Chapter 4: Num83r5 & 57uff (Numbers & Stuff)
Published: October 8th, 2013
Dedicated to: Canadatheninja - the only person who asked for it / mentioned they'd like it to be / said it should be continued, and the use of numbers led to this. ! (0n7!nu3d 7h!5 83(4u53 0f y0ur r3v!3w. ! 907 7h3 !d34 f0r 7h!5 (h4p73r fr0m !7 700! (I continued this story because of your review. I got the idea for this chapter from it too!) Thanks!
Word count: 439
So it continues... Like I said, before as long as one person wants it and I don't hate it with the entirety of my being, I will probably write it. I didn't say that before? Ooops.
This may be the most annoying chapter in this story. I figured I'd make it a journal entry for Alfred... Going to McDonald's and bumping into each other or something. Y'all really need to give me some ideas... Translation included right below this monstrosity!
I failed with capital letters this time when typing, forgive me?
Key:
1 – L
2 – Z
3 – E
4 – A
5 – S
7 – T
8 – B
9 – G
0 – O
! - I (but can also be an exclamation mark...)
( - C
***Translation included right below this monstrosity!***
d34r d!4ry,
70d4y ! w3n7 70 937 m0r3 f00d 47 m(d0n41d'5, ! w3n7 7h3r3 4 107.
! 8ump3d !n70 4r7hur, h0w 4w350m3 !5 7h47?
50 4nyw4y, wh!13 w3 w3r3 7h3r3 h3 w45 1!k3 4(7!n9 v3ry 4r7hur-1!k3, wh!(h w45 14m3! 7h3r3 w45 n0 y010, 4nd m4n w!7h 7h053 3y38r0w5 h3 4!n'7 907 n0 5w49!
! w4n73d 70 1012 r!9h7 !n h!5 f4(3, 8u7 0m92 h3 wud'v3 833n 50 m4d! m4y85 nx7 7!m3.
50 1!k3,
"4r7!3~ wu7 r u d0!n' h3r3?"
"wh47 14n9u493 4r3 y0u 5p34k!n9?"
"100 p3r(3n7 'mur!(4n!"
"4h. 8u993r 0ff."
"8u7 !995, u !n m3h (0un7r!3! !n my m(d'5! y?"
"83(4u53... 83(4u53... 7h3 f00d h3r3 !5 n07 3n7!r31y h0rr!813!"
"y0 dud3! 7h47'5 ju57 1!k3 w04h..."
"4r3 y0u 1!k3 5!(k 0r 5um7!n?"
"!'m 5!(k 0f y0ur 14n9u493!"
"50 u kn0w 'mur!(4n !5 4 14n9u493?"
"wh47?"
"7!1 – 'mur!(4n !5 '((3p73d 8y !995!"
"p4rd0n?"
"70d4y ! 1urn3d!"
"4h, ! 533. 70d4y y0u 134rn3d?"
"7h47 u 7hunk 'mur!(4n !5 4 14n9u493! j332 !995, (47(h up 0n d4 1!n90!"
"..."
"!'11 1!k3 533 y0u 1473r?"
"..."
"wu7? !'11 8r!n9 7 f0r u!"
"f!n3 10v3, !'11 83 7h3r3."
"y4y! hu92!"
"8u7 0n1y !f y0u 5p34k pr0p3r 8r!7!5h 4nd w0r1d 3n91!5h."
"m4y85 ! 5hu1d r3(0n5!d my 49r33m3n7..."
"4r3 y0u 53r!0u5?"
"8r0, ! n0 k!d 0n y4 80u7 7h47 k!nd 0f 57uff2!"
"d!d y0u ju57 (411 m3 8r0?"
"y4 d09! ! 7072 d!d, wh47(h4 9unn4 du 80u7 !7!"
"p0!n73d1y !9n0r3 y0u."
"14m3~ 7h3n 494!n, ! 9u55 u 41w4y5 h4v3 833n..."
"p4rd0n?"
"u p4rd0n3d dud3, u p4rd0n3d."
"4r3 y0u 8r34k!n9 up w!7h m3?"
"wh47! n0! wh47 w0u1d m4k3 y0u 7h!nk 7h47?"
"n07h!n9!"
"0k 9ud, n0w wh3r3 w3r3 w3 dud3?"
"d4mm!7! ! m34n7: ! 4m 9r3471y 0ff3nd3d 8y y0ur 4(7!0n5!"
"n!(3 7ry !992, 8u7 dud3 !72 700 1473 f0ur u!"
"8u993r 0ff."
"8u7 y? ! 7h0u9h u 1uv m3?"
"! 10v3 y0u wh3n y0u 4r3n'7 83!n9 4 (0mp13731y 4nd u773r !d!07 w!7h 14(k 0f 14n9u493 5k!115."
"8urn! ! ju5 907 r04573d!"
"why 4r3 y0u (3138r47!n9?"
"83(u2 !7'5 u!"
"4nd?"
"w311 (u2 7h47 w45n'7 v3ry 48501u731y !nv!5!813 8r!7!5h 93n713m4n!"
"!nv!n(!813. n07 !nv!5!813. m0r0n."
"8urn!"
"wh47 4r3 y0u 0n?"
"!'m 0n 1!f3 8r0!"
"! w!11 533 y0u 1473r!"
"0k!35! 534 u 1473r!"
4nd 50 7h3n ! 1!k3 707411y r37urn3d 70 my r00m (u2 my r00m !5 1!k3 5up3r2 7072 4w350m3, 20m9 3nvy 1!k3 m3. 50 d!4ry 1!k3, 5up? !995 !5 4 pr377y (001 d09 4nd ! 1uv h!m. 50m37!m35 h3 (4n 8 4 1!7713 p!(ky 7h0u9h... h3'5 m!n3! 84(k 0ff.
57h4p 7ry!n' 74 57341 m4 m4n!
-'mur!(4!
Translation (Sort of)
Dear Diary,
Today I went to get more food at McDonald's, I went there a lot.
I bumped into Arthur, how awesome is that?
So anyway, while we were there he was like acting very Arthur-like, which was lame! There was no YOLO, and man with those eyebrows he ain't got no swag!
I wanted to LOLz right in his face, but OMGz he wud've been so mad! Maybs nxt time.
So like,
"ARTIE~ Wut r u doin' here?"
"What language are you speaking?"
"100 PERCENT 'MURICAN!"
"Ah. Bugger off."
"But Iggs, u in meh countrie! In my McD's! Y?"
"Because... because... the food here is not entirely horrible!"
"Yo dude! That's just like woah..."
"Are you like sick or sumtin?"
"I'm sick of your language!"
"So u know 'MURICAN is a language?"
"What?"
"TIL – 'MURICAN is 'ccepted by Iggs!"
"Pardon?"
"Today I lurned!"
"Ah, I see. Today you learned?"
"That u thunk 'MURICAN is a language! Jeez Iggs, Catch up on da lingo!"
"..."
"I'll like see you later?"
"..."
"Wut? I'll bring T for u!"
"Fine love, I'll be there."
"YAY! HUGZ!"
"But only if you speak proper British and World English."
"Maybs I shuld reconsid my agreement..."
"Are you serious?"
"BRO, I no kid on ya bout that kind of stuffz!"
"Did you just call me bro?"
"Ya dog! I totz did, whatcha gunna du bout it!"
"Pointedly ignore you."
"LAME~ Then again, I guss u always have been..."
"Pardon?"
"U pardoned dude, u pardoned."
"Are you breaking up with me?"
"What! No! What would make you think that?"
"Nothing!"
"OK gud, now where were we dude?"
"Dammit! I meant: I am greatly offended by your actions!"
"Nice try Iggz, but dude itz too late four u!"
"Bugger off."
"But y? I though u luv me?"
"I love you when you aren't being a completely and utter idiot with lack of language skills."
"BURN! I jus got ROASTED!"
"Why are you celebrating?"
"Becuz it's u!"
"And?"
"Well cuz that wasn't very Absolutely Invisible British Gentleman!"
"Invincible. Not invisible. Moron."
"BURN!"
"What are you on?"
"I'm on life bro!"
"I will see you later!"
"Okies! Sea u later!"
And so then I like totally returned to my room cuz my room is like superz totz awesome, zOMG envy like me. So diary like, sup? Iggs is a pretty cool dog and I luv him. Sometimes he can b a little picky though... He's mine! BACK OFF.
STHAP TRYIN' TA STEAL MA MAN!
-'MURICA!
At the end he is yelling at something, I don't know, I just liked that line.
I don't know why I wrote America's side of the conversation in slang and England's like an actual person, since u and you sound the same, but whatever... #SOCKS... just kidding
Another apology to the English language
As well as a hope for a day where people don't shout LOL in public,
But Emoticons still exist (I love emoticons :3)
See you next time! Which is once I get an idea.
Oh, I categorize this as a tragedy? Because of the slaughter?
-ELR