Episode 3: Crap-ture the Flag
What's up everyone? It's TIAW Mr. Coconut Beatle here. This chapter was one of my favorites originally and now it's being re-done as well! This is probably the most drastic redo so far as the original version had a few missing scenes that needed to be added in. It really blows my mind who little words script style is, this chapter is like 150% longer, and so far it's actually the longest thing (chapter or one-shot) I've ever written, at a grand total of 10,652 words. Not a world record or anything, but wow. Enjoy!
Chris stood on the Dock of Shame, prepared to give his recap of the last episode. As montages of the scenes described played across the screen, he began to talk. "Last time on Total Drama Twist, teams were formed. Crazy teams. Psycho teams. These teams then participated in an action-packed game of Monotrapdungeonsorrychessopoly. Blake turned Scottish. Mike hit Chef with a hammer. A boulder fell on Staci. And Noah was exploded across the finish line, courtesy of our Scottish teenager, giving the Psychos the first win of the season. It may have also been due to some cheating on Heather's part.
"The Crazies then headed to a dramatic elimination, in which Mike got the boot. Yep, that kid was messed up. Did you see what his alternate personality did to my game board? Yeah, I know. Crazy. After the campfire, Noah formed an alliance with Homeschool to boot off Blake. Will the two be successful? Or will Noah let Blake persevere for the good of the team? And will this episode be just as crazy with Bob gone?" Chris grinned. "I'll give ya the answer to that last one right now. Yep. Definitely. Craziness will ensue, right here, right now, on TOTAL, DRAMA, TWIST!"
The theme song played. It showed the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waved at it. Chef smiled at it, then gulped as it came nearer to him and smacked him in the face. After he disappeared the camera zoomed up the cliff, where it showed a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "fell" off the cliff so did Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles covered the screen. When they cleared, Izzy was swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah was sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke landed on him.
Right after the moment of impact, the camera zoomed to the forest, where Mike was petting a raccoon. The raccoon bit his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the wild creature. The camera zoomed to the waterfall, where Annette was singing on top of a log that went over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn was sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across the pool of water at the bottom of the waterfall, meditating. Suddenly, Annette flew past her and her mouth fell open. The camera moved to the outhouse confessional, where a bear was knocking on the door. Blake stuck his head out, screamed, and then ducked back in.
Chef's kitchen was shown next, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody could be seen. Lightning was dumping protein powder into his mouth before fist-pumping, while Heather was tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moved outside to the campfire pit, where Owen was holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci was seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifted a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He ran around and fell into the water. When he surfaced, in classic cartoon style, his head steamed over in anger, causing a fire.
The camera followed the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey was sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunched up and she grinned evilly, only to look around self-consciously when she saw Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera panned out to show all thirteen contestants sitting on wooden logs around the campfire, as Chris stood nearby and grinned at the camera. A wooden sign was shown, where neon letters lit up, saying TOTAL DRAMA TWIST.
Zeke slept in his bunk, snoring a little. After a while, he opened his eyes and sat up, only to hit his head on the ceiling and fall onto the cabin floor. Noah, Blake, and Owen continued sleeping around him. "Ow, eh." He got up and walked out of the cabin. Then he looked down. The prairie boy stood in a field of mud up to his knees. "Oi! This wasn't here yesterday!"
He waved his arms around in panic, only to fall face-first into the mud. Covered in dirt, the prairie boy got up and slowly walked into the center of camp. Putting his hand on the megaphone pole, the part he touched got covered in a muddy hand print. An idea occurred to him. The homeschooler bent down, scooped up a handful of mud, took aim and fired it at the megaphone. It hit the top and covered up the speakers, knocking a seagull off. The bird fell into the mud and got stuck, but Zeke didn't care. "Ha! No more announcements from Chris, eh." Unfortunately, the mud slid off the megaphone and fell back down, hitting him in the face.
Meanwhile, inside the Psychos' cabin, Noah woke up and walked out the door, half-asleep. Then he noticed the mud. "Whoa. How'd this get here?"
Owen walked out the door behind him, and looked gleefully at the mess surrounding them. "I don't know, and I don't care! Mud fight!" He grabbed a handful of mud and threw it at Noah's head.
Noah wiped the filth off of his face and shuddered. "Gross. Absolutely gross. Well, two can play at that game, pal." He scooped up some mud and hurled it at his fat friend. Owen ducked and it flew over his head into the cabin, hitting Blake in the face. Blake wiped the mud from his eyes and stared ahead stupidly, not yet fully awake.
"Uh, guys, I'm not allowed to get dirty," he eventually said. "You really shouldn't do that." Owen and Noah glanced at each other, then at Blake. The two friends grinned impishly. "Why are you looking at me like that?" asked Blake. He got no response other than getting abducted. The two each grabbed one of his arms and pulled him forwards against his will. Owen let go and picked up his legs, and the naive teen was carried to the edge of the porch and bodily thrown off, splashing into the mud and sinking under it. He tried to yell more about what he wasn't allowed to do but the slime muddled it.
Noah wasn't normally one for screwing around like this, but because it was at Blake's expense he couldn't help but laugh. As he chuckled, Blake reached an arm out of the mud and grabbed onto him, trying to pull himself out. Unfortunately, this ended up with Noah falling in and Blake remaining stuck. "Ah, gross!" he yelled. "Owen! Help me out!"
Owen shook his head sympathetically, giggling a little. "Sorry Noah, this is just too funny." He wiped a tear of laughter from his eye. "Too funny. I don't want it to end!" Noah frowned at his chubby buddy, then reached out and pulled him in too. A mud battle between the two ensued, with poor Blake getting caught in the middle.
Over by the Crazies' cabin, Zoey was sitting on a chair on the small porch. Heather walked out the front door, stretching and yawning. She noticed the majority of the Psychos mud-battling in the background and glared. "Throwing mud. So mature," she said sarcastically.
Zoey stood up and practically growled at her. "Oh yeah?" She pushed Heather hard, and the queen bee stumbled backwards into the mud.
"Aaaagh! Disgusting! What is wrong with you, Zoey?!"
The redhead shrugged. "Just desserts."
Static
Heather: What is Zoey's problem?
Static
(Noah is covered in mud from head to toe. He stares at the camera, and frowns)
Noah: No comment.
Static
Annette: I like birds! I sing lots of words!
Static
End of Confessionals
A helicopter flew overhead, and Dawn, Lightning, Staci, and Annette emerged from their respective cabins. Zoey looked up. Heather, Noah, Blake, Zeke, and Owen all crawled out of the mud back onto the cabin porches. Mr. Coconut did nothing, as per usual. The handsome host of the show, Chris McLean, leaned out of the helicopter, brandishing his loudspeaker in one hand and hanging on to the door handle with the other. "Attention campers! I see some of you have already gotten muddy. That's great, 'cause today's challenge is gonna be filled with mud! And quicksand, cliffs, and a lot more stuff that's good for ratings!" Heather and Noah glared at him, while Zeke's already large grin grew a mile wide.
"Today's challenge is a classic summer camp game," continued Chris. "Capture the flag, Total Drama style! Each team will get a map to their base." He reached behind him and grabbed two sheets of paper from somewhere in the helicopter. The host leaned out the door to drop them, but accidentally fell out. Thankfully, he landed on Owen, which prevented his untimely death as Chris bounced off his belly and landed in the mud. Owen and Staci walked up to the dazed host and grabbed the maps for their respective teams.
Chris caught his breath. "Yeah, we can do some digital editing in the final cut to get rid of that. I don't like leaving in things that make me look bad. Anyway, all of you can head to the forest now. I'd thank Owen for saving me, but considering I wouldn't have even been in the helicopter if it wasn't for you darn teens, I think we'll call it even. Though if you want to send me some money as a get-well present it's much appreciated."
Static
Ezekiel: Oh yeah! The Zekester's gonna rock this challenge, eh! No one capture flags better than Canadians!
Static
Owen: Poor Chris, it's such a shame he had to go through that because of us. I'm going to write him a check for ten cents, that should pay his medical bills. It's also all I've got in the bank, but I can always win the season and earn some more mullah.
Static
End of Confessionals
Out in the forest, each team stood on a rock pile, which were about thirty feet apart. Chris was in the middle.
"Chris?" asked Staci. "I don't get it. Why are our bases so close together?"
The host gave her the type of look you'd give a stupid seven-year-old. "No worries, Chatty Girl. Chef will move the Psychos' base farther away, using my helicopter. But first I must explain the rules."
"What rules?" exclaimed Lightning, somewhat offended. "Lightning don't follow anyone's rules. Sha-bam!" He fist-pumped.
"Slow down, Mr. Rulebreaker," admonished Chris. "The only person breaking the rules here is moi." He made a fancy gesture pointing to himself that would probably be considered rude in France. "As for the rules themselves, it's mostly basic Capture the Flag. Each team gets a side of the forest. Tag an opponent on your side, and they're a prisoner until someone on their team tags them out of jail. Each team hides their flag somewhere around their base, and you gotta aim for that. First team to bring the opposing flag back to their base wins. Any questions?"
"Yah- - -" began Staci.
"Shut up Staci. No questions allowed," growled Chris.
"But you said- - -"
"Shut up. No statements allowed either. Now, normally I wouldn't reveal the challenge's twist till later, but, this time, and this time only, you'll learn what the twist is right away."
"Well? What is it?" asked Heather impatiently.
"Zip it! No questions, remember? Now, the twist here has to do with the flags. You may have noticed you don't have any. Except you do have any."
"What's that even supposed to mean, eh?" asked Zeke.
Chris gave him a nasty look. "Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up! What part of 'no questions or statements allowed' don't you understand?"
"The question part, eh. Or maybe the 'no' part. I'm not good with negatives."
Chris sighed. "Forget it. Now, you already have your flags, as you are the flags. Each team will tie one of their members up until they can't move, and that's your flag."
Noah raised an eyebrow. "And why shouldn't they be able to move?"
Chris raised both eyebrows as if in response to Noah's facial movement. "Moving flags? What is this? A memorial parade? No. Flags do not move, with the inevitable exception of someone moving them. Or you know, if they fall off the cliff or something, that's cool too. Just try to stay alive, flaggees, as if your teammates have to lug around corpses, we'll lose our more squeamish viewers. Pick your flags, then Chef will move the Psycho's base via helicopter. After that, you'll have to make your way through numerous obstacles, cough cough lots of mud cough cough, to get to the other's base. May the best team lose! Now pick those flags." Chef flew overhead with the helicopter and dropped down a rope. Chris grabbed onto it and was pulled up.
"Well, who's our flag?" asked Heather once he'd gone and the helicopter noise had faded off into the distance.
Lightning, Annette, Staci, and Zoey all turned to smile at her nastily. Zoey took out a coil of rope. "You!" answered all four simultaneously.
Heather giggled worriedly, and took a few steps back. "Hey guys. No need to be so unfriendly. We're all pals here, right?" Her teammates ignored her and started surrounding her. "Right?!"
Annette took the opportunity to sing a little ditty. "We'll tie up Heather! And drag her through the mud and heather! This is gonna be awesome!"
Static
Heather: [wrapped up in rope] How dare they!
Static
Annette: I like dogs, but when it comes to food they are hogs!
Static
End of Confessionals
Over at the Psychos' rock pile, the team was trying to figure out who to make the flag. In the background, Heather was screaming and squirming as Zoey bound her. Owen sighed. "Ya know, guys, I'd like to be our flag, but I'm pretty sure I can't."
"Why?" asked Blake.
"I'm pretty sure the rope wouldn't fit around me. I'm a teensy tiny bit too wide."
"Nah!" Ezekiel assured Owen. "You're just really really really fat, eh."
Owen frowned at the prairie boy. "You could've been a little bit nicer."
"My mama always says, noothing's nicer than the truth," retorted Zeke. "A'yup."
"Well, then, Mr. Truthity Truth, shouldn't it be truthful that you're the flag?"
"Um, well, you see, eh, I sorta ... don't ... like ... rope? I mean I really hate rope, eh."
"Yeah. The truth," deadpanned Noah. "Good job. What about you, Dawn?"
Dawn gestured at herself. "Me? No, I'm too much in harmony with nature. The animals would untie me before the challenge had even begun."
Noah grinned evilly. "Well in that case, since I'll gladly decline, we're left with ... Blake."
"I'm not allowed to be tied up," replied Blake automatically.
"Well, you are now," said Noah.
"A'yup, Noah's allowed to allow people, eh."
Blake sighed. "Fine. As long as you promise not to hide me in the mud."
Noah crossed his fingers behind his back. "Promise." Owen and Dawn then proceeded to wrap Blake up with the rope. Just as they finished, Chef flew over with the helicopter, shooting four harpoons into the earth on each corner of the rock pile. Somehow, miraculously, the entire thing lifted into the air, with the Psychos' team on it, and flew away.
Over at the Crazies' base, Heather was squirming and protesting. "Someone untie me! We can use someone else as a flag! Staci! Or Annette! Or Lightning! Or- - -" Her sentence was cut off as Annette shoved a piece of cloth in her mouth, muffling her words. "Mmmmmmmpf! Mmmpf Mmmmmmm mmmmmmmpf!"
Annette chose to be annoying and sing again. "Heather can no longer talk! Oh I like to eat chalk! I don't think there is a word called qualk! Now I will take a walk!"
Lightning gave her an exasperated look. "C'mon sha-annoying girl, we can't take a walk now! We gotta hide Mean Girl!"
Zoey nodded. "Yeah. Do you want to win the challenge or not?"
"Mmmmmmpf!" added Heather.
"Yah, what she said. Let's hide her in quicksand!" exclaimed Staci
Heather's eyes bulged. "MMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPFFFF!"
Annette looked skeptical. "I'm pretty sure she never told us to hide her in quicksand ..." Heather relaxed, only to freak out again when the awful singer continued. "... but, quicksand would be one heck of a hiding place! Let's go!"
Zoey agreed, and she and Lightning lifted up the struggling queen bee. The five teammates walked into the forest, Heather's screams coming out muffled through the gag.
Somewhere in a clearing on the island, all was peaceful. Then the sound of a helicopter rotor came closer and closer, and with a deafening thump, the Psychos' rock pile base fell to the earth. The six Psycho Psychos slowly caught their breaths. "Ow," said Blake. He struggled to his feet but being bound in rope made it difficult.
Owen stretched his back. "That was painful. Are you okay, Mr. Coconut?" He pretended to be his precious fruit and started talking in a high-pitched squeaky voice. "Oh yes Owen, I'm fine. Thank you very very much for asking."
Dawn looked at him emotionlessly. "Owen, you do realize Mr. Coconut is simply a, well, a coconut?"
Owen's goofy smile turned into a frown in half a second flat. "Don't be ridiculous."
"I'm never ridiculous," replied the moon child.
"Says you!" harumphed Owen.
Blake interrupted. "Can we just get this over with?"
Owen and Dawn turned on him and simultaneously said "No!"
Blake backed away as best he could while wrapped in the rope. "Well, sorry for asking."
Dawn shrugged. "Anyway, we do need to hide Blake at some point."
"We better hide 'im quick, though, eh," said Ezekiel. "Chris could start the game any second!"
"Zekey here has a point," admitted Noah. "Let's get to it."
"Well, where do we hide him?" asked Owen.
The know-it-all grinned. "Mud. Plain and simple. Mud."
Blake raised his eyebrows and then looked a little confused. "But I thought you said- - -"
"Too late." The bookworm shoved the naive teen, who wiggled back and forth from the momentum all the way to the end of the rock pile, before falling straight into a muddy marsh.
"Problem solved," said Noah.
"What problem?" asked his chubby pal.
Ezekiel chuckled. "That problem, eh. But, there still is one problem!"
"What, Zeke?" questioned Dawn, concerned.
"We don't have any chockate milk, eh," answered Zeke as if he was proud of figuring out the problem. Dawn scowled at him, to which the prairie boy was oblivious.
Suddenly, Chris' voice rang out from the megaphone "Attention idiots! You may now begin ... capturing the human flags!"
Noah looked around, bemused. "Well, we need a guard. We'll have to seriously think and consider each and every one of us for guard duty, as it is no laughing matter. So, Dawn can be our guard!"
"What?" asked the bewildered moon child.
"Just guard the Blake-flag." Noah quickly pushed Zeke and Owen into the forest and three hurriedly walked away.
Static
Noah: Owen. He's my friend. My pal. My buddy. My chum. And, a perfect alliance member. If I can get him voting with Zeke and me, Blake's as good as gone.
Static
End of Confessionals
The Crazy Crazies, meanwhile, had successfully located a quicksand pit. "Mrrrrph!" screamed Heather through the cloth.
"She's probably excited that we found such a good hiding spot!" exclaimed Annette. Heather glared daggers at Annette, who smiled at her.
"Okay guys, don't worry about this," said Zoey. "Quicksand pits are practically never more than three feet deep. I'm gonna follow the beach, and see if I can go around the enemy directly to their flag."
"Okee dokee. Sha-so-long!" Lightning waved good-bye to the departing indie chick, before turning to pick Heather up. Staci helped, lifting up the queen bee's legs, and the two tossed her into the quicksand. She fell in sideways, but quickly struggled to right herself. The quicksand was already up to her thighs. Heather spat, and the gag in her mouth fell out, allowing her to start expressing how extremely pissed off she was.
"You idiots! You complete idiots! You got me stuck in quicksand!"
"Yah, that was the plan," said Staci.
Heather growled, then shrieked "Get me out!"
The chatterbox shook her head no. "No thank you. My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather Bongo McSlongo invented quicksand. And he made it perfectly safe! He did die in quicksand later though, but that's probably just a coincidence."
Heather glowered at her, gritting her teeth. By this time the quicksand was at her waist. Lightning stared at her intensely and contemplatively. "Are you staring at my chest?" asked the mean girl, feeling this was adding insult to injury after they'd already tossed her in a patch of quicksand.
"No!" protested Lightning. "I'm tryin' to do some math. It's hard though. Wait, first off, how sha-tall are you?"
"Five foot eight," answered Heather, who was now up to her neck in the sandy bog. At least she no longer had to worry about Lightning staring at her cleavage.
Lightning looked relieved. "Phew! That's way less than three feet! So if you sink all the sha-way, that's okay! Sha-bam, Lightning's good at math!"
Staci's eyes widened. "Uh, Lightning, I think you should add that up again."
With her chin now under the sand, what the complete idiot was trying to say dawned on Heather, with of course the extra realization that five feet eight inches in more than three feet. "I've sunk way past three feet. This sand is not stopping! So you mean ... I'm actually gonna suffocate in a pile of sand surrounded by raving idiots? GET ME OUT OF HERE! HURRY UP ALREA- - -" The sand reached her open mouth, cutting her off. She choked on it, spat it out, and then clamped her lips shut as the sand went up to her nose.
Lightning started to panic and run back and forth, making little high-pitched noises. He turned back to Heather, who was up to her eyes, and shouted "Don't worry, Mean Girl. Lightning will save you!" He jumped into the sand, only to get stuck up to his neck. "Hey! Stupid sand! That's cheatin'!" Heather had already gone under. The sand bubbled up over his mouth and then his entire head.
Annette and Staci stood on the edge, saying nothing for a while. The crappy singer eventually broke the awkward silence. "That was weird."
"Yah."
"So."
"Yah."
"What're we gonna do now?"
Staci thought for a while, and the solution she came up with had absolutely nothing to do with saving their suffocating teammates, who she'd likely already forgotten about. "Hmm. You can guard. I'll go get the other team's flag."
Annette grinned. "Sounds good to me!" The chatterbox walked off, while Annette stood by the quicksand pit, ready to snag any Psycho Psychos passing her way. Unfortunately for the ears of everyone in a seven-hundred mile radius, she started singing again. "Oh I'm standing by quicksand! It slowly will engulf the land! This challenge is sort of weird! Did you ever notice Chris does not have a beard?!"
Zeke, Noah, and Owen were walking through the forest, the fat boy holding Mr. Coconut. He sighed. "No food here."
Ezekiel put a hand on his shoulder consolingly. "I feel for ya, eh. No chockate milk here either."
"Yeah," began Noah sarcastically. "'Cause right now the most important thing we could possibly have is chocolate milk.
Zeke missed his obvious sarcasm, as Zeke tends to do. "Purty much, eh."
Noah rolled his eyes, then grinned at Owen. "Anyway. Owen, you need a voting buddy?"
The optimist shook his head no. "I need food."
Zeke chimed in to clarify. "He's tryin' to say, join our alliance, eh. Hey, that rhymed!"
"Oh!" exclaimed Owen, understanding. "Sure. But only if Mr. Coconut can be in it too."
Noah smirked. "Mr. Coconut can be in it too. Right Zeke?" He turned to the prairie boy, but Zekey was gone. Noah and Owen looked all around, but could find no trace of him. "Zeke? Zeke?!"
Static
(Ezekiel is seen curled up on the bench, shivering fiercely with his eyes wide)
Ezekiel: It woos terrible, eh! Terrible! I never want to talk aboot it! The horror, eh. WAAAAAAHHH!
Static
Annette: I like cats, so I always hit them with baseball bats!
Static
End of Confessionals
Somewhere else, Staci was running through the woods, hoping to get into enemy territory as quickly as possible. The chubby chatterbox tripped over a vine and landed on her palms, kicking a few small rocks as she got back up. "Oops, how clumsy! I better get moving."
Unbeknownst to her, one of the rocks she bumped slid into another, which slid into a large stone. The impact of the rock knocked the stone half-way out of the ground, and it flipped over and started rolling down a steep hill. Hitting a gully, the stone went flying; slamming into a gigantic boulder perched precariously on a cliff. As the stone fell off the cliff, the boulder leaned dangerously over the edge. Thankfully, it didn't fall.
At least at first. Soon enough the ground gave way and the gigantic boulder plummeted down, thumping on the ground dozens of feet below. It then began to roll, picking up speed, crushing bushes at first, then ripping up trees and knocking even the biggest stones out of its path. It went over a small bump and flipped. Zoey was standing right beneath it, and she looked up right as it started to fall.
"AAAAAAAH! Um, nice boulder?" The boulder fell on her and everything went black.
The camera showed Zeke's face. His eyes were closed, but they soon flickered open. The toque-wearing teen stood up, only to find himself at the very top of Wawanakwa's thousand foot cliff.
"Whoa!" exclaimed the prairie boy. "How'd I get here, eh?" He shrugged and started to walk back down the hill, when something jumped into his path. It was a squirrel, the same one that had attacked him in the very first challenge. The small mammal was smacking its fist into its other palm.
Zeke gasped, and then narrowed his eyes. "So we meet again."
"Chirp chirp rah rah rah," replied the squirrel.
Ezekiel growled. "Well, bring it, eh!"
Dramatic western shootout music played, as Zeke and the squirrel faced each other off, both slowly circling counterclockwise. With a yell and a shriek, form Zeke and the squirrel respectively, they threw themselves at each other. The squirrel scrambled all over him, biting his face and limbs, while the prairie boy waved his arms around, trying furiously to grab the animal. The squirrel bit his nose, and Zeke yowled in absolute anguish. He glared at the creature. "What'cha do that for, eh?"
The squirrel smirked, and then jumped at him again. The unfortunate homeschooler fell backwards, and with a scream, both Zeke and the animal fell right off the edge of the cliff.
Static
(Again, Ezekiel is curled up in fear)
Ezekiel: I told ya, eh. That squirrely is oout to get me!
Static
(The squirrel was shown, leering at the camera)
Static
Annette: I like chickens, but they are the dickens!
Static
End of Confessionals
Elsewhere, the boulder was still on top of Zoey. It slowly tilted, and then rolled away. Zoey was flat as a pancake, cartoon-style. She moaned in pain, then slowly got up. Staggering to the beach, the redhead collapsed, and the ground collapsed under her. The indie chick found herself in a dimly lit cave. Suddenly, rage built inside her. With a growl, she grabbed a rock and started hammering into the wall, forming a short tunnel. She then used a piece of seaweed as a headband, and grabbed a piece of coal off the ground, using it to apply warpaint. She ripped most of her shirt off from her left shoulder down, revealing some of her bra and a few scars from her last escapade as Commando Zoey.
"That boulder didn't just roll on its on! Someone pushed it! And whoever it is, THEY'RE GOING TO PAY!"
In a much less angry place, Owen and Noah were still walking through the woods in search of the other team's flag. Although Zeke's sudden disappearance had disturbed them at first, the two just chalked it up to Zeke being Zeke and continued with the game.
They'd found a game trail and were following it. As the two rounded a bend in the path, another teenager appeared in front of them, and not one of their fellow contestants. He was dressed in the clothes normal to Total Drama interns, albeit wearing them very sloppily, and was smacking a tree with a hammer.
The intern turned and waved to them. "Hey! Like, what's up dudes? You must, like, be the dudes on that, like, show that's here on this rad island." The two campers glanced at each other, then back at him.
"Um, what did you just say?" asked Noah.
Owen chuckled. "Noah, my friend, you need to learn teen-speak." He gestured at the intern. "This fellow appears to be fluent. To the trained ear, what he said can easily be made out as 'We visited in Antarctica and got killed by a raging mob of penguins, and we are now ghosts destined to haunt him."
The intern scratched his head. "Like, that's totally not what I said, bro. Just said we're on a rad island. With the million prize bling and all that."
"And who exactly are you?" questioned Noah.
The intern extended his hand for a fist bump. Noah just looked at it, and the teen awkwardly dropped it back to his side. "Name's Frederic. But call me Suppa Awesome Fred, if ya, like, think that suits me, like, better."
"It doesn't suit you at all really. Anyway, what are you doing here?"
Frederic leaned on his hammer and sighed. "Like, my parents wanted me ta get a job, you know, man. But, like, I wanted ta get a job, where, ya know, I didn't, like, have to wear a tie and all that baloney. So, dude, I signed up for this weird thing, yo." He went back to hitting the tree with his sledgehammer.
Owen watched him for a while before speaking up. "What are you doing there?"
Frederic paused and let the hammer hang by his side. "Like, what, what?"
"Why are you hitting a tree with a sledgehammer?"
The intern shrugged. "It's, like, my job. I think. I dunno, really. I don't get paid whether or not I, like, do work, or like, just chill, so, man, you know. Anyways homies, gotta be on my way. Like, peace out and all that stuff." Fred walked away, swinging his hammer behind him.
The dynamic duo watched him leave. When he was out of sight, Owen commented "That was weird."
Noah nodded. "You can say that again."
Owen obliged. "That was weird."
Static
(Owen is laughing hysterically)
Static
Frederic: Like, rad dudes, an outhouse with a cool camera! But, still, that's like, so, 2012, man. Like, wait, am I allowed to use this dude? Aw, who cares, like, right?
Static
Annette: I like goats! Castles have moats!
Static
End of Confessionals
Underground, somewhere on the island, was a deep dark pit. Lightning and Heather were sitting in it, having fallen through the quicksand into it. It was a gloomy place, but it was still better than suffocating.
"Lightning don't like this. It's like that mine last season. All dark, and un-athleticy."
Heather, who was still tied up, groaned. "Speak for yourself. At least you can move."
Lightning was about to reply, when the dirt wall in front of him exploded. From the dust emerged Commando Zoey, with her seaweed headband, war paint, and ripped shirt. "Alright, which one of you did it? WHICH ONE?!"
Lightning's face contorted into an expression of uttermost confusion, although that wasn't unusual for him. "Sha-what?"
Heather frowned. "Go away, Crazy Girl."
Lightning shook off his confusion, although he still didn't understand anything. "Sha-agreed!" Zoey growled and grabbed the jock. She threw him at the ceiling, using strength that the regular Zoey wouldn't have had. In a bizarre way, the ceiling absorbed Lightning, reversing him back through the quicksand he had sunk into.
Somewhere from above the hole, Lightning shrieked in glee. "Hey! The quicksand spit Lightning out! Aw yeah!"
Heather looked at Zoey. "Um, mind doing that to me too?"
"Yeah right," sneered the now-psycho sarcastically. She dragged Heather against her will back through the tunnel, into another opening where a chute extended far above, up to daylight. On the floor was some sort of powerful-looking spring which Commando Zoey had built out of rock and wood. She dragged Heather onto it, cackling the whole time.
Heather looked around as best she could. "What is this? Oh no! Is this a catapult? Why are you doing this?"
"Payback's a *BLEEP*. This is for the boulder."
"What boulder?" asked Heather, before Zoey hit a switch. "WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" The spring spazzed out, launching Heather into the air. She flew up the chute, landing somewhere outside. Zoey smiled to herself and starts crawling back through the tunnel she'd made. Suddenly, she stopped and frowned.
"Wait a second. What if it wasn't Heather?" she asked herself. "What if it was Chris who dropped that boulder on me? Or Chef? Heck, it could be any of them! Maybe they all teamed up!" She ran back and forth like a caged animal, growling in anger and indecision. Eventually she came to a conclusion. "I need my revenge. Revenge! On. Every. Last. One. Of. Them."
At the Psycho Psycho's rock pile base, Dawn was standing guard on top, with Blake still in the mud pit behind her, practically covered in it. Dawn was bored, but something in the forest caught her attention. Alert as always, the nature-lover went over to investigate. She pulled back a few leaves and gasped at who she saw. "Who are you?!"
The tracksuit-wearing teen she was looking at grinned. "Me? Why, I'm Tyler!" It truly was the failure of a jock, and Tyler jumped over the bushes to stand in the clearing with her.
None of this cleared anything up for poor Dawn, though. "Who's Tyler?"
"Ya know! Tyler!"
"No, I don't know."
"Yes you do!" exclaimed the jock, disappointed he wasn't recognized.
Dawn shook her head. "No I don't."
"Yes you d- - -augh, forget it. I can't believe nobody remembers me, still, even after my totally epic Total Drama World Tour run."
"I'm not following. Who are you?"
Tyler swelled up his chest and tried to flash his sexiest grin possible, only to reveal he had food stuck in his teeth. "I'm Tyler, the most amazingest, epicest, awesomest, coolest, epicest- - -"
"You already said epicest," interrupted Dawn.
"Doesn't matter. Hands down, I was the best character from the first three seasons. I had the best stereotype too. 'The Sportee Who Is Really Good At Sports'. That's something, ain't it?"
Dawn thought for a while. "Don't you mean 'The Sportee Who Sucks At Sports'?"
"Hey! How'd you know?! Wait a second! You do know me!"
"No I don't."
"Seriously! Am I that forgettable?!"
Dawn shrugged. "I don't know." About twenty seconds later, she asked "Who are you again?"
Tyler groaned. "Nobody ever recognizes me. But they will soon! That, I am sure of!"
"Why? And who are you?"
The jock ignored her second question and answered the first in the most energetic way possible. "See, the whole reason I came back to this treacherous island is to exercise, so I become the best professional-every-sport player there ever was!"
"I don't think there ever were any professional-every-sport players. But what does this island have to do with exercise?"
Tyler scoffed happily. "That's easy. Running from bears, falling off cliffs, getting eaten by sharks, being exploded by Chris. There's no better exercise in the world wide web!"
"You mean the whole wide world."
"What I said. Anyways, I've been on this island for the last three years, and I haven't even needed to go to the bathroom!"
Dawn's eyes widened. "That's ... disturbing. In fact, that's very disturbing. Well, are you any stronger at least?"
Tyler looked at his right arm and flexed it. Nothing happened. I haven't noticed any difference yet, but that's probably because I'm already so strong. I'm sure the extra muscle'll kick in in a year or so."
Dawn nodded, not being one to disagree with a fellow optimist. "Yes. Certainly."
"Well, I'm off to exercise. Toodle oo!"
He walked away, looking back and waving. Then he tripped, as expected. Standing up, he walked some more, and tripped. He got up again, walked a few feet, and fell flat on his face. This painful cycle continued until he was gone.
"That was weird," commented Dawn once he was out of earshot.
Blake laughed from his place in the mud. "You can say that again."
"That was weird."
Static
(Owen is laughing hysterically)
Static
End of Confessionals
Somewhere about twenty feet under the surface of the island, a psycho figured was tunneling ridiculously far and fast. It was Commando Zoey, and she was digging a system of tunnels all around the island, so she could use them to get around and enact her revenge on everyone more efficiently. Within twenty-five minutes, her tunnels were complete. How, you ask? Well, she was fueled by anger. She's also kind of a Mary-Sue, so she can get away with bending the basic laws of the space-time continuum.
Back above ground, the bushes outside the Psychos' base rustled again, and a figure jumped out. It was neither Tyler nor Commando Zoey, but Staci. "Yah! I knew I could do it!" exclaimed the pathological liar, proud of having gotten to the other team's base. She started navigating her way to the mud pit towards Blake, when Dawn snuck up from behind her and tagged her.
The short blonde girl smiled. "Tag. You're out, figuratively speaking."
"Aw man! I was doing so good!"
Dawn shrugged."Well, you're the Psychos' prisoner now."
Staci defaulted to a lie, as usual. "Yah, my great-great-aunt Smurfel invented prison. Before that, people only had jail. And that didn't sound very appetizing. So my great-great-aunt invented prison so more people would want to get in. Yah, it worked you know- - -" As they walked to the big rock, Staci continued talking while Dawn put her hands over her ears.
Static
Staci: You know, I've realized I can talk all I want in this confessional. Finally, I can give my full speech on my ancestors. It's only a few thousand pages, of course. I don't believe in writing too much.
(Chris walks in, and shoves Staci out)
Staci: Hey!
Chris: For Pete's sake, shut up for once!
Static
End of Confessionals
Chris and Chef were sitting in the security tent, surrounded by tons of flat-screens showing various places on the island, mainly where the campers are at currently. Zoey was noticeably missing from all of the screens. Chris was sipping a latte, and laughing whenever someone encountered any type of misfortune.
"Chef!" exclaimed the host. "Did you see that? Sha-idiot fell in a bog! Right after falling into quicksand!" Chris laughed hysterically, while Chef just grunted in acknowledgement. The cook looked behind him to see Zoey, pointing a bow and arrow straight at the duo.
Chris remained oblivious and kept commenting on Lightning's muddy plight. "Hilarious! Plain hilarious!"
Chef tapped his co-host's shoulder. "Uh, Chris. We have a problem here."
"Man, I cannot stop laughing!" giggled Chris, ignoring the cook.
"Planet Earth to Chris!" yelled Chef. "We're in big trouble!"
Chris turned to look at Chef, annoyed. He still hadn't noticed Zoey. "Chef! How many times do I have to tell you not to interrupt me when I'm laughing at other people's misfortunes?!"
"Ahem," said Zoey.
The host turned around to find the tip of the arrow right at his nose, with the bow fully drawn back. "Oh."
The indie chick sneered. "That's right. Oh. As in, oh, it's payback time! Head to the brig!"
Chris gulped. "What brig?"
"The closest thing we've got to one. The boathouse!"
Scary music played in the background as Chef bit his nails and Chris's mouth fell open in terror. Then the two ran off screaming to the boathouse. Zoey locked them in before grabbing control of the megaphone, ready to make a few announcements.
"Listen up, all of you! It's time for revenge. My revenge! On all of you! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You thought we were just going to be playing capture the flag. But now, it's the Most Dangerous Game. 'Cause I'm gonna be hunting you down, one by one. You can run, but you can't hide! WAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The megaphone shut off, and all around the island, the campers heard it. Most reacted badly. Over with Owen and Noah, the former was terrified and the latter was somewhat worried.
"That doesn't sound good," said Owen.
Noah nodded. "Let's just get the Crazies' flag and get out of here!
"Yeah! Mr. Coconut doesn't deal well with terror!"
Annette popped up out of nowhere. "Too bad, because he and you are now prisoners!" She tagged Noah before the egghead could react.
"Owen! She got me! Run!"
"I'm trying!" yelled the fat boy. He ran a few steps, then slowed down and collapsed. "Too ... much ... work. Can't go ... any ... farther." He threw Mr. Coconut a few feet in front of him. "Go on Coco, save yourself. You ... can ... make ... it."
Annette walked up behind him, tagged him, and then picked up his fruit. Owen sighed. "Darn."
The crappy singer giggled. "I caught you guys! And now I won the challenge!"
Noah glared at her. "Okay, firstly, that didn't rhyme. Secondly, tagging us does not mean you won. And finally, we're being chased down by a bow-and-arrow-wielding lunatic, and you're concerned with the challenge?!"
"Well duh. It is a million dollars after all."
Owen nodded. "True, true."
"Anyway, it's off to Crazy Jail for you two!" exclaimed Annette.
"Three," corrected Owen. "Don't forget Mr. Coconut."
"I shall never forget the fruit! Blake looks so weird cause he wears a suit!" The three, sorry, four of them walked off.
The scene switched to the trash-strewn beach on the shore of Camp Wawanakwa. A wave rolled in, carrying Zeke with it. Staggering to his feet, he started walking up the sand, barely managing to stay standing up. "That was painful. Well, at least nooow I have a nice simple route into enemy territory, eh. Zeke forever! Woohoo!"
As he headed into the forest, the camera moved to Dawn and Staci, standing at the Psycho's base. Staci was still chattering on, much to Dawn's chagrin. The moon child still had her fingers in her ears. Suddenly, she noticed someone behind her, and turned around to see Zoey, holding a bow and arrow pointed directly at Staci. Just in time, Dawn lunged forward and pushed the bow to the side. The arrow fired and narrowly missed the chatty girl. Staci whirled around and gasped in shock.
Commando Zoey growled at Dawn. "What'd you do that for?!"
Dawn was slightly terrified, but she swallowed her fear for the time being. "Zoey, calm down. You cannot let your inner rage harm others."
The psycho smirked. "That's what you think." She pulled on a vine, and a net fell on Staci and Dawn, trapping them. Zoey then swung off on the same vine into the forest, landing in one of her tunnels and crawling away to cause evil mischief somewhere else, cackling the whole time. Blake, still in the mud pit, had remained dutifully silent and unnoticed throughout the whole thing.
Static
Commando Zoey: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Static
End of Confessionals
Somewhere else on the island, there was a steep muddy slope. Lightning was walking around near the top of it, and not looking where he was going, the jock slipped, fell, and got covered in mud.
"Aw man! Lightning was wearing brand new sports clothes! The sha-mud is gonna pay for this!" He stood up and started punching his fists into the muck. "Take that, mud! And that! And that some more!" Zoey walked up behind him and hit the athlete over the head with her bow, knocking him out. Then she dragged his limp form to a tree and tied him there with vines, quickly departing through one of her tunnels.
At the Crazies' rock pile base, Annette was whistling, with Noah, Owen, and Mr. Coconut standing behind her in the team 'jail'. For absolutely no reason, Annette broke out in song. "I'm singing a song! Noah won't sing along! Oh why won't he? I think he was stung by a bee!"
Noah rolled his eyes. "Yeah, definitely. That's why I'm totally screaming in pain right now." Suddenly, a vine gripped his ankle, and wrapped him up, tying him tight upside-down to a tree. "What the heck?!" Owen took a step towards his friend and got himself and Mr. Coconut tangled in vines. As Annette stood looking shocked, a vine wrapped around her ankle and pulled her into the air.
Zoey popped out of the jungle, grinning evilly. "Well, well, well. Look what fools have fallen into my trap."
Owen looked around nervously. "I didn't see any fools. Heh heh. You should check back at camp."
Commando Zoey scowled at him and held up her bow, ready to shoot! "It's arrow time! Who gets it?!"
"I volunteer the coconut," said Annette.
The psycho apparently agreed, as she let her arrow fly straight at Mr. Coconut. The arrow went in the front of him and came out the back, getting stuck. The tail of the arrow stuck out his front and the head out his back.
Owen started hyperventilating. "MR. COCONUT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Zoey cackled and jumped into a tree. She dashed away, leaving the three, sorry, four tied up in the vines, with Owen yelling and Annette and Noah somewhat disturbed. "This isn't a good time to sing! I'd like to eat pizza, ice cream, and a candy ring!"
"WAAAAAHHH!" continued Owen, only to stop because of Annette's lyrics. "Wait, did someone mention food? FOOD!"
Static
Owen: What? I was hungry. Sheesh.
Static
End of Confessionals
Ezekiel, meanwhile, had just fallen over something in the woods. Looking to see what he tripped on, he was surprised to find himself looking at Heather. The queen bee was still where she'd landed after getting launched by Commando Zoey's strange revenge contraption, as she was far too heavily bound to move.
Zeke grinned. "Looks like Oi've won this challenge, eh."
Heather glared daggers at him, but couldn't exactly disagree. "Fine. If your base if safe from Zoey, fine."
"A'yup. Wait, why?"
"Did you not hear the announcement she made?" asked Heather, annoyed. "At this point, Zoey's crazier than you were in Hawaii."
"Oh yeah, that. Sorry 'bout makin' the volcano exploode and losin' your million dollars. But it's not a big deal, eh?"
Heather gave him the evil eye. "Eh."
Meanwhile, Chris and Chef had cried like little babies for twenty minutes before deciding to break out of the boathouse. It didn't take long for Chef to kick down the door, but their timing was rather bad as Zoey was just passing by. She jumped in front of the escaping duo, who ran screaming back inside the boathouse. The indie chick put the door back on its frame, this time making sure it was more secure.
Frederic the intern was walking through the campgrounds nearby, carrying a platter with hamburgers, fries, and coffee, presumably to give to Chris. He didn't seem to know what had happened to Chris or that Zoey was now being a psycho, but he encountered one of her traps. Tripping over a vine, he spilled the food all over himself. Zoey laughed maniacally, watching the whole scene. Fred then picked up the muddy hamburger and ate it one bite, grossing the redhead out. She grabbed him, opened the boathouse door, threw him in, shut the door, locked it, and left through her tunnels.
Over with Noah, Owen, and Annette, the fat teen was still freaking out. "POOR MR. COCONUT!"
Annette nodded. "Poor him."
Noah sighed and rolled his eyes. "As sympathetic as I am for Owen's lost piece of fruit, I'm gonna get out of here." He wriggled around and fell free of the vines pinning him to the tree, flipping as he fell to land on his feet. "And, that is the advantage of being skinny. You guys might wanna try it sometime."
"But if I was skinny, there wouldn't be enough weight holding our dear ol' Earth down and we'd all explode!" protested Owen.
"Yeah. Sure," said Noah sarcastically, before running off.
Annette called after him. "Wait, but I am skinny! Oh I am skinny! Mice are mini! Unlike elephants which are big! Zoey locked Chef in the brig! Um, are you gonna help us get free? Hello? Help!"
Meanwhile, Chris, Chef, and Frederic were sitting against the door in the boathouse. "Yo, this kinda, like, sucks, man," said Fred.
"Shut up intern! I don't pay you to talk!"
"Like, yo, you don't pay me, like at all."
"Shut up! Why are you talking?!"
"Well, I think I know how to get out, man."
Chris was about to yell at him some more, but Chef clapped his hand over the handsome host's mouth. "What way out?" asked the cook.
"Well, like, the window's like, open."
"GENIUS!" exclaimed Chef. He jumped up and charged the window, jumping into it and going half-way through. "I'm stuck."
"I'll help, don't worry Chef," said Chris. He walked up and kicked Chef in the rear end. Screeching in pain, the middle-aged man flew through the window and landed outside. Chris and Fred crawled out after him, and the group went to the security tent. Looking at the screens, they quickly got a sense of what was going on. Staci and Dawn were in the net at the Psycho's base with Blake hiding in the mud below them. Annette, Owen, and Mr. Coconut were still caught in their traps. Lightning had regained consciousness but was stuck tied to the tree, and Zeke was marching through the forest toward the team boundaries with a bound Heather in tow. Noah and Zoey were nowhere to be seen.
Where were they? They were both in the tunnels. Noah knew that Zoey had to have some way of getting around so quickly, so it didn't take him long to locate a tunnel entrance and crawl inside. Realizing he was right underneath the line between the two team territories, he knew Zoey would eventually cross in an effort to win the challenge. So, he started kicking at the walls and pulling out rocks all around him, making everything unstable. The bookworm was very careful not to collapse everything on top of his head, but he made the whole structure unstable and then sat in one of the tunnels, waiting.
Somewhere else underground, Zoey was dashing frantically through her tunnels, muttering to herself. "Zeke is out there somewhere, still un-revenged. But I can get him later; he's not that big of a deal. Time to win this darn challenge. Blake will feel my fury! RAAAAAAHHHH!"
She popped out to the surface and landed in a tree near the Psychos' base. Jumping down and prowling around, she looked for any sign of Blake. The aforementioned person was still lying in the mud pit, less than five feet from her, trying desperately not to make a noise. Eventually, he couldn't take it any more. "I'm not allowed to be hunted down by a lunatic. Or get muddy."
Zoey whirled on him. "Aha!"
Blake gulped. "Oops."
"You're comin' with me, flag!"
"But, I'm not allowed- - -"
"You are now!"
"You don't even know what I was about to say!"
"Doesn't matter! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Blake gulped again. "Hang on, I have a plan."
Commando Zoey cocked her head. "You do?"
"Yes. To escape!"
"And why are you so stupid that you're telling me?"
"Because I- - -hey!" He wriggled forward and bit off part of a low-hanging vine, chewing and swallowing.
"Nice plan. You ate a plant."
Blake smiled. "Yummy. Sugar cane. Sugaaaaaaaaaaaaar."
For the first time, Commando Zoey felt a tiny pin-prick of fear. "Uh-oh."
Blake broke free from the ropes and jumped up and down energetically. "YEARGH HOW'S IT GOIN' LASSIE?! HOW'S YOUR THIRST FOR ADVENTURE?!"
"Er, unquenchable," answered the indie chick.
"ME THINKS THAT'S SOME SORT OF MOVIE REFERENCE, BUT SCOOTISH PEOPLE DON'T CARE! LET'S GO SNATCH DEFEAT FROM THE JAWS OF VICTORY! YAHOOEY SCOOTLAND FOREVER!"
Zoey relaxed, realizing Scottish Blake could help her. "When seeking revenge, there's no better ally than a crazy Scottish person."
"AGREED! AGREED!"
Chef and Frederic were dashing through the woods, searching for any of the captured campers. Chris didn't really care about them, so he'd stayed back at the security tent to drink his latte. His co-host and the intern, however, having slightly more common sense, realized live campers were needed to continue the show, so they set out to rescue them. First stumbling upon Lightning, they untied him, and then found Annette, Owen, and Mr. Coconut, and set them free as well.
Lastly, they headed towards the Psychos' base and arrived moments after Commando Zoey and Scottish Blake left. Freeing Staci and Dawn, the whole group started to make its way towards the center of the island.
At the same time, Zeke was plodding through the woods, barely managing to drag Heather along. He spotted the border between the team territories and ran towards it, using his adrenaline to pick up Heather. But before he reached it, Commando Zoey and Scottish Blake sprinted out of the woods, yelling war cries at the top of their lungs.
Heather screamed. "I thought you said Zoey wouldn't be here!"
Ezekiel screamed a little too. "And I thought the Scootish person wouldn't be here either, eh!"
Suddenly, the ground below rumbled and folded in upon itself. Dust clouds billowed up as Zoey and Blake fell down into the remnant's of the former's tunnels.. Zeke dashed out of the way, and Heather, not being able to move, was lucky she that she was just far enough away from the widening hole so as not to fall in. A figure walked slowly up from the chaos. It was Noah. "Looks like my plan worked."
"What plan?" yelled Commando Zoey from somewhere far below them. "Get me outta here!"
"ME AGREES WITH THE NON-SCOOTISH CRAZY LASSIE!" yelled Blake, as Zeke picked Heather back up and carried her across the boundary line.
Noah kept his cool. "I know I may sound cliché, but Zoey, your crazy scheme was your own downfall."
"What do you mean?"
The egghead laughed. "The tunnels. You dug them all over the island in an amazingly short amount of time. But none of them were really that stable. After escaping your vine trap, I manipulated and destroyed the ones under the border, knowing you would eventually cross the area, trapping yourself. Not to mention, since Zeke just ran into our territory, with Heather the human flag, your team lost."
Zeke cheered while Heather sighed and Zoey growled.
"AAARGH AT LEAST I WON SO I CAN PARTY WITH SCOOTISH HAGGIS! COME ON TEAM IT'S HAGGIS TIME!"
"Blake?" said Noah.
"YAH, WEIRD SHORT SCRAWNY PERSON?"
"Shut up."
Chris came onto the scene, with Chef, Frederic, Lightning, Owen, Mr. Coconut, Annette, Staci, and Dawn behind him. "And the win goes to the Psychos!" announced the host.
"Wait a second," protested Heather. "Blake untied himself! Isn't that cheating?"
"Oh, right," said Chris. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeah, it kind of is. But still, that was awesome. So Psycho Psychos, you win!" Noah, Owen, Scottish Blake, Dawn, and Zeke cheered. Lightning cheered as well, likely due to forgetting which team he was actually on.
Chris continued. "Crazies, it's time for your second elimination ceremony in a row! And someone needs to get a straitjacket for Zoey."
Static
Lightning: Sha-bam! We won! We won! Well, only Lightning won. The team sha-lost, but Lightning sha-won!
Static
Blake: I'M GONNA DESTROY THE CAMERA!
Static
Annette: I like cows! I have a lawnmower that mows!
Static
End of Confessionals
That night, the five members of the Crazies team gathered around the campfire, with Zoey bundled up in a straitjacket, yelling insults at Chris and Heather.
Chris walked in front of the campfire, carrying a platter. "Well, it's good-bye time. To one of you. See, I have on this plate four marshmallows. Whoever doesn't get one falls down the Chute of Shame, never to come back. Ever."
Heather rolled her eyes. "Well, we already know that's a lie. You've let, like, seven contestants come back."
Chris shushed her. "Our newer viewers don't know that!" He picked up two marshmallows. "First marshmallow! Staci. Second one goes to Lightning."
"Aw yeah! Sha-bam!"
Staci started to talk, but Chris silenced her with a glare.
He looked at the three campers who hadn't yet received a marshmallow. "Next one goes to...
...
...
...
...
...
... Annette!"
The bad singer screeched in happiness, much to Heather's chagrin. As the queen bee frowned, Chris picked up the final marshmallow.
"Ladies and gentleman, this is the final marshmallow, as the sentence describing the action just said. Except there are no ladies and gentlemans here. Just a teen freak show. Anyway, the final marshmallow goes to ...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
... Heather. Zoey, I think we all saw this coming. Bye-bye. Hahahaha."
"What? You can't make me leave!" Zoey broke out of the straitjacket, but before she could move, the Chute of Shame opened underneath her. The psycho dropped through, disappearing from sight.
"Well, that was a shocker," said Chris. He laughed. "Not. Well, who's gonna be the next to go? Will Blake get over his sugar-craze and Annette over her singing? And will Noah, Zeke, and Owen's alliance stand strong?"
"Wait a second!" exclaimed Heather. "They have an alliance?!"
"Oh crap. Pretend you didn't just hear that. Anyway, see you next time, on, TOTAL, DRAMA, TWIST!"
In the underground Playa des Losers, Mike was playing on an arcade machine while Izzy was attacking the ceiling. Out of the chute in the wall slid Zoey, crashing straight into Mike. "What? Zoey?"
"Mike? Mike! Oh, man, I really just went crazy there, didn't I?"
Mike nodded. He gestured to the TV screen nearby, showing live footage of the show. "Yes you did. Um, you're no longer a psycho, right?"
Zoey ripped off her seaweed headband and smudged the warpaint. Not being able to repair her ripped shirt, she took it off, making sure to leave her bra on, and threw it into a nearby trashcan. "Right," she answered.
Izzy groaned. "Aw man! Two psychos fall down here, but they both just have to become completely normal people! Izzy needs to escape! ESCAPE!"
"Why don't you just climb back up the chute we all fell down?" asked Zoey.
"Izzy tried! Stupid Chris and his butter. It's a slippery sloping chute, and those three things are never a good combination for ESCAPE!"
Mike nodded. Okay. That ... actually makes an inkling of sense. You guys wanna play video games? There's a huge arcade down here."
"Sure," said Zoey. "Just let me go grab a shirt."
Izzy looked around cautiously. "Are they escape-worthy?"
Static
Heather: So the three idiots have an alliance. How can I use that to my advantage?
Static
End of Confessionals
The credits played.
Voting Confessionals
Static
Staci: Yah, I did not appreciate being trapped under a net for an hour. So, good-bye Zoey. [after pausing for a moment] You know, my great-aunt seven and a half times removed invented good-byes.
Static
Lightning: Sha-bam! Lightning hates singin'! Goodbye Singy Girl!
Static
Heather: Zoey. Is. A. PSYCHO! She's gonna end up killing me if she stays on this island one minute longer! She has got to go. NOW!
Static
Commando Zoey: Bye-bye Heather. Oh revenge, sweet revenge. WAHAHAHAHAHA!
Static
Annette: Zoey is who I will vote for! I do not like the living room door!
Static
Zoey: 3
Heather: 1
Annette: 1
Staci: 0
Lightning: 0
Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Mr. Coconut, Noah, Owen: Team Invinicibility
Eliminated: Izzy, Mike, Zoey
Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Mr. Coconut, Noah, Owen
Crazy Crazies: Annette, Heather, Lightning, Staci
Well, what'd ya think? Sorry to all Zoey fans. I would've liked to keep her around longer since Mike just got the boot, but after she became Commando she had to go pretty quickly. Please review, I'd really appreciate it. I should redo chapter four very soon, don't worry!
~TIAW Mr. Coconut Beatle
Next Time: What happens when you mix Total Drama and Truth and Dare? CHAOS! As alliances are threatened, people go crazy, and the challenge only gets more and more dangerous.