the lips once more. Logan shook his head and placed his arms around Kendall's neck. He pulled him into another kiss. This one was longer and involved more tongue and teeth than before.

"Kendall! Logan!"

Logan let go of Kendall and they both jumped up as quickly as they could. Kendall brushed the hay out of his hair and Logan did the same. Kendall couldn't let his dad see them like that. His dad wasn't homophobic, but he knew of James and Logan and he didn't want his dad to assume things about them, anymore than he already did.

"Never a moment alone," Kendall mutter as they both left the barn. Logan had to suppress a laugh at that. They saw Kenneth and Katie making their way towards them. Kate had a tray in her lap with what looked like two wrapped plates.

"Hey Katie, I see you decided to come up after all," Kendall said smiling at his sister.

"Hey Kendall, hey Logan," Katie said smiling.

"Katie, looking beautiful as ever," Logan said smiling at her.

"If you were straight I'd be flattered," Katie said laughing. Logan just rolled his eyes at her usual response. He knew no matter how hard he tried he'd never get her to take the compliment.

"So, what's up dad," Kendall asked looking at Kenneth.

"I was wondering if you boys were still alive, you worked right through dinner," Kenneth said.

"Yeah, we were almost done and we wanted to finish," Kendall said looking over at Logan who nodded his head.

"Well we brought you some food," Kenneth said pointing to two plates wrapped in foil on Katie's lap.

"Thanks dad," Kendall said taking the two plates from Katie.

"Well we're going to be in the house, you two can stay out here if you like," Kenneth said.

"Yeah, it's nice out, we'll be out here," Kendall said pointing back to the barn. Kenneth nodded his head and turned to leave. Katie waited a moment longer.

"Oh god, don't tell me you still have that fort up there," Katie said laughing.

"Duh," Kendall said.

"If you need us we'll be up there," Logan said laughing. Kenneth and Katie nodded their heads and started back to the house.

-Perfect-

"Dude stay low," James said grabbing Carlos and pulling him down a bit lower. Carlos rolled his eyes and looked over at James.

"Tell me why we're doing this, again," Carlos said.

"You saw what they did to our statue," James said.

James and Carlos were currently standing in front of Lincoln High. It was just a half hour drive from Sherwood to Lincoln. James reached into his bag and pulled out two cans of spray paint. He handed one to Carlos. Carlos looked at the can and then to James waiting for instructions.

"Time to show these panthers, who's boss," James said. They both moved from their spot and started to paint the statue. They painted a bra on the panther and women's underwear as well. The blacked out the word panthers and painted sissies above it. They also wrote, Lumberjacks rule! On the panthers back.

"You done?" Carlos asked looking around. He was nervous about this. He didn't want to get caught. He had a prior record for mooning. He didn't want to do more community service, or possibly jail time. He really didn't want to get caught and risk not playing in the hockey state finals coming up.

"Yeah, yeah let's go," James said. They both took off to James' car. James stopped to grab his bag by the strap and followed Carlos. James started driving. Once they were far enough away Carlos let out a breath.

"God that was nerve racking, I thought we were going to get caught," Carlos said.

"No one was around."

"It's called campus security."

"Relax no one saw us."

"How do you know? What if they have security cameras?"

"Carlos they don't have a budget to keep their arts program open, how can they afford security cameras?" James asked looking over at Carlos for a second.

"If we gat caught we can't play at state, next week," Carlos reasoned.

"Relax we won't get caught."

"True, but still…" Carlos trailed off looking out the window. He didn't have a good feeling about this.

"But nothing, you're starting to act like Logan."

"I am not."

"Are too. Now, just relax, dude, and everything will be fine," James said. Carlos just nodded his head. He knew arguing with James was useless. James was too pig headed to see anything else.

-Perfect-

Logan sighed as he made his way into his house. It was late and his parents were probably already in bed. He shucked his jacket off and put it in the hall closet. He took his shoes off when the hallway light flicked on. There standing at the other end of the hallway, in her pajamas, was Joanna. She did not look happy.

"Mom," Logan said shocked. He had honestly thought she'd be sleeping by now. Normally she went to bed at nine. It was after ten.

"No phone call?" Joanna asked curtly.

"I was at the farm with Kendall, we were helping Mr. Knight get ready for winter. We were securing the barn," Logan said calmly. He was used to the way his mother talked to him when she was upset. She was all smiles and happy until he did something wrong.

"Still, is that a reason not to call?" Joanna asked, "I've been worried sick," she said.

"The one time I stay out late you notice I'm gone," Logan mumbled to himself shaking his head.

"What was that?" Joanna asked.

"I said I am sorry, and it won't happen again," Logan said looking up at her giving her a big fake smile that she probably saw right through.

"I don't like you hanging out with Kendall," Joanna said shaking her head.

"Why because he's gay?" Logan asked glaring at his mother.

"Shut your mouth," Joanna snapped quickly. "You're in trouble now get to bed," she said. Logan held his tongue and made his way to his bedroom.

He knew she had never really liked Kendall to begin with, her hate grew for him when he came out. Logan didn't care that Kendall was gay, he was gay himself. His mother didn't know that though. He had never told her that he was gay. He had good reason not to. She was a big homophobe. She didn't even know he was dating James. He had made sure to keep that from her.

Logan sighed as he thought about James. He didn't know if he could really say that he was dating James. They had a very complex relationship. James would compliment him he'd blush and then James would take him to the movie or something, somewhere dark usually. James always tried to force Logan into something. Logan would deny him and storm off and have Kendall come get him if it was too far to walk home. After that James would go cheat drunk or sober. Logan would find out James would apologize and they'd start over again.

He walked over to his bedroom window and looked across the way at Kendall's bedroom. The Light was on. He saw Kendall moving about in his bedroom getting ready for bed. He smiled at the thought of Kendall. What he had with Kendall was different than what he had with James. Kendall was sweet and tender. He let Logan make the calls. If Logan was uncomfortable he'd stop. He treated Logan like he was all that mattered.

Logan liked that someone treated him like he was special, when he wasn't. Logan really wasn't anything special. He was an average guy with average looks. Kendall and James told him otherwise. They both complimented him all the time. James did it during school or on dates, and Kendall would do it when they were alone. He was sure it was Kendall's way of telling him that he was just after Logan for the make out sessions they had.

Logan thought over the last few weeks with Kendall. They did anything from hang out alone watching movies to hiding in the barn or one of their bedrooms making out. Logan liked making out with Kendall. It had a certain risk factor involved. It just dawned on him. Logan was cheating on James now.

It wasn't like James didn't deserve it, though. He had cheated so many times. He was probably with someone right now. Logan didn't really care. The only reason Logan didn't break up with James was because if he did he'd be able to openly date Kendall. Kendall wouldn't keep quiet about it either. He would tell his mother who in turn would tell Joanna thinking she knew and he'd get shipped away. Logan didn't want to get shipped away. He liked it here in Sherwood, for now. After graduation, well that was a different story.

Dating James was the smartest thing to do right now. Logan was no good for Kendall anyways. Kendall deserved someone better and good looking for sure. Logan knew he was just average. Kendall would eventually find someone better for him, someone more deserving. Then whatever he and Kendall had would end. James would be none the wiser and things would carry on as they always did.

-Perfect-

James tossed his bag aside as he walked into his bedroom. He then ungracefully fell down onto his bed. He had just gotten home. Carlos had bugged him the whole way home about getting caught. James knew they weren't going to get caught. They had been careful and he knew for a fact that Lincoln didn't have security cameras. His dad had been talking to Maggie about it the last time he had been visiting them. Eli was a school teacher there and complained about the budget Lincoln didn't seem to have.

James' thought turned to his parents. Things were complicated with parents.

First there was Eli. James had an ok relationship with his dad, when he visited. However, Eli never called him. Eli waited for him to make the first move. He never initiated anything with James. It was almost as if Eli was scared to push James and have him pull away. James would never do that though. He liked spending time with his dad. He even had Ella and Susan. They were great and James loved them both. Maggie was nice and he liked her too. His dad had what he wanted. His dad had a happy family and sometimes James felt like he intruded on them. That was another reason he didn't visit much. He felt like he was the baggage from Eli's first marriage and he didn't want to burden them with his presence. They were happy without him.

Then there was his mother. Brooke was a hard woman. What she said was law and there was no arguing with her. No one said no to her, not even James. James couldn't say no. He didn't want her to take away his things. He had just learned to agree with her. It made his life so much easier.

Neither of his parents paid attention to him really. James was pretty much free to do as he pleased. As long as he was home by midnight his mother didn't care and his dad lived in another town. Even if he did care he couldn't say much about it.

James had a shitty life. Sure, his mother had money and bought him nice things, but money didn't buy happiness. James knew he came off as an ass sometimes, but that's just how he was. It was his self defense. It helped him not feel so alone. He didn't let anyone in so he couldn't get hurt when they left him. He knew everyone would just eventually disappoint them like his parents had. He didn't want to feel that hurt again. He built walls around his heart and never truly let anyone in. He kept everyone at bay. He kept them from seeing the real him.

What James wanted was attention. He wanted people to pay attention to him. The truth was he really wanted attention from his parents, but they didn't give him much. Eli only paid attention to him when he was there and Brooke only paid attention when he talked about quitting school. That was why he wanted to be an actor or maybe a singer. If he was an famous then people would have to pay attention to him.

Attention.

That was all James really wanted. He wanted someone to care about him and what he did. He wanted someone to congratulate him when he did something good. That was half the reason he joined hockey. He thought that if he joined maybe, his mother would notice him. He got good in hopes of her actually coming to a game. She never came to one though. Eli came to a few games, when James asked him to, but he was usually busy with Ella and Susan.

Logan had been that person once upon a time. When they had first started dating Logan cared about James. He gave him the attention he craved. Then after he denied him sex and James looked elsewhere things changed. Logan wasn't as attentive, so James kept searching for that attention. He kept Logan around though, because he still gave him attention, not as much as before, but some was better than none in James' mind.

There was a knock at his door. James rolled over and turned away from the door. He knew it was his mother coming to talk to him. He didn't want to talk. He just wanted to forget everything that was his shitty life. He heard the door open behind him.

"James?"

James didn't move. He just evened his breathing out to make it look like he was sleeping. He really didn't want to talk.

"James," Brooke said again.

James closed his eyes and hoped she'd give up. He heard her sigh and the door closed. James glanced over his shoulder and saw she was gone. It wasn't that he hated his mother, he just couldn't stand her sometimes. She was probably going to grill about him just getting in and he didn't have the energy to deal with that right now. He didn't have the patience to deal with her when she really wanted to act like a mother. She picked and chose her moment. Most of the time James did not like the moments she chose. She just seemed to liked making his miserable.

James rolled over again and turned his lamp off. He laid back down on his bed. He stared at the ceiling once more and let the darkness engulf him.

Boom. Another chapter done. I hope you all liked this. There will be more to come next weekend hopefully. Anyways review and let me know what you think.

Always

OUTOFMYMIND