Little Boy Blue

by spauldinga

"Someday," she whispers, kissing his head, "If they decide to tell you the truth of where you came from, maybe you'll come to me with questions about your mama. I hope you'll be able to forgive her for all the things she's done. I hope you'll forgive me too." A series of short Sue Ellen and Christopher vignettes.

7. Sue Ellen 3

"Thank you, Sue Ellen, but I mourned Pamela a long time ago."

She cringes when she hears Bobby's harsh words, delivered automatically and almost coldly. She understands where they come from; the place in Bobby's heart reserved for Pamela has been locked down so tightly, and for so long, it would take a conscious effort of will to allow any emotion to escape it. Self-preservation is a hard habit to break. She knows.

Her eyes dart to Christopher, who looks as though he's been slapped. She can only imagine how difficult this process has been on her nephew. He's lost so many parental figures already: Pamela, April, Clayton and Miss Ellie, and even she herself had all but disappeared from his life for a time, after having taken on something of a maternal role following Pamela's disappearance. And now, he has to feel as though he's lost his mother all over again.

Of course there's another name that belongs on that list, and it floats just below the surface of her thoughts, but she refuses to give it voice, not even to herself. Not now, she can't deal with those memories today.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," she whispers as they walk to the study, her hand resting gently on his back. Pausing just outside the doorway after the others have entered, she stops and turns him to face her, resting one hand on his cheek. "After all this is over, maybe we can have a service for her. To say goodbye. There are still a lot of people here in Dallas who cared about her and would like to know what happened."

Christopher nods. "I think I'd like that. Thank you, Sue Ellen."

She pats his cheek and drops her hand, turning to enter the study, but his voice stops her.

"You…you cared about her, right?" He sounds as though he's all of ten years old and trying to reassure himself that it's okay to still love someone who has disappointed him so badly. That is something else she knows far too much about.

"Oh, darling, yes. Yes, of course I did. She was my friend in a time when I...well, I didn't make it easy for people to like me. I'll always be grateful to her for not giving up on me. And Christopher, your father loved her too, very, very much. He just..."

"I know. She hurt him. But still..." His voice trails off and she can tell he's dangerously close to crying.

She steps forward and wraps her arms around him. "But still."