Hi everyone, it's me, back again.
1. I do not own or claim to own Total Drama, and make no profit from this fan-fic.
2. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review. You don't need an account, it takes two seconds, plus you will get a reply and a prize. Even if your thoughts are negative, please tell them to me.
3. Check out my profile to vote on who you want to win TDTIR. You vote will influence the outcome, so vote, vote vote!
4. I'm REALLY sorry about the long delay, Episode 5 will be up pretty quickly.
5. This episode has a lot of references to Wheel of Fortune, which I do NOT own.
6. If you are a fan of Noah, Lightning, or Chris, you will love this chapter.
7. Couplea' milestones. I have now over 200 views and 35,000 words! This story is getting awesomer all the time.
(Camera shows the Dock of Shame)
Chris: Last time on Total Drama The Island Reborn, it was all-out war as the contestants played Capture the Flag-with human flags. Zeke got his butt kicked by a squirrel, while Heather and Lightning had a fun encounter with quicksand! Zoey was crushed by a boulder, became a Commando, and went a little insane with revenge. After Noah deviously devised a trap to catch her, Zeke won the challenge, giving the Psychos their second win in a row. In a surprising-not-elimination, Commando Zoey was sent to Underground Playa des Losers, where, after being reunited with Mike, she went back to normal. It's a pity really. Craziness is good for ratings. Well, will the Psychos continue their winning streak? Will Noah continue to scheme? And will-
(The dock breaks underneath Chris, and he plunges into LakeWawanakwa)
Chris: [spouting water] WHAT THE HECK?! [facing back towards the camera with a smile] OK, just watch today's episode of TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!
(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)
(Scene shows the girl's side of the Crazies' cabin. A loud tweeting noise, as if from a bird, is ringing out. Staci and Heather are both covering their ears)
Staci: What on earth is that?
Heather: I dunno, but it's the only noise I know more annoying to you!
Annette: [smiling] I like it! I will sing with the tweet! I like to eat bread with wheat!
Static
Annette: What?
Static
(The scene switches to the boy's side of the Crazies' cabin. Lightning is asleep as the tweeting noise continues, even louder than before)
Lightning: [in his sleep] No, protein powder! I won't let Tweety Bird eat you! NOOOOOOOO!
(The scene then switches to the girl's side of the Psychos' cabin, where Dawn is meditating. However, she's having trouble focusing as the tweeting noise rings out, louder than ever, making the birds formerly gathered by the windowsill flap off in terror)
Dawn: What is that unearthly noise? It's disturbing everyone's auras.
(The scene switches to the boy's side of the Psychos' cabin, where the noise is unbearably loud. The camera focuses in on Zeke's bunk, to show him sitting up in his sleep, flapping his arms and revealing that he is making the awful tweeting noise)
Ezekiel: [in his sleep] TWEET! TWEET TWEET! TWEET TWEET TWEET TWEET TWEET!
Blake: [his pillow over his ears] Ugh! My ears! This is ten times worse than Annette's singing!
Noah: [fingers in his ears] Somebody shut him up!
Owen: [looking like he's about to explode] I can't take it anymore! I just can't!
(He whips Mr. Coconut at Zeke. The fruit hits him in the head. He shuts up, and leans back, a goofy grin on his face)
Owen: [sighing happily] That's better.
Static
Owen: Ahh….the peacfulness of Zeke having shut up.
Static
Ezekiel: I can't help it eh! Sleep-tweeting runs in the family!
Static
(As soon as he finishes his sentence, Chris' voice rings out through the megaphone)
Chris: [megaphone] Attention, teenage freaks! And the coconut! Meet me at the Dock of Shame in five minutes!
Noah: Like I'd fall for that again. It's just another trick.
Chris: [megaphone] This is not a trick! As much as I would like it to be, it's not.
Blake: [matter-of-factly] Looks like you were wrong, Noah.
Noah: [sarcastically] Gee, thanks for pointing that out.
Blake: [oblivious] You're welcome.
(The scene switches to the Dock of Shame, where all 10 campers are gathered, with Chris standing in front of them)
Chris: Now campers, you may be wondering some things.
Noah: [sarcastically] How'd you guess?
Chris: [ignoring Noah] You may even be wondering a particular thing.
Noah: Doubt it. Most of the people here don't even have the mental capacity to wonder.
Chris: [still ignoring Noah] In fact, you might just even be wondering what today's challenge is.
Noah: Can you get on with it?
Chris: [to Noah] I can and will get on with it. Today's challenge is a REALLY messed-up version of Truth and Dare.
Noah: Care to clarify?
Chris: Haven't you gotten enough screen-time yet? And, no, I never clarify unless legally obligated.
(With that, he whips out a remote control and smashes his fist onto a big red button. Robotic arms seize each of the campers and pull them into the air, up and up. Eventually they're placed down on a big metal circle, supported by three long pillars stretching down all the way into LakeWawanakwa. Around half of the circle are ten podiums, while in the center is a strange wheel-like thing. Over to the side are two wooden trapdoors. Chris flies up on his jetpack and lands in front of the campers)
Chris: OK, the rules are pretty simple. Everyone head to the podium with your name on it.
(Owen carrying Mr. Coconut, everyone finds their podium, except for Blake, who walks over to the last remaining one)
Blake: Um, this says "Belinda", not "Blake".
Chris: [to Blake] Belinda, Belinda, Belinda, we all know Chef isn't good at grammar.
Blake: But-
Chris: Just zip it already! [turning back to face all the campers] So, each of you will go in turns, spinning this wheel. You will then be asked a question. If you answer correctly, you're safe for that round. If you get it wrong, you have to do a hard dare. Pass the dare, you're also safe, fail, and you're out of today's challenge. This continues until there are two remaining.
Heather: Who determines the questions and dares?
Chris: The wheel does. In the inner circle there are four tiles: Personal, Total Drama, Zany, and Intelligent. Personal is a question either hard or embarrassing for you specifically to answer. Total Drama is bits of random trivia about the first four seasons. Zany is, uh, hard to explain, and Intelligent-
Noah: Like you actually came up with intelligent questions.
Chris: Actually, Noah, I didn't come up with the questions. Chef kidnapped a calculus teacher and did a bit of….persuading.
(Chris laughs evilly)
Static
Chef: Persuading….my favorite.
(He whips out a baseball bat and grins)
Static
Noah: Forget I asked. What about the dares?
Chris: On the outer circle of the wheel are lots of colored tiles. If you fail your question, I'll lift the colored piece up, and it will reveal your dare.
Annette: Sounds like Wheel of-
Chris: SHHHHHHH! No copyrighted names, remember? Ever since Courtney forced her way into the game all the way back in TDA, I've been trying to avoid lawsuits. Anyway, let's begin! First up is….Noah!
Noah: OK, let's see this thing in action.
(He spins the wheel, and it lands on Intelligent and a green-colored tile)
Noah: Intelligent? I've already won. What's the question, Chris?
Chris: How many yards are in a mile?
Noah: That's all you got out of a calculus teacher? Guess your persuasion didn't work so well.
Chris: Just answer the question!
Noah: Fine. 1,760.
Chris: Sadly, you're right. Let's move on to Staci.
(Staci spins the board, for it to land on Personal and a bright red tile)
Chris: Alright, let's see, a personal question for Staci….Who invented the typewriter?
(Staci starts sweating and biting her nails. Her eyes are wide in fear. Eventually she can't take it anymore)
Staci: My great-great-uncle Flinn Snork.
Chris: Wrong! It was Henry Mill. Author's Note: It's true, he did.
Staci: No it wasn't. It was my great-
Chris: It's dare time! [lifting the red tile] Oh man, this is gonna bring on the ratings! Staci, you must complete the fire obstacle course!
(Out of the lake races a long platform with various bumps and dips. As it reaches the level of the contestants, it ignites in flames)
Chris: Complete this course and you're still in.
(Staci gulps and walks over towards it. She slowly, slowly, slowly, steps off of the circle onto the platform. Right away, she burns her toe and hops back, yelling)
Chris: Staci fails.
(He presses a button on the floor, and the entire area beneath Staci springs up, flinging her off the platform into the sky, where she falls into the lake far below)
Staci: CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-
(SPLASH!)
Chris: Moving on. Mr. Coconut, I'll spin for you.
(Chris spins the wheel, and it stops on Total Drama with a light-blue outer tile)
Chris: OK Mr. Coconut, who was the first contestant vote off TotalDramaIsland?
Mr. Coconut: -
Ezekiel: Ooh! Ooh! I know this, eh!
(He runs over and whispers something to Mr. Coconut, then goes back to his podium, looking proud of himself)
Chris: You have two seconds left to answer!
Ezekiel: Hurry up, eh!
Mr. Coconut: -
Chris: Well, I think we all know - wasn't voted off first from TDI. I don't even think he was competing. Coconut, get ready for your dare….[whipping away the tile] monster wave surfing!
(A surfboard is thrown at Mr. Coconut, then a gigantic wall of water splashes over everyone. Once the water's gone, Mr. Coconut is revealed to be caught underneath the surfboard)
Chris: Well, that's that. Time for Coco to meet the lake up close and personal.
Mr. Coconut: [as he goes flying] -
Owen: NOOOOOOOOOO!
(SPLASH!)
Static
Mr. Coconut: -
Static
Chris: Moving on, it's Heather's turn!
(Heather doesn't bother to reply, just spins the wheel. It stops at Personal with a very dark brown tile. Chris whips out a question card specifically for Heather, and grins)
Chris: Heather, when you were 13, how many pimples did you have on your nose?
(Heathers eyes go wide)
Static
Heather: How could he even know that?
Static
Heather: [after visibly shaking for a long period of time] Uh, 527.
(Everyone, including Chris, bursts out laughing, while Heather glares at them. The laughter continues for a while, and eventually dies down)
Chris: [wiping a tear of laughter from his eye] That….was….priceless! Hilarious! OK, Heather's safe. It's Zeke's turn.
Chris: [as Zeke spins the wheel] Come on, come on, land on a painful dare….or an impossible question….come on, come on.
(Eventually the wheel slows down and stops at Zany with a blue tile)
Chris: OK, Zeke, I'm going to ask you two yes-or-no questions. You can only say yes once, same goes for no.
Ezekiel: I'm ready, eh!
Chris: Good. Now the first question is, are you a complete stupid idiotic dumb blockhead?
Ezekiel: Haw, this is too easy, eh. NO!
Chris: Second question: Are you lying.
Ezekiel: No, I nevoor lie, eh. Oh, wait a second. Oops.
Chris: Oops indeed, Zeke the Freak. You just epic-failed. And your dare is [lifting the tile] to jump off this platform, and land in the tiny bucket of water Chef is currently putting on the Dock of Shame.
(Everyone looks down, where Chef, who looks impossibly tiny from where they are, drops a bucket onto the dock, sloshing water everywhere. He looks up and waves)
Ezekiel: Gulp, eh.
Chris: Gulp indeed. It sucks to be you.
Static
Ezekiel: THIS is why Oi hate buckets, eh.
Static
Ezekiel: Here goes noothin'….
(He steps off the platform and free-falls)
Ezekiel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAH!
(He crashes straight through the bucket, straight through the dock, sinks quickly down through LakeWawanakwa, and lands with his head stuck in the sand. A giant squid swims by and sneers at him. Suddenly, a robotic arm grabs his leg and he is pulled all the way back up to the platform where the challenge is taking place)
Chris: Aw man, that was awesome! I wish I'd got that on video! [glancing at the numerous cameras surrounding them] Oh wait. I did! Alright, we've got to hurry up with this. Annette, spin.
(She ends up with Total Drama and an orange tile)
Chris: [reading the question] Out of all the original contestants, who appeared in the most episodes?
Annette: Hmm….
Heather: Me! It was me!
Annette: [to Heather] No, it couldn't be you, silly! No one likes you enough to give you any screen-time. [as Heather glares she continues on obviously] Hmm, let me think. Oh, I know! It must be Ezekiel! He's so likeable and strategic and antagonistic and friendly and fan-favorited I'm sure he's won every season thus far!
Noah: Certainly.
Ezekiel: Uh, yeah, let's go with that, eh.
Chris: Annette, your answer was wrong. Your dare would've been to sing into this karaoke machine [he gestures to a wooden box that mysteriously appears behind him] but well all know you would lose, so, goodbye.
Annette: Wait, but I can sing! Really well! Watch this!
(Quickly, Chris presses another button and Annette is sent flying)
Annette: Sinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng!
(SPLASH!)
Chris: Phew. That was a close one.
Heather: Agreed. Who's next?
Chris: Dawn is! Spin the wheel!
(Dawn does so, and ends up with Total Drama and a light pink tile)
Chris: Alright, out of the contestants who competed in all of the first three seasons, who had the worst overall performance?
Dawn: Bridgette.
Ezekiel: Hoow'd you know, eh?
Dawn: I didn't. But Chris' aura gives it away.
Chris: What? Hey! No aura-reading during the challenge! But you're safe….for now. Lightning, it's your turn!
Lightning: Sha-bam!
(He spins the wheel, and it ends up Intelligent and a black tile)
Chris: [really quickly] What is the formula for finding the volume of a cylinder?
Lightning: Uh…..
Chris: Wrong. I'd tell you the answer, but I don't read Math.
(Noah rolls his eyes at this last statement)
Noah: Can you even read English?
Chris: Yes I can! [after a pause] Well, mostly.
Ezekiel: Well, I can't read English either, eh. Joost Canadian.
Chris: Good to know. Now, Lightning, you must do a flip with this motorcycle.
(He gestures to a motorcycle that, like the jukebox, has mysteriously appeared. Lightning eagerly jumps on, revs the engine, and starts it up. He then drives it straight off into open air. As the motorcycle falls down, it flips over several times.
Lightning: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
(SPLASH!)
Chris: Works for me. We'll fetch him back later.
Static
Lightning: SHA-BAMITY BOOM!
Static
Ezekiel: [holding a book upside-down] Stoopid English. When doos the Canadian translation come out?
Static
Chris: Belinda, you're up.
Blake: that's not my name.
Chris: Yeah right.
(Blake gets a Zany and a purple tile)
Chris: OK Belinda, here's your question: Are you answering this question correctly?
Blake: Uh, yes?
Chris: WRONG! It's dare time. [looking underneath the tile] I was hoping you'd land here. This dare is personalized to you.
Blake: What? But that's not fair!
Chris: Don't worry Belinda, if anyone else had spun this tile Chef would've just shot them with a tranquilizer bazooka. And Chef normally forgets the "tranquilizer" part, if you know what I mean. So count yourself lucky.
Blake: [gulping] What's the dare?
Chris: Drink this grape soda.
(He gestures behind him, where, as before, a can of grape soda has appeared out of thin air. Blake slowly starts to walk towards it, but Chris shoves him off the platform)
Blake: What was that fooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooorrr-
(SPLASH!)
Chris: Belinda's disqualified.
Noah: What? Why?!
Chris: I don't like psychotic people within twenty feet of me.
Noah: But he didn't even drink the soda yet!
Chris: And I care because? Anyways, I thought you despised Belinda.
Noah: Who are you, Lindsay? And that doesn't mean I want my team down a member.
Chris: Well too bad for you, cause we're moving on to the final question of Round One. Owen, big dude, spin the wheel!
(Owen does so with relish, nearly knocking himself over. When the wheel stops, it's on Zany with a bright yellow tile)
Owen: What's my question?
Chris: How many chocolate-
Ezekiel: Chokate milk!
Chris: Shut up Zeke. Anyway, how many chocolate-chip cookies did I eat yesterday?
Owen: How am I supposed to know that?
Chris: You're not. Any guesses?
Owen: No, but can I call someone and ask them?
Chris: Go ahead. Not like anyone else would know.
Owen: [talking on his cell phone] Hello….Oh, hi Sierra!...Yes, Cody is awesome, I agree….good to hear….yeah….no….yeah….uh, Sierra, I have a question for you….so, how many chocolate-chip cookies did Chris eat yesterday?...Um, can you give me your essay on Chris' dessert habits later? I'm kinda busy right now….OK…..OK….Thanks!...Bye!...Cody Salute!
Chris: OK, normally that would be cheating, but I did say you could. Hmm, I'll just get revenge later. What's the answer?
Owen: 72.
Chris: Cor-rect! [noticing everyone staring at him] What? I normally only eat 52. Anyways, Owen is safe and its time for Round Two, starting again with….Noah!
(Noah spins and gets Total Drama
Static
Ezekiel: I'm interruptin' the action! Chockate milk!
Static
and a neon-green tile)
Chris: OK, how many episodes were there in the first four seasons?
Noah: Well, there's a simple formula to figure that out. Let's see….e = 26 x 3 + (26/2) + 2-Author's note: Yeah, this is actually how you would figurre it out.
Chris: Argh, enough already! My delicate ears can't stand to hear all that scientifical stuff!
Ezekiel: Mine too, eh.
Chris: I'll just assume you got it right. Heather, it's your turn!
(Heather gets Personal and a dark green tile)
Chris: Alright Heather, who did you secretly have a crush on during the first episode of TDI?
Static
Heather: What you are about to hear, do NOT hold it against me. I didn't really mean what I felt!
Static
Heather: You know what Chris? I'm just gonna say it, and I won't even care how ridiculous it sounds. It was….[she gulps] Cody.
(Everyone bursts out laughing, even harder than before. Owen laughs so hard he can't breathe and faints)
Noah: [laughing hysterically] No offense to Cody….but….seriously?
(For the next hour, everyone continues to laugh, with Heather looking like she's about to explode. Eventually Chris continues with the game)
Chris: Ezekiel! Spin!
(Zeke spins as hard as he can, and gets an Intelligent with a multi-colored tile)
Chris: Alright Zeke, what is the square root of 725, 904?
Ezekiel: 852.
Chris: You fail-Huh? How'd you know that?!
Ezekiel: I didn't.
Chris: [suspiciously] O….K, moving on.
(Dawn spins a Personal and a gray tile)
Chris: Alright Dawn, is it true, that although you can sense other people's insecurities, you have many many many of your own?
Dawn: Uh, I'd rather not answer that.
Chris: In that case, [he brings out a pet carrier from behind his back] you'll have to get scratched by this vicious kitty! Even your nature-loving instincts won't calm it!
(From inside the cage come low growls, then a meow, followed by claws tearing at the sides impossibly fast)
Dawn: I forfeit.
Chris: [shrugging] Well then, it's your funeral.
(He presses yet another button and Dawn is flung away, oddly making no sound as she falls)
(SPLASH!)
Static
Dawn: I didn't care about myself, but that porr animal! Scratching other people viciously often hurts the claws
Static
(The cat escapes from the carrier, scratches Chris' face repeatedly, then jumps back in its cage)
Chris: OW! OK, now we need Sha-stupidface. Robotic arms, go fetch him.
(The robotic arms zoom off, soon bringing back a dazed Lightning, who bumps the wheel as he goes by, getting a Zany and a blue and red tile)
Chris: Alright Lightning, this doesn't sound zany, but it is. How many countries are there in the world?
Lightning: [shaking off his dizziness] Dunno, maybe seven?
Chris: Nope! There's just one. And it's name: CHRISANIA!
Noah: In your dreams.
Chris: Yes, I do dream about it.
Noah: That's not what I meant.
Chris: Yes it is. Anyway, Lightning, your challenge is to sit on these fireworks as they explode up into space. It might be painful, but you'll get a good view!
Lightning: Sounds fun. Light 'er up, Chris!
(Chris lights the fuse with a match, then plugs his fingers in his ears as the firework explodes. There's a huge BOOM and Lightning is shot off into the sky, disappearing from sight)
Chris: And that's one way to get rid of an idiot.
Noah: Really? Can we try it on you then?
Chris: No. Owen, spin.
(Owen gets Total Drama with a white tile)
Chris: Alright, who was the first winner of Total Drama, not counting the alternate ending?
Owen: Ooh, I know this! It was me! ME ME ME! Wait, what's an alternate ending?
Chris: I'd tell you, but I don't feel like breaking the fourth wall this early in the morning.
Owen: Early? It's past noon!
Chris: Exactly. Now, that's six down, four to go! Let's move on to Round Three. Noah, you're up first. Spin the wheel!
Noah: [semi-sarcastically] Only to happy to oblige, good sir.
(He spins, and gets an Intelligent with a teal tile)
Chris: Alright, Sir Brains-a-Lot, what's infinity times zero.
Noah: Well, it's currently regarded as undefined. But I have a groundbreaking new theory that may lead to-
Chris: Shut up. You pass. Moving along. Heather!
(Heather ends up with a Personal and a dark blue tile)
Chris: Alright Heather, what-
Heather: [interrupting] Just skip the question. I'll take my chances with the dare.
Chris: [looking under the tile] Ooh, you're gonna wish you'd answered the question. For this dare, you must lift a heavier weight than….Eva!
Heather: [paling] But that's impossible! And Eva isn't even here!
(One of the wooden trapdoors opens up, and a figure climbs out of it)
Eva: Or am I?
(Eva then proceeds to walk over behind Chris and lift a 1,000-pound weight, sneering at Heather the whole time. Heather tries to lift that, but she obviously can't. She tries a great assortment of the weights, eventually only being able to lift a ten-pounder)
Eva: That was easy. Chris, can you do me a favor?
Chris: Name it.
Eva: [grinning] Let me push the button.
(She walks over and slams her fist on another button, and Heather is propelled so far into the sky she disappears from sight)
Eva: See ya later, wimps.
(She then walks to the edge and does a perfect dive off the platform)
Static
Heather: Skipping the question? Big mistake.
Static
Eva: That was the singuraly most satisfying moment of my life.
(She grins, then notices the camera and frowns.
What are you looking at?
Static
Tyler: Finnally! My exercise program has led me to the outhouse! Now I can add a new exercise to my routine: Toilet Diving!
(With that, he jumps into the toilet and disappears from view)
Static
Chris: Zeke! You're next.
(Zeke spins and gets a Personal and a light gray tile)
Chris: Alright, Zekey the McFreaky, is it true, that when it comes to social skills, or really any skills at all, you completely suck?
Ezekiel: Naw, definitely not, eh. I'm the moost skilled persoon in all of Canada!
Noah: [sarcastically] You know yourself so well.
Chris: FAIL! Dare time. You must face swords with your arch-enemy.
Ezekiel: I doon't have an arch-enemy, eh. I doon't even have a snarch-enemy.
Chris: Try telling that to….the squirrel!
(The Zeke-hating squirrel jumps out from behind Chris, menacingly baring its teeth, causing Noah and Owen to wince. Zeke lets out a high-pitched scream and runs off the platform. The squirrel jumps after him, and loud scratching sounds are heard)
Ezekiel: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
(SPLASH!)
(Chris looks up above him to see Lightning falling back down, landing right behind his podium with a bang)
Chris: That was convenient.
(Lightning, still somehow managing to shake off his daze, spins a Zany and a bright fiery orange tile)
Lightning: Bring it on! Sha-awesome!
Chris: OK Lightning. Say something.
Lightning: Sha-bam!
Chris: You failed. You were supposed to say 'something'. [lifting up the tile] And now it's time for you to eat a whole bowl of Chef's extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra 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Owen: That's a lot of extras.
Chris: Sure is. Lightning, are you prepared?
Lightning: You betcha. Sha-bam!
(He grabs the bowl and downs it in one gulp. For a second he seems fine, then his face turns red and smoke blows out of his ears. He breathes fire, and is rocketed away by the extreme power of the spiciness to
who-knows-where)
Chris: [wincing] Ya know, I almost feel sorry for him. Operative word being 'almost'. Owen, it's time for your question.
(After spinning the wheel, Owen gets a Total Drama and a blank tile)
Chris: Alright Owen, how many contestants competed in TotalDramaIsland?
Owen: That's easy! 22.
Chris: Wrong. 23. You forgot Mr. Coconut.
Owen: I forgot Mr. Coconut? Me of all people? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Chris: Owen, your challenge is pretty simple. See that trapdoor?
(As Owen continues to scream, the trapdoor opens and Silent B himself emerges. He waves to everyone, then glances around to see if Dawn is there. When he doesn't see her, he looks a little disappointed, but then brightens up again)
Owen: ….OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Chris: OK, Owen, you and B are going to see who can go the longest without talking.
Owen: ….OOOOOOOOOOOOO-[he shuts up immediately]
Noah: [sarcastically] Gee, I wonder who's going to win?
(Silent B and Owen sit down facing each other. Besides Noah's snide remarks, all is quiet. This continues for hours. And hours. And hours. And hours. Eventually Noah and Chris fall asleep. Owen and B are still staring each other down, daring the other to say something. But it doesn't last forever-)
Owen: FOOD! I NEED FOOD!
Chris: [waking up with a start] Well, that ends that then.
(He presses a button and both Owen and Silent B are flung away, falling down into LakeWawanakwa)
Owen: AAAAAAHH!
B: -
(SPLASH!)
(SPLASH!)
Static
Owen: What? I was hungry.
Static
B: -
(He waves at the camera)
Static
Chris: OK, looks like we have our final two! [looking around] Wait, where's Lightning?
(As if magic, Chef walks by that very moment, with Lightning slung over his shoulder. He drops the jock onto the ground)
Chef: I found him in the boathouse, mutterin' somethin' about his mouth having died, then not died, then died again.
(Chef walks away)
Chris: Alright, Lightning and Noah, I will determine the final question and dare.
(He spins the wheel and it stops at Intelligent and a gold tile)
Noah: Gold? On the last time? Coincidence much?
Chris: Actually, the game's been rigged the whole time, but it does make for good drama. Anyway, the final question is….What is one plus one?
Lightning: Nusdrtyrtnfawypncieurtbpaycu iewyfapwneytcnwyeiptcnyipwe.
Noah: Could you have made it any easier? Two.
Chris: Well, Lightning wins.
Noah: Wait….what?! HOW?!
Chris: It's the twist in the challenge. The last question must be answered incorrectly.
Noah: I DIDN"T KNOW THAT!
Chris: Yep. You didn't. It's time for your dare.
(Behind Noah, an enormous jagged cliff rises up, towering hundreds of feet above the platform. Lava oozes from it, giant lizards crawl around ledges, large clumps or rock fall down, and every few seconds, part of it explodes. At the very top is a gold brick)
Chris: OK Noah, your dare is to climb this wall. If you fail, your team loses. But just to make things interesting, if you make it, your team automatically wins.
Noah: Well, it's worth a shot.
(He walks over to the wall and tries to pull himself up onto the first ledge. He can't quite make it and keeps holding on. One of the lizards sloths over and bites down hard on his thumb)
Noah: YOWWWWWWW!
(He lets go of the cliff with his hurt hand, and accidentally swings around so his feet are no longer above the platform. His little and ring finger of the remaining hand slip off, and he's left hanging over the huge drop by two fingers. Slowly but surely, his fingers slide off, and he plummets down)
Noah: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
(SPLASH!)
Chris: And it looks like we have ourselves a winner!
Lightning: Oh yeah! Sha-bam!
Chris: Psychos, I'll see you at the campfire ceremony tonight.
(Scene shows the boy's side of the Psychos' cabin, where Noah, Owen, Mr. Coconut, and Zeke are gathered)
Noah: OK guys, so this is our first real alliance meeting.
Ezekiel: So, bein' in an alliance means Oi vote fer myself, eh?
Noah: No! It means you vote for who I tell you to vote for!
Ezekiel: That doosn't sound as fun.
Noah: Temporarily forgetting all stupidity, tonight we vote for Blake.
Owen: Why? He always seems to do well in challenges. Plus he's funny when he's Scottish.
Ezekiel: Scootish Blake forever, eh!
Noah: No guys. Blake is a danger to the team. He HAS to go.
Owen: I don't really know.…but OK. Hey, we have the majority votes! He's as good as gone.
?: That's what you think.
Noah: Who's that?
Heather: [emerging from the shadows] Why, it's me. You guys should learn to lock your window. Anyway, I heard all about your little alliance from Chris last night, and I have the power to stop it.
Noah: No you don't. Face it Heather, there's no way our alliance can fall apart. We're all good friends, we're the majority, and come the merge, we will destroy everyone else.
Ezekiel: Yeah! Wait, wot?
Heather: That's what you think. But, [pulling a set of keys from her pocket] I have the keys to the Confessional. I can change your votes to whatever I want.
Noah: [his eyes widening] How'd you get that? Chef keeps it in his super-secret safe!
Heather: And Chef is a super-secret idiot, so it was only too easy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
(She starts heading out of the cabin)
Noah: Owen! Stop her!
Owen: I can't! It'll take me ten minutes to walk across the cabin!
(Noah gets up and runs in front of Heather, blocking her)
Noah: You're going to give us the keys.
Heather: [shoving Noah over] Make me.
Noah: Shoved over by a queen bee who can't lift 11 pounds? I need to exercise more.
(Heather slowly walks away, smiling triumphantly, only to find Zeke standing in the doorway)
Ezekiel: Haw! You'll nevoor get past my manly manlity manliness, eh.
(Heather tries to shove past him, but true to his word, she can't. Eventually she tries a different strategy)
Heather: Zeke! There's chocolate milk under the bunk beds!
Ezekiel: Really? Hooray!
(He dives under the bed and Heather dashes out. Owen flaps his arm about, and in desperation, flings Mr. Coconut at her. The fruit nails her in the back of the head, and she's knocked out cold)
Owen: That was unexpected.
Noah: So, you're telling me a fruit just did what the three of us failed to do.
Owen: Mr. Coconut's not a fruit! He's a friend.
(When Heather wakes up, she finds herself tied to a chair in the Psycho's cabin. Standing in front of her is Noah, holding the keys)
Noah: Looks like Little Miss Cheater isn't going to be changing any votes tonight.
Heather: You'll never get away with this.
Noah: That's impossibly ironic. Normally the superhero says that, not the villain. You ARE a villain, after all.
Heather: Whatever. Untie me. I'll get those keys no matter what.
Noah: Well, I'd give you the keys, but I see you're all tied up.
(With that, he walks out the door, throwing the key onto a peg sticking out of the wall, leaving Heather struggling against the ropes)
(The scene is the campfire pit, as Chris stands by the fire with five marshmallows on a plate. On the various logs around the fire sit the Psychos)
Chris: Alright guys, your first loss of the season! Something to celebrate, huh? [after receiving dirty looks from the campers] What? Was it something I said? [after a pause] Anyway, today's first marshmallow goes to….Noah!
(Noah catches his with a grin and sneers at Blake)
Chris: Next marshmallow goes to Owen. Followed by Dawn!
(They both grab theirs, and Owen stuffs it in his mouth immediately)
Chris: Tonight's next-to-last marshmallow goes to…
…
…
…
…
…
…Ezekiel the Epic-failiel!
Noah: That was a really bad attempt at humor.
Chris: So is your sarcasm. And now we're down to tonight's bottom two….Mr. Coconut and Belinda. Well, you both got a lot of votes, and you're both terrible at challenges, so that's why you're here. Regardless of how terrible BOTH of you might be, one of you gets to stay. And that person of piece of fruit is…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…Belinda.
Blake: GET MY NAME RIGHT ALREADY!
Noah: [as Mr. Coconut falls down the Chute of Shame] WHAT?! MR. COCONUT GOT THE BOOT? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE?!
(He runs off back to the campgrounds)
Chris: That was dramatic. Hah.
Owen: I just realized something. Coco is gone. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA!
Chris: Oh dear, not again.
(Back at the campgrounds, Noah rushes into the boy's side of his team's cabin. There he sees an empty chair with rope all over the floor. The key is missing from the peg)
Static
Noah: [growling] Heather….
Static
Heather: And that, Noah, is why you should never mess with me.
Static
(In the underground Playa des Losers, Mike and Zoey are playing table tennis when Mr. Coconut shoots out of the side of the wall and smacks Mike in the head)
Mike: Owwww….BLAH BLAH BLAH IS WHAT STACI SAYS!
Zoey: No! Bad Bob!
Mike/Bob: NO NOSES WILL GET YOU NOWHERE!
Izzy: Good! A psycho! Psycho, help me escape!
(She throws Bob at the wall, where he collapses on the ground making weird noises)
Mike/Bob: The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, rou-KABOOMEY GOOD-BYE BUS!
Izzy: That didn't do much good.
Zoey: [sarcastically] Ya think?
Izzy: Yes. I do think. But I prefer action.
Zoey: I give up.
Izzy: Whatever you're giving up, give it to me.
Zoey: Sigh.
Mr. Coconut: -
Voting Confessionals
Static
Blake: I guess I'll vote for Dawn. She's not much help in challenges, plus she's a little creepy.
Static
Dawn: Ezekiel may like nature, but I just can't STAND that boy! He's an insult to this show
Static
Ezekiel: I'm votin' Blaineley eh, no wait, I mean Blake. Wait wait, final answer, Belinda.
Static
Owen: [pretending to be Mr. Coconut] I vote for Blake, cause Noah told me to and fruit always obeys orders!
Static
Noah: Blake. Need I say any more?
Static
Owen: Pip pip cheerio Blake!
Static
Heather: You may be wondering why I let myself get captured. Granted, it wasn't part of the plan, but I needed to intimidate Noah, show him I am the boss of this game. And now, to put in five votes for Mr. Coconut. Chris can't count, he won't notice the difference.
Static
Mr. Coconut: 5
Blake: 4
Ezekiel: 1
Dawn: 1
Eliminated: Izzy, Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut
Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Noah, Owen
Crazy Crazies: Annette, Heather, Lightning, Staci
Sorry to all Mr. Coconut fans! I know there are some out there somewhere! Sorry this episode lacked a lot of action, the next one will DEFINITLY make up for that. Remember, vote on my poll and review. It only takes 2 seconds! In other news, next episode will be up soon and I'm going to start writing another Total Drama story too. See you guys later!
~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter
Next Time: When Chris gets sued and leaves the island, Heather conquers the place. Lightning and Staci rebel, Zeke becomes a zombie again, Dawn disappears, Blake goes to jail….not to mention a vampire is on the loose! Chaose will ensue!