Thanks to David Levithan for some of the language in this chapter.
She was gutted – just as surely as if he'd taken a knife and slit her from groin to sternum. The undigested turkey sandwich she'd had for dinner very nearly landed on Will's bare feet as fresh tears fell. She took advantage of his less guarded stance to shove him aside, yank open the door and escape into the hallway.
'Mac, wait!' he shouted, going after her. Instead he came face to face with the night nurse who planted herself in front of him, arms crossed across her chest.
'If you don't keep it down I'm gonna have to call security.' The nurse peered at him closely. 'What have you done now?'
'Fuck if I know!' he barked, pushing past her and mumbling, 'Sorry' over his shoulder. He watched Mac yank open a door near the elevators and disappear. At least I know where the stairs are now.
He was right behind her but she was faster – even in high heels. Something hard and sharp pierced the sole of his right foot. Jesus Christ, don't they clean the floors around here?! Between his limited mobility and her hysteria-propelled flight, they were now two floors apart.
'MacKenzie! Stop!' he shouted, heedless of the attention from other people taking the stairs. People stopped and stared as the News Night anchor hobbled past, clutching the handrail.
'Go back to your room, Will!' she yelled back.
He'd never be able to catch up to her. I am way too old for this.
'For fuck's sake, Mac, STOP!' he bellowed, as the dozen or so people around him gaped in wonder.
She halted in her tracks, imagining tomorrow's headline: News Night's Will McAvoy arrested for disturbing the peace. She stood, rooted to the spot as he gingerly began creeping down the stairs to the landing on which she stood. Finally, he was there, heaving a sigh of relief and hopping up and down on either foot, brushing the soles of his feet against his pant legs.
'Would it have killed you to meet me up there?' he complained, gesturing behind him. 'At least you have shoes on!'
'Not my problem,' she said. People edged around them, staring.
Will ignored them. 'What the fuck just happened up there, Mac? What did I do?'
Now it was her turn to be incredulous.
'Did you just hit your head?' she said, jabbing her finger at him. 'You just told me you couldn't do this, so I am letting you go.' She turned to leave but he grabbed her wrist. He tried to modulate his voice but he was having a hard time keeping his exasperation in check.
'That is not what I said - you didn't let me finish. I did say 'I can't do this' but you took off before I said 'now,' Mackenzie. I was going to say, 'I can't do this now' - meaning, right this minute, in the hospital, with a bleeding ulcer, a splitting headache and a goddamned rock in my foot. And now I've got glass in the other one.'
'You should have worn slippers.'
'Enough!' he barked. He had no idea why this was happening but suddenly the floodgates opened and he knew what he had to say. He loved her. Period. And the fact that he'd actually said those words out loud twice in the last hour (well, that plus the pain medication) made it exponentially easier to say them to her now. How had they come so far in under an hour? In moments he'd gone lifetimes.
'OK, let's just do this. Right here, right now,' he said, taking her hands and staring at her intently as people edged around them.
'I love you, MacKenzie Morgan McHale. I am completely, helplessly, incandescently in love with you.'
She gasped and he cupped her face in his hands. She started to say something but he held a finger to her lips, shushing her gently.
'But I need to figure out what's going on in my head so I don't screw this up. I need time. That's what I was trying to say.'
'Oh,' she said stupidly. Relief flooded through her and she stepped closer, burying her face in his chest.
'I really need to get off my feet,' he sighed. He looked behind him and when the coast was clear he sat on the stair above the landing, drawing her down with him. He settled her between his thighs and wrapped his arms around her. 'I love you, Mac,' he breathed into her ear. 'I just need time to think. Talk to Habib.'
'Okay,' she said simply.
A security guard knelt down beside them. 'Everything okay here?'
'Yes, just – resting.' Will said awkwardly.
'You should go back to your room, Mr. McAvoy. We can't protect you out here.'
'Okay.' He allowed the security guard to help him up.
'Can we take the elevator this time?' Will asked tiredly. He hobbled out of the stairwell and they took the elevator back to his floor, avoiding the curious stare of the night nurse as they went back to his room. He sat on the bed and she sat in the vinyl chair he'd come to think of as hers and she commanded him to show her his feet. He lifted one up and breathed a sigh of relief when she dislodged the pebble. He lifted the other and she saw a glittering splinter of glass in the sole. She tried to brush it away but it was stuck.
'I have an idea,' she said, withdrawing a pair of tweezers from her purse. She plucked the shard of glass out, wiped it on a bit of tissue, covered the cut with the medicated ointment she had in her purse and applied a bandage.
'Always prepared,' he said gratefully. 'Thanks.'
She got up. 'You get dressed and I'll call Lonny.'
'Aw, let's just take a cab. It's late and I hate to wake him up.'
'He'll kill you if he finds out you went home without him.'
Will shrugged. 'Alright,' he said grudgingly. He was too emotionally spent to argue.
While she made the call he picked up his own cell phone.
The answering service picked up and he said, 'Hello, this is Will McAvoy. Can you please tell Dr. Habib I need to see him as soon as possible? He has my number. Thanks.'
He ended the call and she took the phone out of his hand, slipping it into his coat pocket. Then she looked him straight in the eye. She needed him to understand something.
'I'm glad you called him. We don't stand a chance if you can't find a way to short-circuit that anger.' She looked at him, eyes gleaming with unshed tears. 'You hurt me, Will. I know you didn't mean to but you did.'
'I know,' he said softly, his own eyes growing moist again. 'Sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of a civil war and I don't know whose side I'm supposed to be on.'
'I know.'
She helped him pack, plucking 'Get well' cards off the table and other trinkets sent by the staff and tucking them in his bag. He was tempted to take the balloons but decided against it. When they were finished, Mac looked at her watch.
'Lonny should be here in 15 minutes. You go get some rest and I'll see you in the office on Monday.' That was four days away. She adjusted her bag on her shoulder and turned to go but stopped when he pulled her into his arms.
'Please – come home with me?' he said into her hair. His voice was tentative, shy. She couldn't remember the last time she'd heard that particular quality in his voice.
'I thought you said you needed time.'
'I do, but not without you.'
'Are you sure that's what you want?' she queried, uncertain if he was asking her to be with him or babysit him.
'Oh, so now you're asking me what I want?' he said as he kissed her ear. 'I actually get a say?'
She smiled and they sat down to wait for Lonny.
When they got home, Will tucked several hundred dollars into Lonny's hand and thanked him - not just for bringing them home but for his help in getting Will to the hospital. Lonny tried to decline but Will insisted, threatening to bolt the next time they were in public if he didn't comply. Resigned, Lonny thanked him and said goodbye.
Will threw a freezer-burn encrusted pizza in the oven and unearthed a bottle of wine that had languished in his pantry for the last five-and-a-half years. He'd gotten it to celebrate their two year anniversary but had never had the chance to uncork it, her confession about Brian upending his plans. It had lain forgotten for over three years, but not long after Mac arrived back at ACN he'd discovered it while looking for something else. He didn't know why he kept it. He preferred not to know.
While Will set the table, Mac decided to take a shower, as was her custom after a late night. The hot water coursing over her body washed away the tension of the day and she luxuriated in the smell of Will's soap, which she'd come to love. It had wafted into her nose every time she'd stood unnecessarily close to him over the past year, usually under the pretext of looking at copy over his shoulder. He'd changed brands in the time they'd been apart, and she liked this one better. It smelled of eucalyptus and fresh-cut cedar planks and it was heavenly.
She was able to resist searching his medicine cabinet for clues to his inner life only because she'd examined its contents three days ago when they'd found him on the floor. The rest of the bathroom was bare, save for white towels, a toothbrush, shaver and the natural bristle brush he used to comb his hair. It was all so achingly familiar it put a lump in her throat. She dried off, wrapped a towel around her body and went to ask Will if he had any lotion. Her hands and feet were as dry as the Sahara.
He stopped in his tracks when he saw her, warm and damp from her shower, hair curling in tendrils around the nape of her neck. Memories of her looking just like that - in that very spot - washed over him. Of removing her towel and having his way with her, the way she'd giggle and paw at him when he laid her on the bed. He cleared his throat to clear his head and escorted her back into the bathroom where he produced a fresh bottle of the same brand of lotion she'd used five years ago. He shrugged, embarrassed, and she left him to take his own shower.
She went to put on the clothes she'd discarded when she saw that Will had replaced them with one of her old t-shirts and a pair of sweats he'd never had the heart to throw out. Touched, she sat down on the bed and tried to keep the tears from falling.
When Will emerged, freshly showered and shaved, and dressed in a fresh pair of pajamas, she was still sitting on the bed. He took her hand and led her to the dining room where they ate crappy pizza, drank great wine and enjoyed a spectacular view of the city. Soon Mac's yawns started coming closer together so Will helped her to her feet and walked her into his bedroom.
'I assume you're sleeping with me?' he said carefully.
'Do you want me to?'
'Do you want to?
She scrunched up her face and yawned, deciding to take a brash approach. 'Are we fucking doing this or not, Billy? If we are then you're goddamned right I'm sleeping with you and if we're not well, what am I doing here?'
He nodded and that was all that was said on the subject.
He walked past her to turn on the gas fireplace. The glow illuminated her delicate features and his breath caught in his throat. She really was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen in real life. He stepped toward her, gently loosened her wet hair from its ponytail and arranged it around her neck, caressing the soft skin on her throat. He had a look in his eyes she hadn't seen in years. It was playful, intense and downright sexy. He took his time, wanting to do everything right. If their earlier lovemaking had been quick, dark and explosive, he wanted this to be unhurried, full of light and love.
Her pulse raced as she stood there, waiting for him to begin this achingly familiar dance. She had always loved his seduction techniques; maybe it was because he turned her on more than any man she had ever known.
He stared into her eyes and tugged the neck of her t-shirt to the side, exposing a bit of her shoulder. She shivered when he pressed a gentle kiss upon her neck, moaning as he dotted it with feather light kisses. Then he brushed his fingers lightly on the outside of her shirt, skating across her nipples. She could feel the heat between her legs as he kissed her forehead and lightly ran his fingers up and down her bare arms.
Then she reached for him, eager to feel his skin beneath her fingers. She unbuttoned his pajama top, slipped it off his shoulders and lightly caressed his chest with her fingertips. He gently lifted her shirt and drew it over her head. The sight of her breasts left him breathless and he cupped them with both hands, thrilling at the weight of them. He rolled the nipples between his thumb and forefinger and bent down to suck them, making her gasp. Then he led her to the bed where she kicked off her sweat pants and pulled him down beside her.
They kissed for long moments, taking their time as memories of long-ago lovemaking sessions rose up and mingled with the present. It was the same, yet different – they were different people now. It was magical, surreal – Will found himself in a dreamlike state that showed him once and for all that this was where he belonged, that finally, after five long years, he was home. Tears fell from his eyes on to Mackenzie's cheeks, already streaked with her own tears.
How could such a small measure of time contain such enormity? He suddenly realized why people believed in déjà vu, why people believe they've lived past lives, because there is no way the years he'd spent on this earth could possibly encapsulate what he was feeling. He felt as if this moment had centuries behind it, generations—all of them rearranging themselves so that this precise, remarkable intersection could happen. In his heart, in his bones, no matter how silly he knew it was, he felt that everything had been leading to this, all the secret arrows were pointing here, the universe and time itself crafted this long ago, and he was just now realizing it, he was just now arriving at the place he was always meant to be.
They came together, the words, 'I love you,' ricocheting off their lips, over and over again.