Hey guys.. here's a review I got. Until I can get the next chapter up, I wanted to show all you guys this so I can explain my recent chapter a bit more.
Reviewer: vinlovedroolwish
Date: 2007-07-05
Review: below
Okay, great story. I love Riddick the way you have written him. I hate it when authors turn him into this mushy, talkative sensitive soulmate--yuck! I wasn't crazy about the dream sequence, because: 1-the shock and awe effect was lost when two Riddicks showed up. I think it would have been better to go with more smut, have Riddick kill Jack at the 'climax', then wake up freaked out, wondering if it actually happened or not. More dramatic that way I think. And 2-I just didn't like the dream because it confirmed the fact that Riddick is going to leave her there. Another part of the story I wanted to comment on was Riddick standing behind Jack in the bathroom when he says "The first kill is always the hardest." I wanted Jack to walk past him and look up and say "Wasn't the first." I think it would have surprised Riddick and given a mysterious twist to Jack's character. That would have given you great material for a flashback into Jack's history and a very good reason for her to a runaway and want to learn how to survive life on the run from Riddick. Like I said the story is wonderful and I am sure you have the plot already worked out in your head. All my thoughts are meant to be helpful and I hope they encourage you to keep working on the story. Take my ideas and run with them, or don't, but keep writing. I can't wait for the next chapter.
My reply
hi there! thanks for the review! i loved your ideas.. especially the one about it maybe not being jack's first kill.. i thought about maybe adding it in somewhere.. but im basing my story on jack being an innocent teen and riddick the hardass you see in the first movie.. it was a great idea tho.. i mite try brush up on jack's past a bit in the next chapter so thanks for the idea!
as for jack being left behind.. my only defence for doing that to you (and the other readers) is that my story is aiming to bridge the gap between the 2 movies.. so we know she gets left behind. But seeing how angry she is at him in COR, im trying to build up to that too. thanks again for the review! Also, I'm hoping to have the next chapter up in a couple of weeks.. mum bought me a new laptop for my bday (YAY MUM!) so I can sit in bed and type! Don't worry, there's still a few more chapters left in this story! I wanna make it end with a bang, a few tears and a few laughs.. if everything goes according to plan! Hahaha so stay tuned!