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(Camera shows Chris standing on the Dock of Shame)
Chris: Last time on Total Drama The Island Reborn, the vampire pest problem on the island got a little out of control. With Blake, Dawn, Annette, and some random other people having gone over to the dark side, so to speak, it looked pretty bad. In the midst of this chaos, life still found a way. Staci unearthed a dinosaur named Stupid von Merkel, Lightning tried and failed to become supreme queen of the island, and Ezekiel ate a bird. After Noah's brilliant anti-vampire plan was foiled by a certain feral teen, who won't be mentioned by name, Staci's dino ancestor destroyed a bunch of stuff, turning most of the vamps back into humans, and winning the Crazies the challenge. Frederic remained a vampire, leaving that weird plotline alive another day. In an unfair yet hilarious twist, Owen was voted off, and I resumed the position of best host ever. What twists and turns wait for our campers today? How will Noah settle or implode his grudges with Heather and Blake? And- - -
(He is interrupted as Izzy, Mike, Zoey, and Owen carrying Mr. Coconut charge out of the woods and past the campgrounds to the dock)
Izzy: Charge!
Chris: What the heck are the eliminated campers doing here?! Find out on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE- - -
(He is interrupted again as Owen and Mike lift him up and throw him in the lake)
Izzy: Haha, THE ISLAND REBORN!
(Theme song plays. It shows the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waves at it. Chef smiles at it, then gulps as it comes nearer to him, and smacks him in the face. After he disappears the camera zooms up the cliff, where it shows a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "falls" off the cliff so does Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles cover the screen. When they clear, Izzy is swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah is sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke lands on him. Right after the moment of impact, the camera zooms to the forest, where Mike is petting a raccoon. The raccoon bites his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the raccoon. The camera zooms to the waterfall, where Annette is singing on top of a log that goes over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn is sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across a small lake, looking very peaceful. Suddenly, Annette flies past her and her mouth falls open. The camera moves to the outhouse confessional, where a bear is knocking on the door. Blake sticks his head out, screams, and then ducks back in. Chef's kitchen is then seen, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody can be seen. Lightning is dumping protein powder into his mouth, and then fist-pumps, while Heather is tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moves outside to the campfire pit, where Owen is holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci is seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifts a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He runs around and falls into the water. When he surfaces, in classic cartoon style, his head steams over in anger, causing a fire. The camera follows the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey is sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunch up and she gives an evil grin, only to look around when she sees Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera pans out to show all 13 contestants sitting on stools around the campfire, as Chris stands nearby and grins at the camera. A wooden sign is seen, where neon letters light up, saying TOTAL DRAMA THE ISLAND REBORN)
(Screen shows the mess hall, where Chef is serving his famous extra-extra-extra-plus-a-few-hundred-more-extras spicy soup. No one has dared to touch it, with the exception of Lightning, who's gulping it down as he would protein powder. Noah pokes the soup with his finger, but withdraws it hastily as his hand catches on fire)
Noah: This is so gross. Who would even eat this?
Chef: Are you insultin' my soup, fat boy?
Noah: Um, fat boy? You're probably thinking of Owen.
Chef: Are you back-talkin' me, you insolent punk?
Noah: Uh, no. Whatever.
Chef: [grumbling to himself] Teenagers this days. Never shuttin' up, always bein' annoyin' and never eatin' their extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra [this goes on for a while] spicy soup. NOW EAT!
Noah: Alright, alright, I'm eating it already.
(He takes a bite, clutches at his throat, then faints and falls over backwards)
Chef: That's better.
Static
Chef: In some countries, faintin' after a meal is a compliment to the chef. And that's me.
Static
(Over in the corner, Staci is talking avidly to Annette, Heather, and Lightning)
Staci: Yah, so, you all saw my great-great-uncle! Now you all know I was telling the truth all along.
Lightning: She's sha-right! T-Rex's were good at inventing!
Heather: Whatever. I don't really believe you, but if a skeleton can win a challenge, then your lies could be true.
Annette: Staci tells lies! Chef doesn't bake pies! Do I believe her? What a reliever!
Blake: Um, so, can someone please clarify: Is Staci a pathological liar?
Heather: No, the world's just more screwed up than you thought it was.
Blake: Oh. Good to know.
Static
Heather: Do I believe Staci? Not really. But I can't speak for the other idiots.
Static
Blake: I guess Staci's ancestors really did invent all that stuff. I wonder if any of them invented chocolate- - -
(Ezekiel sticks his head through the window and interrupts)
Ezekiel: Chockate milk!
Blake: I was going to say chocolate CAKE, but- - -HEY! Aren't you supposed to be a zombie?
Ezekiel: I take breaks from bein' Gollum whenever I see an outhouse, eh.
Blake: That's weird. And if you think about it long enough, it's also very creepy.
Static
(Meanwhile, Dawn has walked over to Chef)
Dawn: Er, Chef, were you and Chris able to return Ezekiel to his normal state? Well, as normal as Zeke can be, anyways.
Chef: Hmm, no, I don't remember turnin' the retarded zombie kid back into the retarded not-quite-a-zombie kid. So, to answer your pointless question, no. Besides, I thought you didn't care about the weirdo prairie boy.
Dawn: I don't, not really. But, well, obviously I care about everyone's well-being, right?
Chef: Tell that to…uh….uh….OK, guess you're right. You really do care about everyone. Softie.
Dawn: I object to that.
Chef: And I object to any food that actually tastes good, but we all got our pet peeves in life, kid, we all got our pet peeves in life….
Dawn: Are you going to sit back and recall old war stories? Because if so, I'm going to leave.
Chef: [as Dawn backs away] Whatcha say? Didn't hear you. I was thinkin' about the summer of '64, when the army of stupidity started attackin' on the north-southern front, oh, just so know, that's the summer of 1564 to you young people, anyway- - -
(In mid-sentence, Chef's head droops and he falls asleep, snoring away)
Heather: Most people put others to sleep with their boring stories. Chef's the only one I know who puts himself to sleep telling them.
Annette: That sounds like a line Noah would say.
Heather: Yes, but Noah just fainted from Chef's poison, so I have to say all his dialogue for him.
(Suddenly, Chris jogs in, panting)
Chris: OK, first part of today's challenge starts right now! Somebody wake Noah up.
(Blake shakes Noah awake, accidentally smashing him into the table several times while doing so)
Noah: OW! Gerroff me!
Staci: Uh, could you tell us what the challenge is?
Chris: Nope. Don't feel like it.
Annette: Chris is a jerk! He never does any work! He really is an idiot! Even though- - -
Chris: I really want to know what rhymes with idiot, so I can write insult poems at anyone who annoys me, but I guess we do have to get this challenge rolling.
Noah: Wait, hold on. For just the smallest instant of an instant, you were actually a responsible host. It's really hard to comprehend, even for a genius like me, but it's true. Let me just savor this moment.
(As Noah tunes the world out with a goofy smile on his face, Chris explains the challenge)
Chris: The eliminated contestants have escaped Underground Playa des Losers! Basically, it's a pain in the nose.
Lightning: Lightning's nose does hurt.
Chris: Exactly. The first part of the challenge is to round them up and get them back where they belong. Whichever team captures the most of the five eliminees gets a HUGE advantage in the second part of the challenge.
Annette: What about Zeke? He's still a psycho zombie Gollumy dude somewhere in the woods.
Chris: Oh, that's no problem.
(He leans out the door and calls out)
Chris: EZEKIEL! THERE'S CHOCOLATE MILK HERE!
(Within seconds, feral Zeke dashes into the dining hall, and sit at Chris' feet, panting happily)
Chris: There's some chocolate milk in the kitchen. Go get it.
Noah: [to Zeke] And stop acting like a dog! It's unbecoming!
(Zeke tries to run into the kitchen, but finds his way blocked by Chef, who is wide awake as ever)
Chef: Ain't havin' no weirdos in my kitchen!
Noah: Doesn't that mean you have to stay out of it?
Chef: Shut up, scrawny teen. And take your chocolate, zombie.
(He pulls out a barrel of brown liquid and dumps it all on Zeke. There's a huge explosion noise, and Ezekiel sits in front of them, as normal as ever.
Noah: I don't exactly think that was 'chockate milk', but it did the trick.
Ezekiel: Eh? Where am I? Who am I? I need chockate milk.
Chris: You just got it. I think. Now shut up, cause it's challenge time!
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
(Scene show the boathouse, where the five eliminated contestants are gathered. Zoey, Mike, Owen, and Mr. Coconut are sitting on various boxes and crates, while Izzy is giving them commands like a drill sergeant)
Izzy: Ok then, everyone understand their positions?
Mike, Izzy, and Owen: Yes, five-star general Izzy!
Izzy: Let's just cover them again. One more time.
(The three groan)
Izzy: Hey, no groaning around five-star general Izzy! You'll be keelhauled before you can say Total Drama! Anyway, so Mike, you will be?
Mike: Making sure Chris is out of the way.
Izzy: Right! Good job! You earn a hamburger!
(She throws a hamburger at him. He ducks and it splashes into the water)
Izzy: Alright, Zoey?
Zoey: I'll lock the competitors and Chef in the dining hall, and set traps around the windows in case they try to escape.
Izzy: Ok, you earn a bottle of pomegranate juice!
(She throws the bottle, and, like Mike, Zoey ducks and ignores it)
Izzy: Then, Owen?
Owen: I'll stand guard in the center of camp, and look for the buffet table if I get any time.
Izzy: Yes! You'd earn something, but I've run out of things to throw. Meanwhile, I will sneak into Chris' trailer and grab the million dollar case. With that, we can buy our way back into the game!
Owen: What does Mr. Coconut do?
Izzy: He can be a coconut.
Owen: Works for me! Let's get going!
Static
Izzy: Bam! I conquered the confessional!
Static
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
(The eight contestants are dumping out their breakfasts in the trash, when the door suddenly shuts. Lightning runs to it and tries to pull it open, but it's locked. Behind them, the windows slam shut)
Blake: What just happened?
Noah: It must be Izzy. Or maybe Zoey. We're trapped in here!
(All of the contestants except Annette run to the doors and windows and try to push them open. Annette walks over to the fireplace, peers up the wide chimney, and starts climbing up)
Noah: Great. We're doing so well at this challenge.
Lightning: Sha-charge!
(He runs at a window, slamming into it with his shoulder. The glass shatters and he falls onto the ground outside. He appears to have landed on a mine, as a huge explosion rattles the building, knocking over timbers and re-blocking the window)
Lightning: Sha-bam! Only lost seven teeth in this explosion! I've still got two left!
Static
Lightning: No wait, Lightning miscounted. Lightning's got, let's see...negative four teeth left! Explains why Lightning likes stew so much.
Static
(At the top of the mess hall, Annette pulls herself out of the chimney, covered in soot. She slides down the roof and lands next to Lightning)
Annette: Hello fellow teammate! Let's go capture eliminated contestants while singing!
(The two walk off in different directions)
(Camera switches to Chris, who is walking to his trailer. Unbeknownst to him, Mike is creeping up behind him. Taking a rope out of his pocket, he swiftly lassos Chris and pulls him against the tree, where he wraps the rope around several times and knots it, effectively tying Chris up before the host can even open his mouth)
Chris: Hey! You can't do this.
Mike: I just did.
Chris: What do you even hope to accomplish?
Mike: Is it me, or is your vocabulary getting better? Anyway, WE are going to rejoin the competition. Then I'm going to win it.
Chris: You think this'll get me to let you back in? Ha! Never!
Mike: That's what you think. Just wait until Izzy grabs your million dollars.
Chris: What?! No! You can't take the million bucks! I need it! I'll do anything to get it back! Anything!
Mike: [grinning mischievously] Anything?
Chris: OK, maybe you will get back in the game. But understand, I was just a victim of circumstance!
Mike: I was right; you have learned a lot of words. You can say three syllables now!
Chris: No I can't. I'm still monosyllabic.
Mike: That was five!
(A few yards behind the two, Izzy is crawling towards Chris' trailer. She eventually reaches it and jumps in through the window. She roots around the interior, messing everything up. Eventually she finds a safe with a keypad under the table. Typing in 'Chris is so super impossibly awesome' on the keypad, she opens the safe and pulls out the case with the money)
Izzy: Yes! Now the others are expendable, they can go back to Playa des Losers. Only Izzy matters! Haha!
Static
Izzy: What? Like the villainess doesn't betray all her henchman at the last moment. It's Izzy time! Booyah!
Static
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
(Lightning is walking around the dining hall when he spots Zoey, who is crouching beneath a window. Sneaking up behind her, he grabs her arm and pulls her to the mess hall door. Lightning unlocks the door, pushes her in, then locks it again)
Lightning: Got 'er! Score one for the Lightning!
Blake: Uh, Lightning, can you let us out?
Lightning: Sha-never, opposite team people!
Staci: But I'm on your team!
Heather: Not to mention Zoey is slowly walking towards us with matches and a tank of gasoline.
Noah: Um, Zoey, I thought you were no longer crazy.
Commando Zoey: Guess you thought wrong.
(She dumps out all the gasoline on the floor, then lights a match and drops it on. With a huge WHOOSH, the entire dining hall blasts up in the sky while the contestants and Zoey are left standing on the ground, covered in ash)
Zoey: I think I'm back to normal now.
(Heather and Zeke each grab one of her arms and pull her into the boathouse, locking her in there)
Zoey: Hey! Lemme out already! I have a reality show to rejoin!
Ezekiel: Why woold you want to be on Total Drama, eh? Too many explosions for my liking.
(As soon as he says that, the ground explodes underneath him, blasting him into the sky, where he falls and lands somewhere far out in Lake Wawanakwa)
Noah: [sarcastically] Irony. So hilarious.
Static
Noah: There has to be a scientific cause of these explosions. Hmm...
(While he is thinking, the confessional explodes)
Noah: Are you kidding me?! I thought bathrooms were explosion-proof. But at this point, I'm not even surprised anymore.
Static
(Scene switches to Annette, who is hiding behind the Crazies' cabin. In front of her by the megaphone post is Owen, who is holding Mr. Coconut and attempting and failing to maintain good posture. Annette sits down and watches him for a while, then stands up, grinning deviously. She tiptoes towards Owen, then breaks into a run, grabbing the fruit and zooming past him)
Owen: Hey, get back here! That's my friend!
(He chases after Annette, his desire to get back somehow moving his chubby legs faster then they've ever gone before. He quickly gains on her and has almost caught up when she reaches the boathouse and throws Mr. Coconut through a window. Owen tries to jump through the window, but gets stuck. He wriggles around a little bit and falls through into the boathouse, and as he turns back around, Annette slams the window shut)
Annette: My team is epic! Hopefully we don't catch an epidemic!
(In the woods, Blake is aimlessly strolling along)
Blake: OK, there's gotta be an eliminated person around here somewhere. Maybe under this rock!
(He peers under a small stone)
Blake: Nope, not there. What about under this leaf?
(He picks up the leaf, and is again disappointed)
Blake: Sigh.
(He walks for a little while longer and comes to a stream)
Blake: Hmm, what if they're underneath the water?
(He steps into the stream, but his weak legs are swept from under him and he goes zooming downstream, eventually catching a tree branch and pulling himself out. Right in front of him are Mike and Chris. Chris is still tied to the tree, while Mike has fallen asleep sitting on a log)
Chris: Psst….kid….over here!
Blake: [shouting] No worries!
(Chris winces as Blake's shout nearly wakes Mike up. However, Mike just falls over and resumes snoring. Blake walks up behind Chris and unties him)
Chris: [whispering] Good job. Now get their sentry!
(Blake nods furiously, and starts pulling Mike away. He's not really strong enough to, and falls over repeatedly trying to get the dozing ex-camper to move the first few feet)
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
(Several hours later, Blake has managed to lug Mike to the boathouse and throw him inside. Mike was asleep the entire time. All the other contestants have gathered around, even Ezekiel, who has crawled back out from the deep sea. Chris walks out of the forest)
Chris: Alright, you guys rounded up four of the former campers in no time flat! Well, it actually took you several hours. Might wanna pick up the pace a little. Anyway, the only eliminated idiot who hasn't been captured is Izzy.
?: Actually, I have been captured.
(The campers and Chris jump in shock as Izzy shows up out of nowhere, holding the briefcase with the million dollars)
Izzy: I'm turning me in, as a point for my team, because, I AM REJOINING THE GAME!
Chris: No you're not!
Izzy: Really? Then good luck fishing your prize money out of the sea!
(She motions to throw the money into the lake, but is interrupted by Chris)
Chris: NO!
Izzy: OK then. I'll give you the case if you agree to my, hah, conditions. Omigosh, I've always wanted to say that! Anyway, you'll let me back into the game on my own team, 'Team Izzy'. And I'll give you the million bucks back.
Chris: Deal.
(Izzy hands Chris the case)
Chris: Hah! That was stupid! You had the million, but you gave it up, and now you have to win it!
Izzy: No, your move was stupid! Now you and Chef have to deal with me for another few episodes!
(Chef walks by in the background, whistling. Catching sight of Izzy, he gulps and hides behind a rock)
Chris: Alright, I did something a little stupid.
Noah: [sarcastically] Really? I'm so impossibly unbelievably infinitely amazingly surprised! [normal tone] Chris, you're always doing something stupid. The day you do something that isn't completely and absolutely stupid, Armageddon will start.
Chris: [trying to ignore the laughter all around him] So, in the first challenge, the Psychos got one point, the Crazies got three, and I guess you could say Team Izzy got one too. As we speak, Chef is throwing the captured ex-campers back down the Chute of Shame and sealing up the vent they used to escape. Now, everyone meet me at the top of the cliff in two hours….for the second part of the challenge!
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
(The scene is the very top of the cliff. The nine contestants are standing there in their bathing suits. Chris is next to them, explaining)
Static
Ezekiel: I smacked into a rock last time we did this. Oi hope this time won't be quite as painful, eh. [looking around] By the by, who exploded the confessional?
Static
Izzy: Yes! Izzy's gonna win this game!
Static
Chris: OK, so, remember the cliff-diving challenge all the way back from the beginning of TDI?
Blake: No. I wasn't even there.
Chris: Normally I'd push you off the cliff after a comment like that, but your teammates are probably about to do that in a moment, so, whatever. Anyway, this is a repeat of that challenge, with a few differences. First off, does anyone notice the jagged rocks that appeared at the bottom of the cliff for some random reason last season?
Ezekiel: That rhymed, eh.
Chris: That's about the third time you've said that line. It wasn't even funny the first. Anyway, watch out for the rocks. Or maybe, don't watch out for the rocks!
(He goes into a fit of giggling)
Heather: Chris, you are so immature. Not to mention your giggling makes you sound like a two-year-old girl.
(This shuts the host up)
Chris: Someone's in a bad mood today, huh? Anyway, second off, the Crazies get to jump into a net that will slow their fall, since they won the first part of the challenge. And then, the main difference! Ta-da! Everyone but one has to jump! Last person standing on this cliff just made their team lose.
Izzy: What if you're still standing here?
Chris: Yeah, real funny. Oh, and of course, there'll be an annoying twist to this challenge, which I will reveal to you later. Now, on your mark, get set, die!
(Immediately, Noah shoves Blake off the cliff)
Chris: [peering over the edge] Huh, I've never seen someone crash into the rocks that many times. Ouch. That has got to hurt.
Lightning: Lightning loves pain! No pain, no grain!
Staci: I think you said that wrong.
(Her correction is lost on Lightning as he does a dive over the edge, landing in the net and then swimming to shore)
Chris: Alright, that's two down, seven to go! Who's next?
Izzy: Geronimo!
(She does a cannonball off the cliff and makes a huge splash)
Chris: And Team Izzy's safe. Look's like it's down to the Psychos and Crazies.
(Noah and Heather glare at each other and stick out their tongues. They both step forward at the same time, but Heather pushes Noah back, falling off the cliff herself)
Heather: AAAAAAAHH!
Static
Noah: And that was when everything went downhill. Both of my arch-nemesises were gone, and there was no one left to fuel my anger. I couldn't do it.
Static
Chris: Let's see who's left, Noah, Zeke, Staci, Dawn- - -wait, where is Dawn?
(He looks over the edge to see Dawn meditating on the beach far below)
Chris: Uh, OK, Dawn passes.
Noah: Zeke, Zeke, hurry up! You need to jump off!
Ezekiel: [bending down close to the ground] Not now, eh. Oi'm busy sniffin' this pretty flower.
(He picks the flower, which is a small daisy, and sighs. Then the ground underneath him collapses and he plummets down to the water below, painfully hitting his head on a rock and knocking himself out. From out of the woods dashes a little speck, jumping into the water and swimming towards Zeke)
Annette: Is that a….squirrel?
(It is, and it is the squirrel. The vicious Zeke-hating creature jumps on the unconscious homeschooler, attacking his face)
Noah: To quote Chris: "That has got to hurt."
Annette: Hey, there are only three of us left.
Staci: Yah, you're right.
Annette: Better make it two!
(She steps right off the edge and lands in the net)
Chris: Well, it's up to you two to persevere….or fail your teams.
Noah: Seriously, did you implant a dictionary in your head?
Chris: [ignoring Noah's comment] Care to share your thoughts in the confessional?
Static
Staci: Yah, I don't really like jumping off cliffs. [after a pause] You know, my great-great-great-great-aunt Scubaface invented cliffs. Before her, people had to jump off hills. And it was really hard to, because the hills were never steep enough and you ended up hitting your head and going bonk, bonk, bonk, all the way down.
Static
Noah: This is completely unfair. I have to risk life and limb jumping into my watery grave, and all Staci has to do is fall a few feet into a net? If I do fail I at least have an excuse. Plus my alliance has half the votes, so the worst thing it can come to is a tiebreaker.
Static
Ezekiel: I like chockate milk, eh.
Static
Chris: Hurry up you two! One of you has to jump!
(Staci walks to the edge and peers down)
Staci: Do I have to?
Chris: Hey, you can fail and get eliminated for all I care, but if I were you, which I would never be, because you're lame, and I am not lame, I would care, because if I didn't care, I would be me, and I am me, so therefore I don't care.
Staci: I'm really confused.
(Chef walks up the hill behind them)
Chef: Are these dummies still refusin' to jump?
Chris: Yeah. Let's just yell annoying comments at them.
Chef: OK. [turning to Noah and Staci] Remember to look before you leap!
Chris: Gravity's a [bleeped out]!
Chef: Cliff-jumping's my name, dying is my game!
Chris: What goes up must come down!
Chef: If you- - -
Noah: Would you shut up already?!
Chef: I will when you jump.
Noah: Fine then.
(He walks to the edge of the cliff and jumps straight off, plunging downwards)
Noah: AAAAAAAAAH!
(He hits the water with a splash, and Blake and Dawn cheer)
Staci: Well, I may have lost, but at least I don't have to jump.
(Chris pushes her, and she falls off, landing on the net far below)
Chris: [yelling down] It's twist time! Alright Crazies, you have two minutes to climb back up the cliff. If you all make it, no one goes bye-bye this episode. Fail, and elimination proceeds as normal.
Heather: Seriously! What is up with you and complicated words these days?!
Chris: I know, I'm awesome. Anyway, timer starts….now!
(The four Crazies swim towards the cliff. Lightning reaches it first and starts pulling himself up like a mountain goat. Close behind him is Heather, who struggles to reach the first ledge, but then climbs relatively easily hand-over-hand. Annette stops at the bottom of the cliff, looking up, as Staci passes her. Staci attempts to pull herself out of the water, but can't. Meanwhile, Annette has spotted a slightly less steep part of the cliff, and heaves herself up onto it. She is then able to shift sideways up a narrow edge. At the same time, Lightning reaches the top, with Heather about two-thirds of the way up)
Lightning: Sha-bam!
Chris: One minute left!
(Heather starts pulling herself up faster, but slips and falls, managing to grab onto Annette's foot as she falls. She then finds a handhold and quickly passes Annette again, who is still using tiny edges to inch her way up. Far below them is Staci, who has managed to climb about ten feet, but seems reluctant to go any higher. Heather is nearly at the top when she looks down. The initial vertigo almost makes her lose her grip, but as she refocuses, she sees Staci failing at climbing)
Static
Annette: Yes, we can do this! Victory for the third time in a row! We're gonna win! My head does spin!
Static
Heather: Hurry up Staci! You're going to make us lose!
(This comment seems to temporarily numb Staci's fear, as she struggles to find another foothold, and then starts climbing again. She hasn't been climbing for very long when Chris calls out)
Chris: Thirty seconds left!
(As he's saying this, Heather reaches the top and pulls herself over, panting exhaustedly. Not far behind is Annette, who is finding the last stretch of rock extremely difficult to navigate. Staci is climbing remarkably fast for someone of her psychical ability and has reached the half-way point)
Chris: Ten seconds left! Better hurry!
Static
Annette: OK, now I'm not so sure of our chances. I don't want to lose! So I better not snooze!
Static
(Annette reaches the top and grabs on, but her legs slide off the rock. After a bit of squirming around, she manages to do a front-flip onto the grass at the top before collapsing right next to the edge. Staci is climbing as hard as she possibly can when Chris starts counting down)
Chris: Five….four….
(Staci is at least three-quarters of the way up and actually jumps upwards to gain a few extra feet before resuming climbing)
Chris: ….three….two….
(Staci gasps and tries to scramble at the rock ever faster)
Chris: ….one….
(She gives up and loses her grip, falling back down into the water)
Chris: Time's up! Crazies lose! I'll see you guys at the campfire ceremony tonight!
Static
Staci: I am so doomed, I can't even explain how doomed I am. You know, my great-great-great-great-grandfather Snorky Phinedoodle invented doomedness. It was very hard to invent, as you could guess.
Static
Heather: This is looking pretty good for me. Now that we've lost and we all know who's going home, it's a chance to get rid of some dead weight on the team.
Static
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
(The contestants are shown walking up the beach to the campsite. Chef is wearing a nurse's dress and is carrying a bloody Zeke on a stretcher. The campers reach the main field with the megaphone pole and start to head their separate ways. As Noah plods back towards his cabin, Heather elbows him into a pit of mud)
Noah: Hey! What the heck?!
(He tries to stand up but slips and splashes the mud all over him, ruining his clothes)
Heather: Ha! Noah, you're so pathetic. I'm off to the shower house to get cleaned up. You look like you could use some cleaning too. You're just a little tiny bit muddy.
(She walks off, laughing like a jerk)
Static
Heather: Noah is such a fail! Hahaha.
Static
Noah: Heather, if you're watching this, that was a big mistake.
Static
(Heather is walking back to her cabin when she hears Noah's voice coming from it. She stops and decides to eavesdrop)
Noah: [talking to Lightning, Annette, and Staci] ….and that's why you can't trust her. If you don't do something about it now, she will get each and every one of you eliminated. Is that what you want to happen?
(Heather chooses that moment to walk in)
Heather: Want what to happen?
Staci and Annette: Nothing.
Heather: Were you guys talking about me behind my back?
Noah: [coldly] No, we were discussing Staci's Tyrannosaurus ancestry. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go celebrate my team's victory.
(He walks past Heather and out of the cabin. Looking back, he gives her a sadistic smirk)
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
(It's dark out, and the four Crazies are gathered around a small campfire, with Chris at the front)
Chris: [slowly] Marshmallows, marshmallows, marshmallows. To the untrained eye, they're naught but a tasty treat, something for roasting over a fire and putting on s'mores. But here on Total Drama, you know better. A marshmallow represents your chance at a million dollars. Without it, all this was for nothing. The annoyingness, the explosions, Chef's food, all of it and nothing to show for it.
Annette: Wow. That was an exceptionally long marshmallow monologue.
Chris: Yeah, I was in a dramatic mood today. Anyway, only three marshmallows. First one goes to Annette!
Annette: Yes! I'm safe another day! In another challenge can I play!
Chris: Good to know. Second and second-to-last marshmallow goes to...
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...Lightning! Take your 'mallow, dude.
Lightning: Sha-bam! Lightning strikes!
Chris: Ladies and idiot, on this platter I am holding sits the final marshmallow. Who's gonna get it? Staci? Heather? Staci? Heather? Staci?
Heather: Get on with it already!
Chris: Fine. Tonight's final marshmallow goes to...
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...Staci.
Heather: What?! I didn't get voted off! Everybody voted for Staci!
Chris: Guess they didn't. Bye-bye.
(He presses a button, and Heather falls down the Chute of Shame)
Heather: AAAAAH!
Chris: I assume you're all happy that Heather's gone.
Lightning: Sha-totally yes!
Staci: Yah! So much so!
Annette: Heather is gone! I fell in a pond!
Chris: Thought so.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
(Camera shows Underground Playa des Losers. Owen is stuffing himself at the buffet with Mr. Coconut beside him, and Zoey and Mike are playing a game of tennis at the indoor tennis courts. Suddenly, Heather pops out of the chute in the wall)
Heather: Where am I?
Owen: Underground Playa des Losers. Right, Mr. Coconut?
Mr. Coconut: - - - - -
Mike: Sad, or really not too sad, to see you got voted off, but this place is pretty awesome.
Zoey: Yeah. It has everything.
Heather: Who cares? I still lost a million dollars.
Owen: Like you would've won it anyway.
(Heather glares at him)
Owen: What? We all know it's true.
(Scene shifts to the Dock of Shame, where Chris is standing)
Chris: Another epic episode over. Who's going home next? What is going to happen to Team Izzy? And is Noah destined to become the next antagonist? Find out next time, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!
(Credits play)
Voting Confessionals
Static
Annette: Noah's right, Heather is evil. I actually even noticed it before. Staci may be really bad at challenges, but I have to vote Heather.
Static
Heather: Hah! What a great day. I was awesome in the challenge, showed Noah who runs this game, and I'm pretty much sure not to go home. I vote Staci. Duh.
Static
Lightning: Voting for sha-Heather! She's never gonna vote me off.
Static
Staci: Yah, I'm pretty much doomed. But I better vote for Heather, just in case what Noah said about her is true.
Static
Heather: 3
Staci: 1
Eliminated: Mike, Zoey, Mr. Coconut, Owen, Heather
Psycho Psychos: Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Noah
Team Izzy: Izzy
Crazy Crazies: Annette, Lightning, Staci
Hope you guys enjoyed, this is my favorite chapter so far! (And also one of the longest.) Remember to review! If you liked this, make sure to check out Total Drama Jurassic Park. The next update might be a while, as I'm going on vacation. See you soon!
~TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter
Next Time: When a race through the jungle goes terribly wrong, what will Team Izzy do about it?