Gamzee spent the next five and a half months at the rehab facility. The days seemed to drag on for eternity, but he looked forward to Karkat's occasional visits. Besides the regular group sessions and various programs, it was suggested that he see a therapist as well. A more aggressive side started to rear its head partway through his rehabilitation.
Grumbling lightly, Gamzee knocked on the door before walking into his therapist's office. "Why, good afternoon. Come on in and have a seat, then maybe we can start discussing a few things." The strawberry blonde haired woman, Constance Doyle as indicated by the sign on her desk, smiled and nodded to the empty chair in front of her. With crossed arms he walked over and plopped down in the large red chair.
"I don't see why I have to be here. I don't have any mental problems." His eyes narrowed as he stared at the woman.
Constance smiled again and pulled out some papers. "No one said you did. There were just some concerns about some recent behavior and we wanted to see if we could help in any way. I heard there have been some problems with your anger control among other things. Has anything been bothering you during your stay here?" She explained in a soft tone.
"Again, lady, I don't have any fucking anger issues."
"Well, according to the staff you threatened to scoop out another person's eyes with a plastic spoon because they ate the last pudding cup. Then you proceeded to depict doing that act via painting during an art session along with other, somewhat disturbing images." She looked up at him after glancing through the paperwork. "There's nothing wrong with talking about anything that's bothering you. This is all confidential and even if you don't have direct problems, talking through your feelings and such might help you work out what's behind them."
Eyes twitching, he only sat there and stared at Connie while drumming his fingers on his arm. "Well, I don't want to get all up and motherfucking touchy feely right now." The normally happy Capricorn scowled.
"That's fine, maybe during another session when you're more comfortable. Could we at least talk a little-"
Constance was cut off by Gamzee standing abruptly with a loud huff. "Fuck that. I'm going back to my room." Without another word he turned and left her office, letting the door slam shut behind him. Sighing softly, Connie picked up her pen and jotted down a few notes before continuing with her day.
Three days later Karkat came to visit. Once seated in a private visiting room they began chatting about recent events and the like. Through their discussions, he learned of Gamzee's recent visit with his therapist. "What the hell man?" He pinched the bridge of his nose before looking at his close friend. "Why are you so fucking angry with people all of a sudden, assbutt? Aren't they treating you right? You're making so much progress, shit like that could only hinder you from coming home. Don't you fucking want that?"
"Look bro, I don't know why I'm turning into a grouchy motherfucker like you."
"I don't threaten to de-eye people with spoons."
"Whatever. I just don't know what all up and got into my motherfucking system…Being here I just, fucking feel alienated or something."
"Is it because of your face? I can totally see if I can bring you your makeup-"
"Fuck no, man. Yeah, most of the stupid motherfuckers here look at me like I murdered someone, but that's not it…"
"Then what is it fuckass?" Karkat's face still held its frown, but his tone softened. He leaned forward on the table and sighed. "Look, if you don't want to talk with that therapist right away, fine. At least give her a chance. Just…tell me what's fucking going on so I don't worry even more about your ass at night. What's been bugging you, assbutt?"
A light sigh escaped the tan male's mouth as he slouched in his chair. It took a moment for him to try and find the words to explain what odd things were going on in his mind. "Bro…Once the drugs left my system, I haven't been the fucking same. I don't really know how to explain it." Blinking, Karkat only nodded and waited for him to continue.
"I'm…I'm so god damn lonely here motherfucking best friend!" Gamzee's gaze drifted to stare at the table's surface. "The only things I have are my stupid paintings. Apparently a brother can't get his motherfucking imagination on either. They seem worried about those too." His fingernails dug into the chair's arm rests. "I-I miss you and I just want to leave this motherfucking hell hole."
The room fell silent. Both males only glanced up at the other from time to time while they just sat there. Karkat eventually spoke as he stood from his seat. "Gamzee…I'm sorry your clown ass has to be stuck here, but you do need the help. Honestly, I'm proud of you for sticking with this so far" he said quietly. "Look, I have a doctor's appointment soon so I can't stay much longer to discuss this further. Call me if you fucking need me man and please, please try working with your therapist. It might help. The sooner you work things out, the quicker you can get out of here." After checking his watch, he gave Gamzee a quick hug before leaving.
That following week Gamzee decided to follow Karkat's advice. It couldn't hurt talking to that woman. Things started off slow, but better than their first meeting. Several sessions would pass before he was comfortable enough to open up about what had seemed to be plaguing him.
"I think I have a grasp on why I've been so, aggressive lately. I'm still not entirely sure, but it's something." Gamzee was pacing the room as he conversed with Constance. A small, red stuffed crab was clasped in his hands. It helped to keep them busy; being tactile seemed to ease his nerves lately.
"Okay, go on."
"Well, I started up pot back around eighth grade or so. I…I wanted something to ease the pain I felt then and to keep myself at ease I suppose." His hands fiddled with the puffy claws as he talked. "My motherfucking friends told me that shit would calm my nerves and it sure as hell did. The only reason I used more was…to keep this other fucking being away."
Constance raised an eyebrow but nodded. "I see. Do you mind telling me what happened to make you start smoking in the first place?" She asked softly, her pen ever so busy as she took constant notes.
"Yeah, sure…My godfather, the only family I had left who cared, was fucking murdered by some kind of sociopath. I found him barely awake on the beach the morning he was supposed to be on leave. T-there was so much blood and I couldn't do anything about it." Gamzee's grip tightened around the critter in his arms as he stopped to stare out the window and watch a few orange leaves fall from the nearby oak trees. "I-I spent my last moments with him sobbing into his shirt as he bled out and just all up and fucking died." Resting his chin on top of the crab's head, he continued with his pacing.
"I'm sorry for your loss." Connie's voice was soft and gentle. "I know the death of a close loved one can really sting, but there are healthier ways of coping." Her hazel eyes tried to lock with his light chocolate ones. "You were saying something about another being that made you use more?" she inquired, tilting her head slightly.
It took a moment before Gamzee snapped out of his current thoughts. Glancing away from the window, he nodded. "Mmhmm. It seemed like another me popped up I suppose. It's kind of motherfucking scary, this new person. Whenever I was sober I just seemed so…so damn angry with the world. Thankfully I always scrounged up enough money to get more before I snapped at someone. For some reason though, it just got worse over time." A light sigh filled the air as he walked around some more before sitting. "The drugs and alcohol keep the motherfucker quiet, but I only needed more to do so as the years went by. It's like, the angry bro inside of me got stronger the more I bottled my hatred towards things."
"Mm, I see. It sounds like you have trouble expressing negative emotions in a healthy way. Maybe a slight depression built after your godfather died and you just grew angry at the world. These emotions probably scared you and you didn't want to acknowledge them." Constance mused as she leaned back in her chair, eyes landing on the now sitting male. "Do you have any friends Gamzee? I'm sure you're not completely alone out there. I think I saw you visiting with someone your age the other day."
"Huh?" He looked up and tilted his head. Then his mind went to Karkat and a frown plastered itself onto his face. "Yeah, there are a few that I don't talk with much anymore. Then I have a real close motherfucking best friend. At least, I think we're still friends. I'm not so sure anymore." His eyes wandered to the white carpet as he pet the crab. "He found me passed out in my kitchen after I called him that night I broke my wrist…The motherfucker was so scared and…I think he was angry with me, with what I've been doing."
"Well, it sounds like he was scared and angry for the right reasons if he's truly close to you. It would appear he cares about you. If he didn't, he probably wouldn't have come to check on you that night." A light tapping sound filled the silence as she thought for a moment. "How do you feel around your friend?" She asked, setting her pen on the table. The tapping stopped. "Have you ever been sober around him?"
Gamzee fidgeted a bit before speaking. "I've been around him like that several times, but it was…different. When I'm with him my scary bro is all calm and incorporated back into me, if that makes any sense." His gaze traveled back to the floor, thinking Connie saw him as even crazier or something. "It's like I'm high, but I'm not." Tilting his head he scrunched his face as he tried to wrap his head around the thought.
"Maybe when you're with him, you have no need to be on those substances. He brings you back to your normal self before the drugs, before the hatred and darkness. With him, you're at ease. That scary other half is dead in your eyes when you're around him." A light smile graced Connie's lips. "That doesn't mean you can neglect those other feelings though. It's still not good to keep them locked away until something horrible happens." She paused for a moment. "It sounds like you two could be good confidants. I'm sure he's more than willing to listen to whatever troubles you."
Gamzee blinked. Constance's words seeped into his head and swirled with his own thoughts. "I think you just might be right about the motherfucker." A small smile replaced the frown for a split second. "I just hope he's not too angry with me…He said he'd like to try and work on our relationship more once I was all fixed…Hopefully I can be a normal person again. I-I don't want to scare my favorite motherfucker anymore."
Over the next two months Gamzee had regular visits with Constance in between the group sessions and activities. With each appointment he was able to speak more openly about what was going on in his head. They were able to work out healthier coping and management skills that would be useful to him once he was back to living in the real world. She told him that if he felt the need for more therapy, or just another ear to listen, they could keep in touch and schedule needed appointments.
That familiar goofy grin spread across Gamzee's face Christmas morning as he wrapped up Karkat's gift. He had worked on it for the past week, adding the finishing touches after the center's holiday dinner the previous night. "My motherfucking best friend better like it…I'm sure he will, honk." He giggled lightly, his odd quirk ringing through the quiet room. It was unknown where he picked it up from, but it had been gone for some time now. After taping his homemade Christmas card to the front, he picked up the flat, square package and headed out to the common area to meet his friend.
Glittery Christmas bag in hand, Karkat stepped out of his car and walked into the building. He hoped Gamzee was in a good mood and would like the present. His cobalt eyes light up when his friend's adorable grin greeted him. It appeared he was his usual goofy clown self. "Hey Gam, merry Christmas." Karkat mirrored Gamzee's grinned as he walked over and hugged him.
"Good morning and merry Christmas to you too." Gamzee returned the hug with a cheerful honk. "Let's go take a seat on those motherfucking comfy ass couches." With a light giggle, he grabbed the Cancer's free hand and happily dragged him over to the beige sofas that decorated the common area. Once seated, Karkat set his bag down on the coffee table and smiled at Gamzee. "What's that?" he inquired when the Capricorn pulled his package from behind the sofa. "It's your motherfucking present silly, honk."
Blinking, Karkat carefully took the gift from him and pulled off the Christmas card. On the front was a drawing of a crab with a Santa hat on and presents surrounding it. Written on the inside was a short message. 'MeRrY cHrIsTmAs MoThErFuCkInG bEsT fRiEnD. HoNk.'. He couldn't help but to smile as he ripped off the homemade wrapping paper. Eyes widening, he carefully lifted the small canvas and studied it for a moment. "G-Gam…Did you paint this?"
"Sure did bro. Do you like it?"
"Yeah, it's fucking perfect." Karkat nodded as he looked up from the painting and smiled at Gamzee. The scene depicted their younger selves holding hands in the middle of a wildflower field. Their corresponding sign animals sat atop their heads with button eyes and cute smiles. "T-thank you Gamzee." Setting the painting on the table he leaned over and pulled him into a tight hug. Giving him a quick peck on the cheek, he turned and grabbed the bag. "T-this is for you." A light blush filled his cheeks as he handed the bag over. It was covered in rainbow glitter and had pictures of penguins doing various winter activities scattered about its surface.
"Oooh, I wonder what this miracle could be." Grinning, Gamzee peered into the bag and pulled out its contents. Sitting on top was a box of red Faygo cupcakes decorated with icing Christmas ornaments. On the bottom was a purple knitted sweater with his favorite clown emoticon face stitched in gray on the front. His eyes seemed to glitter as he held up the sweater. "Holy fucking shit, bro, did you make this?" He looked over at Karkat and smiled.
The other male blushed and shook his head. "N-No…sorry. I tried to, but Kankri took over when he found me in a tangled mess on my living room floor." Both of them chuckled and Gamzee hugged the sweater lightly. "Wow, it feels so soft and warm."
"Yep. My brother is pretty fucking amazing when it comes to knitting. I had to convince him to stick with the original purple. He tried insisting on making it red for Christmas, or so he says." Laughing filled the area once more as they set their presents aside and hugged again. "Thank you motherfucking best friend." Gamzee then looked up when he heard someone walk over.
His addiction counselor gave them both a smile. "Good morning, I have some news I'm sure you'd enjoy." The two males sat and listened attentively. "Gamzee, the paperwork has been processed among other things. You're free to leave today. Officer Cooper stopped by and said that your community service will begin a couple weeks after the first of the year. He will get in contact with you when the time comes. I wish you the best of luck and have a wonderful holiday." Nodding at them, the overly cheery man in a sweater vest left to attend to other work.
Gamzee only sat there for a moment in silence. "Holy fuck…it's a motherfucking miracle. I-I'm free Karkat…I can go home." Tears glistened in his eyes as he pulled Karkat into a bear hug, crying silently into his shoulder for a moment. Once he had calmed down, his friend agreed to help him pack up his things. Gifts and duffle bag in hand, the two best friends walked up to the front desk and checked out. Grins plastered on their faces, they walked out to Karkat's car and headed to Gamzee's home.
Something wasn't right. A light smoke could be seen high in the air as they neared the house. Two fire trucks passed by them as they got closer. "There aren't that many people who live down this way…I wonder what's all up and wrong." Gamzee said, silently wishing it wasn't his home. When they arrived, to his dismay, only a scorched square of rubble greeted them. A single fire truck remained as it put out the last burning embers.
They had to wait for the firefighters to deem the area safe before Gamzee was allowed to salvage anything that may have remained. "Fuck man, who would all up and motherfucking do this?!" Heart racing, he frantically searched where his bed once stood, hoping his metal keepsake box was still there. He started to honk repeatedly as he dug through the charred remains. Karkat could only watch near the door frame, a frown on his face. A few minutes passed before he finally unearthed a small, metal box.
Carefully, Gamzee pulled it out of the ashes and broke the lock with a nearby rock. A few stuttered honks escaped his windpipe as he pulled out what he had hoped remained. It was his godfather's dog tags. Sniffling lightly, he pulled them over his head before digging around the area he saw something shiny sticking out from. Soon enough, his fingers grasped around the golden club and he pulled it out of the debris.
"I'm sorry Gamzee…Are you going to be fucking okay?" Karkat's voice was soft and full of concern. They were so happy just hours before and now his friend was practically manic as he stood up from the pile of ashes. The other male's body trembled slightly as he clutched the club tightly in his hand. "Those motherfuckers lied!" Karkat had to take a few steps back as Gamzee started lashing out at the burnt remains of his house's frame. "Some motherfucker found out and got back at me!" Veins bulging he started whacking anything within reach with the club whilst throwing out a few kicks here and there.
"G-gam, calm the fuck down dude." Fear shook through Karkat, making his smaller frame tremble more than Gamzee. He only got a string of frighteningly loud honks as his friend continued on his mini rampage through the house. With fury in his eyes, he turned on Karkat and swung at his head with the metal club. Blinded by rage, he hadn't realized the small male was in front of him.
"Holy fucking shit man!" In a rush of adrenalin, Karkat ducked down just in time. The club barely grazed the tips of his hair. Biting his lip, he took a chance and wrapped his arms tightly around the rampant Capricorn. The body contact stopped Gamzee. His body slacked some, his grip loosening and the club fell to the floor with a loud thud. Gamzee stood there trembling still in Karkat's embrace, hands twitching as he continued with the frantic honking.
"Shhh, it's okay Gam. Shhh, just calm down please…Everything will be fine." Karkat cooed gently, hands rubbing soothing circles into the small of his back. As the taller male started to calm more, he stood on his tiptoes and placed a warm kiss on Gamzee's lips to silence him and hopefully bring him back to normal. Breaking for air, the shorter male squeezed his shoulders gently and looked him in the eyes. A shaky tan hand reached up and pulled Karkat's head into another kiss. Silent tears ran down both their faces as Gamzee wrapped his arms around the smaller male before gently lowering themselves to the floor.
"Fuck bro…I-I didn't mean to-"Karkat cut him off with another shush, placing a finger lightly to his laps. "It's fine assbutt…You're okay now" he whispered. Gamzee only nodded before nuzzling into the top of Karkat's head. Several minutes of silence passed before Karkat spoke again. "You can stay at my place…I only have one bed, but we can share if you want until we can buy another one." Receiving a nod in response, he sat there in the Capricorn's lap until they were both calm again. When Gamzee was ready to go, Karkat picked up his club for him and walked with him back to the car.
Several days passed. Karkat was able to borrow some money from Kankri to buy Gamzee some more clothes and the like. It didn't take long for the two to get used to living together; even sleeping in the same bed wasn't much of a bother after the first couple days. The morning of Gamzee's birthday, Karkat woke up early to get his surprise ready. He silently cursed when he discovered the larger male snuggled up to him with his lanky arms wrapped tight around him. Was he drooling again? 'Oh God…It's on my fucking face…I-I think it's in my eye.' Twitching slightly, he tried not to freak out.
After some gentle prying he managed to break free from his comfy entrapment. Karkat mentally smacked himself when he heard Gamzee roll over and wake up as he was just about the leave the bedroom. "Mm, good morning motherfucking best friend." Gamzee grinned at him half sleepily as he stretched out on the mattress.
"Good morning fuckass and happy birthday. You stay in bed and I'll be right back." Karkat ordered him as he opened the bedroom door. The other male smiled and nodded as he grabbed his boxers from the floor. "Okay bro, whatever you say. Honk."
'Oh dear lord, he was sleeping next to me naked.' After shaking the light blush away Karkat headed into the kitchen to whip up a homemade breakfast. The smell of chocolate chip pancakes and bacon filled the air several minutes later. Humming lightly, he drew a smiley face onto Gamzee's stack with whipped cream. Karkat then set the dish and glass of milk on a tray before bringing it back to the room.
"Whoa, that smells fucking delicious bro." Gamzee grinned and licked his lips as he sat up in bed. "Thanks, I hope you like it." He carefully set the tray on Gamzee's lap before taking a seat next to him. "Your present will come in a few weeks…I couldn't buy it right away."
The other male looked up as he stuffed his face with bacon. "You didn't have to get me anything…"
"Well, I did and I wanted to assbutt."
Gamzee only smiled and chuckled lightly before continuing eating. As he started to finish a thought came to mind. "Hey Karkat?"
"Hmm, what Gam?"
"Do you think we could be more than motherfucking best friends now?..."
"Y-you mean like dating?" Karkat's cheeks turned red as he played with the blanket in his hands. When Gamzee nodded, he gave him a small smile. "S-sure, only if you really want to…I think we could try it out and see where it brings us."
"Good, but only if you're sure you're okay with it bro." Gamzee waited for some sort of indication that Karkat was fine with it before hugging him. "I'll be the best motherfucking boyfriend ever…You know, my therapist suggested some weird shit that you could be a replacement for the drug's high…" The other male raised an eyebrow and looked up at Gamzee.
"Oh really? That's kind of interesting…Do you really feel that at ease around me? I kind of noticed a few times we hung out together when you haven't had anything for days."
Gamzee smiled and nodded. "Yep! I…somehow feel like I'm normal again when I'm with you. Any rage I have towards the world is all up and motherfucking gone man. I-I promise I won't do any stupid shit again as long as we can stay together…If this romance doesn't work out, I just hope we can still be tight bros."
Karkat's blush deepened some. "S-sure Gam. I just want to see you happy and healthy again. I miss the old days and…if we can keep things as normal as possible, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad to be your replacement high." Both males smiling, they wrapped their arms around each other and kissed passionately.