Aftermath: Mike is Red, Zoey is Blue….
It's me, here again! Yay! Hooray!
1. I do not own or claim to own Total Drama. No profit is being made from this fan-fiction.
2. I'm really sorry about the long delay, I was really busy. Sorry, won't happen again!
3. Remember to vote on my poll for who you want to win and review!
4. I've had near 600 views and now I've reached the HUGE milestone of 50,000 words!
(Camera shows the Total Drama aftermath logo, while the familiar music plays. It starts showing a scene for all the eliminated contestants)
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Static
Izzy: Ah George. You were so dreamy….
Static
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Mike/Bob: HAHAHAA! GREEN IS A FRIENDLY COLOR! HE LETS ME PLAY WITH HIS PETPIRAHNA!
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Commando Zoey: You thought we were just going to be playing Capture the Flag. But now, it's the Most Dangerous Game. Cause I'm gonna be hunting you down, one by one.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Mr. Coconut: - - - - - -
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
(The screen turns blue, and the words TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN AFTERMATH flash across the screen)
(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)
(Next, instead of showing the aftermath studio, the underground Playa des Losers is shown. Mike and Zoey are relaxing by the pool, Mr. Coconut is lying on the ground, and Izzy is trying to find something to explode, when part of the wall starts cracking)
Mike: What is that?
Izzy: It's not a unicorn, so don't worry.
(Slowly, a large patch of the wall crumbles, revealing a dark passageway. Inside the passageway, a neon sign lights up. It says 'AFTERMATH' with an arrow pointing down the tunnel)
Izzy: Yes, the aftermath! I love aftermaths!
Zoey: What're aftermaths?
Izzy: Man, you guys are clueless. Somebody get the coconut and let's go!
(Mike picks up Mr. Coconut and the three reluctantly follow Izzy into the narrow tunnel)
(The scene then does show the aftermath studio. Bridgette, Geoff, and Blaineley are sitting on the sofa, while the peanut gallery consists of Katie, Sadie, and Sam. Sam is playing a video game, obviously, while Katie and Sadie are chatting with one another)
Bridgette: [as the audience cheers] Welcome to Total Drama Aftermath, everybody. I'm Bridgette….
Geoff: ….I'm Geoff….
Blaineley: ….and I'm Blaineley, the most beautiful, dashing, pretty, amazingly hot aftermath host there ever was.
Bridgette: Sure. Let's say hi to our peanut gallery!
Katie: EEK!
Sadie: EEK!
Sam: Yes, final level! The big boss doesn't know what's comin'.
Katie: OmigoshSadie, it's Sam! He was in Total Drama Revenge of the Island! He's like an all-star!
Sadie: EEK! Think he'll sign my lucky umbrella?
Katie: I'm sure he will. You will, right Sam?
Sam: [absorbed in his game] What? Yeah, sure, whatever. Oh yeah! Hedgehog bullet upgrade!
Geoff: Without further ado, let's welcome our eliminated contestants from Total Drama The Island Reborn! They tried hard, but alas, none of them made it past episode four. However, that doesn't mean they weren't all up to their necks in drama! Let's welcome Izzy!
(He gestures to the side of the stage and waits for Izzy to walk out. However, she doesn't show up, and several long awkward minutes pass, with him still pointing there)
Geoff: Uh, she probably just went to blow up some stuff, I'm sure she'll be back soon. Moving on, it's time for magically multi-personalitized Mike!
(Again, no one shows up, making Geoff nervous)
Blaineley: OK, what is going on here? They should be here by now!
Bridgette: Maybe it's just a coincidence. Is Zoey here? [after a long stretch of silence] Uh, nope. Mr. Coconut?
(The three hosts of the aftermath just stand there, smiling at the camera, frozen with embarrassment)
Blaineley: Where are they?
(Deep underground, the three teenagers and the fruit find the passage is getting narrower all the time, eventually hitting a dead end)
Mike: What do we do now?
Zoey: Let's just go back. This was a bad idea.
(A huge rumbling sounds through the tunnel, and a wall of rock collapses behind them)
Mike: [panicking] We're trapped!
Izzy: Cool!
(Suddenly, the rock in front of them breaks away, revealing a slippery rock slope, leading downwards into the darkness)
Zoey: I don't know about you guys, but I am NOT going down there.
(However, the whole floor tilts up underneath them, sending them sliding downwards, thumping against the rocks, trying to cling on to something to stop their descent. Eventually, the four go over an edge and free-fall, landing in murky water far below with a painful splash)
Izzy: Awesome! Let's do it again!
Zoey: Not so fast Izzy. What do we do now?
Mike: I think I see some light over there.
(He swims over, followed by the rest, Zoey clinging to . When they arrive, they find themselves on a gravelly beach, with a tunnel leading on in front of them. Somewhere down the tunnel, light can be seen)
Zoey: Yes! Light! Now we can get the heck out of here!
(She seems to have spoken too soon, as with another rumbling quake, the light is blocked from view. But, it's no rock-fall causing this, instead a giant boulder is rolling down the tunnel, straight at them. Mike and Zoey dive to the sides, while Izzy just stands there, as if pondering a question. The boulder smacks into her and rolls into the water. A few seconds later, she pops up back on shore)
Izzy: That. Was. AWESOME!
Zoey: Grr….grr.
Mike: Are you OK?
Zoey: Sorry, I've just had bad experiences with boulders.
Izzy: So have I. I went out with a boulder once for a couple weeks, but he was a terrible boyfriend.
Mike: Yeah, good to know. Let's get out of here.
(They head up the tunnel towards the light. Meanwhile, the camera shifts back to the aftermath studio)
Bridgette: [whispering to Geoff] We have to do something. Play a clip or whatever.
Geoff: [shaking off his nervousness] Alright everyone, say it with me! You know!
Audience and Geoff: That's Gonna Leave a Mark!
Geoff: Now, this is a special 'That's Gonna Leave a Mark' as it's devoted to entirely one person. That person has sustained possibly the most hilarious injuries ever….it's Ezekiel!
(As the audience cheers, the familiar music plays and the clips start. Zeke dives off a platform into a bucket of water, which he crashes straight through, landing in the sand at the bottom of Wawanakwa. Ezekiel is in the confessional talking when a squirrel jumps down and starts biting him mercilessly, making him fall over. Zeke is standing at the edge of the cliff, picking flowers, when the wind blows and he falls over. Zeke is chased by the squirrel all around the campsite, until it catches up with him and starts punching his face. In the final clip, he is "sleep-tweeting" again, and Chef is standing next to him, thumping his baseball bat onto his hand menacingly. Eventually Chef just smacks Zeke on the head with it, making him collapse)
Blaineley: [as the audience laughs impossibly hard] Man, I could watch Zeke get beat up all day.
Sadie: Omigosh, me too!
Sam: Yeah. It's almost as entertaining as Call of Kitty-Kats Seven: Purple Operations.
(He goes back to his videogame)
Bridgette: [to Geoff] OK, that was entertaining. But we still need our cast. I wonder where they could be….
(The four underground have made their way to the light source, which actually has turned out to be rocks in the wall glowing blue)
Zoey: What IS that?
Mike: It's fluoride. It can be fluorescent, or glow, under certain lighting conditions.
Zoey: How do you know?
Mike: [a bit self-consciously] Tenth grade geology.
Zoey: Wow Mike! You're smart AND nice!
Mike: Thanks.
Izzy: And, most importantly, you're psycho. Psycho psycho psycho psycho! WAHAHAHA!
Mike: Um, OK. But guys, we still don't know how to get out of here.
Izzy: The tunnel keeps going. Let's follow it.
(They set off, and march through the dark and damp tunnel for hours, but it shows no sign of leading to the surface. It slowly starts getting hotter and hotter until the teenagers are sweating profusely and the walls are nearly red. The four emerge from the tunnel onto the narrow rim of a volcano ledge. Far, far above them is an opening, through which the sky can be seen. Far, far beneath them is a pool of intensely hot magma)
Zoey: Where on earth are we? Tunnels, traps, falls, ponds, boulders, fluorescent rocks, and now a volcano?!
Mike: What do we do now? And is it me, or is the volcano heating up?
Izzy: You're right, it is getting hotter. Just like I always am.
Mike: Izzy, this isn't a time to think about beauty!
Izzy: No, not that hot, silly! My body temperature is already an average 108!
Zoey: That's creepy, but we've got bigger problems. We need to get out of here before we're vaporized!
Mike: Look! Over there!
(To the side and beneath them, there's a narrow passage going around the edge of the volcano, which appears to lead into another tunnel)
Zoey: We don't know where that tunnel goes! Let's just go back.
(Suddenly, they hear a rushing noise behind them. Through the tunnel they just came comes a wall of water, advancing rapidly)
Mike: Let's get out of here! I don't wanna know what happens when cold water hits magma!
Izzy: Probably boom-boom.
Zoey: Which is why we need to leave!
Izzy: You mean, which is why we need to stay.
(Before Izzy can protest, Mike and Zoey each grab an arm and pull her forward, down to the path, where they rush into the small tunnel. They've scarcely made it in when the water pours out into the volcano, causing a gigantic explosion. Wind blows through the tunnel, carrying them forward, up and up, around and around, banging into the walls, until they're all unconscious) Author's Note: I have no idea what would actually happen in this type of situation, so I just went with chaos. It tends to be a good idea.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
(Screen goes back to the studio, where Geoff, Blaineley, and Bridgette are getting more anxious by the minute)
Geoff: Uh, peanut gallery, can you guys do anything entertaining?
Sadie: Well, I can't, but I bet Katie could!
Katie: Omigosh Sadie, that's so nice!
Bridgette: Well Katie, can you?
Katie: Well, I can't, but I bet Sadie could!
Sadie: Omigosh Katie, that's so nice!
Blaineley: Sigh. Sam?
Sam: I can play videogames. Heh heh. Heh heh heh.
(He goes back to playing his hand-held game)
(The scene switches to a cavern filled with large gemstones. Everywhere, crystals poke out of the ground, in all colors and shapes, some as big as cars. In the middle of the cavern are Izzy, Mike, Zoey, and Mr. Coconut. The three humans are unconscious. The coconut is a coconut)
Zoey: [waking up] Where….are….we?
Mike: [slowly getting up] Look at this! It's amazing! Crystals everywhere! Izzy, wake up.
Izzy: [sleeping on] Five more minutes Mom.
Zoey: Imagine how much this must be worth!
Mike: Millions!
Zoey: Billions!
Izzy: [springing up behind them] Gazillion infinities!
Mike: Oh man, we're going to be rich!
Izzy: Richy Richard rich!
Zoey: Hold on, we're still stuck somewhere underground.
Mike: Right. Not to mention we couldn't take this all with us.
Izzy: We need to start a diamond mine. Mr. Coconut can be our first employee.
(She throws the coconut at the wall)
Izzy: Dig, employee, dig! Move your lazy bum!
Mike: Yeah….not helping. Wait, what's this over here?
(He points at the floor, where a little trickle of water is flowing somewhere)
Zoey: Where's it coming from?
Izzy: Looks to Izzy like the stalagmites are dripping.
Mike: You mean stalactites.
Izzy: Mites!
Mike: No, tites!
Izzy: Mites!
Mike: Tites!
Izzy: Mites!
Zoey: Guys….the water has to go somewhere. Let's follow it.
Mike: OK, but it probably just flows through some crack.
(The three walk by the stream, to the end of the cavern, where it goes behind a large rock and into a tiny hole)
Zoey: We'll never fit through that.
Izzy: We might not, but….
(She runs and grabs Mr. Coconut, and shoves it into the hole. It's just small enough to squeeze through and floats away)
Izzy: Ta-da!
Zoey: Argh! How was that supposed to help us?!
Izzy: If you ask the fruit, he'll probably say it was beneficial.
Zoey: [rolling her eyes] Right. Now what?
Izzy: Got any shrinking potion?
Mike: No.
Izzy: Well, Watson, I'm Sherlock Holmes, and I will solve this mystery!
(She pulls a magnifying glass out of her pocket and starts walking around, bent close to the floor. Eventually she bumps into an old wooden wheelbarrow. Leaning on it are a few rusty shovels and pick axes)
Izzy: Guys! Someone's been here before us!
(Mike and Zoey run over)
Zoey: Izzy! You're right!
Mike: And if they got out, then there's an exit somewhere!
Izzy: Hold your horses. They didn't get out.
Mike: What do you mean?
(Izzy points behind the wheelbarrow, where a skeleton in ragged clothes and a hard hat lies)
Zoey and Mike: AAAAAAAAH!
Izzy: What's up guys? Oh, don't worry about Skelly. He's super friendly.
Mike: We need to get out of here before we end up joining him!
Zoey: Or her.
Izzy: Or me.
Mike: What's that even supposed to mean?! Ugh, never mind. We have to find a way out of here.
Zoey: Well, let's take stock of what we've got. Numerous crystals, two shovels, a pick axe, a wheelbarrow, and a skeleton.
Mike: [smacking his forehead] It's so simple! Why didn't we see it before?
Izzy: What?
Mike: We can dig out with the shovels!
Zoey: That might just work! We should dig near the water stream. The wall is dirt there.
Mike: Yeah….Hey! Dirt! If it's not solid rock, we can't be that far underground!
Izzy: Well, then what are we waiting for? Flying monkeys with bow and arrows?
(She grabs the pick axe, leaving the other two the shovels. After several minutes of hacking away at the wall, they break through. The three then push away the dirt with their hands, showing a long cavern stretching into the darkness. Most of it is taken up by the stream, which swells into a river, but on the right is a sand bar)
Mike: Well, we go onward, I guess.
(They walk out of the crystal cavern, stuffing their pockets with diamonds. After a while of walking on into the darkness, Mike trips over something)
Mike: OW! [inhaling sharply] HATE PEAS! [inhaling sharply again] Phew, Bob's gone. That was a close one.
Izzy: Mike! Mike! Mike!
Mike: What?
Zoey: Come see what you tripped over.
Mike: [glancing down] What are the odds?
Izzy: It's Mr. Coconut!
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
(The scene switches once more back to the aftermath studio. The hosts are now outright scared as the audience throws tomatoes and chair legs at them. The peanut gallery is nowhere to be seen as the audience members grab torches and pitchforks and march up onto the stage)
Geoff: [hiding behind the sofa, catching sight of one mob member] Hey! Aren't you Gordon, the Aftermath Video Guest from TDA?
Gordon: Yes [bleeped out] I [bleeped out] am! Now [bleeped out] die!
(Gordon charges Geoff with his pitchfork, impaling it into the sofa. Geoff ducks and runs off, losing his hat)
Gordon: My [bleeped out] pitchfork's stuck! Aw, [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out]!
Bridgette: [hanging from the chandelier in an attempt to escape the mob] Everything's cool with you guys, right? I mean, it's the real show you care about, not the aftermaths, right?
Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Gordon: [bleeped out] BOOOO [bleeped out] OOOOOOOO [bleeped out]!
(As Geoff runs away and Bridgette inches farther up the chandelier, the mob has tied up Blaineley, and are pouring tar and feathers on her)
Blaineley: You imbeciles! You'll ruin my dress! This outfit cost more than your annual salaries!
Audience: [chanting] Where are the eliminated contestants? Where? WHERE?
(The scene switches back underground, where the three teens continue to walk along the sandbar, Izzy carrying . Suddenly, the sandbar just drops off, leaving nothing but water ahead)
Zoey: Well, it's a dead end.
Izzy: Unless we swim….
Mike: Too dangerous. We should look for another exit, or route or something.
(Izzy accidentally drops . He bobs once in the water before the current sweeps him away)
Izzy: Oops. Well, I better go get him.
Mike: Izzy! NO!
(Despite his warning, Izzy jumps in and the water carries here away. Mike and Zoey stand looking shocked for a moment, and then Mike jumps in after her)
Zoey: Mike! Oh, great. Oh no oh no oh no oh no! I have to do something!
(She steps to the very edge of the water, looking for Mike and Izzy, trying to think of a plan. Underneath her, the water surges up, making her lose her balance and fall down. The water then falls back a little, pulling her off the sandbar into the underground river. Zoey tries as hard as she can to swim back, but, like with the others, the current carries her onwards. The water foams and goes over rapids and small waterfalls, full of dangerously large and sharp rocks. Zoey is often pulled under but always pushes her way back up. She catches a glimpse of Izzy, and possibly bumps Mr. Coconut with her foot. Eventually the water starts moving more slowly, and becomes shallower. She stands up, trying hard not to get knocked back down again, and rubs the water out of her eyes. She sees Mike in front of her, then he disappears down into the looming darkness. This shocks her enough for the water to regain its grip, and she's pulled along a few feet, until, suddenly, the water is no longer around her. Zoey has just enough time to see she's gone over a waterfall before she plummets down. She falls for what seems forever, screaming the whole way…
…
down
…
down
…
down
.
d
.
o
.
w
.
n)
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
(Camera shifts to Mike, who is also falling and screaming. Behind him is the roaring waterfall, still plunging into the depths. Slowly but surely, the water moves outwards at an incline, going from vertical to impossibly steep to about 65 degrees. Because of this, he gradually crashes into the water, making his descent scarcely even painful as the water flows down at the steepness of a small hill. Eventually it's a flowing river again, for a little while, then it gives way, Mike falls ten feet, and a gigantic wave of water blasts him upwards, upwards, and upwards some more. Eventually the water stops and he lands on a wooden floor. Looking around, he finds himself in a room at the aftermath studio. It's a perfectly normal waiting room, except for a hole in the floor that he just came out of. He walks over to the door to find it boarded up. However, it's been boarded from the outside, so with a bit of shoving he gets it open. As he walks into the hallway, Zoey, Izzy, and are blasted into the room behind him, leaving it soaking wet. The four of them head down the hallway to the stage, where the mob is still parading around, almost destroying the place. Upon the arrival, the camera seems to move in fast forward as the torches and pitchforks disappear, the audience resumes their seats, Blaineley walks off to clean off the tar and feathers while Bridgette, Geoff, and the peanut gallery reappear, and a janitor comes by and cleans up all the tomatoes and other assorted mess. Finally, the last remaining sign of the chaos is an angry Gordon)
Gordon: I [bleeped out] hate having to [bleeped out] stop throwing [bleeped out] tomatoes at people!
(He then resumes his seat, and everything is back to normal)
Geoff: Finally! You're here! What took you guys so long?
Mike: Are you kidding me?! We had to go through a hundred thousand death traps just to get this far!
Geoff: Uh? Why didn't you just take a cab?
Zoey: We could've taken a cab? We took some sort of deadly 'aftermath' tunnel.
Bridgette: Oh that! That's the old aftermath passage, the one the eliminated contestants used to get to the aftermath in the first season.
Izzy: There were no aftermaths in TDI.
Geoff: Exactly! No one made it through!
Zoey: So, what you're saying is, we went through all that for NOTHING?!
Geoff: Chill bro, now you're here and everything's cool.
Bridgette: [glaring at Gordon] Not to mention we went through some pretty hard stuff too.
Gordon: I'll [bleeped out] say you did!
Zoey: All right, first off, never call me bro. Never.
Geoff: Sure thing bro.
Zoey: Grr. Second, what's even the point of this thing?
Bridgette: To get the dramaest drama of all drama that was ever drama on Total Drama!
Sam: Whoa, you just sounded like the level three boss on Warfare of Monkeys 9!
Bridgette: Is your entire stereotype limited to videogaming?
Sam: Pretty much. Heh heh. Where's Dakotazoid?
Geoff: Alright, we've had enough chit-chat. It's time to really start the aftermath, with our first interviewee, Izzy!
(The audience cheers and applauds)
Izzy: You know, it's not as exciting an introduction when I'm already on stage.
Geoff: In that case, leave and come back waving and grinning like you've never been here before.
(Izzy does so, then takes a seat on one of the sofas)
Geoff: So Izzy, what's it like to be the first voted off?
Izzy: Whoa….déjà vu.
Geoff: Are you mad that the majority of your fellow campers wanted you to lose?
Izzy: I'm not mad. I'm Izzy.
Geoff: But madness brings drama!
Izzy: Good for madness.
Bridgette: Anyway, whom do you want to win this season?
Izzy: Me.
Bridgette: You've been eliminated!
Izzy: Says you.
Bridgette: Says everyone!
Geoff: Uh, this interview isn't going so well.
Izzy: Says you.
Geoff: Alright, Izzy, let's move on. See this?
(He gestures at a large machine in the background. It has many gears and whirring components, and a projector screen)
Geoff: That, is the Total Drama Aftermath Computer!
Bridgette: Or the TDAC for short.
Geoff: With this handy-dandy thingamabob, we can analyze Total Drama's drama like never before!
Izzy: I didn't know you were a technical person, Geoff.
Geoff: I'm not. I paid Harold to build it.
(Harold appears out of thin air, in the middle of the stage)
Harold: Gosh. Idiots!
(Harold disappears)
Bridgette: You see? Very technical.
Geoff: Anyway, have you ever noticed how psycho the island is? I mean, there's Chris, the campers, the crazy nature, the cliff, the insaneness of the land itself, plus a gazillion quirky secrets.
Izzy: Your point?
Geoff: Well, the chaos has to come from somewhere, bro.
Bridgette: And we're going to use the TDAC to find the source. Computer, calculate the chaotic craziness!
Izzy: Your annoying alliterations make me want to kill you.
Geoff: See what I mean? Chaos!
(The TDAC whirs and buzzes, then the projector flashes on)
TDAC: [robotic voice] Three most chaotic island organisms slash things found.
(The projector shows three pictures)
TDAC: Third most crazy is….Lake Wawanakwa.
Sam: Makes sense. Heh heh.
TDAC: Second most crazy is….Ezekiel.
Katie: EEK! Ezekiel! OmigoshSadie, he always loses sooooo early….even before we lose!
Sadie: EEK! That's so cool Katie!
Sam: Argh! All this EEK-ing is interfering with my mad video gaming skills!
(Harold reappears)
Harold: Did someone say something about mad skillz?
Bridgette: Not your mad skills, Harold.
Harold: Gosh, I think I deserve a bit more recognition around here.
(He disappears again)
TDAC: The most chaotic and crazy being or thing on the entire island of Wawanakwa is…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…ChrisMcLean.
Izzy: I'm not surprised. He's almost as crazy as me!
Geoff: Yep. No surprise there.
Gordon: No [bleeped out] stupid [bleeped out] surprise, pardon my [bleeped out] French.
Bridgette: Gordon, do us all a favor.
Gordon: [bleeped out]?
Bridgette: Shut up already!
Gordon: In that case, [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out] [bleeped out]!
Izzy: I'd cover my ears if I hadn't shattered my eardrums at age five.
(She gets up and sits down with the peanut gallery)
Geoff: Everybody, make some noise for Mike!
(The audience claps as Mike walks onstage)
Mike: So, I'm stuck with this deathly aftermath after all, huh?
Bridgette: Enough complaining! You're on TV!
Mike: Not yet. This episode doesn't broadcast for weeks!
Bridgette: That's beside the point.
Geoff: Now Mike, your fellow teammates voted you off.
Mike: Yeah. So?
Geoff: Do you despise them for it? Do you crave revenge? Are you turning into an evil maniac?
Mike: No.
Geoff: Well, that drama-portunity is gone.
Mike: Drama-portunity?
Bridgette: Opportunity….for drama!
Geoff: Now, it's time for….Dodge vs. Anvil!
Mike: [gulping] I don't like the sound of that.
Geoff: You shouldn't. In the original Truth vs. Anvil, every time you told a lie an anvil fell. Now, due to budget cuts, we just drop anvils. Try not to get hit. Or rather, try to.
Bridgette: [whispering] Geoff, you're becoming an evil megalomaniac again….
Geoff: Not now, Bridge.
Mike: One question though. How is it dodging versus anvils? That doesn't make sense.
Geoff: Don't blame me; Chris came up with the title.
Mike: Can we just skip thi- - -
Geoff: No! Prepare for pain! And drama!
(The screen shows a Dodge vs. Anvil logo)
(Mike looks up and sees an anvil falling down. He ducks and rolls, only to land in the path of another one. He flattens himself backwards, then stands straight up, jumps impossibly high, arches his back, does a full split, and rolls around a lot, in to avoid the anvils. He doesn't hold out forever though. As he does a back flip to get out of the way of an anvil, his feet come around and he stubs his toe on another anvil, crying out in pain)
Mike: Ouch ouch ouch. [he inhales sharply] NO COOKIES ARE COMING FOR MY BOOGERS!
(Harold appears)
Harold: You pick your nose too? Gosh. It must be a conspiracy.
(Harold disappears)
Mike/Bob: MUST RID WORLD OF BAD NAME SPELLERS! PREPARE FORTRIPOLEE! HAHAHA!
(He starts hobbling slowly towards Geoff)
Geoff: Um dude….chill, OK?
Mike/Bob: GORDON SAYS [BLEEPED OUT]!
Gordon: Oh [bleeped out]! He's on to me. Gotta change my [bleeped out] accent.
(Bob jumps on top of the sofa and starts trying to tackle Geoff, who quickly gets up and runs away, with Bob in pursuit)
Geoff: HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Mike/Bob: A JACKHAMMER WON'T SAVE YOU NOW!
(Geoff jumps down screaming into the crowd, with Bob hot in his heels. They make a huge commotion as they run out to the exit, Geoff screaming like a little girl the whole time)
Katie: OmigoshBridgette, you're the last remaining host!
Bridgette: I know. I'm starting to think this business is bad for my health.
Sam: [while playing his game] Starting to think? Didn't you release hosting this psychotic show is a bad idea, in, like season two?
Sadie: Wow, you're pessimistic.
Sam: I don't know what that word means, but I have a dictionary app, and I'm not afraid to use it!
(Harold appears)
Harold: Gosh, just carry around the actual 15,000 page dictionary like I do. It's much easier.
(A huge book falls out of the sky, squishing him)
Harold: Idiots! You're not supposed to carry it on your head!
(Harold and the book disappear)
Bridgette: Alright audience, are you ready to use the TDAC again?
Audience: Yeah!
Gordon: [bleeped out] yeah!
Bridgette: The TDAC is going to tell us, on a scale of one to ten, how likely the remaining contestants are to win. Are you ready?
Audience: Yeah!
Gordon: [bleeped out] yeah!
Bridgette: Are you sure you're ready?
Audience: YEAH!
Gordon: [bleeped out] - - -
Bridgette: Shut up Gordon.
(As Gordon mutters most likely vulgar words under his breath, the TDAC lights up again)
Bridgette: First up Annette has a chance of….
TDAC: Two.
Bridgette: Yeah, sucking at challenges and shrieking- - -I mean singing- - -a lot isn't gonna get you any closer to the million. What about Heather?
TDAC: Eight.
Bridgette: Yep, that girl is willing to do whatever it takes to win, no matter what.
Katie: OmigoshSadie, she's so mean!
Sadie: Omigosh Katie, IKR, right?
TDAC: Staci...five.
Sam: Chatty chatty blah blah blah fail.
(He goes back to his game)
TDAC: Lightning….six.
Bridgette: Sounds about right.
Katie: Omigosh, I'm Lightning's biggest fan! Sha-EEK!
Sadie: Sha-EEK! Me too!
Katie: You too?!
Sadie: Me too!
Katie: OmigoshSadie, that is such a coincidence!
Sadie: I know!
Katie: EEK!
Sadie: EEK!
Katie: EEK!
Sadie: EEK!
Katie: EEK!
Sadie: EEK!
Katie and Sadie: EEK EEK EEK EEK EEK EEK EEK EEK- - -
(Harold appears)
Harold: SHUT UP! Gosh.
(He disappears)
TDAC: Blake….four.
Sam: Yeah, that kid wears a tie. I mean, really, do you ever see someone in a videogame wear a tie?
TDAC: Noah….nine.
Bridgette: Look's like Noah's the guy to watch out for. Sarcastic and cunning, the guys a freaking genius!
TDAC: Ezekiel….one.
(The audience burst into laughter)
Bridgette: C'mon guys, be nice. Ezekiel may be really bad at the game, but he's not that bad.
(The audience laughs even harder)
Bridgette: OK, fine, he is that bad. At least he gives us some comic relief, right?
Sam: I can do comic relief, slaps-stick style. Watch this.
(He stands up and falls over on purpose)
Bridgette: Thanks Sam, that was….uh….uh….Ok-ish good?
Sam: I'll do it again for five bucks.
Bridgette: Um, maybe later, OK?
TDAC: Dawn….seven.
Bridgette: Everyone's favorite nature girl seems to be the only one with a chance who's not a back-stabbing jerk.
Sam: Don't forget Noah.
Bridgette: Uh, Noah is Noah. He's in a category of his own. Anyway, Dawn's so friendly, who would even vote her off?
Sam: Um, Scott, Lightning, Brick, me….pretty much the whole team last season. Heh heh.
Bridgette: Don't be an idiot, Sam.
Sam: What? Shouldn't you be jealous you've been replaced as Total Drama's nice girl?
Bridgette: I have not been replaced.
Sam: Then why weren't you in season four?
Bridgette: It was a team choice that had nothing to do with me. Moving on.
TDAC: Owen….three.
Bridgette: He may have done pretty well in the first couple of seasons, but let's face facts. He's an obese- - -
Izzy: You mean fat.
Bridgette: Fine, he's a fat guy who's only advantage is his likeableness.
Sadie: But he's so good at eating food!
Katie: EEK! I know! He's my new role model!
Sadie: EEK! He's my new role model too!
Katie: EEK!
Sadie: EEK!
Katie: E- - -
Bridgette: OK, we are not starting that again. So, looks like Noah and Dawn have good chances for winning, but they better watch their backs around Heather.
Izzy: And Ezekiel's an idiot.
Bridgette: Hey, that's not the point- - -
Sadie: Omigosh Bridgette, you must be in love with Ezekiel! There are so many fan-fics about it it must be true!
Bridgette: That is NOT tru- - -
Katie: EEK! A new couple!
Sadie: EEK!
Katie: EEK!
Sadie: EEK!
Katie: EEK!
Sadie: EEK!
Katie: EEK!
Bridgette: [as the two continue to 'eek' in the background] Yeah, great. Thanks a lot fan fiction. Look who people have paired me with! The psycho nose-picking prairie boy! NOOOOOOOOO! [regaining her composure] Anyway, let's welcome our next guest. Zoey!
(Zoey walks on stage amid cheers from the crowd)
Zoey: Hi everyone! So great to be here! Even if I did almost die coming!
Bridgette: So Zoey, anything you care to tell us about your experiences on the island?
Zoey: Well, it wasn't all that great. First I got shoved around by Heather, then Mike left, then I went psycho and got booted off.
Bridgette: Bummer.
Izzy: Thumber!
Bridgette: Izzy, what is up with you?
Izzy: Ask the ceiling.
Bridgette: Whatever. Alright, so, any regrets?
Zoey: Yeah, pretty much what I just said.
(The audience snickers)
Bridgette: Was anything cool?
Zoey: Well, I got to shove Heather in a large pile of mud and quicksand, I set the world record for most tunnels dug in a minute, and I hung out with Mike for a while.
Bridgette: Um, give me a few minutes to think up a new question. I thought you'd have better answers.
Zoey: Ok, this is getting a little boring.
Bridgette: Fine. Bring in the fruit!
(A random intern walks in and drops Mr. Coconut on the stage)
Bridgette: So, , any thoughts on this season of Total Drama?
Mr. Coconut: - - - - -
Bridgette: Are you mad you were voted off unfairly?
Mr. Coconut: - - - - -
Bridgette: What was, in your opinion, the craziest challenge?
Mr. Coconut: - - - - -
Bridgette: Are you going to say anything?
Mr. Coconut: - - - - -
Bridgette: Anything?
Mr. Coconut: - - - - -
Bridgette: Anything at all?!
Mr. Coconut: - - - -
Bridgette: Sigh. Guess this ends this episode of Total Drama Aftermath. Say good-bye, peanut gallery.
Sam: I'd say bye, but I'm to busy buying an upgrade for my lastest game.
Sadie: EEK! Katie! We get to say good-bye!
Katie: OmigoshSadie, we do? EEK!
Katie and Sadie: BYE!
(Harold appears)
Harold: Gosh, bye.
(He disappears)
Bridgette: See you guys next tim- - -
(Suddenly, inexplicably, Mr. Coconut pops up and smacks her in the head, knocking her out. A group of interns walks onto the stage and carries her off. As they go, in walks Chef with an unconscious Mike slung over his shoulder)
Chef: There you maggots are! What did I tell ya abou' not escapin'?
Izzy: To not not not not not escape.
Zoey: Quintuple negatives. Never seen that before.
Chef: Doesn't matter. Nobody escapes my Playa des Losers! Nobody!
(Before they can protest, Chef drags Izzy and Zoey off the stage, picking up Mr. Coconut as he walks out)
Gordon: Looks like all the [bleeped out] important people are gone. Guess it's [bleeped out] up to me to sign off this [bleeped out] show. So, you [bleeped out] all better tune in [bleeped out] next time to Total [bleeped out] Drama [bleeped out] The [bleeped out] Island [bleeped out] Reborn, or else [bleeped out].
(Gordon then goes on a swearing rant so vulgar every single person present covers their ears)
(Credits play)
Eliminated: Izzy, Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut
Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Noah, Owen
Crazy Crazies: Annette, Heather, Lightning, Staci
I hope you guys liked this. I've never seen a fan-fiction aftermath before, so I'm sure this is pretty original. Sorry again about the delay, and see you soon! Remember to review and vote on the poll!
~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter
Next Time: As the chaotic chaos that started in episode five comes to a conclusion, everything is so chaotically explosive I can't even describe it.